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jude rigor Oct 2017
evil wine speak
you look so pretty in every color
god you're so old
and i so young

empty bottle basement
child's home, fate
is tiny hands

bodies blend
to time and
silhouttes

let me lead you home
i am guilty but i am writing
jude rigor Jan 2023
we don’t hold hands
but it’s okay
i build back my
own heart to not
burden you with
expectations

i rear-end an old man
on the way to your house
my heart keeps beating
even when the car turns
off and when i look at you
it doesn’t stop stuttering

i’m so wound tight
but the hours grow softly
into one another until i have
to remind myself to wind up again:
i need to leave, so i shroud
myself in a satin second skin
perfect for saying good
bye

i drive away
we didn’t kiss
that’s okay
there are no
expectations

my gut twists
painfully as i’ve
always wished i
could be more
bold

i sleep fast
caught between
two mountainsides
and there’s no time
to ask myself when
it’ll all end
jude rigor Sep 2019
spine tingles
and cracks
a Goddess
somewhere
finds me in
a crystal ball

i howl at the
empty sky
hoarse scream
into a single
star

some meaning
must come of
all this

or i'll just be
a yowling
ragged
cat
in the yard.
working on my word flow and word choice specifically. might edit soon.
jude rigor Apr 2014
no
one
cares
unless
you've
got that
gun right
up against
your skull.





**(c) 2014 jude rigor
something from a while ago.
jude rigor Jul 2017
three hours pass
i am waiting for you
parked car in a pool of
yellow-longing light:
black cat treks across the
lot, i want you to be done,
want my coffee to be cool.

besides you i think
gas station coffee
is my long lost
love
jude rigor Aug 2017
i come from a city of sleeping
ghosts that do not remember
where they were born: i keep
raw honey in the attic of my
mother's mother's funeral
home so somehow they
will learn to be bittersweet -
i only need them when
i'm craving tea, i think i'll
die before learning to sleep
without flowers and sugar
pressed to the cave of my mouth
as a raven hiding from
man's shadow
and the
night.
jude rigor Nov 2017
forever faster slips between my fingers
rather nasty kind of wind that burrows
between us: **** your lover, not
your dreams - forever slowly drips into
the seams of what i thought would be
familiar.
rhyming aint all bad okay i've been changed
jude rigor Feb 2020
the sequence is always
lurking on the tip
of my tongue:
vintage film that
tastes like bottom
-less honey
     mead.

three eight year olds hover on the front lines,
each in their own corner of forest. an older
boy throws his rusty longsword
with a frustrated, huffling yell into the
blackwater. a summer god doused in
sun dips an ear into the stratosphere
and listens through the trees, his
presence crawling through the dirt
as he watches the three children
fight lovingly against each
other.

three cousins draw a
treaty in the mud. they’re unsure on
the details. their hunched forms
murmur against the sunset. they meet between
tree forts. they hate each other a little bit still,
though they’re not entirely sure why. the sword
of the blackwater is a rusty pipe:
sleeping in liquid tar,
tangled in seagrass.

we finish our alliance written in mud.
fingers later smell of pine smoke
and homegrown moss.

three explorers linger on over
trembling planks of crimson
wood, peering through the
docks. they seek a longsword
made of backwoods and amethyst,
dozing somewhere in the murky water.

(even now
i don’t think i
could pull it out).

valiantly
(like some kind
of fantasy novel)
we tip toe across miry sand
and velvet rockweed. (small
fish probably sleep in it now).
we give up, and every summer
i scrutinize the cloudy water:
nothing there but sunfish
and unresolved tension.

before the war we swam beneath
the crimson planks and we were
mermaids, pirates, knights - all
at once and one at a time. the
years blend together and we
hate each other in different
ways. now we’re so old (none
of us taller than the sword
still). we’re never here at
the same time anymore,
and the summer god may not
have his ear to the earth
as he did so long
ago.


i hear three eight year olds
back at the docks, voices rising
from beneath warm obsidian.
there’s yelling through a dense
thicket: we’re screaming our
heads off - (they roll into the water,
turning into fish made of sunset
and memory). some summer god
somewhere rolls over in bed.
we listen in our daydreams
for another battle cry, galumphing
through shallows and ocean shores
until we surrender, making ourselves
forget about swords and tree forts
made of earth and twine.

