This is not a metahpor,
oh no this is so so real,
this is the deliciousness,
oh for my meal,
to consist of the sweet delicacy
Oh I know you know it is true,
Let us fry a koala,
Not make it into stew.

It will be chewy and crunchy,
Oh leave the bones in,
They make the meat more tender,
And toothpicks more fun,
Let your girl make it for you,
And **** you clean while eating.
That is when you've reached heaven,
And the lust and gluttony therein.

If they try to stop you,
From stealing another koala,
Tell them it is your dinner,
And they are making you quite irate.

Beat them in the face,
And shoot their families down,
Nothing must stop you from eating,
Yet another fried koala,
One might even think its fate.

When you **** it out,
Don't fret or moan,
Take it like a man,
And bless the remains,
of the once fried koala,
As you flush it down down down.
Because another lies down under,
To quench your hunger,
Forever.

For Lexi.

Oh cursed soul,
that you be,
something I dont even believe,
In, but in pain filled ignorance,
I lack the eloquency  to describe,
Even a little bit accurately,
This hateful being,
This lie of a perception, I cannot wake from,
A matrix, a coded line, I find myself,
Stuck in,
The suffering of a thousand lives and worlds,
Reaching out to you, reading this,
Lying, lying, as if the words mean,
Anything, anything, No!
Yet then, I always realize circling back,
To the histories invented by past selves,
hence, influencing who I am now,
the dark corners I look forward to in the future,
The lack of resposibility, The blissful youth,
Mixed with the pain of wisdom,
And the teachings and overview,
Of going off a cliff, only to jump back on,
And run off again,
Yet, then, again I find myself looking,
In my heart at the gun, the gun of release,
Oh that I dare say,
all humans should seek.
Crazy, crazy, John,
You are crazy you say,
Aye, aye, as all we are,
Sanity is insane,
Reason is,
2+2=4, Because.
I am the because. I am the order.
I am the chaos, that puts that electron there,
And your synapses connecting there,
Oh I'm the breath you take,
Before that **** and ***,
You faked,
Little one, little one,
I am much older now in lives
Than years, I consume throwing myself away,
The self, the soul, the non existence,
Oh it is existing and it wont leave me,
And all this because,
I saw her kissing that man,
On the cheek.
Alas, that is the bane of every God and Demon,
Since nephlium, To love a human,
A mortal, the code in the matrix,
The variables for the x,
That turns your reason and logic,
Into guess work and soulbreak,
I drone on,
Where is the end,
That is the point! Dr. Seuess,
Take your money back, I know the places I will go,
Oh I've seen it now for a while, and boy do I fear,
The blank page, the unwritten line,
The truth that I've been trying to hide,
From who?
I've lived long enough.
I would like to die.

I find it interesting that
We place ourselves
In the sight of others.

Beware all ye who enter here,
This is my heart.
And it is just as bad,
Nay worse,
Than any of hell's trespass,
It beats slow like the mockingbird doth crow,
Once in a blue moon,
And only at midnight,
The chill's it release would make the Morningstar,
Shiver in pain,
My gates are protected by demons greater,
Than the darkest Horror novel,
My own.
The Pits are more black than the darkest tar,
It is the color of my love and of my hate.
For dontcha know,
Its all one thing down here,
Bleeding freely,
Come on in and take a dive,
Just beware,
Not a one,
No God, Demon, Man wo or not,
Has of yet made it out of here,
Is there a treasure inside,
Maybe, perhaps... probably,
Its just the the pride of the thing,
Like climbing Mount Everest,
Or making it to dinner on time.
But I don't care.
Live or die,
The gates remain so very high
Climb them if you will.

One time I fell,
And I awoke in hell,
At first they fought,
For such a soul as me,
Until one such as Beelzebub,
Lord of the hosts he came along,
And he among the first he bowed,
Whispering in a yell loud enough to hear,
'We WILL be waiting for your return,
Lord of lords, king of kings,
Lion among  lambs, hero among man,"

Awakening from such a dream,
In a sweat that made me hot,
I smiled for the first time in a long time,
As the blackness in my heart boiled,
And the gates grew,
I had a home in hell,
And Earth would be my THRONE.

