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Akemi Oct 2013
It’s open window
It’s closed
Running circles into old sheets
Once was something worth knowing
I’m dreaming old pains
Aged misery with replays
Of people I once knew
Losing nights, losing sleep
It’s all too real for my head
Painted memories on a canvas
Agony plays pretend
And I’m thinking too much
Wandering mind loses touch
With everyone
Claiming once was, once loved
I’m chasing echoes
Tailing happiness
When will I catch up?
I’m too scared to start this flame
I’m remembering
All the times I burned, hands hurt, stomach stirs
I’d rather chase shades
Than face a hope so easily snuffed
It’s almost enough
Almost
Those bedside talks ain’t coming back
The rattle of bone chilled teeth
Those winter nights
Breath and fog, we were
Dawn’s kissing sun
You breathed a life into me
Blossomed colours, set a fire with every retreat
I don’t think
My heart can take it
11:23pm, June 15th 2012

The only person who could make my heart burst, seven years later.

Inspired by: http://pianosbecometheteeth.bandcamp.com/album/the-lack-long-after
Akemi Oct 2013
Dearly beloved
A thousand strides
Will make flesh into dust
Before the altar arrives

I will wear you through
Before time can etch
A laugh line from your smile
Forever transient
11:56pm, August 20th 2013

Inspired by: http://caspiantheband.bandcamp.com/track/long-the-desert-mile
Akemi Oct 2013
Roiling earth
Black dirt and broken roots
Rise
Fingers pointed to the skies

Shiver decay
Mote breath, mottled stretch
Come a marching
Through the static haze

Flesh and ache and waste
Wake after wake
Flesh and ache and pain
Day after day
Carrion stay
Carrion remain

They will walk the earth
And nothing will be

First the spires will fall
To the blackout seas
Then the houses will board
Starved to plaster bones
Next the chatter will die
From the pallid air
Then the blisters will burst
From the crust of the world

They will walk the earth
And nothing will be
They will walk the earth
And nothing will be for worse
12:51pm, October 12th 2013

The dead will rise from their sleep and be ruled by lust, greed and gluttony. They will cause mass extinctions, they will cause millions to perish. They will be without understanding, they will be vacant automatons; feasting and feasting and feasting--flesh and ache and waste. They will destroy themselves in their haste, over and over again.

Wait did I say the dead? I meant humans, woops.

Inspired by: http://genghistron.bandcamp.com/album/board-up-the-house
Akemi Oct 2013
Your neo-soul
With all its bright
Lies atop a hungry corpse
Starved in death
Starved in life
6:19pm, September 30th 2013

This new me
Pretends to be good
But it’s a mere skin
Over a bleeding frame
That has been screaming
"I f*cking want"
Since conception

But I will starve him out.
Akemi Oct 2013
Chapter 1

There was a woman. The cost to love her was your life. No other payment but a sending off, a revolver cocked to your temple’s side.
There was no spite in your death, just business.
Hell of a business to run.

I was protecting someone. Never been one to stick around, but this drag had carried for the past year. That gang-owned joint lay but two doors and a cold alley away. Popular place, maybe not the classiest but it had its patrons. Packed with your essentials: pool tables, dirt-licked walls and chairs, mean folk mixed in with the nice. Old fashioned joint with a history. You could almost feel it when you walked in. That small pressure when it’s about to rain? Felt like that had been building up for a decade there.
Some Madonna owned it. Names elude me, but she was just another front; as was the barkeep, the hired bouncers and those mean-eyed slingers that spoke loud in company, silent alone. Heh, almost like an old-fashioned saloon. Who the hell am I in this tale of cowboys and crooks?
I was holed up in that apartment block for the winter. Stiff drapes covering a stiff cold that seeped through the cracks anyway. Cold chills to wake to, and the whiskey don’t warm a **** thing. Maybe it was the ache of a past flame that led me to her. That old touch had languished and misted away in the night of some long dead memory, leaving an old kiss from a young lover on my shivering body. It grew faint with every year’s passing. I struggle to remember this keepsake.
Every night.
I was a no name protector protecting a no name ghost of a man. Yeah we knew each other. I’m no stranger to keep past talking terms . . . but, hell if I remember his name, how we got into this **** situation and why. Mind’s a little off. Been like that for years.

