And I sat on his front porch,
watched the sun and the stars
appear and disappear.

I kept tapping on his window,
I kept knocking on his door.

I peaked through the glass
and saw his hair grew longer

but he still takes his coffee black,
he still leaves the big light on when he sleeps.
He still puts on his left sock first
and still plays the same Cigarettes After *** vinyl
when he writes.

He still hangs his ***** clothes on that three-legged chair,
still hates the smell of wine
and still smiles sideways.

Mother says my best quality is patience

and so I sat on his front porch,
watched the sun and the stars
appear and disappear.

I kept tapping on his window,
I kept knocking on his door.
I kept asking for my heart back
but of course

he still plays his music too loud.

sorry for spilling your already cold coffee on the floor;
i just had too much caffeine that's why
my hands are shaky and my chest is banging.
and sorry for staring; i didn't mean to.
i was just trying to figure out how to survive
the next week with this little amount of money.
sorry for taking too long to answer;
i have a mind like an unmade bed.
also very sorry for not helping you carry
your stack of hardbound books, girl.
my cat fell asleep beside me last night  and
i didn't want to wake her up so i was stuck
in the same position for a good four hours.
sorry i'm blabbing.
what were you talking about so loudly again?
oh yes, the eternal traffic.
you'd rather waste your time being fixated
on the talking orange on tv spitting garbage
about non-whites, wouldn't you?
sorry was that mean?
oh, but did you hear somebody say
girls should take it easy on the make-up for a bit?
you know, because of the killer clowns and ****.
funny, right?

i want to bang my head against the wall already

what?
no, no, i'm seriously just kidding.

ah yes, finally.
the bell.

we hit the snooze button
too much instead of
just saying how sorry
we both are
so now
we're too ******* late
to be the things
we were supposed to be.

self-harm
isn't always cutting

sometimes
it's ignoring your hunger
postponing your sleep
and picking at your face
every ******* time

it's listening to music
in maximum volume
pushing away your friends
and not turning on
the water heater when it's cold
but turning it on when it's hot

it is when you don't say anything
even though you're already dying
just so the people around you can live
without all the noise

Running through empty streets,
chasing dreams
and resurrecting hope. The faint smell
of troubled youth is carried by
a strangely cold November breeze
from a baker's window--

Cinnamon and ***

Somewhere in the corner where the buses
stop there are children drawing
rainbows and flowers
on the rough asphalt, innocently trying
to make each other crack a smile

Somewhere along the shore stands an old,
longing man picturing his wife
knee-deep in the water,
soft and beautiful as ever and
he is losing patience waiting for their reunion

Three blocks away from the chapel
some anxious fourteen-year-old is
blasting Polarize,
wanting to be a better brother, better son

His mom yells it's too loud and he covers
his face with a pillow

In the distance you will hear bottles
breaking along with the hearts
offered but ignored

There's a tapping of restless fingers on
the keyboard by a woman finally finding
the right words to say to someone
who gave up on life too soon
but as the clock strikes 3 she realizes
it's already too late.

Throwing stones
at your window, whispering
Let me inside your brain
I want to see if fireworks go off
every time we hold each other's
gaze a little bit
too long

And you do it so well--
making me feel like I am
dancing on quicksand;
I can't seem to pull myself up
(or I don't want to)

How do you make
every single thing move
in slow motion?
You walk into the church
in your Sunday dress
and the angels lose their minds.

I pray
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned
and I think I am about to sin again
because
we are only a few inches away
from touching
and I can hear you humming
Danse Macabre
while smothering a grin
and god,
I am so tired and
so yours.