I fear that one day, I will run out of words.
I fear that there will come a time
when every word I speak, write or think falls flat and bland.
That the meaning will be stripped,
and all intentions will be rendered dull after years of use.
My writings and work will be repetitive, a pointless task… a fading chant.
The cycle continues, with no way of slowing.
I drag my feet, digging them into the earth,
but still it moves. My heels are so ******, and my blisters are festering.
My fear is already growing so large,
that even before half of my life has gone,
my words have already begun to run out.
How am I fading so quickly?
How long until I vanish completely?
Will any part of me remain?
With everything I have barely done.
I’m beg, beg, begging you. Please.
I need my words to linger, just a little longer.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways
From the sweet laughter dribbling down your lips,
To your gentle eyes fluttering at dawn
From the way you gracefully pounce across the sea rocks
Gathering and sorting rounded glass—milky in color
The way the afternoon sun turns your hair to gold
Your eyes to deep, evergreen forests
Your limbs, like Icarus’ wings
My love knots tightly for thee, unslipping
With every yearning glance, I worry you will wash away
Like the piles of creamy glass you once collected
Returning home to the ocean and her waves
Leaving me unmoving upon the shore
I got into a car accident today
My fear is rooted in the familiarity that I found
As we collided and in the wavering second after--
As my body stilled
In the sound of the metal crunching from a forward force
And the thump-like drop
That shot from my throat straight to the bottom of my stomach
The sudden compression of metal has startling similarities;
To those same compressions that reside in a realm of loose thoughts
The tension of my fibers contracting into each other
Reaps an illusion of protection
My left leg experienced a shocking pulse of pressure--
One which did not linger
My eyes took position;
Readying themselves to flow
Before the impact my mouth released--
Written November 23, 2020
Uncontrollable, useless and pain inducing
A required repetition, which reaps false acceptance
Temporary high, but will end up leaving
Alone, alongside your filthy arrogance
A painstaking process follows,
One of which could have been prevented
Living with your disgusting self wallows
Realization of your careless actions, becoming discontented
Obsession has rendered you worthless,
And henceforth you’ll forever live, knowing you deserve this
Rolling above the trees,
Rustling in the leaves
Fear grows near,
The branches dreadful cheer
Sends thoughts tumbling
Through my mind
Heart to ribs, bind
Chilled to my core,
I wish for nothing more
But for the winds to calm
So that I may drift on
peel back my skin
carve unto my bone
slicing away layers of flesh
unwinding coils of neurons
rearrange what is left
replace what was lost
and once fully done
glue my pieces back together
place in the bone and seal it
so that my thoughts remain inside
fold back my skin
bandage me up
so that I am new
Regret eats away at the mind,
As guilt eats away at the heart.