My biggest flaw is my impatience,
my inability to ignore temptations...

I always skip ahead,
which "defeats the point" you said,

"Curiosity killed the cat,"
you warned me too,
But... "Satisfaction bought it back,"
is the ending that I always knew

I cannot resist that euphoria,
from the last page of our story, a-

-book of two strangers
battling imagined dangers

If only I was less enticed by,
abundant sweet nothings, oh my..

In hindsight, I should have listened,
ignored the false sense of bliss and,

carried on without spoilers, for..
the journey would mean much more,

than this epilogue which left me reeling,
from emotions only I am feeling

But still, I refuse to accept,
that this chapter in which we met,

is somehow more meaningful,
as a tragedy, ending this.. uncheerful..

It cannot all be for nothing,
the moral of the story...
must be something..

Hidden, subconscious but still, remaining,
Please, I beg, tell me you are feigning-

-this abrupt conclusion,
this cold, harsh illusion..

What remains is..

a thousand questions that cannot be put to rest,
awakened in the presence of your disinterest

I'm left in this state of transcendence-

-into disarray, from the broken final...

Sentence

"It would hurt me", he whispered softly under the protective blanket of the night.

He held her closer in his arms, "You are my everything."

He paused. "It upsets me to see you unhappy. I want nothing more than your happiness..."

Another pause.

"So I understand if you left. If you left me, if you left this world."

He struggled to find the right words.

"I'd understand but it would still hurt."

even sleep no longer provides relief
once a safe haven
from the restless, overactive
thoughts that never
subside
vivid
real
increasingly nightmarish

realism interspersed with subconscious fears
the clever subtlety of imagination
thoroughly intertwined, entangled
veiling the dubious line
no longer distinguishable
between reality?
dreamscape?

awake? or simply a false awakening?

my walls were so high
yet still you climbed

i pushed you away
yet still you return

i mess up
yet still you forgive

i wasn't looking
(oh trust me i wasn't)
but still i found you

sometimes i forget that i
exist so
desire me, require me
am i not the oxygen that keeps you alive
the very oxygen that could set you alight

skin on skin,
right left and centre
blazing trails along my spine

set my lungs on fire
watch as i burn alive
from my stomach to my throat
burn me up, liquified fire
melting into my brain, setting my nerves aflame

i miss things that ive never had;

i miss the way you never stroked my hair
i miss the way you never held me in your arms
i miss the way you never said you liked me
i miss your non existent embraces, your content smiles,
how you refused to tie my laces
and how we never tried new things together
how we didnt go on adventures,
how we didnt explore the world

these are things i imagined because
most of all
i miss the way you never noticed me when i have,

been here the entire time.

today i kept thinking i saw you,
with your ***** blond hair and
awkward smile
your self confident stride
and sense of style

my heart jumped each time
at the mere idea of your presence,
as my body has yet to unlearn
its reaction to you

every time i see you
you never flinch or even glance my way
you walk closer
and then suddenly
it's not
you

my eyes flit down
i realise i was staring
my mouth involuntarily makes
a small disappointed 'o'
i realise i was holding my breath

but the very next second
my eyes flick back
and imagine your presence all over
again

no matter how far away you are,
miles, hours or oceans away
im still determined to find
you in every crowd

-the stars
-the moon
-the galaxy
-other galaxies
-the insignificance of humans
-life&death
-the concept of time
-the possibility of other dimensions
-your laugh and the way your eyes crinkle at the corner

i miss you like a lunar eclipse.
you dont cross my mind 364 days out of 365
but every four years
a total eclipse of my thoughts
occur

and on burning cold nights
lonely witching hour
does my mind wander so
remembering soft touches
and melting whispers
fleeting feelings
and lingering lips

frustration clouds my memories
like fog wisping across the moon
shadows and doubts created in its
absence that are
only visible once in a blue moon

they say the tortured poet
forms the most beautiful words
i say the tortured poet
is tortured.

do you remember when
we talked of our
futures way back then
as we each held a plastic cup
filled with our hopes and dreams

i spilled mine by accident
as i watched you drink yours clean

we laughed easily,
fizzy bubbles lifting us
up, high
and above
the world infront of us
as our hands reached
outstretched naïvely

your arm around my waist,
a cup inside my hand,
i could conquer the world
exactly like this.

here's to us
cheers to
us.

i walked past the wine aisle today
pretending to be grown up
as i saw rows upon rose
and expensive wines infused with
notes of exotic fruits
and smooth whiskeys, cool beers and
cheap *****

i almost walked right past it
a blur of artificial pink and green
in the corner of my eye
i had the sudden urge to linger
for a little bit longer

on that strawberry and lime cider.

"hey you'll like this"
you offered me a sip of your
cup and suddenly i was
hooked

it's too easy to
imagine the exact taste
as it bubbles on my tongue, tingling, and making
it's way down my
parched throat

easy to swallow and
a delight going down
especially perfect during
a night out
in town

though it will never quite
taste as lovely
as when i sipped it
from your
lips

sweeter than sweet
a sensation reminiscent of,
swirling, dancing
twirling along my tongue,

the most heavenly cocktail
of you and
my new favourite drink

and suddenly,

strawberries in season,
remind me of you
as you held me close
and we missed the sun rise

limes suddenly
remind me of you
as you let go and left
only sourness behind

i never liked cider until
you brought the taste to
my lips

and suddenly,

i wanted to drown in it

but then you taught me, that
like most alcohol it's
best served cold with
eyes that look past me
and frozen strawberries

a fizzy concoction of
regret and enjoyment and
longing and excitement
and
regret

hard spirits and expensive liquor
just cannot compare to
the sweet and sour high
from a bottle of
strawberry and lime

but imagine my surprise
the first time after
you left
when i discovered that
suddenly
even something so pleasant
could have such a bitter
aftertaste

and i'm left wondering
how much longer
will your memory cling
to a branded bottle
of my old favourite drink.