on bare feet
treading light footprints
following the beat
of the rush
from ocean waves
to adopt seashells
as she paves
a path sideways
towards the sea
dipping her feet
letting things be
letting wind blow
her hair messy
she gives out
and finally smiles
as if there
is no tomorrow

to be honest
i'm really really scared of physical pain
but i really really want to die
it's like my mind is wrapped with chain
for the pain is too horrifying
and if i don't die from dying
the sight would be too revolting
so i guess
nevermind. i just can't die.

I know you're tired.





But I am too.

i lie on my bed;
my body tucked tight in my blanket.
a bit messed up in the head;
always staring up at the ceiling.
and my thoughts drift
to how people are enjoying life;
as i shift
my position inside the bundle of blankets.
i stare at the four boring walls;
every detail memorized,
ignoring my friends' calls
to go out and hang out.

i looked over at my parents
all their gaze on that laptop
listening to that stupid course
while i eavesdrop

the course is about
how to handle teenagers
and all i could do was
do what teenagers
do- ignore.

i tried my best to not laugh-
i mean after all-
they made the effort to try
but i don't recall
them treating me the way
the talk taught them to-

and all i can do is just
cope with all the
disappointment
without saying huh

because i'm confused-
i'm trying my best
but i'll never be enough for you :)

can i die now...?

the clock ticks and ticks
it's 12am right now-
a time where my icks
are nonexistent as i dive
into my deep thoughts
i feel kinda alive
but also half dead with exhaustion
with my study materials sitting
on my desk.
my brows are furrowed;
my lips are pressed;
it's a never ending cycle.
one that is vicious.