yet i still hear three eight year olds
howling their heads off
somewhere in the back
of my mind, arguing in
sing-song voices
over who had won
the war.
im a poetry major now :)
jude rigor Jul 2017
pomegranate tea
you forget my name as you
introduce your mother
and wait for her to leave::
                                                  :: you make sure to steep the tea
                                                     before placing it delicately between
                                                     my two, small hands. there's no
                                                     innuendo, you can tell i am nervous,
                                                     but i want to change. so you lead me
                                                     to your bedroom and turn on music,
                                                     that i still can't hear.

the *** was okay,
i was happy that you were patient.

by the time we finished,
i had the taste of tea
still in my mouth,
nothing had
changed,
and i pondered
my lack of love
as i drove away.
jude rigor Aug 2017
blind date
with my college
career, i ask them
what they plan on
doing with their
degree and i get
a shudder  and
an exorcism
all in one
breath:::
                 i'm trying my best.
jude rigor Jan 2023
i lay down
at your feet
and roll
over
like a
cowed
dog

anything you
want to take
from me is
already gone

when it hurts
it stings all
over

and i cry
because
i wish it
could start
hurting again

i can’t tell when
i’m being kicked
down

i can’t tell
anyone
how i feel

there is no magic
in waiting

there is no magic
in leaving

i sit at the door
in hopes that
someone will
walk through
and save
me.
jude rigor Aug 2017
oh, baby, i'm not suicidal anymore -
touch me with your hurt, taste me
with your fire tongue, **** me with
your sober inhibition, love me until
you can do nothing but stutter my name
as you come down from how happy you've
always wanted to be:
jude rigor Sep 2017
air is
not bitter
like me
i have
spirit
somewhere
wilting
sunflowers
full of willing
kissing wind
just for me:
i feel my longing
in each pause
every breath
of sunlight
cold morning
lukewarm coffee
steam,
air not so bitter
like me
i feel like i'm caught in a not totally awful limbo does anyone get what i mean
jude rigor Sep 2017
tired grin
    over
pink sunset
dead boy nervous
  hand tickles my aching
spine... our coffee is bitter
  and shivering,
but we are both so
happy in this second
            dragging into another:
                    i can nearly taste
                    the ability to forget
                                   in      between.
**** this is a memory of me when i was 16 waking up at 4am to make it from our somewhat nice motel in florida to disney world and drinking coffee for the first time with my dad while he chain smoked all the way there.
jude rigor Apr 2014
animal planet:
save the whales, fleshy mortal--
turn on: crucifix.






**(c) 2014 jude rigor
jude rigor Jul 2017
cranberry strings
laced into bedsheets:
mother has only
just learned to sew,
and father breathes
slowly from a snowing
world.
     sleep is different.
     i lay with a solstice
     tongue pressed to
     the roof of my waiting
     mouth
     and
     wonder
     who else
     has been resting in
     place.
jude rigor Jul 2017
grab me by the neck
**** your confessional  poem
don't write into me
this might be a joke but it also might not be. i'm rlly talking abt a specific kind of poetry guy tbh, u kno the rlly fake pretentious kind. i can be fake pretentious too but anyways. this is edgy. i apologize. i'm too gay.
jude rigor Aug 2017
grab me by the neck
**** your confessional poem
don't write into me

how sad can you be?
can't you tell i'm here too?
speak to me in bed

drip raw honey down
sweetbitterbitemarks from you
i do want the scars

we're not having ***
wild flowers on my spine
pretend. to. be. free.

maybe this is growth
i drink from my own cupped hand
shower in pink wine

not your basic *****
no more honey in my tea
i'm a gold girl, now.
so yeah
jude rigor Jul 2017
when we ****
i see stars
on your
flat base white
ceiling, screaming
out to me:
i feel loved.

