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Mahalea Isis May 2014
I want you to be comfortable with me
To feel free in my presence
To spit what comes to mind
And not think about the sentence
And just tell me how you feel
Cause you're not made of steel
And if you were hurt before
I can help you heal

But you're not listening to me
You're barely hearing what I'm saying
Cause you're being shy and timid
And I'm the one who's paying
For whatever you don't tell me
Cause I know it had to hurt you
But you play the strong guy and I admire your virtue

I wanna hear whats in you're mind
And taste the lips of your soul
Touch the hands of your past
And smell success in ya future goals
I need to see you show me that maybe I am trusted
Cause if you don't trust me it's fine
Maybe you ain't love and just lusted

But tell me
Tell me how your emotions are acting
Cause I see through ya smile
Inside I know you're cracking
Tell me
You not letting me walk with you through the hands of time
And sharing with me the evilness that's lurking in ya mind

I wanna be able to look at you and be on the same level
Cause if we're both going to hell, we're both meeting the same devil
I ain't here to judge you
And I won't hate you for before
I understand you might be hurting
Cause I have my own sores

So I can be your friend
I can be your help
I can be support
With everything you've dealt
I can be a savior
I can be a shrink
I can be ya motivation
If you want to sink

I can be ya trust
But do you even know what trust is?
Cause I'm trying to show you how
I've learned what true love is
Therefore
Tell me about the love
Tell me about the hate
Cause you accepting yourself
That's what makes a person great.
Wrote this also while with my ex. He wasn't very good at communicating and had trust issues and all I wanted him to do was open up to me.
Mahalea Isis May 2014
Suicidal Rain
Can you feel the pain?
It pours over me as it burns my skin
There is no kin
There is no friends
There is no end
But to put an end to you
Mom said it’s the end for him who is committing
But this is only a start for the committee

A journey to sadness
Tears fill you up
You cry and you have everything running through your mind

But you just put that gun up to your head
Put that knife up to your skin
Put that rope up to your neck
Put that pill bottle to your lips
Put your feet on that ledge and you don’t even think

Actions speak louder than words
When you can no longer speak
Suicide is a coward’s way out they said
Or maybe a paradise for the weak
Cause life picks you up and knocks you down
But sometimes so hard you want to stay on that ground
And don’t make a sound
So no one turns around
Cause you don’t want help
You just want a way out

So there comes the night
And you do what you believe is right
And you black out
No more thoughts,
No more sights,
No more sighs,
No more fright
No more light
No more any of that
You don’t have to try

While family sits by the casket and cries
"Why oh why?"
"What could we have done!"
Young life is supposed to be filled with fun

Fame comes with heartache, hurt, and drama
But once you leave the hurt is all on ya dad and momma
Or whoever you love
And they wonder is he down below or up above
You pray to God “Forgive me for this is the last of my sinning”
But with doing all this are you losing or winning?
You got out of a life that caused you sadness
But left people with unheard cries and madness

Cause sometimes it’s better to let things go
Because those hints you gave just didn’t show
Not until the action was finished
And every single piece of life was already diminished

So from all of this, what did we gain
From the horrible thoughts that you brought to life and attained
And from the messages you put out there, we thought you were playing
And not in the process of another life just slowly decaying

And people send their condolences and say it’s a shame
It’s more than shame, it’s a sequence to the chain
And now the only wish is for life to be the same
But how could it be when you’ve already felt that suicidal rain?
Wrote this about one of my favorite YouTubers who committed suicide last year. I also incorporated my own feelings that I had when I thought about suicide into this poem.
Mahalea Isis May 2014
He makes me feel beautiful
Which I have never felt before
I've always had my doubts and could never be too sure
Cause they told me I was ugly
They told me I was fat
They joked about me and never had regrets

And I sat there and I laughed it off but it hurt me inside
So bad that I got off the bus and ran straight to my room to cry
And I got on my knees and prayed at my window and asked the lord
"Why is this happening to me?" and it started when I was four
And yes, I still remember that far back
Cause being bullied is it's own feeling of being jumped or attacked

And *he makes me feel beautiful

Cause he looks me in my eyes and tells me that I am and I can tell it's not a lie...
Because instead of posting pictures I have edited and cropped
And having boys tell me I'm pretty through messages in my inbox...

He makes me feel beautiful
Cause he means what he says
And a few other people have told me I am cute but I thought they were just kidding
Cause I have programmed myself to thinking my beauty is forbidden
Which means that I could never be a girl that is praised
For her good looks, her perfect body, and her Aphrodite face.

He makes me feel beautiful
Cause even though I have flaws
He accepts them and makes me feel like I have none at all
So maybe I am pretty and I am starting to think better
Of myself instead of looking in the mirror with a look so bitter

He makes me feel beautiful
And when he tells me so with such a serious voice, I get chills
Cause he's the first person that hasn't made me feel completely ill
By insulting or pointing out one of my many imperfections
But instead trying to help get rid if that negative venom
That people have slowly injected into my mind
Making my optimism die slowly over time
Making me get violent and defensive and making me less kind
To the point I get a rush to commit a deadly crime

Then they say I'm crazy and continue with the names
It's a cycle, a stupid circle, a horrible made up game
That has expanded to the point where death is how you win
And I would of won this game if it wasn't for my kin

He makes me feel beautiful outside and in
So I wrote this in dedication to that special him
For helping me realize more than ever in my life
That maybe I am beautiful and I've been this way for a very long time...
Inspired by my ex-boyfriend and was written while we were together. A very personal and deep poem to me about how he made me actually feel perfect for the first time in my life.

— The End —