cute chuckles
what’s so funny
absolutely nothing
she is nervous, angry
& sad
all she can do is laugh
all she can do is pretend,
act like things are okay

push down-
claws tighten around thinning arms
heavy-
grasp until they graze the bone
sinking-
no bandaging to camouflage a scar
branded by burning red worry in waiting
slow-
no cure for calming relentless waves
slow-
a recipe for burdening left to cool
as eyes glaze over with inconsistency
slow-
back broadens until shoulder blades realign
slow-
muscles take their time to redefine
themselves amongst the plethora of shrinking cells
slow

slow

stop.

collect the fragments flung beneath floorboards
piece together the puzzle once again
and sit
patient
silent
for the imminent swell

Some days
You just aren’t ready for the sun to blaze
Lazy days
Close the curtain go back to sleep
Falling into abyss
Counting sheep

Your world was black and white
I presented you a beautiful sight
I aided your falling world
I saved you with painful words.

I am always aiding all of you
I promise to always save you
I hit you when you're being irrelevant
But now I am feeling very distant

You all salute my strength
But you never knew the truth...
The tough steel was bent
Indeed, disappointment is the fruit.

I am at the very bottom
Again, as if waiting for autumn.
But I prefer spring...
Because I'm walking in winter, desperately surviving.

I wish for reinforcements
Due to this storm, I'm breaking and leaving fragments.
From here, home is still far.
Walking alone, navigating through the stars.

I'm getting really tired...
But falling asleep in the snow, please give me fire.
Someone please, oh please rescue me
I don't want to say goodnight, its too early.

Here it comes again,
The feeling i had hoped i’d forget.
The hands in my brain, fingers twisting
pretzel knots out of memories,
squeezing out life juice and blood
like a butcher’s wash cloth.
I had really hoped i’d never feel
this feeling again, the feeling
of looking at something beautiful
from behind a glass.

I am a narrow stairwell
Waiting for the morning bells
To ring, for the early birds to sail
Watch all the cabs be hailed

Waiting for her to come
Will she come today?
Doubts, I have some
Should I kneel and pray?

But to whom?
Who would to listen to a narrow stairwell
Maybe God would
Will I look like a fool?

My claustrophobic natures will intervene
When was the last time I had a nice dream?
It's always the same, redundant scene
The scene is always the same and redundant one

I am a narrow stairwell
Waiting for the morning bells

I am a scarecrow-
crooked teeth and
a crooked heart.
I'm in shambles swaying
in the darkest nights
so full of terrors-
yet they are so
exhilarating.

Sitting on a crowded bus
on my way to another show,
wondering why I bothered
leaving home in the first place.

her legs are aching
she isn’t running
she is actually walking,
with her head down
attention...
she doesn’t want any of it
everything is a red flag
stone cold
just from a noise or a touch
nothing but fear inside her soul