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  Oct 6 Lot
the things i do
the things i don't
i think i will
i think i won't

my brains, they splatter
u can call me a mad hatter
left or right, it don't matter
ill just keep climbing this endless ladder
  Oct 6 Lot
I want you
to set your throat ablaze
and yell as loud as you can.

you are
to be angry.

I want you
to sing
as we burn
our                                               problems
to ashes.
As a human, it is instinct to be kind. However, you can get loud. Get mad.
  Oct 6 Lot
Pink hair and big doe eyes,
plastic clothes and purses.
Do this, do that,
argue with me.
Show me the beginnings,
of my Insanity.
Play as girl, play as boy, get married and kiss.
Fly across the world.
Hold me in your hands like an angel could, if I ever believed in those things,
if I ever would.
Take me to the prisoner,
fill me up with shame,
tarnish memories with rust,
set a doll's eyes aflame.
But no!
It was pink,
like buttercream,
it was sickly sweet.
I am nothing if not human,
nothing if not bone and meat.
Hold me like a child,
like the painting on the wall.
An angel pure and simple,
gasping at it all.
The other is smoking,
trails of gray-blue,
the disastrous danger that is me,
shining right through.
  Oct 6 Lot
Isn't it barbaric,
the things we've done and said?
And the way we tuck them neatly,
like cattle,
to the backs of our heads?
Isn't it barbaric,
the way I treat myself?
As though I am a stranger,
or a doll left on a shelf.
Isn't it barbaric,
the way you look at me?
So sweetly,
like you'd hold me,
for all eternity.
And isn't it barbaric,
the way that death takes life?
As though it had meant nothing,
even wrought with strife.
Lot Oct 6
Whoosh, there goes my heart,
down into my chest
Whoosh, there goes my stomach,
sinking to the earth
Whoosh, there goes my steady knees,
shaking like a tree,
Whoosh, there goes my bated breath,
carried by a breeze
The big sink is always there when you care to think
Anxiety? Who's she?
  Aug 10 Lot
Nelida Evelisse
Why do I feel numb
Watching the world
Listless in sight
Because I only see it in black and white

Colors are washed out of my eyes
And every light in me has died
All I see are smiles as frowns
Because I only see them upside down

Love songs don’t have any meaning
For a person who is trapped in their mind
Love can attempt to come my way
And I will just glance and walk away

Storm clouds cries and fills the ocean
But my salty tears competes with emotion
Filling the ocean ten times till tomorrow
That the ocean will be overwhelmed with sorrow

In the end,
I try a superficial smile
And try to fool myself for awhile
But as much as I try
There is nothing left inside
Because everything in me
Can’t seem to come alive
For those who suffer from mental illness, I hear you and I know.  There is help and above all hope.  You are strong, keep fighting, you are worth it.
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