my hands brush over the wall,
guiding me through the room
as my eyes are blindfolded
by a thick, grey, opaque fog.

my hands stumble over every surface
until they glide over a smooth lamp.
the blindfold is taken off my eyes.
and I see my reflection staring at me.

I blink at the handheld mirror, bewildered
as my eyes pursue the direction of the light.
I look into the mirror, yelling "eureka!"
because my heart is glowing, even in the night.

is something I wish someone would have said when I was falling through the depths of hell and my spirit was being burned over and over again and my voice was eroding while they cast my pain aside and took my power away so they could feel comfortable. they forced me to stuff the feelings deep within my heart and look perfect for the pictures so they could feel comfortable. they kept pushing me more and more, even though every cell in my body was joining forces to keep me from falling apart, so they could be comfortable. my body and mind were wrung out and tattered, and I thought the only way out was to do it myself. i would have given anything for them to say "I'm worried about her" and actually DO something about it. but they wouldn't have been comfortable with that, would they?

the feelings became an engraved key chain:
its grooves were made just for me.
I hid the key chain in my back pocket,
shielding it from the side eyes,
but when the people saw it,
they took out their own key chains,
and the designs were very similar.
now my key chain is in my hand,
and I show it whenever I want.

he glued down a blue, square tile
to the bare, boring floor.
my purple triangle moved in
right next to the square
like it was meant to be there.
our hands kept the tiles in place,
then we took a step back,
and his arms surrounded me.
we did this every day
until the pattern became
our solid foundation.

before I step out into public,
I lock my opinions in a safe
that resides deep within
the ridges of my brain.
I wear a sweet smile
to mask the dull pain
radiating throughout my body.

but when I enter my safe space,
I strip myself of that smile,
and look my pain in the eye.
I dig into the ridges of my brain
to grab and unlock the safe.
I welcome my vulnerability
in all its undisguised nakedness.

a person with a mind and soul
made of colorful, vivid ribbons
quietly walks through the world.
she expects to feel the warmth
of their smiles on her face.
their eyes softly crinkle
when they're with each other.
when they walk toward her,
they grimace - every single time.
their voices fade until
she can only hear the sound
of her loud breathing,
feel the chill in the air,
and blink the tears away.

closing my eyes as the sunlight kissed the window
a blooming rose lightly caressing my face,
confessing his deep, passionate love,
wrapping his leaves around me,
protecting me with his mild, earthy scent,
loving me with softness and strength.