I STILL EXIST- I STILL EXIST
My pen writes
I still Exist

and an empty feeling engulfs me
I am painting a purple tree
I tell my family counselor
That the paint reminds me
Of arsenic Greek cheese dust
That a human predator
two faced fiancee
placed on my green salad in 1976
He said he would teach me how Greeks killed with love at sea
Then kindly offered
To bring
breakfast and lunch
for me in bed
(Ladden with poison)
While I ate it he danced Zorba the Greek!
His jealous raicist medeas mistresses knew his past crimes
I didn't I was very naive
his superstitious ignorant parents twelve people  asked him to Get rid of me baby and all

Overdosed with pitocin for a cow
giving birth was a torture
then blood thinners
were added to slowly
end my life
A hate crime because I a sub human born in Mexico not Greece
The poisons caused
a chest malformation of my daughter requiring surgery
later in life was mis-diagnosed
as pectus scavatum
but I knew better it was
attempted ******
a chilling secret I was so ashamed to reveal

I did escape my kids and me
we survived  the memory
of my true love's loving ways
In America saved me from certain death there I was 75 lbs
When I escaped Hell
Greece
But salads gave me
Nausea through the years
I could never recall why

Painting gets my mind
Off painful memories
resurficing examining my life understanding me and others

I have many regrets unwittingly
my loving innermost feelings
remained trapped inside
and I lost my true love
in my dead calm silence of pain
Foolish online Ink
One involuntary bad deed
In Veracruz
Two SAD songs

My shrink says I have a beautiful
Soul a relentles spirit
That I managed to do better then
Most despite hellish adversity
A childhood marred with
heartbreak a trail of
Graves tree stumps
Coffin and treassures
Spirit breath of life and death
  
My hybrid race was secret
Poverty lack of Rhogam
My father the Apocalyto
Hero killed by MEX Feds
Who stole my Land
We are indigenous
Purhepecha tribe
The enemy of the Aztecs
So me my father's little queen of the forest his STAR could
Fly high and zoar
He was the love of my life
My dad David

A few days of effexor RX can bring about amnesia to block old kidnapping memories of turture resurficing unsolicited
Effexor to stop tears
regulating serotonin disrupted
After a car accident with traumatic head injury concoussion brain swelling so much that falling asleep for three months was impossible

MD prescribed just a trial
few warp eight mind bending Effexsors serotonin reuptakers
For only fifteen days
Half of thirty seven mg
Tears stopped immediatly a calmnesss
self assured old me demeanor
re-emerged I remember the arsenic and blood thiner injections the faces of sadistic jealous women but it didn't hurt

But soon my heart began to speed up so fast I could hear it beating in my ears at lowest dose

so the higher dose was not allowed.
Side effects if used longer than six months could make the
face to twich! who needs that!

So therapy ended slowly redusing small to smallest dosages for fifteen days
treatment ended
Don't like messing with my brain

Today I enjoy simple pleasures
echos born like me in
In the atlantic mystery

family time my lifetime best
best lover best Mother
nest friend to me myself
Remembering those few
Souls
Who deared greatly
their wisdom and foresigh to bet
On my future my light myself!
my father's little
Queen of the forest tribute to
My Once Upon A Time
True love his love songs
His poems quickening me
Awaking me
He was the love
Of my life my true love JPC/RC

He showed me he loved me
But he never could "tell me"
He loved me all my fault
Thinking back not ever
any other man told me
he loved me one or two boys wanted something from me freely given or taken by force from me
I didn't want them at all
No person growing up
Ever
Told me they loved me and most showed me my life didn't matter
many of my civil rights were violated throughout my life by thugs hainas had more charm
Only my father David San chez
and later my adoptive Mother mommy dearest told me once she loved me showed me she cared.
My children tell me and show me
They love me
Sometimes they hate me too
sadly they are under the spell of deadly sterile drug user enemies who assassinate my character lie and slander me to my grown daughters and I have now become estranged until they figure all out on their own so they learn to fight woolves in sheeps clothing and understand treason
and ungratefulness towards their own mother
There was only one man I loved
The MOST on this whole wide world
His ink scripted love remained the good intermigled with evil
Forever a part of me
My Lord Shiva my first teacher
My sage my guru
My Lancelott
Me  first love my last love
my tree of life he was
The only man I ever loved
and lost
Looking back
I thank G** King Jesus
King Arthur
And few other men who
Traveled in and out my door
Only one had my lock's key
I am glad you came along
I sing this last song
In memory of all the good
The bad and very bad
The few nefarious vipers I kissed
I forgive you all forgive you me for NOT
Understanding you
For loving those fellowmen
Who didn't know how to love me back
I wave my last
Good bye
I
Will
In your light and my own
Pray for you and me

