I lay awake
hour after hour
while you did the same
in the very next room.

You've told me before just
how apprehensive you become
when the page is empty
and the stakes are high.
You have high hopes,
but when you bade me
"good night and sleep well"
I did see the flicker
of doubt-insomnia-excitement
hiding just behind your tired smile
like a candle in the wind.

It is near impossible to sleep
when you lie awake,
when love lies awake
in the next room.

But I am a coward,
afraid of losing you
long before I can call you mine.
And so I while away the hours
wondering if you want me
to walk down the passage
and crawl into your bed
just as much as I do.

We lie awake instead,
praying that sleep takes us
and carries us across the boundary
separating yesterday and tomorrow.
To take you to a bright tomorrow
me; into another lovesick Monday.
But sleep evades us
It is near impossible to sleep
when I know you lie awake
and love lies awake
in the very next room.

Motionless I writhe
am I awake, asleep...alive?
I can't tell anymore
as i fall through the floor,
and just keep slowly sinking
"Am i being
a lonely weakling
for leaving
my feelings
unseen."

If so then why has

this healing been
a rather slow process.
But though i let
the blur grow into a mess
It is with great regret

So, with a lit cigarette
I sigh.

Waiting to waken,
succumbto slumber
or release the last sliver of life
from my eyes.

i think i was made, already broken
know every word that goes unspoken
keep it inside like holding the smoke in
choke on the words, and you'll be awoken

She's evasive at best,
I beg her nightly,
Come visit me, please,
My body is tired
And my mind is too,
I need her here,
I need the velvet pillow of release,
Release from consciousness,
Just one night uninterrupted,
I long for her,
I long for sweet slumber

(C) eileenmcgreevy@ymail.com 30/01/20

I wonder if I'll ever know what it feels like
to wake up each morning
to a life
that's actually worth living.

The sun rises atop the mountains,
The warmth awakening every inch of my being,
And time stands still for just a moment.
The world is at peace.
That’s when I know I’m alive.

~sdr