we're ***** disgusting
*** on the kitchen floor
we never wait
we don't want to wait
i don't think we've ever waited

i just want to love you
all over until pomegranate
seeds appear on my altar
each day

we fall asleep
snoring
holding hands
smiling
jude rigor Nov 2017
i'm so angry
my face feels pale
empty space no art-
ist wanted to draw in

i want something
to fill this void behind
sharp teeth: vomiting
coffee grinds and blood
over my favorite novel
in a dream where my
glasses are still
broken and there's
always been wet bed
sheets, red is nothing
is smothering

oh, i want.
need pain
love leaving i've
never craved laughter
no one here is looking at me
the eyes of hungry gods are
glued to my skin tearing them
selves apart leaving me leaving me
to cope with one less layer
i think there are devils in
the clouds that haunt me.
oh, i need.

i need a cigarette
somewhere between
home and hell

taste fog water
catch a breath
push everything
down with old
blood coffee
splash water
on my face:

who the **** is that?
sometimes i have some angry dissociation episodes and i wrote this during one
jude rigor Apr 2020
i'm so angry -
my face is pale,
an empty canvas
no artist
wanted to
draw in.

i want something.
fill the void between
sharpened teeth:
vomiting
coffee grinds
and blood
into the
pages of
my favorite
novel,

i destroy myself remembering
times where my glasses were still broken.
bed sheets always stained with spelt wine
as drunk lovers stumbling into my bed -
they lean the bottle into my small hands,
keeping the mattress wet.
the red is nothing
smothering all over me.

no one is looking this way.
hungry gods play with hot glue,
pressing eyes like wrought iron
into my nerves - tearing
the ends apart to justify the means,
as if i don't know people leave when
you're down to your last layer of skin.

the world i sleep in
tastes of fog water
and i can never
catch a breath
pushing every
-thing down
with old opened
*** to drag my
self to the sink:

     i splash
water onto my
   face.

who the **** is that?
revised a two year old poem!!!!!
jude rigor Sep 2019
summer sinks
some forgotten
black polaroids
into my back
pocket

one is the sunset
though one can't tell
it looks like a home
for shadows

two is the water
a memory beneath my fingers
lingering like a ghost of
childhood i'd rather hold
onto while letting go.

three is all of us in the
moonlit night, drinking
cider to the crackle of fire
(my favorite channel)
while some part of me
curses a polaroid camera
loudly
and smiles

cliche summer poem
satiated present self
a long sweater swallows
up clumsy legs

i cling onto
the snapshots
lovingly

someone somewhere
sneezes and thinks of me
not where we should be
but content just to
remember;

softly,
        into the night
i'm trying to write one poem a day. i am a poet, though i haven't felt like one in so long. i feel like i incorporated a lot of elements from the poetry studies class i'm in right now
jude rigor Aug 2017
my mother opens her chest
and tells me god put a gun
there for when he comes back,
i protest the right to carry
outside the city lines
even though i've been
hurt too:
her wine cabinet tastes like
retribution and hope,
her red 4 days old open seal
tastes like ******* ****
20 minutes later,
when it's just me, the dog,
and a lukewarm drink.
don't put ice in wine. i've
learned this.

you know, i don't even
pick up bibles when
i'm ****** up? i cry
into tarot cards that
are vague and lack
comfort and pages
and pages
and pages
of lackluster
fake sunshine

water to wine to water again

my dad's the alcoholic,
nice ******* try,
big guy,
you're not
even speaking-
i have a dissociative
disorder, *******,
try me when i'm
feeling less real
istic.
i rarely drank, drank a lot last week, my family is full of religious zealots that border culty and it makes me sad
jude rigor Apr 2014
jesus left me a
gun under the
table.

he didn't remember
to leave a note telling
me what it's for, but
i think i'm smart
enough to put one
and two, together. (or
                        am i?):(i am).

it's about a week or so later
when momma tells me
'god ain't real' and rips
it from my hands but
they still  sh a ke     and
reach for love that isn't
there. (in the spaces. the
                    c a b i n e t s ).

: i feel self-empowered at
the thought that maybe i
put it there - memory
evades me -- ***** me                       | high
until i'm low again.                               again. |
                                 (it's all the same).

days pass and i find
it taped under my
desk but this time
with a **** note.

