I've thought of so many different ways to forget you
I wouldn't say you name anymore
The color blue was erased from my memory
Tragic love stories seemed happy in comparison
But I couldn't do it
How could I let you go
I know that I had a choice
And to you I didn't pick fair
But I didn't know that it would end like this
Blocking and avoiding
Hiding and worrying
Are you okay
Am I okay
I miss you
Not so that I can use you to vent
And not because I didn't have anyone else
I miss you because I miss you
I didn't mean it before when I said we were strangers
I know you, and I know you know me
I miss your sighs and smiles
Even your cat voice
Im so sorry that I didn't stay
But I couldn't
If you would just let me be the best friend you've ever had
We can fix this
I never meant to hurt you but
These violent delights have violent ends
And I understand that I ****** up
But all I'm asking is for you
All I want is my best friend back
The who knows I will aways be there for her
Im sorry thats all I can give
And I know it might not be enough
But all I'm asking for is a chance
A chance to show you I haven't changed
That Im still me
Just the me before all of this happened
So I guess this might be my last saving grace

She is kind
She is loving
She is caring
She is silly
She is gentle
She is beautiful
She is my rock in stormy weather
She is a hand to hold and steady my world
She is the heart beating in my body
She is the voice telling me to keep going
She is the fire burning in my veins
She is a pearl in an oyster of a world
She is a rose among thorns
She is love
She is whole
She is everything I need
And she is mine

She's looking at me and I can feel it everywhere
I can feel my hair standing on end
My stomach is swimming

She's touching my hand and I'm thinking
I'm thinking about how soft she is
And where her hands should be..

She's biting her lips as she looks at me
She wants me
And I want her
Because she's giving me the look

The walls change from blue to green
And fade away with the morning sun
Every night they return
And so does she
The one who ruined it all
The creeping woman from the yellow wallpaper
She loves to bathe in salty water
Puddles of tears and sobbing oceans
These walls remind me of a time when the morning sun distant
Like my memories of you

Its been a couple of days now
And I don't know how I feel
I miss you
You became my whole world in a matter of months
And now you've been ripped from my soul
We seem to be stuck in a different universe
Stuck between two worlds
Between hello and goodbye
But it's better this way
I swear to you it is
But I still miss you

All I wanted was to party
To loose myself for a couple of days
To let go of everything that has been piling up on my life
But instead i made my life even worse
I took some of this with that
And did I mention the free drinks
But hours in I met my match and it was all over
He said I was nice, and that I was funny
He also gave me drinks
And soon I couldn't even remember my own name
Let alone scream for help when he attacked me
It only took a couple of minutes and it was done
Taken away from me while I was loosing myself
Why didn't I think that would happen?
Because I didn't think that I could be hurt by anything anymore
But I was

As day falls and the night rises from the dead once again
A new light is burning
I look at you and see the sunset in your face
And my heart stops beating
Never have I felt this way about you
Or anyone else like you
My eyes never wanting to leave your face
Begin to watch the decaying day

Each color falling into one another
As my heart falls into yours
I can't believe the thoughts running through my head
Everything is changing
There is nothing more i would love than to stay
Here with you forever

We're sitting so close I can feel your body heat radiating
You are my warmth on this cool night in the twilight
With self control falling to pieces
I reach out and stroke your face
Soft as clouds, I can feel you blushing under my hand
Your hand slowly running through my hair

So unsure, yet so confident
I know in my heart this is right
This is how it is suppose to be
How it is suppose to be

Your soft sweet breath blows on my neck as you say the words burning my tongue
My hands glide up and down, find you in the dark
Our cautious lips meet  
Soft and sweet
That turns to raw passion
I can feel my entire body aching for you

A giggle of excitement escapes my mouth as we come up for air
Never have I felt this way before
I just hope you feel the same way

8/11/12

In the dark I can find your lips
I know exactly where you are in space
You're breathing is quickening
And I'm breathing you in
I just need you everywhere
Skin on skin yet not close enough
Can you feel my heart beating for you?
I can't focus on anything except you
The way you keep looking at me
Makes me feel invincible
Can you taste the desire on my lips?
The pain in my heart
Please don't ever stop

In the dark i can find you anywhere
I know exactly were you are in space
Your breathing quickens
I need you so badly
Skin to skin yet not close enough
Can you feel my heart beating for you?
I can't focus on anything except for you
The way you keep looking at me
Makes me feel invincible and desirable
Theres a pain in my heart because I know the truth
Please don't let this feeling fade again

We all process information differently
I'm not heartless
And I'm not cold
There was a switch I will agree
But I've learned and I've grown
Life lessons that have cut me, broken me
But has yet to killed me
I won't thank you for ripping me apart
Although putting myself back together has been an adventure
That has lead me to bounteous places
Filled with magnificently bizarre people
However I will thank you for releasing me
My walls have collapsed, and my mind has expanded
I hope one day you'll grow as well
Until then I must say goodbye for now

