I have so much love within myself I know not what to do with it

I could love you
I would love you
Because I fall in love with everything that  is beautiful and strong and kind
I would love you with all my heart

But I only wish to be loved with just as much love that I give
Only, I expel my love to things that I cannot have
Things that don't want me
So many times I have talked to people that do not know of my heart
Yet to them I am just another face amongst the rest
A forgotten memory by the next year

I could love you more than anyone ever could
I would love you for all your flaws and all your gifts
Your dark side and light

But I have always felt alone in my love
As it is never returned
So I sit in the solitude of my dying heart
And my eyes grow dim
For the heart lights a candle to your soul
And your soul shines out of your eyes
This very thing allows me to see the Beautiful Ones

I have loved more people than I can count
I remember the beauty of their souls that shone through those eyes
I remember their faces, laughs, happiness, but especially their sadness
I remember my heart breaking each and every time
I remember growing up having to know the painful truth:
That I will never be loved the way I love others because who could ever love a person like me

I could love you
I would love you
And you could love me in the smallest amount
It would be enough
It would be enough if the sight of my love would show your smile
To not feel alone
For just a small while
To feel loved
To feel company
To feel important
To feel needed
To feel wanted
To feel the beauty of your soul light up in my heart
And maybe I might lighten yours with the love of a thousand lovers

For one to feel my love
For one to recognize the amount of love I have for them
That would be worth it all
Just for one, to feel it all
To feel my heart beat and I feel theirs
To know I am here
To know I am loved

I could love you
You could trust me
I could care for you
I could protect you
I could give you my heart
I could give you my life
I could love you with a love that has been here since the beginning of time

I could love you
I could be there for you
I could love you
I could love you

I will cry out again:
I could love you!

Through my frozen lungs it only leaks out a pathetic shout of pain
And no one ever seems to hear

And after all of this
I still find myself here
In the same house with the same company and the same heart
That same heart which only chases after sadness, despair, and suffering

I tried to change my heart
But that action's cost was more than a year in hospitals
And this heart only became cold and froze its contents within

I see I told myself a lie
Gave false hope
I knew better
I deserve the pain
And now I will live with this weight
Until it kills me someday

My heart is wide-open to everyone but no one ever walks in
No one ever wants to walk into such a broken and depressing place
No light shines in
The dust, it collects
The roof has caved in
And living things have come in only to die the ugliest death

There are no inhabitants,
Of course,
Were there ever?

There is nothing important in this ice cold house
Everything dead, dark, and dying
No light will ever shine through
No hope will ever enter

And some day the wind of the world and its people will blow
And with it a spark sets the house aflame
They laugh and dance as they watch
This dilapidated, ugly house be eaten
From the inside, out
Just as it had rot
Something was let inside
By accident
But the house payed the price

My heart is filled with something else now
Not sadness, loneliness, or hopelessness
No, it is filled with the worst and strongest emotion
Hatred, anger, disgust
It's constant, it has never been this persistent
I am one of those people who bottle rage up
And take it out on themselves in privacy
Lose their cool only when locked away, alone
But now it is here and present

Electricity travels up my spin in a suffering manner
As the pain of such shock clamps my jaw shut,
Almost shattering my teeth from the pressure of it all
Then my head catches fire and my heart retracts up
Heat burns my palms so I clench my fists into punches
My short fingernails cut into my flesh, drawing blood
Stomach light as bile rises into my warm, closed throat
A scream tucked in my lungs fighting to leave my mouth
I see everything half-vision being that these eyes are rolling into my skull
Nostrils flared and forehead with eyebrows pulled down,
Staring at the dead person in front of me,
I'm telling you in advance,
Because it's times like these if you were to ask me if I could ****
The answer, most likely, will be yes