i'm a little older now,
a little less naive.
there used to be
more colour
to my dreams,
but now there's just
a residue
of chances that i missed,
forever lost in time.

i'm a little smarter now,
a little less surprised
when people leave;
no heartbreaks,
no goodbyes.
and now i'm just
collecting lies
from strangers that i kissed,
one sparkle at a time.

i'm a little older now,
a little less naive.
sometimes i see
their faces
in my dreams,
but now they're just
a residue,
a taste upon my lips,
forever lost in time.

i still hear
your 70’s folk lullabies  
every time i go to sleep
even though
i’m 154.6 miles away.

hard to aim
for the stars
when you’re
already so
high up in the sky,

hard to get out
of this comfort zone
when all i had
known is anything
but that,

hard to be yourself
around someone new
when the past is
constantly haunting you.

therapy feels harder
permanence feels present in the birthday candles im forced to blow out
my door pushed open
my priorities in shambles

my work key twists the latch in my soul and holds it there
i am what i do
so then how am i nothing?

hugs are asked for, harder
days feel shorter and my gas tank feels somewhat hotter
its all creeping up on me now
this is when you are supposed to feel something, right?
if i am what i do
i’m hoping at one point i’ll be you.

Christmas used to be
So much planning, for me
Piles of presents under the tree
Singing carols by the piano with glee
Excitement months too early
Now, as I come home for the day
Too tired to even consider to play
Happy just listening for the bells of the sleigh
We’ll light the fire, and beside it we’ll lay
Together tonight, despite hearts far away

have you ever heard somebody saying: "teenagers today are ruder, more violent and so much hornier than we were."

i don't think so. it's not like that. most grown-ups have forgotten over the years what they did and how they acted out.

we surely have a lot of vivid memories about our youth. but our feelings of teenage experience disappeared.

history repeats itself.

I wake up being a narcissist everyday
Every morning pumps a wave of narcissism in me
But as the time passes and morning vomes to the end
The sun sets and the neight begins
I end up being a nihilist
And a wave of nihilism passes inside me
This phenomenon goes on everyday and I named it as my adulthood

For three years I have worked towards a dream
now I am defeated
when you give your all
and it it’s the good enough
how can you keep trying

i no longer believe in fairness
or that working hard will help you to
achieve your “dreams”
that is *******
that corporations feed you to keep you
Complacent

work hard! do better! be best!
no. that’s the koolaid you are drinking
the society that says you can achieve anything with hard work
It is all lies
You suddenly wake up

everything has been a lie
you have wasted all this time
your life is a lie
you have no hope
you are in a corporate nightmare
nothing you do matters