Time


Is the worst enemy to have

Time

kills
heals

**** time

I closed my eyes today
The wind was blowing
And the sun was bright as ever
Your favorite type of day
And in that moment I thought of you again
Could you feel the warmth of life
Did you decide to live?
Are your eyes closed
Arms out stretched
Palms to the gods
Can you feel what its like to live
Without me
Without you
Today was a good day
Without you

How does one begin to say goodbye to someone they love
Someone they loves for centuries and received nothing in return
I know our hearts were drifting
But i never thought it would come to this
Standing miles apart
And looking at the same night sky
Do you remember the constellations I showed you years ago?
Do you remember when you said you would always love me?
Its strange now looking back on all those promises
We never thought the last time would be the last time
I never thought there would be a time when I couldn't hold your hand or kiss you
Yet here we are
You said I wasn't the right one for you anymore
Ans I suppose I shouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't want me anymore
But as I breathe in the stale night
I still want to be with you
I want to hold on to what was lost years ago
I want the lies to comfort me
I want you
You didn't even say goodbye
I guess I wasn't that important to you
But you were my north star in the darkest times
and now its pitch black
Without even a trail to follow

And there you are
I'm sitting next to you
And I can feel you everywhere
I wonder what you smell like
Is that weird
I shouldn't be so nervous
And there you are
Your lips are on mine and I feel infinite
Its as though I can feel for the first time
How did I breathe without you
I can't stop this
Or my feelings for you
How did this happen
God if only I could breath you in
And keep you with me forever
It was only suppose to be a kiss

I dont know what to say anymore.
I miss you.
Know that.
Simply that I miss you.

I can't breathe
Let me breathe
There isn't air anymore
I can't breathe
No one hears me
I have such soft screams
But I'm still screaming
I'm still a person
I think I should stop
That's my problem
I never know when to stop
Why can't I make decisions
Sure I'll do that since you suggested it
Who am I?
I am the walrus
Yup I'm gone
And it's so late
remember when we use to stay up all night
I think about that all the time
I can't get back on my schedule
I need to just let it go
But I can't
How many sunrises did we watch together
How many cigarettes did we smoke
How much closer were we
to each other
to death
And now I've run out of air
Maybe that's why we didn't sleep
Because we knew our time was numbered
You say you saw this coming
I really didn't to everyone's dismay
I thought I was making a choice
And then I couldn't do it
But I couldn't do it now either
I can't keep jumping person to person
You both should have left
I wanted that
But I'm afraid to be alone
I'm afraid of myself
And I'm afraid of the dark
silence is my biggest fear
And my farthest goal
I miss my clocks
I miss cat
And I miss you
I can't believe I don't remember what you smell like anymore
That's ****** up
Can I smell you
or is that a no
I'm suppose to be learning how to read social cues from people now
I can't only have one emotion they said
More like all of them combined
I think I've lost it
Dude you broke me
But its okay
I like this
Broken means I don't have to worry about breaking
Maybe you were right
It wouldn't be the first time

I am so weak today
I can't keep your name out
You're alive today in me
I miss you so much
Do you even think of me anymore
I can't remember you at night
Like a foggy morning
Unable to see the light through the mist
Is that you
Can hear my voice
I'm calling for you

I saw you today
You didn't seem different
Yet my mind has imaged and remembered you in a strange manner
You still were the same height as me
Same hair
And if I had been in front of you
I'm sure I would have seen that your eyes were the same
But I'v changed so much
Do you know that?
But then again you didn't see me

Wave after wave
I am drowning
God I hate you
Pull a gun to the gods head
Shot me back to earth
And drown me in sorrow

I'm making this for you
To show you how I feel
I told you last night how I felt
And it felt like a weight was taken off me
Maybe I'm doing this for me
To help me deal with you
Not in a bad way
God you're so perfect
Welcome to your blog

You know that moment when you realize everything is just one big ******* joke
We make promises, we declare love, we fight and we lose..
But when will we break from this cycle and create change
Or is change just a strain of hope that falls from the violet and silent universe
Will I ever get you out of my head
Did you move on
And what's next?
What would you want next in life when everything will be ripped away in the end
Relationships fail, people lie, and death fills the air
What could be next?
Maybe a small connection will ignite the strain of hope and bring light back
Maybe you'll mean nothing to me some day
But why wait for something that will never happen.

I can't

think
breathe
live
love

when it comes to you
it all must end
please let me go
My soul cant detach

Am I having an out of body experience?
I don't know what's happening
I think I remember what happened
God I shouldn't have taken so much
Why do I dance on life like this
Will I be okay?
I hope not
Are you okay
By now, probably
Sometimes I remember you
And I miss you
I still hate you with all of my heart
But do I still love you?
"You didn't use to do that"
No I didn't
How did you notice that
Something so small and invisible
You saw something in me
You noticed
I did change
You changed me
And I'll never be the same

You said it
I still can't believe you said it
You feel the same way
How did this happen
I feel like soda can being shaken and then thrown
I'm going to explode into the air
You said it
But now what
I can't do anything about it
But I could
And I want to
And that scares me
But you said it
Just one kiss
That's all I need
How bad can one kiss be
There could be nothing between us
But I hope there is
I want to feel your spark
I cant believe you said it