Back and forth
And back again,
In and out you go;
There you were,
Now here you are,
No place too close
Nowhere too far,
An endless loop
Of your indecision
Leaves me dizzy
From all this spinning.

I run as fast as I can--
From myself,
From my anxiety,
From my depression,
From the voices,
From the guilt,
From you.
Yet every corner I turn,
There are the feelings--
Of self-deprecation,
Of fear,
Of apathy,
Of frustration,
Of judgement,
Of my heart breaking.
When I finally let go,
There you are
And when you're gone
There come the rest.
I am caught in a web
With more predators than prey,
And I am ripped into pieces
That will never satiate them,
Nor you--especially you.

You always called me your Queen
And said you would be my King
But in the end, I was just the Joker;
I suppose that makes you the Jack-***,
So please kiss my Ace goodbye.

I am disgusted with myself
For inexplicably catching feelings
For someone I would never
Logically fall so hard for.
I must have left my heart open
And vulnerable and I'm sorry.
I hereby demand you leave my heart,
This is your eviction notice,
You have twenty four hours
To pack up and go and don't forget
To leave the key behind.

Please.

I'm begging.

This makes so little sense,
It is utterly maddening.
How could this happen to me?