It was a stumble through the wrong door at the wrong time. Some spiteful voices in the back of the joint or the back of my mind telling me I’m headed for hell and ain’t coming back. See, every day is a crossroad, and I happened upon the worst one yet.
I remember that flaking paint; grime-covered white on a moulding door **** near off its hinges. That suited me, and I hated it. Maybe I grew sick of wandering the same way and turned my life on its spinning head. Spun me all the ways I couldn’t face. Saw a glimmer that fate had readied for me. Don’t think I’ve looked at anything with such eyes since; nor have they looked back at me.
The room was a cramped, dilapidated hellhole like every other room, but with her laying on that bed of hers . . . she was the only clean thing in the whole of this cursed city. Save, she wasn’t clean. No such thing exists; no such thing as clean since your adolescent innocence, and even that went up in flames. Hell, in a city like this I wouldn’t be surprised if the skeletons we kept so tightly locked in our closets outnumbered us ten to one.
Should have remembered that when I saw her, but my mind lay a blank canvas and I couldn’t help but fill it with all the details of this pretty bird. Even those that weren’t there.
No Name yanked me out quick. Never seen him so pale, ghosting further and further from a human being. He’d been running so long I don’t think he even knew what he was running from anymore. His past? Some cop chase from years back, ending with blood stains and shaky hands? A dead kid in the arms of a suicidal wife? Maybe he’s running from himself. Fear in the capacity we contain, and fear in the ways we unleash it around loved ones. I don’t blame him for running. If I was a worse man I’d run from him as well.
Now No Name has it all figured out, even if he won’t let on; and that bird in there ain’t part of the plan. Cash cash, first train out to some no name city for this no name man. In this together, he keeps repeating, like some broke down record player that only plays one song. Well I guess we share more similarities than I’d like to think so.

