Joshua Phelps

Joshua Phelps Jul 2020

Devastated by personal and political turmoil
The world, now in month seven of an outbreak,
Face tensions that have increased almost tenfold,
Since the virus took over.

Riddled with anxiety and uncertainty,
The people of the world watch in fear,
As the numbers climb, and people they love
Pass away from an illness
That took many innocent lives this year.

Feeling trapped,
Ensnared in the confines of their homes,
They're left to their own devices, viewing articles,
About a virus that scientists have yet to eradicate

Riddled with fear and doubt,
The people of the world wonder:
When will the world return to normal again?

Instead of posting links of how I've begun to lost hope, I tried to write this in a general perspective of how we're all feeling during the coronavirus pandemic. In the U.S., poor governmental response has left many without hope.

I hope something changes and a light shines our way to see out of this darkness that enshrouds us.

#pandemic #covid19 #coronavirus #poetry #politics #turmoil #anxiety #stress #worry #fear

Joshua Phelps Jun 2020

Dear Diary, I'm An Addict (Pt. III: The End)

Just when I think I left the past behind,
My demons finally caught up to me.

Self-destructive tendencies,
Manic, mental, inability
To overcome this disease that plagues me.

It's cyclical,
It's haunting,
And it's exhausting.

I want to feel whole again.
I want to be happy.
I want to feel okay again.

I don't want to head down this road once more.

It seems I'm following a self-fulfilling prophecy,
Because all I seem to do is crave a substance,
That I know will only bring temporary happiness.

Dear Diary, I'm here to say,
I'm back once again, my thoughts in disarray.

I promise I'm trying.

I'm trying to overcome this years-long battle.

Dear Diary, I have to be honest with myself,
And honest with others,
Otherwise, what's to say I am trying to get better?

This writing is a testament, a statement,
A promise.

Dear Diary, this will be my last letter.

I've had enough.

#drug #abuse #recovery #poetry #dear #diary #addict #help

Joshua Phelps Jun 2020

The Great Pause

We all have goals,
We all strive to obtain them

We try our best to stick to the path,
And avoid obstacles at all costs.

But we realize that life isn't always a straight line.

Sometimes it hands us a curveball,
And our direction veers off course.

Once again, we're back at where we started.
And that's okay.

It may not be what we wanted,
And it may not be what we asked for
But we make the best of what we've got.
And try, try again

In these uncertain times,
Self-reflection isn't unheard of;
It's almost like a great pause.

With the world around us slowing to a crawl,
The stress and anxiety are getting to us all.
We find that brief moment of clarity,
A revelation that, maybe, we're not lost after all.

In the wake of the coronavirus pandemic, I realize that I'm not the only one going through a major shift in life right now. We're all going through this. We will get through this.

#the #great #pause #uncertainty #life #goals #careers #dreams #aspirations #poetry

Joshua Phelps Feb 2020

Good Enough

As the seconds turn to minutes,
The minutes into hours.
I move along the fibers of time,
Hoping I'll make it through the day.

As the days pass by,
It's getting harder to
Convince me
That I'm okay.

I tell myself:
It's only temporary.

But this sinking feeling
Comes in like a tidal wave,
Crashing over me.

Some days I feel
I can conquer the world,
Other days I feel
I'm not good enough.

Sometimes I feel I'm not fit for this life.

Everybody makes mistakes
but all I do is ***** it up.

Just when I think I'm okay,
There's a constant reminder
I'm living under a guise.

I'm not happy.
And I'm not okay.

I crash under the stress
And crawl back in my mental cave.

I feel like I'll never be good enough.

I feel like I'll never succeed.

I hope one day I can break free,
Of this mental torture consuming me.

Inspired by the ballad version of "The Drug in Me is You" by Falling in Reverse. I have to stop listening to sad songs. It really messes with my emotions. However, in this case, I had to write my thoughts down.

I'm going through life, adjusting to new jobs, and adjusting to that work-school-life balance. It's bringing back old memories – and I have this constant fear of failure.

Everyone isn't perfect and I'm no exception. But sometimes I feel like I **** up more than everybody else.

#doubt #stress #depression #poetry #good #enough #sad #therapy

Joshua Phelps Feb 2020

Divided, We Stand

Welcome to the home of the free,
The land of the divided

Welcome to a land filled with greed,
The one-percent who have the need
To silence dissent, keep those below them
Complacent in a system that favors money
Over ethics and honesty

Welcome to a nation full of deceit,
Land of misinformation and misery.

Welcome to a nation where the wheels
spin propaganda for a leader.

Welcome to a nation where a leader
Forgoes democracy and takes a page
From a communist and dictator,
Crowning himself King of the ages.

Who needs dignity when you've got vanity?
Who needs honesty when you're a liar?

Welcome to a nation where truth doesn't matter
Welcome to a country on fire.

Divided, we stand, divided we fall.

America the Beautiful, America the tall.

Who will be there to save us all?

Inspired by Sixx: A.M.'s "Barbarians." What a strange timeline we live in these days.

#honestly #integrity #politics #poetry #nation #united #states #world #leaders #etc

Joshua Phelps Dec 2019

The Letter

If time heals all wounds,
And time is essential
when it comes to love

Why, after all this time,
Do I still love you?

It's been months
And I can't get you out of my head.

We went different ways,
and now it seems
I'm doing everything I can
To hide my feelings in plain sight.

April went to September,
And September went to December,
And I can't bring myself to tell you
How I really feel.

I don't want to lose you
And I'm afraid you don't love me
The way I love you.

They say time heals all wounds.

How long will it take,
Before I get over you?

As much as I'd hate to admit this: I'm in love with a friend.

I don't want to lose him.
I need to move on and let go.

I'll continue to be his friend.
I don't think it's wise for me to continue having these feelings.

Poem inspired by "Old Wounds" by PVRIS.

#love #loss #friendship #the #letter #poetry #lgbt #etc

Joshua Phelps Nov 2019

Trial and Error

Over the past few months,
I've realized nobody is perfect.
Not even myself.

I've realized it's okay to fumble.
It's okay to fall.

It's okay let my emotions
Get the best of me.

It's okay to be angry.
It's okay to be sad.

And I've realized
It's okay to slip up
And fall off the tracks.

I know I'll get right back on the path,
And head towards the direction
The direction towards redemption
And the acceptance of self,
Instead of seeking approval from others.

I know I've made mistakes in the past.
And I've made mistakes in the present day.

For far too long,
I've lived my life,
With a cloud of regrets
Hanging over me.

I can't let the past or present,
Dictate how I live my life.

To move forward,
I have to learn to love myself,
Instead of seeking love from others.

I must learn to forgive myself,
So I can forgive others.

Life is filled with trial and error,
We're all trying to find ways
To find solutions to problems
Instead of trying to fix ourselves.

Today is the day
I work on fixing myself.

I can't live my life
Focusing on the past.

It's time to enjoy life.

It's time to move forward.

This poem is a direct response to my poem from yesterday. In the poem, "Dear Diary: I'm an Addict (Part II)," I write about my mental addictions and seeking help. This poem realizes that, even though I'm not perfect and make mistakes, there is hope. I will learn to love myself eventually. I will learn to forgive myself.

Today begins the day I admit my addictions and seek help.

#trial #error #mistakes #regret #redemption #salvation #acceptance #poetry