I will remember how you kissed me*
is just a line from a song that I've
been listening to for hours wondering
if you've been listening too I wish you
wouldn't have made me miss you like
this- it's not normal for me to want to
be wanted and looked at like I matter
to someone..

I don't want kids if this is what's in store for them:
depression, diseases, anxiety, emotionlessness, goodbyes, heartbreaks, bullies, stomach aches, pain, sorrow, tears, anger, even happiness can be cruel at times it can be worse than having a life threatening fever. But that
doesn't mean I don't want the good things for them:
goodnight sleep-tights, I love yous, first words, joy, exploring, going out as a family, not having to worry about abandonment or exporation dates
maybe someday the world will be a good enough place to have you here.
But right now all that I see are terrible things and not-meant-to-bes.

I'm wearing a candy necklace as I walk around this village there are so many thing that I happen to be seeing I see a little old lady crossing the street as I move the necklace between my lips and bite off a circular; flavorless piece little kids are playing and I'm shuffling my feet I sure do wish I could start all over in this life but somehow know everything that I do now I would eat less and stop trying to figure out how when where and why there are too many reasons and things in life to always be flooding inside of my mind as I'm sitting on a bench I pull the last pill off from this necklace and notice how things are becoming blurry   ..Maybe this time I'll do better and think less about things that shouldn't mean anything. What's the point anyways everything is hopeless these days I'm not doing anything it's a struggle to stay awake I used to sleep at night and go outside during the day but now I just want everything and everyone to disappear; go away which is why I'm leaving the planet today.

I'm sorry for mumbling
so often I'm nervous
I've been told too many
times to hush
or to be quiet
if I ever heard it from you
I'd probably fall silent
for many reasons actually
you're someone who truly
f a s c i n a t e s   me..
I'd hate to bore someone
who's just so intriguing

You engraved a mark on me
a mark that will never leave
something that I'll never forget
and forever be cursed with
but now I'm the forgotten
and even if I remember it all
I'd be surprised if you remember..

What the **** is wrong with me?
I'm itching at my skin
trying to keep out of
this snare that is baiting me in
I'm so paranoid, I'm not sure
where I should start to begin
anything that moves inside of
this tiny room that I'm stuck in
I notice and am afraid of
but I cannot sleep- I want to be
w a n t e d ; talked to or something
don't let the bugs eat me tonight
part of me wants to stay alive.

I'm not sure if I'm tired or wide awake
but I know for a ******* fact that if
I see one more black thing
dart from point A to point B
out of the corner of my eyes-
I'm switching rooms tomorrow night,
I'm sick of waking up paralyzed
from drunken dreams that force me
to think of him and wonder why
I can't be wrapped up in his arms.