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Jessica-Amaya Dec 2018
I know I'm not old.
But I am older.

Older then I use to be.
but some days I still look in the mirror
and wonder if I'm still sixteen.
I still feel sixteen!

Last month I turned nineteen.
Just yesterday I was six years away from being nineteen.

and now I'm in college
and expected to know how to do everything.

Next year I'll be twenty
I don't think I'm ready

Life's going by too fast
Someone hit the breaks
before
I


crash.
Jessica-Amaya Nov 2016
I’m not the same person I was when I was 14.
Being hurt so many times has changed me.
In good ways and bad.
I get hurt but I don’t cry much.
People who hurt me aren’t worth my tears.
I’ve realized that I care more about people then they do about me most of the time.
I’ve distanced myself from these people.
I deserve better.
I’ve become self motivated.
Being self motivated all the time gets lonely
Sometimes I feel numb.
Numb because I’ve been hurt so many times that I don’t feel much.
I just shrug my shoulders and try to move on with my life.
When I was younger I would have cried for hours.
Thought about how it was all my fault that this happens to me.
I’m not that girl anymore.
Now I know that I’m not going to change for anyone.
I’ve gotten this way of thinking that I’m actually worth something.
And I still don’t know if it’s true.
But I’ll keep moving forward.
Keep doing what I’m doing for me
I think about if my 14 year old self would be proud of me
proud that I don't let people hurt me anymore
Or if she would be scared because I’ve gone numb.
Jessica-Amaya Jan 2015
I was just a 12 years old
When all my friends suddenly just turned cold
Thrown to the side
I cried and cried
Over the people I missed
Even though I was the one they dissed

They told me no one would ever love me
And I would grow up to be a big dummy
And it was true I wasn't good at school
But I got through and now I'm passing all my classes

Though it may seem that I've moved on
I'm still having nightmares about those days when I wished I was gone
Even though I know they can't get me no more I still wake up crying remembering how it felt to be ignored
Remembering those days when they made me so afraid
I felt so betrayed
Because these were my friends
Or maybe it was just pretend

So here I am I'm still broken
But at least now I've spoken
Jessica-Amaya Sep 2014
You know all my secrets
You know those things I could never tell

You know who I love
You know who sat next to in English yesterday

You know all my problems
You know who my bestfriends are
You know who I hate
You know what I think of everyone
You know everything
And yet you don't tell a soul

You don't gossip and share my secrets with the world

I love you for this
I wish we shall never part
Because if we do that would break my heart

I love you dairy
Kinda weird but I love my dairy and I do write just about everything in it from my poems to just weird stuff that goes on
Jessica-Amaya Sep 2014
I don't know what to do
I'm lost without you

I want you to take me away
Take my breath away
Look into my eyes and tell me I'm yours

I still think about you
Still think our love was true

I'm just another star in the sky
Cept this one doesn't shine
Jessica-Amaya Sep 2014
Yes I have curls on my head
Clothes on my bed
but do these things really need to be said?

I have art on my walls
I admit I'm not very tall
And no that is not all

I've got spanish in my veins
I've got looks that amaze

I've got lazy in my brain
A daddy that walks with a cane

Yes I have curls on my head
Clothes on my bed
And that is all that needs to be said
Jessica-Amaya Sep 2014
I push and shove as I try to get through
Having to deal with people stepping on my shoes
No one wants to be late
Pushing and shoving trying to get to thier class that awaits
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