Time was sweeping me off my feet
I knew I was never going to touch you again
So I held a war against time
How to ask time to understand me, to slow down, because a whole day wasn't enough in your arms?
You only know the value of a moment when you know that it will die.
I am jealous of my memories
They still hold you, laugh with you, smell you, ride with you, tell you they love you, feel you looking at them
Time was never enough
And maybe it would have never been.



- LynnAA

...
No small football fields near us anymore.
No 2a.m. talks, lying on the grass, talking about the arabic language and listening to Alt-J's new releases, or Milky Chance's Blossom or Bruno Mars' That's What I Like.
No more passionate kisses as a stranger watches us, wishing he was you and I was on top of him.
...
Sometimes life belongs to us for momentary moments only.
And I'm happy that not so long ago, it belonged to me - once again.
...
And yes, nothing lasts, but if we can lie in new sheets again, or go on long car rides or ride your bike nowhere or meet for breakfast after you entice people's dilated pupils; if we could find our new bed of grass again with our same old music, we could make life belong to us again.
...
Meet me half way, D.



- LynnAA

Only then did I know that she could have been the one holding my secrets, that she could have helped me or at least listened - knowing that she didn't need any more secrets for her cancer to feed on.



- LynnAA

I take the decision to part from things that have never been a part of me



- LynnAA

Is it about giving up, not feeling anymore, never having felt or just going with the flow?



- LynnAA

I'll draw a Poppy on my back and leave you to linger there, in oblivion, where you belong.
You have been a smile.
You have been love.
You have been tears of sadness mingled with happiness.
You have been too many injections of *****.
You have been seasonal - Spring.
You have been intensely red with all the barriers you made me cross.
You have been wilderness.
When I'll look at myself in the mirror,
I'll look like love,
I'll look like Spring,
I'll look like adventures and wilderness,
I'll look like ***** and Poppies,
I'll look like you.
I'll retrieve you from my oblivion and I'll smile at the thought of you who have always existed in the back of my head
Not only because I love you, but because you were, for once in my life, a symbol of truth.
But today, I'll let you go.
...



- LynnAA

And the race continues, gloriously.


- LynnAA

Sometimes I wish I can miss her more than I do.



- LynnAA

Take care of the woman in you so she can take care of you.



- LynnAA

I unconsciously go there, hoping you'll pass by and you'll recognize me and I'll recognize you
We'll look at each other, lose control of the gear, lose our presence on the road, lose all focus and win a chance for death
But in each others' eyes we have already leapt into death, for you must go on and I must go on, silently
the same way we said goodbye
Because stopping the car and running to hug each other will only lead us to more death
because what comes after death, now that we are already dead?



- LynnAA

I wear my night gown and go to sleep.
You were already sleeping with the moonlight leaking in, shading your traits.
I kiss your forehead and tuck myself under the sheets.
The next morning I wake up and it wasn't you sleeping next to me.



- LynnAA

A presence can be so strong that when it goes you don't feel its absence.



- LynnAA



I love you
I miss you

... My name can't protect you from each other anymore.



- LynnAA

You and I are bigger than my madness
We are more important than the should have's and should have not's
We are more important than my choosing to leave
We are more important than your silence
We are bigger than our own selves
We are a mistake
We are a reason
We are a reaction
We are an eruption
We are chaos created by order
We are a once in a lifetime
We are memories
We are lessons
You and I together, are nothing
You and I together, are everything
Today, no matter what we do, my soul and yours have marked their meeting in the history of the universe.



- LynnAA

I miss you.
Sometimes it's like that.
I do believe in the goodness in your heart, the care you held me in, the look that insisted ever so intensely that you love me
But love, we were only an experience.
I was supposed to come
I was supposed to go
And sometime, I miss you



- LynnAA

All that is blind, bites*.



- LynnAA

I am mad at you
For loving me so dearly
For allowing me to leave the way I left
For travelling a week later and not fulfilling your promise of seeing me
For not wanting to see me, thinking I didn't want to, you stupid fool
For coming back and not getting me back a nice little gift, something of you that would actually stay
For calling me on my birthday, talking to me in such a fake ease, convincing yourself that we are okay
But actually, we weren't talking to each other
I am mad at you for being ******* me even when I left
I am mad at you, because you don't break for the ones you love
Because you are one immense coward, running back to the arms that have been taking you back all these years after each one of your mistakes
Because you knew, with me, you had everything to lose
I am mad at you because if I decide to tell you all of this today, you wouldn't listen, you wouldn't understand
I am mad at you, for allowing me in, when my face should have been away from your fading memories of me



- LynnAA

I stop wearing all of the bracelets that remind me of you
I forget my favourite necklaces and I get accustomed to their absence
I wear a different perfume than the ones you loved
But sometimes I do still wear those bracelets that remind me of her
And I still go near his house whenever I get the chance to
Sometimes I even wear the scarf and the rings
And sometimes I still cry whenever I reach ecstacy
I sometimes still allow my mind to eat me up
Sometimes I let myself be extremely fragile to thoughts of you
And I remember almost everything
And I wear whatever brings me close to you
And I take off whatever I've set myself free from
But we are all susceptible to what was once a drug
We can all fall back into our past
And it's okay
Break down and cry
Yell out loud that you miss him
See his face when you touch yourself
Remember him till his face eats you up, alive
Do that
Do all of that
Then take a deep breath
And remember
At the end of the day, you only have yourself
Take care of your lovely self
Don't destroy yourself
Don't destroy your home



- LynnAA

An ode
An ode to a girl,
Who fought, who broke, who lit fires, who went on
Who embraced old and new
Fear and courage
Mind and heart
Love and the lack of it
Forgiveness and kindness
An ode to a girl who wanted to discover the world
Who was contained in boxes and shapes
But she was curious
Her hands weren't hers
Her eyes weren't hers
Her hair, her nostrils, her lungs, her *******
Her mind wasn't hers
Her feelings weren't hers
Even her heart wasn't hers
What could be hers?
What can she be with all that she doesn't have?
She had to know
She had to be
So she left to where she only knows
She broke her box with all that she doesn't have to find what she can have
This is an ode
An ode to girl
Who went for the search of herself and haven't come back yet
This is an ode, a music, a chant
To follow that ******* her journey and be her tune until she comes back unrecognisable but true to herself



- LynnAA