"to forget" it says. "from
someone who cares."

and i think
let's see if it'll actually
            hurt          so
                  mouth open
                              black berry sm ell s
                            taunt me into
                      relaxation, (am i in
                                  p a r a d i s e ):::(i think
                                                             i am).

i know it's the love wrapping
its skeleton arms around
my body when i  f a  l   l     to
                                  the
                                          floor. || everything
                                                  is silent
                                                      on this
                                                        side.






**(c) 2014 jude rigor
jude rigor Aug 2017
always another party,
you breathe in city lights
and stars until life
gives you something
i just can't ::
          confetti and
          bittersweet
          memory mold
          to a holy white
          in the gutter
           of my lungs.
           i can taste it
           when i
           breathe.

always another party
i'm inside
always
jude rigor Jul 2017
softer kind of tea
flower beds roll over tongue
winter is my home

addicted to skin
asexual in spirit
i love you so much

weight of my own thoughts
all i feel is everything
self-sabotage, art.

monday night frame-shift
there are no main characters
exist, painfully:
jude rigor Aug 2014
kiss your
dead girl
hands,
exorcist-
bringer :: and
            ch
               ok
                  e       o n
               the         soot
            the              flames
           the                  terror
            coating
                           infinity-stained lips
                                                      :: ghosts
                                                           linger       in      the
                                                                             back
                                                                                  dr
                                                                                     op.
(c) 2014 jude rigor

messed around with formatting for this one. c: i'd really love feedback on the new poems i've been uploading!
jude rigor Aug 2014
i found
that suburbian
love-seats
couldn’t hold
the kind of love
i was searching
for

and ***
between
crumbling
couch cushions
slowly became a
tedious night ritual:

mountain
ranges told
me from a
first-time-
glance that
i was worth
more than

a subtle
  "thank
     you
.”
whispered
     into the
      curve of my
            breast.

so i left home
with holes in
my pockets
and a period
of harsh
abstinence
hanging over
my chest like

a ******* sword.
(c) jude rigor 2014

thoughts? short piece i wrote this morning.
jude rigor Feb 2022
trying desperately to carve a place
out for you;                         snug
into the right side of my heart
as if you hadn't taken residence
up there so many years ago.

our memories slip
through my
fingers -
and i want my stupid, old
brain to keep them closer.

i'm torturing myself
wondering if i could
still make you smile
that soft sharp grin
kind of look
that seeps into
your tone,
indulgent and
warm and safe
all-over.

and how awful am i,
to have lived all this time
as if i could always find you
once more.

i want to call you back
so i can hear your voice again
and i swear i'll never listen
to another sound.

       please don't go.
for all i've wanted is to hold your hand.
you look so lovely in any color, i could
lose myself in your eyes if only you
turn around this
one time.

please god.
make me a necromancer.
i'll live and sleep in the dirt
wearing blood and soot as gloves,
ear-to-the-ground
forever listening
for that pin to drop:
spades
on hand for
the moment
your fingers stretch
out to seek mine;

i'll catch them this time.
         in catacombs
                       or in polished
                              american cemeteries:

                         i'll wait for
                         you.
jude rigor Mar 2022
laying your head in my lap
the way you always wanted to
looking up at me

as our eyes meet
for a few moments
dark oak swirling
with words we're
too nervous to
say out loud

seconds pass and
we can't take it
anymore

you roll-over
onto the bed
and i hunch
into myself

we can't stop laughing
making spiderman jokes
sneaking glances through
the night til our hands
intertwine without
meaning to
both wishing
we would
have kissed

i'm living all the way up here now
the mountains trail down to your
old suburban home

you're not here
not in my lap
staring up at me

brown
and blue
against one
another

her eyes
laughing
and twisting
until they've
faded away

i miss you
but the phone
won't even
ring
writing this made me cry lololol. why did she have to die? why her? i wish i could go back in time and kiss her. i'm not in love with her anymore after all these years but i never stopped loving her?? i don't know if that makes sense. i need to edit this and probably scrap it all together idk. i just. i'm laying in bed alone with my cat and i'm wishing we did all the things we said we were going to do. i just want to hold her hand and tell her that i wish she was here
jude rigor Apr 18
that
rot
ten
***
ger in
my
    g  ut
         .
jude rigor Dec 2017
i can't trust a man
whose teeth hide
beneath his skin
frowning before
his own lungs

maybe i'm just
touchy

stay there,
try to smile,
let me slip
away into
it all
honestly *** is this i found it in my drafts well here u go
jude rigor Feb 2020
I am from a hungry sun unsated
from sewer smoke and old trees
I am an eviction notice swept
into yesterday’s trash.
(but it’s okay,
      nothing lasts forever:
everything is changing
         and the sidewalk tastes
                   of past lives.)
I am from burnt coral pine needles -
dug into the soil
clawing, rooting into
ageless thighs
forever in a dream
an old static VCR loop
where we stayed
forever by
the lake.

