She's one of those girls
He said
One who wears a lot of beads
Beads that stretch to her elbow

And with one look
The look of guilt
Shame
Knowing

He knew
He knew the look on my face
He knew I was like the girl with beads

Panic washed over his ghostly face
Hurt clouded his eyes
Pulling up my sweater sleeve
He saw nothing

A sigh of relief escaped his lips
But he did not realize
..He lifted the wrong sweater sleeve

s.j.d

I have a problem

I crave it
That empty feeling
In my stomach
In my soul

During this manic episode
It occurs to me
That the darkness
Is my home
My home I can't leave

I want to be happy
But my demons have taken over
They make me crave darkness
They make me starve
Physically
Emotionally

s.j.d

My life.
I'm not sure what it should consist of
But I know for sure this is not it

Spiraling into a black abyss
I've realized this is not the future
I had imagined

I can't feel

Empty

My life had ended 4 years ago
And no one seemed to notice
I didn't notice either

I am simply existing
Not living

Existing

s.j.d

I spend my days locked in a haze
Living in a fantasy world
Blocking out reality

Way out
In a dark abyss
Is where my thoughts call home

Joining the real world would simply be pain
Pain of the cruel harsh thing we call life
It's easier this way

I've shut down
Lost in my own creation
Never to be found again

s.j.d

Suicide.

Word *****.

Hypocrite.

Words pour from my mouth
When I learn of the thoughts
Running through his head

I love you
You're worth living
Don't think of suicide

One song
One song 'describing his life'
Triggered my word *****

His turn

Word *****
Pouring form his mouth

I love you
You're beautiful
A lot of fun

One song
Set him off
One song
Turning me into a hypocrite

Realization
Not caring about yourself
Does not mean
You don't care about
The people you love

s.j.d

My wrists and thighs
Tattooed with white stripes

My mind consumed in darkness

My eyes clouded with nothingness..

My wrists and thighs stained red

My mind fading

My eyes rimmed with lack of sleep

Depression.

s.j.d

I can't drown my demons
They know how to swim

I keep putting myself in these situations
My heart can only be broken so many times
Shattered

Over & over

This is a **** poem
I shouldn't have written it

My world is crashing down
Lungs are collapsing
Air is scarce

Drowning

No friends
This is choppy
Rumors
This is my mind

s.j.d