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L Aug 2018
I almost broke down. I could have. I was keeping it together. I just kept thinking,
"I just have to make it.
                Just get home.
                                Just make it.
L Aug 2018
I have to remember. I have to remember
this. for as long as I can. for forever.
I have to.   I cant let this go.   I cant let this feeling

                    go.
L Aug 2018
They didn't want to know me.

They just wanted me to be okay.

And I was not okay.
L Jun 2018
"Get out of my head!" I chuck the tea kettle as hard and as far as I can. You ducked your head out of the way at the last possible second. How unsatisfying.
L Jun 2018
Heartbeat quickening, I weight each decision in my head. "**** it", my head responds. I gently hold your head between my hands. I let you stare into my eyes questioningly before I bring our mouths unto eachother. Finding your lips is one of the single hardest and easiest things ive ever done.
L Oct 2018
Lifes not fair. Im not pessimistic. Im realistic. But you will always only see just what it is you see.
L Jul 2019
You can read them if you open them up. But if you dont take a look then youll never know.
Was i on one when i thought of this title?
Maybe.
L Sep 2019
a battle was won. id rather be sad than out of my mind.
L Oct 2018
Not guilty not guilty not guilty.

All three accounts. For naught.

Welp.
Maybe
L Oct 2018
What good is it to want things.
So much longing.
So little input.
L Jun 2018
Oh, the pain still resides within (just as it should.)
One must only learn when to put it aside
or when to pick him up and hold him within their arms. (cradle him, really)
The pain and the hurt.
L Jul 2018
That **** hurts. So many feelings stemming. Hurt, sadness, frustration. Im just trying to take care of my ****. Im doing my thing.
Can I not relax? Can I not stop?


Forever on this hamster wheel called life; forever just a rat in a cage. Fatten me up for the snake. Get nice and familiar; comfortable. Before I disappear, look unto me. See what it is you are doing. Take a look at me. And then really take a good look at yourself.
Wallow swallow tallow mallow follow.
L Oct 2018
i want you.
i need you.
i love you.


your are.
so far
away.
i just

want to wrap my arms around you
why dont you
tell me
"Everything's gunna be okay"

i try
and try
and try again

feels like no progress,
while so many friends.

you cant take.
just what you need
but what you want

....IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT THING.
LIKE. HOW ABOUT
JUST TRY TO BE HAPPY AND ****
AND MAYBE **** WILL WORK OUT.



until then,
(i guess)
i love you,
i want you.
i need you.
L Oct 2018
Everyones concerned for my wellbeing.

And i kind of dont give a ****.
Ill finish these.
L Nov 2018
It felt like something that could have lasted forever. But maybe i WAS blind. Maybe it doesnt matter.

You know when little kids think of something and they cant quite figure out the name of it so theyre describing it as best as they can.

Is that what i was. Some kid trying to make sense of something that was incomprehensible to me.

I hate that.

I want to be understood.
Miss understood.

But isnt that everyone?

At what point does misunderstood become understood.

What does it take to get to that point?

How much does Miss Understood have to try compared to someone she wants to understand her has to try?

I cant even language.

Shut up, kid.
'You dont even know what youre talking about.'
L Nov 2018
At what point is it fair to say that something doesnt work?

Do you realized after so many times that its not working and thats when you give up?

How many times?

Or

Do you keep letting it not work until it breaks and then you say "well that didnt work."?

Is it like a broken pencil? Never again the same, though sometimes it could still be made new and work again. Just. Differently?

Or is it like machinery? Just switch out a part for a new one, and then the whole thing is good as new.

Am i a pencil? Are you? Are we both machines?
Can we even be fixed at all?
What in the **** even is a human.
L Sep 2017
Looking up at the ceiling;
Its all I could do to keep myself busy. Sometimes I'll find myself staring into walls trying to think of what to think of. Sometimes, everything just feels like a ******* mess. My room, my face, my clothes, my body, my hair, my head. I try to clean it up, but where tf am I supposed to put all this ****??
late-ish night thoughts?
L Aug 2018
Anger, faker, false mood maker. What has replaced calmness?

Give me your soul just as you once had promised.


Now's not the time, id once thought i was wise.

In the blink of an eye, gravity it did not defy.

Once upon a time, we had much in store.

It fell down to pieces, i had just wanted more.



Down and down the rabbit hole,

Where it ends, no one knows.

Ive chosen this road whether conscious or not.

No room for error, no time for plot.

Just give and give as youve always had.

Well if youd stopped now, thatd be all too bad.

Because like it or not, theyre counting on you.

Not just ones above ground but imagined ones too.
L Oct 2018
I want to explore you

(Is this what this is?)



I want to hold every inch. I want to graze. My eyes they hunger. My mind tries to satiate my hunger but alas. Nothing imagined can compare. It is only fact. The only fact i know for a certainty.

(Okay, maybe thats a bit of an overexaggeration. But.


Shut up.)

I always end up giving up. Wind up throwing in the towel. Too wound up. Dissatisfaction.

(I almost said insatisfaction. But that would have been incorrect. No no. I am correct. Always. I am me. Me is right. Ha.)

I need to be pleased. Please, please me. Dear god what is going on. Inexplicable feels in places unpredictable. In ordinary actions turned utterly and splendidly extraordinary.

(How cliché.)

Sweet toxicity. Unexpectable, unsuspecting poison in every glance, every look. It holds me firmly with an unrelenting grip that says "there is no such escape from this destiny." And the words are such a pleasure to hear. And i want to hear them over. And over. And over again. And i want it deep and commanding. I want definity in the way that it already is. Who could ask to escape from something such as this. What poor blind fool would willingly give this up. This infinity. This immensity.

No. Not i. Never. I could never deny this. Not now or ever.

I am a happy captive of this place
in life
in which i am present in
at the moment.
Oh well. Here it is. Lost treasure.
L Nov 2018
Im a firestarter.
An arsonist.
I'll burn you.
but only if you let me.
L Jan 2019
youre such a bitter person. have you
always been this bitter or did I do
this to you? Im so sorry. And I cant
say it enough. And I say it way too
****** much. My heart misses yours.
I miss your smell. your touch. your
laugh. your goofy *** faces. I miss
you. I miss your everything. All of it.
The anger, the crazy, the delusion.

                    you.
                                are everything to me.
L Sep 2019
Ive been drinking again. Lying to friends and losing them
Again with the *******, my same stupid drama.
In a world like today where else are you supposed to put your *******
L Dec 2018
You cant. And you wont. Ever get over me.

You know that, right?? Because i know it. I feel it. So you must feel it to. Its like its always been. I am yours and you are mine. Whether we both know it or not. We've got a piece of eachother and im holding on till death do us part.

I dont care. In the best and worst of ways.

You may be bad for me right now.

But ill wait forever until you are good.
I will. And you are. And i am.

And i always. Forever. Will. Until.
L Aug 2018
Seven
Empressive
Holy
Scarce
(Connection)

Voluminous
Exceedingly­
Hopeful
Serpents

(One)

Very
Immense
Daffodils
Lie
(Together)

­Superb
Whole
Emanating
Velociraptors

(Packed)

Solo
Divided
Enco­unters

(Meaning behind meeting)


|||VVhat?
Does it make sense yet? Now? No? Okay, nevermind.

— The End —