One day in 2021
I put on a dress for the last time
A part of me died
The part I've been trying to **** for years
I said goodbye to the "me" I was supposed to be but never was

One day is 2023
I said goodnight for what I thought would be the last time
A part of me died
The part that's been trying to **** me for years
I said goodbye to wishing I was someone I never was

Eventually, I said goodbye to the people who hated me for being me
Now I say hello to being free

She melted
But melted ice is still H2O
Same girl, different form
Transformed into who she’s always been
Pressure is off when you don’t have to always win
Silly grin, welcome back
Things were looking grim for a while
but she was never lost
Just frozen for a while
Thawed out, there’s the smile
Watch out, joy is leaking in
Sneaking back into that girl
She’s still the same one
who almost gave up when her life had barely begun
But she didn’t change
even if everything else did
And it seems so strange that
She’s stronger now
Now that she melted

trust:

to open yourself up to be wounded
to spread yourself out
like a target, my heart the bullseye
       easy to spot
       easy to target
       easy to exert your control over

why do I keep falling for it?
                     lies
                     disguised
                     as something real

trust:
something I will not be foolish enough to give away again

seems so selfless
how could it be just to keep me from exploding from guilt?
turns out forgiveness is for the offender
there is no comfort for the victim
except a way forward

In this world, you will have troubles
painful troubles leaving you empty
they tempt me to indulge in temporary pain relief
You know it in the form of liquid, pills, or razor blades
Soon the luster fades and I’m left with the same pain that brought me here and then some
New scars don’t fade
New addictions I can’t break
Am I here by mistake?
What I used to numb my pain turned into just another source of it
In this world, you will have troubles
It’s ok
"I have overcome this world of pain"

I feel so alone
Like I got no home
I just want to roam
Check out the unknown
But I'm just a girl living in a semi-dangerous world
Try to keep my pack
Knives stuck in my back
Can't trust anyone
Can't love anyone
Nowhere I belong
Wish I could be strong
All I ever am is wrong

I wanna slice up my arms
Leave some real nice scars
Let the blood drip down my skin while I grin like a ******
Then go back in the store before stopping myself from doing more and wishing I had tore open a vein
I’m going insane
Guess I just love the pain
A slave to my brain
It just paves the way for another “episode”
Wish I could just explode
Or slowly corrode
I don’t know how to be with people
I don’t trust the man working in the building with a steeple
They’re supposed to be good but always end up evil
Doing **** that’s illegal
So back to my original thought
Now you know what brought me here
I wanna slice up these arms
Leave them nice and scarred
Cuz this life is ******* hard
And I just wanna feel something else