Silence is all i wanted
Or so i thought
But now that i finally have silence
All i want is to hear your voice
Silence
...

Why cant you just understand?
Why do i have to say it out loud ?
Why must u hear the words with you ears ?
Listen to the screams and tears of my soul .
Listen to my silence . Hear it . I beg you . Hear it
Please just hear it

~

The colours of my soul i am yet to find
This is the journal i have signed
       Up for
I need to know
So i will be able to grow
The colours of my soul i am yet to find
Is it dark, as a stormy night
Is it bright, as the day light
The colours of my soul i am yet to find
Is it in ma heart or in my brains
So i wonder when i stare out the window when it rains
The colours of my soul i am yet to find
Maybe all this time i was blind
Tells me my mind
Maybe my soul has no colours
Maybe i have no soul

~

And at one point when i said ' I Love you' you thought i was acting
Little did you know you were my obsession and passion
So if i was acting it would be a never ending movie with a permanent casting

~~

Selfishness is hated by all
I think to myself as the night crawls in
But i want you to be selfish when it comes to me
As i rest my head on my knees
I want to be owned by you only      
But you walk pass by me with her in your arm and leave me here lonely

~

My world is falling apart
This is all to hard
I can barely breath
Please god bring me some ease
I want this whole world to freeze
So i can put my world back together
And life becomes light as a white feather
I can only wish for that
But until then the colours of ma soul will stay matt

~

You can continue to love somone even after they have hurt you deeply.
But deep inside of yourself you know that things will never be the same again , at some point your going to have to leave this person . When is the right time?  You will never know . You just have to walk to the edge of it all and Jump, learning to grow back the wings you once had.

Now in the darkest nights when i think about it
He was never mine
but he never was hers too.
He only belonged to his desires and anyone and everyone who was willing to fulfill them

How do i say good bye ? When am yet not ready to let you go .
How do i say good bye ? When my heart hasnt realized that your about to be gone .
How do i say good bye ? When i still have so much to say to you .
My hello to you hasnt even finished and the good bye is already knocking on the door .
Why must live be like this ?

~~

You have never loved a woman like me for
You have never met a woman like me .

I have consumed you entirely . The love you have for me wrecks from within your aura .

The planque of your tongue still quivers for me and nothing will ever quinch that thirst .

Every woman after me is a bland taste of dirt to you . Yet u still choose to look through the dirt even after you struck gold .

Z.h

This new guy
He really loves her
She loves him too
She just doesnt trust herself anymore
So she doesnt give it her all
And slowly lets it all fall

apart ....

I dont like saying things out loud
No, not because i am too proud
You should have heard the screams of my soul just like you vowed .
Saying things out loud makes them so real , do you understand how i feel ?
But you still keep asking me whats the deal .
My words are stuck in my throat
Just come and here and look at what i wrote .
Saying things out loud makes them real , it gives it mass and solidity and that is the scariest thought to me from them all

~

I try everyday to forget him
But he keeps creeping back into my head
I try everyday to hate him
But his warmth fills my heart
I try everday to let go of him
But he is tattooed into my soul
I try
And i try
but its not working
I try and i try but his memories aren't going away .
He leaves me here , in the dark, heart broken .

U know where this well lead you
You can feel it in your Bones
This feeling is not new
You have felt this before
last time u didnt want to listen
And ended up into pieces
Be smart little girl
Be wiser than this
But still you wont let go of this temporary bliss

Maybe someday everything will fall into its place and finally i will understand gods plan .

All the promises you made to me
Today you vowed to her
My vision now is just a blur
I didnt land on soft fur
I never expected this to occur
Here i sit at the beach looking at the waves getting drunk on orange liqueur.

~~

There is an Ocean of Words dwelling inside of me

   But i Smile in Silence

He consumes me
How did this happen ?
He consumes me
When did this happen ?
He consumes me
My All day and all night
He consumes me
How do i make this stop
He consumes me
I  am no longer me

With the Calm that you carry in your eyes , none understands the Storm in your Soul

If i showed you my teardrops,
Would you follow their track
From me eyes down my cheeks.
Would you hold my face gently,
As you dry both my eyes,
And whisper the words,
" You are to precious to cry"

To me your not just a drop in the ocean ,
You are the whole Ocean in a drop to me !

Do you hear that sound ?
         neither do i ?
what does that mean
      ~

If I  ever leave you

Its because

i miss me

There i was again ,
At the bottom , i was looking for a light. Anyone? Is anyone here that could help me ? Its dark and lonely here . I can baerly breath . But there was this voice in ma head . She has been there for a long time . I dont know if i can trust her . She keeps whispering to me : "This is rock bottom , noone but you can save you now".

Pain doesnt always alienate you

Sometimes,

It will shape you into a Worrior


~

You saw a Museum in me , where I saw only empty hallways

I stood still
as
numbness filled my Soul ~

Dear Lord,
Lord of mine but yet for all
I seek for him, yet he wants it all
God forbid, if I predict  yet to know
What's there to get

If he's mine, then give me all
But if not, then let him gone

Help me stand above the ground
stand & still
If he's to will, letting go of my soul
Such a shame, i wanted it all

Hopes are high , do want to cry
Tears of joy, forever to thrive
Beyond the seas , if he's to seek
Will be there , till death discrete

Just to say, i wont forget
All the shades, we might regret
grace will always be the head
Of the love that we have shed

Respect will be the word for him
Yet to be grown within
With all th facts i have seen in him
I know you won't be unpleasand with him

The worst is over
But why do i still feel like this ?
I counted the days for you to vow infront of god to love her for forever
Now that the day has come
My world is cold and bitter

I saw you ,
I see you,
I am seeing you,
I will see you ,
Ill always see only you

You are going to be alright sweet soul ,
keep fighting

How are you so many things to me and yet, nothing