One night, about a month after settling in that old apartment, I hear raised voices. Not uncommon, but something about this still night woke some fear inside me. A fear I needed to meet with my eyes, a score to settle with myself. Sounded like some ******* outside was hoping to bring down the sky with volume alone. No type of gentleman, just a no ***** kid who doesn’t know the difference between command and screaming like a babe.
One gets you respect. Now, the other. . . .
I open those stiff drapes with stiffer fingers. Brush that layer of frozen breath and mist to find some mid-twenty good for nothing punk holding a struggling figure. The apartment ain’t exactly ground floor but even up here I can spot the difference between a gent and a sally. Some broad was in trouble.
Grab that six shooter, old man. The holster smooth from years of wear, small frays on the weathered jacket rubbing against goose-pricked skin. Comfort clothing that never really brings comfort. Not anymore. Guess I’m as bad as No Name. I’m just repeating routine.
Out the hall, no doors left in this apartment block. Stolen, broken, ain’t exactly your family fun lifestyle we’re living. No Name’s holed up in this fortress of upturned furniture and dresser-barred doorways. Lights flicker from between the cracks. The devil ain’t gonna bother with the door, I tell him. He doesn’t reply. Maybe he’s a religious man with one too many sins above his head.
There’s another yell and I feel my blood rise, hairs picking up static, a storm brewing inside that clenched stomach of mine. Take a tumble down the stairs in my haste. **** crooked balsa wood. Those stairs are gonna end me one day, I swear.
Ground floor. I slam that kitchen door and it cracks against the brick wall outside. ****. No Name’s gonna burst an artery. Call out for that ******* punk but he’s already eyeing me up. Only a few steps away and I can see the white in his eyes. No . . . those are his pupils. Wide, all cloud-like, he’s ******* dusted up. . . . Almost like looking into the past. Thrice-cursed ****. I’m in trouble.
This ain’t some lover’s quarrel, some twisted ****’s thought of a good way to end the night. This is a dusthead addict and I’m out of my league. His mid-snarl distorts and stretches past his cheeks and that devil grin sends an electric jolt from the wires of my brain to my heart.
This six shooter is as good as a pea gun against a Smiley.
He’s spouting some glossolalia drifts, layering it like an abominable duet. The coked-up boy in me yearns to understand again, but stiff joints and washed-out dreams have made me a cynic. Ain’t no beauty when you’re tearing things apart to see it. ******* Smiley’s on the edge and he’s ready to pounce right off. If that broad’s sobbing didn’t **** at those heart strings of mine I’d be running for my ******* life.
I lift that pea shooter and aim it straight at that devil smile.
He howls. Glass shatters from above. Some black monstrous thing comes speeding at me. I leap through that apartment doorway in time to see ******* Smiley consumed by it. All sharp, all solid that beast slams into Smiley, screaming loud enough to wake this dead city twice over. Smiley thrashes, he splays out to the ground, the beast’s seared flesh erupting in front of me. A piece slices past my cheek and I’m on the ground in tears. I hear No Name scream an incomprehensible curse above. I’m bawling now. Through my tears I spot that chunk of flesh. ******* balsa wood. Thrice-cursed balsa wood.
No Name had thrown a piano out that barricaded window of his. Tears of pure comedy, that’s what left my face. A Smiley taken out by No Name, I’ll never live this down. His mangled body lies under polished wood. Someone’s yearly worth gone in a second of frantic panic, reduced to twisted wires and cracked ivory. To see something so beautiful destroyed in seconds makes me wonder if the Smiley had gotten the better of us after all.
That broad’s in shock. Splinters covered every inch of ground save that around her; looked like a comet, trailing emptiness behind.  Should have noticed it then that something wasn’t right with that scene. Perfectly unscathed beauty sitting there with not a single scratch nor splinter on her, but I was too **** amazed I was alive. Knelt close to her and caught a whiff of some exotic scent on her skin. Some flower. Saw her face and it added another colour to that filling canvas of mine. This pretty bird from the joint. The one men died for. At least No Name had saved one life worth saving, funny it happened to be the one who could take yours in a night.
Names elude me, but the way I remember her . . . the way I remember her is Blossom, for when she came into my life she gave colours to my black and white memory, colours I didn’t know existed, and my black and white morals took a turn down some dawning grey-blurred alley.
So I’m a ******* gentleman and I walk Blossom home while No Name shifts furniture above us. Scrapes of hard wood against wood, filling that void in his once impenetrable bastion. I told you No Name’s got it all planned out already. Guess I’m just here for the ride.
Welcome to the paranormal neo-noir gangster world of Devil Smiles.
Akemi Oct 2013
This sore saviour keeps a straight-faced stare
Lips pressed tight, tongue wedged in teeth
While watching indolence twist in haste
To reach the next refuge

Revulsion that we two symbols share
That same motion-sickness fear
One of action, the other of consequence
Or lack thereof; without / within
12:16am, October 5th 2013

People are so selfish and childish. I thought if I went to uni I would finally find others who were motivated, driven; who wanted to change the world, fix it; but I just see the same directionless children that we were meant to have left behind after high school. Maybe I've just become jaded . . .
or maybe most people never truly change. Maybe they truly do want to stay ignorant, to everything but their immediate surroundings. I just get so angry and so heartbroken, that even if people know their actions indirectly harm others, they won't care as long as it doesn't harm them. They think the lack of a direct connection lessens their own involvement. Or they think it's a part of life--that some suffer, and since we are not those people we should make the most of what we have.
No. Life is about happiness, but that does NOT mean just your own. If I'm going to be anything in life, I want to know I've increased more than my own happiness. More than the happiness of those in my immediate surroundings.
I just don't know how to change people's perspectives. I feel like my words will have no effect. Dismissed as another activist, freeloader; outgrouped and stereotyped without another thought. As much as activists are derided for being more emotional than rational, I see few of those critics giving rational responses. Once I hated people, then I tried to change them; now, I don't know what to do.
Akemi Sep 2013
Death lies at a bottomless cliff
Gorging the valley till the earth splits
And marrow spills through black haze chatter
Between bones of ancestral desires

His voice came through to me one night
A wisp that seeped past glass and flesh
To trickle deprecation
And lay my fitful mind to rest

"All you are, all you to blame
No innocence
You gorge yourself to death

All you are, all you to blame
No innocence
Where men exist"
11:35pm, September 28th 2013

Take responsibility for the hurt you deal.
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