Day by day he became a man
surrounded by family and friends
Day by day he makes himself understand
Death is not an amend

I feel like a destroyer
A dominant domain
Under siege
Attacked
On the left side of my brain

I feel words being
Taken from my soul
And lifted into another plane

I feel castrated
While menstrated
Drops of blood
Pour out of me again

I feel nothing

I feel creative scars
Trying to mend
Trying to help
But I won't let them in

I'm scared I won't be able
To block all the negative out
Which is intrusive and invasive
And never seems to stop

I feel soulful
Joyus
Loved
Alive

Until
The bread crumbles
In to rye
And I cry

Then I'll heal
Then this pain
Won't penetrate
My atmosphere

My heart
Has been lost
Kept under wraps
If softened
Then what happens next

If looked at
What will I find
Deepened rivers
Opened wide

Gushing
Rushing
She knows who she is

Understood
Misspoken
The real is here again
I must end

In our world technological,
Here's how to talk to gadgets digital,
"Now, listen up, keyboard and router,
Not to mention dysfunctional mouser...
Are you listening to me carefully?
(I am talking to them, but silently),
I do have replacements for each of thee,
I see a future ahead of you three,
Tossed into the gaping jaws of a bin,
off to the council tip, repository of sin,
Did you hear that? Listening in,
Stop trying to do my head in!"
Now they're behaving dutifully,
Technology responding beautifully,
"I'm warning each one of thee,
No more messing around with me!"
Yes, how to talk to technology!
(But make sure you do it silently!)

I put a smile on my face
In attempt of hiding my mental race
Assuring people I will be fine
Feeding them with every false line
They expect me to let them in again
Figuring their tears in me were amend

I realized its time to start thinking about me
And leave my home under the level of the sea

wasn't it time who leads your footsteps to me?
but the time was so wrong and so do we
our love sinks very fast like the sun into the sea
how I always thought we were meant to be

and if by any chance the time made its apology
I wish your footsteps find their way back to me

-

"I'm not promising you anything,
but if I ever come back to you with a ring
you have to promise me you'll say yes"

*"I promise"

Just looking at her with pure sincerity,
now that she knows;
I wished she'd like me for me.

But the disgust in her eyes,
told me otherwise.

It was another start of one of my fears,
mercilessly coming true;
nothing i could do to amend.

The things i never did.