I am from old
new farms,
(quiet ghosts
     weeping in the
rafters,
    and
   family  photos)
attic-squatting:
never coming
home.

peeling paint
trembling apartments
creaking floors
dirt driveways
sparkling water
couch made of wine stains
home made of humans
forest of suns -
   (there are faces
    in-between,
    blurred photographs
    and burning meteors
    in a shoebox
    made of steel.
    I keep it this way,
    so we’re always
    together.)
jude rigor Mar 2022
i started this poem
when i was
nearly 23
i'm 24 now
almost 25
but i still feel
like a child.

19
trying drugs,
loving the man
who would **** me.
and i'd forgive him
take him back into my arms
let him touch me anywhere
just to feel something.
afterward
he smokes
and smokes
and smokes
apologizing
through a haze
of drugs and
shame. he spoke
useless fragile
words and i drank
them up eagerly.
they tasted like
whiskey,
valerian,
and ice.

when i'm 20
i find a therapist.
no more drugs;
still loving him.
i slide a new slate
across the kitchen
table just for him.
but it's cracking
as his fingers
pick it up,
shattering in
place. he moves
from stone
to skin. rips
and tears
until i'm
finally
split
too.

21
still in therapy,
i tell him
it's okay
that he
cheated
because
it was
all
about
the drugs:
not me.
but when i
tell him how
much it hurts
he says
maybe you
should work on that
in therapy.
i lean into
his side
but being
near him
never quite
feels the
same and
i ache for
comforting
sin.

i'm 22 when i find out
that being pressured
into *** after
saying no twice
isn't consensual
and he's not
round anymore
but at night
i hold my breath
terrified that he'll
appear. in my
dreams there
are flash
backs lying
in wait, even
though i've
begged for
some dream
less sleep.

when i'm 23
my third or fourth
therapist
tells me
she's sorry that
i had to go through
it all. and she listens
as i fade away and keeps
listening until i
can feel the earth
at my feet
once more.
she's a good
sort. i'm sad
when she
moves.

24 creeps
upon me
like a scratchy
sweater. i want to
shrug it off of my
shoulders, but it's
too cold. i'm no
longer the things
that happened
to me in that
darkening room,
and at twilight
most nights
i no longer find
myself thinking of
him.

i feel so old.
my bones always
hurt, the cat's food
is so expensive, and
i always have chicken
in the freezer. but
i can't bring myself
to eat. the medications
keep the ache at bay
but i feel it waiting.
at least my cat always
purrs when i feed him.
makes me feel
a little
loved.

my chance to grow
got pushed back a
few years
and i probably grew
anyways, unknowingly
pushing back against
invisible walls waiting
for one to finally give.

i hate that i'm here
trapped in adolescence
i hate that i'm still
writing about him
about what happened
and how much it still
hurts me.

maybe when i'm 25
i'll try to edit
this poem.
i found this unfinished poem and decided to re-write it. it's a lot. i tried to tag trigger warnings so i hope this didn't make anyone upset. i should edit this one day. [tw: sa] = [trigger warning: ****** assaul t]
jude rigor Apr 2022
you hold my hand under the
yellow light of a baptist church
praying to no god:
narcotics anonymous.

you introduce me but it doesn't feel like i'm yours
our clasped hands break apart as
a fifth marlbolo black slips
between your lips.

murmured conversations
secret promises
drift back and forth:
and my apparition
waits in the tepid
night.

i shift back and forth
through the golden amber haze: i could
lean back into the dim scraps of pavement
and no one would notice a thing.
this is going to be a series of poetic memoirs about an abusive relationship i was in a few years ago. i'll have tw in tags but it's mostly the occasional reference to SA and stuff like that.

