i'm calling your name
i don't think he notices
but can you hear me?

his body is warm
a heart of gold, but stone cold
fingers trace my skin

hold the dial tones
wrap it tight around my neck
tell me you love me?

i want to hear it
it'd so be easy to fall
for your words again

calling you again
no, you don't have to answer
i just miss your voice

                                voices in my head
                                it’s harder than expected
                                i’ll finish alone

mother, my grades do not define me
an A+ will not bring me wealth
see, you’d understand if you asked
if you’d checked in with my mental health

mother, no one should have to prove themselves
self-worth is found in the heart and mind
not in jewelry, clothes, and cars
nor mansions, bars, and wine

mother, life is different now
it’s not how things were in the 90’s
it’s not supposed to be all work and no play
people my age are just teens

mother, *******
can’t you understand, this is Gen Z
let me slow down and waste time
and let things run the way they’re meant to be

mother, this is my life
not a stock to trade or buy
i’m not a human investment
just a girl trying to live her life

mother, stop controlling me
let me test the limits myself
in a world where experience is needed
let me regret and learn by myself

mother, you need to let go
stop holding the strings over my life
the next time i feel this way
i might just cut the tie

mother, my confidence is at a low
it’s not my mind, but my environment
it’s the way you berate me, call me useless
and shamed me to the place i’m now in

mother, maybe one day i’ll forgive you
for the childhood that you stole from me
for being the main reason why i look in the mirror
and see a worthless, tired girl that's lonely

                           mother, maybe one day, you’ll recognize
                           how you’ve unsuccessfully tried your best
                           to raise a perfect asian daughter
                           but she turned out more bitter than the rest

the pastel sun pulls
clouds into cotton candy
i think this is love

the roads get wider
these mixed signals and blurred lines
love looks for green lights

the skies burn orange
monarch butterflies fly free
this has to be love

this is it, maybe—
just the closest to lovers
that we’ll ever be

brother knows you better
brother knows you the best
he stands beside you, steady
as they lay your lover to rest

“i’m sorry,” he whispers, softly and slowly
why is it now that he chooses to be kind?
when all that you have ever wanted
is now six feet under, left behind

weeks later still, he watches you with sorrow
and under the weight of his gaze, you crack
anger flares and strikes
“why do you look at me like that?”

he turns his head away
but you’re stubborn and won’t turn back
“what loss have i suffered that you must be
so sorry, and look at me like that?”  

brother had always been a poet
he had always been soft with words
but the ones that gave his answer
this time, they really did hurt

“tell me,” you had demanded,
your breath puffing under the sun.
he had smiled bitterly as he replied—
                                        “a great one.”

Look, I think that it's perfectly normal for you to feel hurt and betrayed and just... be heartbroken and upset over someone like him. Because even though I always saw the ******* in him, it doesn't mean the guy you saw was invalid.

You just saw another side of him that I never saw, and I can't judge you for that, because if I had seen that side first, I'm sure that I would've probably done the same that you did and felt the same as you had.

But... I just want you to know, even though we've drifted apart over the years, I'm still here for you.

I'll always be here for you. You'll always have my shoulders to lean on, and you can always count on me to have your back. This is what friends are for, even ones that have started walking down different roads.

I'll turn around and come back for you. If I can't find my way back down the road, I'll pave a path to the middle so we can be friends again.

I know you probably don't want to trust me, but I'm your friend. He's broken your trust, but you should know I would never do that. I've never done it before, and I don't plan on ever doing it in the future.

I'll be with you, and together, we'll make through these hard times. Time heals everything. You'll turn out to be okay. I'll turn out to be fine, and I'll stay by your side. We'll be alright. It'll all be alright.

But right now, it's okay to not be alright.

Let it out. Cry it out. Scream it out. I'll listen.

Right now, I can't help but think that this situation is just like that one thing I learned in physiology class. Situs inversus, that condition where major organs' locations are inverted in the chest, and your heart's on the right side, instead of the left.

That's all that it is. It's just situs inversus for you right now. Your heart's just in the wrong place, with the wrong person.

In the end, you just have to wait. One day, the right person is going to waltz into your life, or run into you in the middle of the street, or something of that sorts, and it'll be alright.

I know that you're hurting, but you should know that you're loved. Because you are.

Loved, I mean. You are loved, and I mean it.

You're loved and you've been hurt and you probably think that it all ends with him, but don't worry. Don't worry at all. It's going to be okay. I'll be here with you for as long as you want me to stay.

It'll be alright.

You'll learn to trust again.

You'll learn to love again.

don't ******* text your friends while
you're ******* driving and now
i'm this close to throwing your phone
out the window and into the highway so
put your phone down because
i'm trying to talk to you
and right now i'm trying to ******* say
that you shouldn't ******* text your friends
when you're behind the wheel
because you can crash and **** someone
and you're important to me
and i don't ******* want you or me to die
and if you're important to me then
i'm willing to spend my ******* time on you
and when i spend my time on someone
i'm pretty much just spending my ******* money
and you already know that most of the time
i don't have any ******* money and if i did
i would be spending that money on sunshine
and time to try and make us happier so
if you don't like what i have to offer
then i'm telling you to say ******* to my offer
and to stop being a coward and
to tell me how you really feel or
just get the hell out of here because
if you're wasting my money already
i refuse to let you waste my ******* time because
i've already spent years wasted on you
but you won't ******* love me back
the way i ******* love you and
instead every single time when
i want to leave you just have to pull me back
because you think that it's a great
decision to drag me along to
all of your ******* adventures with
all of your ******* friends and
all of your ******* boyfriends only
to ******* tell me that i never
really stood a chance with you
and that you just want us to be friends
but clearly you don't even understand how
to ******* be friends with someone
because if you ******* did you would be
talking to me in the car right now
and not texting your friends and
flirting with me nonstop and
i wouldn't have to be ******* remind you
how ******* dangerous it is
to text and drive.

It took a few years to find ourselves.
In that time, my hair grew out,
and your height grew tall.
We grew like sunflowers.

All the other girls wanted crowns,
along with a Prince Charming,
while I took up fencing, and learned
how to shoot a basketball properly.

You learned the arts, how to
play sharp staccatos and paint pastel skies,
while the boys your age were
breaking windows with baseballs.

Your performances stunned the crowds.
Your fingers moved mountains.
You came to my competitions.
My saber moved faster than light.

From a distance, was how we grew.
We were the sky and the sea,
watching each other from a distance.
So close, yet so far apart.