What if you could do it?
Drop everything:
Your family, your loved ones, your job, your house, your life
And leave
To go to a new land, an unknown world
Never to return again
Would you do it?
To build a new life for yourself
Make your name mean something different
To pick your own family, not one to be born into
Have a new job, one you enjoy
Escape the monotonous days on Earth
Having a redo
A blank-slate
Would you do it?
Could you do it?

I am just extremely tired
Exhausted
Light-headed
Just tired

So please understand why I don't get out of bed
Why I never leave my room
Or I never smile back
Or if I get lost in my thoughts when you speak
I am just tired

I could sleep a thousand nights
And I would be even more exhausted
Because sleep will never cure this kind of tired
For I have already been lost within the maze which is my mind
And there is never a return from that
Trust me, I've been tiredly searching through my head for years
Which is why I am tired

I have been searching for reasons for humans actions
And their thoughts and feelings
How the world could be such a cruel place
But still house the most beautiful of things
Searching for meanings
To dreams, books, art, and my own ideas
Looking for something
Looking for anything
That might bring me to the truth
Which I do not even know
So that is why I am exhausted
That is why sleep will do nothing for me
Because as long as my heart beats and my brain functions
I will always be thinking, searching, creating
Too many thoughts, facts, dreams, people, and the world's memories

I will always feel fatigued
Consumed
Drained
Just tired

I am alone
I have no point to my life
I mindlessly exist each day
I give no love
I am given no love
I do not eat
I do not drink
I do not cry
I do not laugh
My body always in pain
I can never sleep enough
I filch at the touch of another
I run from speaking with another
I wonder as my mind travels to the abyss
I only think of what could have been
And of a different life
With a different ending than I am heading for

I just want to be touched
To be held in the arms of someone who will protect me
Someone who cares

I crave to be touched
For someone to see everything inside
How sad I am, everything that is happening
And because of what this kind person saw
They feel compelled to hold such a broken soul
To try and squeeze it's pieces back together

But every time someone gets to close
I flinch and walk away

You know there's darkness in all of us, throughout our lives
The darkness corroded with monsters and misted with demons
Those who walk in the shadows alone
Are different from those who hold a hand from the light
These people are held by the ones who love them when they couldn't support themselves

But us? Well when we can no longer stand
When we can no longer push through
The darkness and its inhabitants do just as the friend would do
That's why we won't, we can't let them go
Because they were holding us when no one else would
The demons, the monsters are the most caring things in our life

To this fact one would think our lives must be pretty ****** up

I don't really know how to explain this
To put it in simple terms:
I believe I was born into the wrong family, place, situation, and character

To be elsewhere would save me from whatever destruction I might inflict on myself
To be with people who make you feel whole, who make you feel understood
To be in a place with no past label, a blank slate
To be through different hardships
To be a different person
A better person

Love and to be loved
There will be hardships
But we would have each other
And I would feel love for the first time
The family, the friends, the people of elsewhere
Would fill this void which is my heart
I feel so empty
I feel so alone
But in elsewhere I'd never feel so alive and free and loved and cared for