also idk why but re-reading i just imagine someone with five cigs in their mouth at once LOL
jude rigor Apr 2022
your friends pity me
i see it in their eyes
but pretend it's
not there

you bring me along regardless
holding hands under the table
laughing alongside them
and we toast to your
oncoming sobriety

and i think they pitied you too
knowing that you and change
were fated mortal enemies
starting from conception.

god buried you in the dirt when he crafted your soul;
and the angels cursed you, turning the earth
to marbled heliotrope:

we met in that dark prison.
you whispered that everyone
had given you up. so i swore
to never leave. to try.
to fight for us. to
love.

you hold my hand for 46 seconds underneath
the sputtering pools of blonde light
after your narcotics anonymous
meeting.

and the angels pitied me as well,
turning their heads at stoplights
and crosswalks like i wasn't even
there.

as if i could forget or pretend
that i've never seen the
eyes underneath
our bed at
night.
btw im not tryna demonize addicts bc that's some rl hard stuff to deal with, my ex-partner just happened to suffer from addiction alongside being an absolutely awful trashbin person.
jude rigor Mar 2014
.

your eyes burn like
krypton lights on  
charlie brown's
christmas tree,
painfully
aware that
they are and
only can be
fire hazards.




**(c) 2014 jude rigor
jude rigor Dec 2017
kissing guns
my secret *****
don't know how to fire
i puke on green carpets
leaving lipstick in the sun to melt
choke me i'm not breathing
i don't want to cry ever again
whisper poetry into my spine
and i might ****** quietly
**** me into the mattress
         and i'll cry
i'm having a bad day sorry for bad poetry
jude rigor Apr 2022
kissing girls:
she makes me feel so alive --
but i miss her funeral anyways
sleeping on my mountain of
burning gold and
empty graves.

leaving leftover tea
out in the car
as it rots and turns to
lukewarm longing.

kissing anyone  
i'll never learn
how to
breathe fire.

i'm nocturnal
but my eyes refuse
to adjust to
the dark.  

so i whisper poetry into
the silhouettes of
whoever will
have me.

i
cry to myself
cradling my skull
in ***** claws
that rip and tear
at everything
i try to
hold.

sleeping in
an empty bed,
i want to hold her
hand again.

i crawl out from
a ****** of pine trees
belly-deep in the tall-grass
where no one dares to wander
mistaking my echoing cries
a painful roaring sob
that reaches
out for the stars --
they think me furious
but i am only
             alone.
someone liked a poem under the same title that i published in 2017. i actually hate that poem and it makes me cringe so i rewrote it. it's not really about the same thing anymore. just about what haunts me. and  how i feel too big. like it all knocks over around me, but my limbs are too long and lanky and i can't help it. like a dragon who can't see in the dark and cries viciously and wants their only love back.
jude rigor Dec 2018
since the meds kicked in,
i lack less, i think.
i've found an appreciation
dug up in the front yard
by a half blind dog

an appreciation
for the living
and the
quiet
  small
moments.

before, i cared, but
those eras were
intermittent
      seconds
        cut scenes
  caught between
    the intensity i've since
            given away.

but
moments

of being
in love
with
wheat
grass bet
ween
high
ways

and

last bit
of clouds
eating sun
in the rearview:

or sweet talking
your eyes at midnight
to hear your voice
smiling in
the smoke
separating our
houses:

cats in the
woods behind
my car, yowling
at the full
moon as if
they were
born to:

the silence
and warmth
of sleep.

i exist alongside
unfamiliar calm
a small breath
but a longer pause -
no more perfect
than dollar store
cellophane

but the world
is almost
softer
and my
skin is
held to
gether
with
some
thing
more
than
glue.
jude rigor May 2019
it’s november when
the meds kick in, it’s
december when i feel
human again. (or maybe,
for the first time?)

i lack less.
found an appreciation
for something or another
dug up in the front yard
by a half-blind dog.
appreciation for
the living
and the
quiet
small
moments.

i used to know empathy,
used to take her hands
between mine in
cut scenes
but those were
   trembling eras
    of seconds,
    caught between
  an intensity i’ve since
        given     away.