Oh nothing makes me happy,
******* creating for days,
Biting gnashing, laughing dying,
Selling always selling,
Oh and you, you'll buy today.

BUT YOU'LL REMEMBER ME WHEN I'M GONE.
OH YOU WILL REMEMBER ME BY MY SONG.
YOU'LL SING
"JOHN ASHTON UPSTON YOU
FOUGHT FOR ME,
THE COLD STARE AT THE END OF THE PITCHER
REFLECTING BACK AT ME
THE EMPTY FEELING OF
AN EMPTY STOMACH
AN EMPTY MIND
A BROKEN HEART
ALL FILLED WITH BLOOD,
AND WE CAN DIE TOGETHER,
OH JOHN WE' DIE FOREVER,
AS LONG AS YOU LAY DOWN,
NEXT TO ME,"

And I'll hear it, softly.
It might even look like I'll,
Smile.
But that was a lie.
Before I died on the outside,
I was long dead inside.

The laughter reached my eyes,
Anyway.

Being deaf is ecstasy,
You may think it quaint,
But I do not fight destiny.

A man who knows his place,
In the scheme of things,
Sits back to watch,

The struggles,
In fruitless tiles,
Of the quilt laid in fate.

To see and not be deceived,
By the lies of other’s words,
To judge solely on action,
And never on what you heard.

To never be afraid,
Of that ever beating roar,
The ticking Heart,

A sign of life,
That I could care less,
For.

To be deaf is agony.
I dread it every morning.
To be judges so completely.
By one little malfunction.

I walk to school alone,
And even surrounded by friends,
I am but an unknown…

To never hear the birds chirping,
Or the beautiful octaves,
Of singers from near and far.

Or to hear my sweet lovers whispers,
Deep inside my ear.

To not know the pain of a radio on high,
Or to be able to live my life, completely devoid,
Of an inaudible sigh.

But, by now you’ll probably have tuned this out,
And that’s something with which I can empathize

The Birds Fly into the eclipse of Mars,
They're lives tithe me by fives,
To the Man beyond those jailed bars.

Searching for a new place to call home,
Since this place is a waste of space,
For everyone an then some.

But with especial selfishness, especially me.
I need to beat my heart again, by meeting those I once found sweet,
Birds flying to the Eclipse of mars to be free.

Its futile of course,
But that is where beauty is truly entreated,
Into our lives of insignificant remorse.

Get me out of here now.
We'll go flying just like those birds, into the eclipse Of mars,
Just me and you, the gorgeous Queen of the Stars,
Your smile radiates my Milky way and beyond,
We'll navigate the asteroid belts,
And fly through the black holes,
Because like those futile birds,
We just want to be free.

I seek greatness,
Not perfection but
Something more.
I want jagged edges,
And symmetry long broken.
I want rhythm and beat,
rhyming galore, but flowing,
so fleet, off the tongue of my keyboard,
into your minds, drilled bore
never to be filled but left void,
never to be lit up or explored
save by my depravity, the
wanton insanity that is my quest
for eternality, for remembrance
for the suddenness by which
a heart attack do prance
tip toeing around your soul,
twisting it in, and lithely
make you beg for the encore,
even still won't be satisfied,
I'll become who I am,
The best version of myself,
Ravenous, more, than any lion,
Tiger, or engorged man,
Nay, even if I look down upon highest perch,
like The Raven itself,
Even if Poe himself, were to raise up again,
Weeping, claiming oh, John, your poetry,
Nay, your beating, has me breathing,
Still will I deny that drum,
Even then will I be empty,
and so this emotion that I am releasing,
Will self servedly do nothing,
You can not destroy that which is not living,
Only close your eyes, and forget quickly,
For if you let my greatness roam,
Oh upon your shoulders I will loan,
my delicious insanity upon the world,
And the toll my greatness,
shall collect,
will be worth more than all the gold.
And I'll simply just,
waste it away,
In search of some greatness,
greater still!
Some vision, some sign,
that is meaningless except,
like happiness,
In the pursuit, never to be found.

