three
i admire daddy for shooting a big buck. i name the deer "sparky."

four
my favorite part about school is learning to read books all by myself.

six
i don't let mama pick out my clothes anymore. my favorite outfit is purple sweatpants with a red sweater.

seven
i got detention for spitting on a boy. i cried for weeks.

ten*
my best friend in the world moved an hour away. at least i still have harry potter and despereaux to keep me company.

eleven
the boy who plays the lead in the musical is the cutest boy i've ever seen.

twelve
the boy who played the lead in the musical likes me back.

thirteen
i catch myself staring absently at walls often. i'm disgusted with my body. i haven't eaten in days. my chest always aches. i've lost most of my friends because they've grown annoyed with how much time i spend with a boy. i'm never happy unless i'm with him. he's my whole world.

fourteen
the boy who played the lead in the musical shattered me. i don't want to be alive. i keep leaning over the toilet trying to get rid of what's eating me from the inside out, but nothing ever comes up. he promises we will always be friends. i stay up late screaming every night.

fifteen
a boy pushed me up against the wall and kissed me. he's dated tons of girls, but he thinks i'm different. he likes to read and listen to music. he says i'm the best kisser. he distracts me from the pain, and i'm constantly afraid he's going to leave me without ever speaking a word to me again. i'm so afraid, i stop focusing in class. the boy who played the lead in the musical hasn't talked to me since he walked me to the school counselor a year ago.

sixteen
my big group of friends and i go to dinner at applebee's. i just got my driver's license and a black 1999 oldsmobile alero. i have a few people i can go to if i can't do it alone. i can pull myself back after a relapse. i don't depend my life on anyone but myself. i might just be a bit numb, but things haven't been this great in a long time.

i guess you could say i'm successful
i guess you could say i have potential
i guess you could say i have a bright future
but at what cost?

if your life is
pouring over endless pages and
vocabulary words
saturday classes and
the endless typing of monotonous papers
are you really living?

i want to be like the girls
who wear tight dresses
and drink too much on friday night

i want to point to a place on my map
pack up my things
and make new adventures

i want to feel the exhilaration
of falling through life
with no idea where i'm going to end up

i'm so tired of being
sensible
i want to be alive

Okay Brdies
Flap your wings and repeat after me:

I pledge to never leave a Brd behind:

♥ if you need a shoulder
♥ if you need an ear
♥ if you need to vent
♥ in times of fear
♥ if you need understanding
♥ if you need a friend
♥ if you think you need advice +
♥ if you're on the mend
♥ if there's any trouble
♥ if you're in a bind
♥ if you've gone all cuckoo and lost your mind
♥ if your soul needs healing
♥ if you're a moody mess ++
♥ if you need SHOPPING to heal your stress
♥ if you feel alone
♥ if you're out of sorts
♥ if you need a laugh we're all good sports
♥ if you have writer's block
♥ if you need distracting
♥ if you need a break we'll escape through crafting+++

Now we Brds are bound in honor
With a heart of a poet to guide our flights
Never again in isolation
The Flock is here with great delight :)

I remember the day my dignity was lost
Not by choice but taken
The air was dewy and the grass was layered with frost
I recalled every word he said and was shaken
I walked through campus looking like a freakshow for everyone to see
I felt the blood trickling down me
For years we were friends
I thought I could trust him till the end
I remember gaining my conscious back
He whispered, "shh, it's okay I'm almost done"
After those words the silence lacked
With my tears drowning out his "fun"

We go through life
Trained to question,
To seek knowledge,
To understand.

But this isn't
An easy task
We have here on hand.

The truth hurts,
And facts aren't always pretty.
A simple "yes" or "no" response
Can bring you down
Quite quickly.

"Is it cancer?"
"Is he cheating?"
"Am I really wasting my life away, sulking in cheap pity?"

Questions like these
Cut beyond flesh and bone.

Their answers go deeper;
They penetrate the soul.

So here's a tip
As you journey and grow:
Don't seek answers
you don't want to know.

I want to feel in love again,
I want the comfort of it all.
I want to rest my head in the lap
of a new man
and smile, happy that the first
was not the last.

I like you.
Please don't treat me like a chess game.
I've already had my heart defined like a chess piece.
I care too much already.
Don't make me regret counting on this to work.
Don't make me regret you.