an inferno.

of being
in love
with
wheat
grass bet-
ween
high
ways
and

last bit
of clouds
eating sun
like nectar
in the rearview:

or sweet talking
directly into his eyes
at midnight, hearing
a smile in the smoke
that separates our
houses.

cats with twigs
and dirt swimming
in their bellies.
ghosts in the
woods beyond
my car,
yowling at
the full moon
as if they
were born
to.

i now know
the silence and
warmth of
sleep.

i exist alongside
unfamiliar calm,
a quaint silence
that does not
burn at the
                 touch.





but

the world is
almost softer
            almost
                       lighter   --

my skin is
held to-
gether
with
some
thing
more
than
glue.

     (maybe
      stitches?)

i wonder
if i was
human
the whole
time.
re-wrote a poem i wrote half a year ago, i'm turning it in for a poetry class portfolio. honestly im gonna edit it again but this is the first edit for now. if i change anything major i'll probably put it here and edit it or maybe rework entirely.  who knows~~~
jude rigor Jul 2017
my teeth
sink into
instant coffee
cautiously; this will
never be the same
unless you are here.

            i might pick up
            a cigarette and
            a bible in the same
            breath,
            i still love you
                 all the same.

being alone has
taught me that
i miss you even
when i don't,
i want everything to feel
                                        close again.
jude rigor Aug 2017
TAKE SOME MORE FROM ME
baby, unwrap pink lace kiss me
don't leave don't ******* touch her

lay in my bed
until i tell you
to move again
try loving your
self

show me where to put my
hands, i've done this before
but not like this: let me sink into
the mattress until there's nothing
left to hold

don't leave don't ******* touch her
reinact our first *** scene with
more eye contact, more touching,
more crying, more apologies

TAKE SOME MORE FROM ME
i dare you

don't touch her
well yeah
jude rigor Sep 2017
i feel like
some *******
sad ***** bella swan
hearing your voice
somewhere between
alone and together
where i keep
my other selves:

lacking luster
so empty
alone girl
seeing visions
in a bad book
where the
world is
made for
her

except i'm
smart enough
to know i
was already
this way
before you
came around.

don't call me lost
when i've already
found myself
empty

don't *******
tell me
this is
healthy
im currently coping with extreme random anger lol at least i got poems outta it
jude rigor Jul 2017
blood sample
in my baby
pink purse

i'm into potions,
into *** magic,
mix your soul
with mine

and let me
become
something

i want to wrap your
hand around my
ancient spine,
tell me i'm
selfless

make it about me,
baby, make my
skin boil
heart stop
sacrifice  :
    i just want to
    be happy
jude rigor May 2022
i let mint fester
in the front of my mouth as
a sleeping
beauty,
while hunger slips in t
                                    -he back of my
throat and i try to forget
            her
jude rigor Jul 2017
i let mint fester
in the front of my mouth as
a sleeping
beauty,
while hunger slips in t
                                           -he back of my
throat and i try to forget
            her
jude rigor Dec 2017
since i started
sleeping in hidden hemisphere
it only snows when i'm
sad. it's cold every day and
my fingers shake even though
winter doesn't exist here. you
left the blizzard for a smoke
and i didn't realize that meant
you were leaving for good
draw hearts in the snow
with my feet, no angels
i don't want to fall asleep
out here: i don't want to fall
asleep without you
but here i am
with my own
cigarette
i draw hearts
in the air with
smoke
the snow freezes
once i'm home
i lost my glasses but
think the snow hasn't
swept away my love
yet. the street light
breathes ambient
gasps of electricity
i wish i could see
more clearly
it's still so cold
i lost my winter clothes
leaving socks in the snow
i'll walk until i nod off
there's no one else here
i'll sleep forever in the drift
if u get this i will be shook
jude rigor Jul 2017
southern girl
lily petals,
you buy me
flowers
first paycheck
no more drugs
they smell like
warm bedsheets
hotel coffee
sun
jude rigor Mar 2014
you look beautiful
with that tar smothered
all over your mouth.




**(c) jude rigor 2014
anyone interested in beta-reading some of the things i plan on pubbing?
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