Man had come far,
And had worked hard.
Space was no longer a frontier,
But a home.

It began long ago,
When science in its heavenly power, bestowed,
Among the beasts of man,
Black Hole Harvestation.

Changing the very shape of worlds,
The speed of light and beyond,
All became possible,
When and where nothing exists.

It was an age of warfare and destruction,
The likes of which are untold,
The number will never be found,
Trillions were lost in those Black Wars.

But a few did survive,
An extinct Earth,
As they fled to make their new home,
On the colony of Mars.

Ironic though it was,
Seeking Peace,
On the God of war,
They made their new land happy.

If anywhere in any time,
Was truly the land of “milk and honey”,
Then It was them and then,
Back in the very first days…

Of a galactic empire.

Hundreds of years pass now,
In the blink of an eye,
Earth had been reclaimed, reformed,
Along with a galaxy to go a by.

Humanity is now at the apex of its power,
Ruled together by the ultimate congregation,
The Delegation of Stars,
But Pride doth come before the fall.

Everyone had their say,
And for all the wonders and riches then,
It was hard to say nay,
They shall go to the core.

To the Universe’s lore,
They went flying in their fleets,
100 Juggernaughts from Syntrax, on the fringes of the Great Nebulae Sea,
734 cruisers from Ralon in the Hose-Head system.

A thousand ships minus one from Earth,
And a mere six from the Gemini Apollo colony,
And countless others from all over,
Led by the Fleet of Mars, who’s glory and majesty, was beyond mere men.

They left in moments and arrived in light years,
Waking in seconds refreshed and surprised,
What they found , what they’re greatest of technologies could not see,
Inside the densest of Super Black Holes.

Was the remnants from three Big Bangs hence,
Harvesting ever since,
You think millions of years is a lot for man?
Try trillions for one.

It was a battle not a slaughter,
As communication broke down,
This was the last thing we expected,
We who entered there.

From that day on,
The Battle was named,
The Loss at the Core.

A retreat was ordered,
As black holes sprung up from within their machines,
Their weapons surpassed each and every defense,
Some older ships were hacked and turned against each other.

One ship stayed behind,
Defiant even in defeat.
The Flagship of The Empire,
Named “Justly Sweet”,
It’s last report was,
2 years ago today,
It showed the bridge going to hell and gone,
As the devil was unleashed.

But all throughout, the captain stood there,
Commanding, leading, fighting,
All the way to the end.
A warrior’s death.

The race then named,
The Paraplex,
Found a new reason to be,
To destroy us, we who shed their and out blood.

It was a year since that battle,
Our whole northern sector had fallen,
The plan was simple, taken from history,
A choke point at Thermopylae, with the greatest defensive systems this side of mars.

A million guns had been constructed,
Ever since the war and before.
Particle dissimulators from moons, orbits and the planet.
One, bigger than some suns.

The plan was simple,
The Western Sector,
Well, it was in charge of defense,
It’s formidable shield and anti-quark technologies, would save us all.

Meanwhile the Eastern, Southern, And C.C. (Central-Capital) Sections,
The offensive flank,
They would of course bring.
Once a battle has begun, then they would be flung.

It was of course, perfect.
But so much was already lost.
Planets, Systems, whole Galaxies,
All but gone.

This was worse than the Black War,
There would be no recovery,
You can always change what is there,
But what’s gone is gone.

The military was ready,
The Civilians were evacuated,
Now comes the calm before the storm.
And then the lightening across the sky, it erupted.

In the opening seconds,
Their fleet was almost demolished,
Ambushed beyond belief,
Plasma ripped tears in space and time.

The black turned green and red and cosmic blue,
The space itself was warped by the colors of war,
The guns blazing their sub-atomic blasts,
Invisible to the naked eye.

