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You tried
To love
A girl

On the verge
Of losing
Reality

A stage
In her life
Where

All
She could
Do

Was
Write

As a
Form
Of
Psychiatry.
Haylin Jun 2019
The world around me is revolving slowly
While the people surrounding move faster & faster
As I am caught in between the fibers of time

Why am I here?
Do I even belong?

My only therapy is the songs I hear in my head
My only medication is the drugs that make me wish I were dead

I'm just a shell of my former self.
I'm not what I used to be.

It seems there's no resolution,
only an empty cell waiting for me in this institution.

Dear diary, please help me now.

There's only so much abuse I can inflict upon myself.

The cuts on my wrist, the empty bottle of pills
The lacerations on my fist, shaking from the anger still.

I've got my fix, each line getting me higher
The only answer getting clearer, as my lows keep climbing to the ladder.

My sanity escaping.
Depression creeping
As the ghost of death takes over me.

Oh diary, it seems it's goodbye to you and me.
It seems no matter what I do, the world isn't going to accept me.

I'll never belong.

I'll always be different.

Goodbye and goodnight.

I'll see you on the other side.

----------------------------

Dear diary, I'm an addict.

Yesterday was proof of concept.

Tomorrow is a death wish.

If I don't do something now,
I may never get to see the light of day.

Dear diary, please help me now.

Because I can't do this alone anymore.
But I'll never say what I'm an addict of.
Tsunami Jun 2019
Everyone has an addiction.
Some, simpler than others.
Some, the worst things on earth.
But most of them,
Albeit all of them,
Are trying to numb something that tears them to shreds.
Empire May 2019
%
I got a bit high
And tried to capitalize
The numeral five
I swear it was just coffee.... but like.... a lot of it...

In my defense, it was the begging of the sentence
SM May 2019
He leans back in a rusting fold out chair,
Resting his eyes from the burn of yellow light,
Illuminating the cracked concrete floor.
He places a glowing cigarette between his lips,
Brushing his stained hands against the scruff of his beard.
He exhales,
And white puffs of smoke float out of his lungs,
Into the darkness of the night.
Swarms of ants circle like a storm around sticky spilt beer on the ground.
The panels across the walls shake,
As Jimmy Buffet’s voice blares from the radio,
An echoing voice inside his head.
The green light emitted from the radio reads 4:09 am,
Every inhale tastes like the irresistible stench of gasoline,
Destructive, yet consuming.
The fridge buzzes like white noise,
Blending into the sound of chirping crickets and rain.
The sticky summer air wraps itself around his skin.
A glass rests on the counter, filled to the brim.
The bubbles dance, tempting him.
Lot May 2019
Smoke dances around me,
clouding the room in a mystic breath,
it hangs from my lips like the veil that sits upon a bride’s jeweled head,
it flows through the air with nimble grace only to vanish into space,
ascending to the heavens where I can never reach,
it’s only lasting trace sits heavily beneath my teeth,
a sweet but acrid kiss that escapes in breathless fear,
rotting flowers fill my lungs with their dying drear,
constricting my voice with lasting vice,
till I’m choking up petals of addictive bliss.
Late night thoughts...
Mandie May 2019
I have become an expert at forcing a smile and going on about my day.
I have become so good at it that sometimes I even fool myself. However, there are  days though that it all becomes too much and  my smile loses its glimmer.
Days when the world feels like it keeps revolving but I am stuck in this misery that I just cant get out of.
It feels like it is a carousel that keeps spinning faster and faster each time that I try to step off of it.
Everything hurts and I just  cant imagine having to pretend smile for one  more day.

The pain echos in every muscle and bone in my body.
I can feel it bouncing around like a pin ball.
I'm not able to just wish it away anymore. I have to feel it. I have to let it burn and tear until it becomes just a numbness, but getting to that point is horrendous.

I have to admit it all, reeling in every single emotion that has been suppressed in a fire in my stomach.
It is like allowing the ***** to come creeping up, knowing that you could choke and die on it.
I tried to drown it with alcohol. I tried to cover it up under the sheets of people that I was using just to fill a void. I tried to cut it out of my body, the same way that a hunter fields their ****.

None of the ways that I tried to avoid feeling ever worked.
Now I sit and try to figure out how to just feel everything all at once so that I can just get it over with.  Nothing that I have done has been enough to get it all out. I have had to sit in it. I have had to wallow in the pain in order to move forward. I have cussed and cried and prayed and begged but it has never been enough.

Knowing what I have to do is hard for me to comprehend, to purposefully make myself sit and suffer through. I am sure this is what withdraw feels like to a crack addict. Knowing that there is a rainbow at the other end but first you have to go through hell.
kat victoria Apr 2019
i’m over the withdrawals
i fought through the pain
and even though the high is gone
i still think about you everyday
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