Nikita

Nikita Oct 2020

Let go

My wrists are limp.
Pearlescent and painful,
Imprints of rope have been
Tattooed into my skin.

I’m not one to let go.
Frantic and hopeless,
I’m a clinger.

To be seen and heard,
It’s what I deserve.

But I don’t notice.
I don’t believe I’m seen.
I don’t believe I’m heard.

So I hold on,
Hoping.
That all while I saw at the rope,
You will mend it back together.

But you’re tired,
I can see that.
I’ve seen it for a while.

I wanted to stop sawing.
I needed to let go.
I’m sorry.

Now,
You’ve cut the rope fully.
I can finally fall,
Free.

#love #breakup #relationship #heartbreak #sorry

Nikita Oct 2020

Cookie Cutter

Pull me
Push me
Force me
And trap me

Build me
Create me
Destroy me
Lie to me

Wrap me
Seal me
Deliver me
And ship me

No matter how much
You try

No matter how much
It hurts

I will escape

Categories, labels and boxes. Don’t stifle who I am. I am not a women to be silenced.

#trap #hurt #package #box #create #creative #think #idea #idealism #expect

Nikita Sep 2020

She’ll **** Me

When I grew up. I thought that to be respected, I needed to be strong. As hard as nails.

I believed that aggression was my friend, a friend that protected me from men.

Aggression was never a friend, just a women desperate for control. Over time she became a cancer, eating away at my sanity.

She brought chaos and raged storms when she was unsure of what to do.

When she is calm, she draws me detailed pictures of suicide and sings me sweet songs of deceit.

If only setting her free was something I was strong enough to do.

#aggression #anger #hate #tumor #cancer #patience #emotion #respect

Nikita Sep 2020

Shame

To write of love
Is to be naked
To be seen

To be open
And vulnerable
It is terrifying

#love #vulnerable #terrifying #naked #seen #open #insecure

Nikita Aug 2020

Sinister Cinema

Ice crawls across the window pane,
As I sigh,
The warmth of my breath
Creates a cloud of whiskey stained air.

Outside, the wind screams.
It howls like a dog,
Desperate to be let in.
Desperate to escape the cold.

With a flash of light,
Howling turns to yelling
And the knocks of the wind
Suddenly turn into
Knocks of a fist against a drywall.

Thud. Crash.
Grab your popcorn.
The sounds of a storm,
Have pressed play.

Once again,
I’m taken back to a time
Where the storm is caused by a man
Not the sky.

PTSD in poetry

#ptsd #trauma #wind #storm #scared #hard #sad #love #abuse #poem

Nikita Jul 2020

Imprint

It’s been two months
Two months
Since I
Heard your screams
Wiped your tears
Held you close
Two months
Since I gave you
Up

You begged
You pleaded
I had no choice
She’s your mother
I’m sorry

#abuse #teacher #sorry #apologies #family #mother #sad #poem #poetry

Nikita Jun 2020

Odd.

Oh hello.
What’s your name?
That’s nice. Do you sing?
No kidding.
Oh me? Not me.
My voice shrills and kills until it...
Sorry. Did I just-?
Never mind. Yeah, okay.
I’d love that.
See you next weekend?
Great. Wait...
Before you go-?
Can you promise?
You do? Oh, you do.
It’s just- It’s just that I find it...
Great. Amazing. Wonderful.
Have fun- With her. Yeah.
Cool. Later.

A conversation in a time, space and with characters of your own creation. Feel free to reinvent the story until it makes sense to you.

#dialogue #talk #love #stranger #awkward #poem #strange #odd