The gamma ray bombs,
How they exploded in such wonderful forays,
We were blinded, of course,
We could stills see through their computers and technologies.

Losses were few, it seemed true,
That the adamant technologies,
Of the Western Section,
Held up beyond belief.

It was a beautiful carnage they unleashed,
And to complete their victory,
The Northern, Eastern, And C.C.,
Upon black hell’s they ran.

But OH! The Greatest blunder in Human history,
The enemy snatched victory from the hands of defeat,
For this was but a suicide mission,
One for just a minor army.

It was inconceivable to us then,
How useless a life is to them,
After trillions of years,
We would have won the battle, yes that’s clear.

But then it became something,
Something darker and crazy,
A Super Nova they unleashed,
A technology we had yet to discover.

The Entire System was destroyed,
In a matter of milliseconds,
The greatest of shields, the biggest of guns,
Fell instantly, to the miniature big-bang.

So many soldiers…
So many ships…
So many generals…
So many friends.

In mere seconds they died,
For how far we had come,
How much we had lost,
As innumerable as the stars.

No one talks about that battle,
The Slaughter at Thermopylae.
No one can,
We can’t afford to cry.

The battles still continue,
Here and there.
But ever since then,
They’ve basically divided and conquered.

The Paraplax, ****** into our wings,
And took away our flight,
The West and East both became silent,
Faded into the night.

A galactic siege of an empire spanning
Millions of light years,
Soon began,
But first came the worst.

In the Capital of the Southern Section,
They betrayed us and were betrayed.
For they had no use for slaves,
Mercy was an unfamiliar word to they.

The surrounding was complete,
The end result quite clear.
We wouldn’t be able to make it past the new year.
And slowly, methodically, they came.

What did they have to fear?
And planets fell,
My wife did on escape,
Systems were crushed without notice, without faith.

Now there is just us.
A Battalion and Mars.
There is not much point to it all I guess,
We’ve basically been eradicated.

But they keep playing that video,
All on every screen.
The captain, as explosions and black holes erupt around him,
Yelling quite furiously at his subordinates, seeking victory in defeat.

He didn’t give up,
If we’re going to die,
Then we’ll be men about it,
For there is not much time left.

To any race in the future or the past,
Who ever encounters out Swan Song,
This includes our entire history, in more detailed account,
And our greatest treasures.

We send it to you now,
The Universe,
Echoing forever,
Among the waves of sound.

So ends the last report,
Nay the last words,
This is John Ashton Upston, the 354th,
President of The Empire Fallen Among The Stars

Where has it gone?
I used to be good,
I used to be a poet,
Who could fine the words and pick and choose,
I could tell you my story and make it relatable,
I could make you feel any emotion and make it real.
Where has that gone, where is my fire my imagination?
I was the best,
And Please I know, its arrogant but I do not mean to deceive,
Even the famous ones, they bore, but with me everything became lore,
So much accolade, so much triumph,
Born under skill and pain the mightiest,
But it’s disappeared,
From misuse and disrespect.
Hopefully hiding, realistically gone.
There is no magic cure no band aid for my loss, my pain.
Do no be me, do not second guess.
No longer regret, don’t fret.
Just go and write your soul,
Don’t forget it, don’t let it pass,
Release it let the talent and emotions flow.
Because one day it will be gone,
And your lone talent no more.
And your going to be alone,
Without even the words to implore.

Simplicity
Elicits
Srendipity

The once little, little prince,
stood wide-eyed, unto the sunless sky,
there, winged was she,
Rapunzel fair, princess no longer for he.

You see, he doesn't remember now,
how long ago it was he was told,
To find a princess, locked far away,
and if patient be ye, so too will treasure most pure,
be
his own.

And when, after many years traveling hence,
he arrived there upon the scene,
of the long, lonely tower, spiraling up,
there on and until the single window,
opened gently, and residing faintly,
laid a dream, he could not appease,
nay, no matter how much he rubbed his eyes,
Still, did the little prince look up and see,
Fair Rapunzel, in all her resplendent beauty.