As for the love of my life
"You are like a prayer
In church to God"
"I remembet you,
as someone something
VERY DEAR and precious"
You were the Best
You touched my STAR
And my starry skies sparkle
With your light remember me
in the same light my love
Look me up with your telescope
When you watch the stars
From your sun roof
In your bedroom

Find my Aries Constelation
For there is
My home
Without
You
I've taken with me a piece
Of Veracruz
A Mothers Day surprise
at the Hilton
raised in your arms on a warm June at a  bar
Where i felt like a bride
your bride

I almost asked you then and there to throw a big party
for you and me
But the monastery's dead silence
Growing up isolated
Silenced the spontaniety
Of thought you required of me
yet again!You regressed me you
tried in so many ways for me to
tell you  "I love you I am sorry
I'll marry you!"
All over again
I adored you remember this
Always.

Ay ay ay my old forest land
five little brothers blown
Ay ay my baby boy gone
My loving dad's grave lost

Mom lost her mind
sold my half sis for food
as I ran to convent stunned

Ay USA my coco girl's birth
Henrys infertil mistress bailed
his******* dues selling my
baby girl to her!
impostor posing as Mom-me
!in Torrance CA maternity ward
stole my baby photos

Ay daughter keep away from Moureen
he even gave you daughter her ugly name! sold you like a dog is sold
Evil Henry is no father to you
tried vanishing me and
you in my womb using saline but Mom saved herself and you
called police
before and after your birth
we both were attacked
this truth you must know no matter how painful
your Mother loves you this mother is me I love you you are my beloved father David's precious grand child
your maternal grandparents were good people so we're your paternal grandmother Janet but not your paternal father he was evil biggoted racist don't ever be like him.
I love you so miss you daughter mine your father's seed isn't to blame his sister Elizabeth is sociopath sadistic weekly jealous she is like Henry a Charles Manson's advocate almost turned me pregnant into Sharon Tate 1969 butchered by evil crazed men and followers
same bad people in Greece pray on pregnant women and babies they are the **** of this planet.
I wouldn't do a roach what they all put me and my baby's through.
~~~
Ay my Greek born baby girls
medeas tinted your baby milk
with caustic soda yelling at me to hurt me saying it was to open your sink out of jealousy malice and greed
they said you were killers because hers with him wouldn't be born.
~~
Take heed keep away from Greece and them all they are not well in the head they a lack heart brains courage everything I had in excess to fly away and save us all.
~~~~
ay ay our envious foe
enemy so blind a fool
has died seeing us thrive
Ay PTSD ay free me please.

Ay dear poets potessess
thou in thy worst nightmare have it good and better then me and my kin.

Ay ay poisons potions we won!
we emerged immune even to you stronger mightier better
than thee

my enemies all look at us
living in the land of
the free and the brave
healthy loving caring
Ay sad sure! bitter never!

Ay ay USA ay ay Mexico
Hell Greece and Greeks sits more evil
of lower hells bellow thee  
most vicious cruel of all foe.
I changed Earth for the anti-Christ wasn't born instead my Angels
thrive good destroys evil within

Ay Greek **** mythology drown!
drown Join Atlantis Sodomah
Gomorrah into your pits of hell
itself go sink.!
This is a holy mother's plee
supersticious ignorant greece
We have flushed thee down
deep the bottomless pit
with this tini poetic
metaphor I plee to the Universe the spiritual unseen world above and below.
So wise many a poet
and powerful poetessess
family and friends,
please switch vacation trips to elsewhere in the globe
ending touristic revenues to
food poisoning *****
Hell enic poisoner twisted backwards ******'s ******* lenic Greece.
~~~~~~~~
By: Karijinbba
All right reserved revived 8-2020