Wait, she said, smiling gold,
In just a few years hence,
She laughed, merrily,
Will my hair grow long enough,
for you my dear Prince,
To come on up and truly rescue me.
For now it is good to talk,
and dream and be, for surely still,
must my luck be overwhelming,
with you here, to keep me company.
With just, YOU, here, little prince,
eyes nearly watering, she whispered,
And now not for me to be so lonely.

The little prince's heart, somewhere long gone,
Along the way, had already flittered up,
Though she could scarcely feel it,
With tower keeping them at bay,
Indeed it it land on her doorstep,
And there, long, did it lay.

So for many years, the Little Prince,
And Rapunzel did lay,
Her up high, and he down low,
With her hair, growing more each day.
And he was happy though, he was not sure,
If he was more trapped than her,
encased, but with each days growth,
of her luscious golden hair, did each time,
take a bit of his aching heart, beat by beat,
before mind barely had a say.

And then, alas, a few seasons hence more,
Around the corner was he, into her arms,
Evermore.
But cruel fate did lay, such plans for naught,
For at once her hair doth shed, and wings did she partook,
Yea, Little Prince, said she, Though doeth I love you so,
And the price I paid was dark and grave,
No bargain have I pursued could ever be forsook,
As this, one feeling, oh to fly over stone,
valley, canyon, and brook,
To be free, untethered, beating release,
NO LONGER DO I NEED WAIT,
OH WITHOUT SUCH WASTEFUL WORDS AS PATEINCE!
Now I am my queen, and you,
She looked down softly,
Not even my cook.

And the little prince looked up in awe,
Always believing in that which he was seeing,
awful though was his mind, that, Even still,
as his heart did empty,
did it endeavor, hurriedly quick,
To deny that reality, of waiting for a trick.
I was a game, he thought, but still,
if this be a quirk of god or fate,
Even now, in its very face will I,
Lucifer, be, Agnostic in this,
my hell.

So he closed his red eyes,
as his angel did ascend,
ne'er close did he ever reach,
someone.
Just a story now,
for children,
and growing young men,
Don't wait so long for someone,
you love in a tower,
or else you'll find yourself,
too, A...
Little Prince, not so little,
Anymore.

Oh, I'm a hungry hungry spider,
Watch as I make my web grow,
Pluck a line here,
Catch a lady bug there,
And the look of terror in her eyes,
As she knows, oh I'm ******* her cold.
I eat her raw, from the inside out,
Drinking her virginal juices,
Oh the ***** moans I shout,
They don't stop until the job is done,
Dark and decrepit I sink even further,
Alone, yes, But carried inside,
a thousand lost souls,
Trapped in a web,
A web for a spider,
to live and be fed.

Superman can fly,
But I can love.

The Flash is fast,
But I can cry.

Batman always wins,
But I can lose.

The Hulk is strong,
But I am mortal.

God may be three,
But I am just one.

My friends complain to me
They tell me their sorrows
And tear filled litanies.
I nod along and offer advice
Scowling inside.
Oh so now finally the guy you like doesn’t like you?
So no you finally get hurt?
You dare complain to me who would ****
To feel that pain to feel that love burst?
You finally feel rejected huh,
Left on the street?
Welcome to the real world *******.
Welcome to the meat.
Rotting and corroding,
sick filled heart,
That we call rejection.
Beating furiously
As a thousand bulls on the range
Feel our pain.
Now you’re alive.
How does it feel when you’re lucks ran out?
But still you have fond memories.
Kisses to look back on nostalgically
What do I have…
Well I have you.
What a friend you turned out to be.

Life is a balance,
How you balance love,
And Hate.

How you balance friends,
family,
and the lies they create.

How you balance commitments,
And fun
and the laps you will take.

How you balance food,
And sleep,
and bread you must bake.

How you balance work,
With play,
and the fights you make.

In accordance to that...
I must admit,
Repent and replicate...

I'm half part ****,
and half part nerd.
Is that not absurd?

I look at her and
I close my eyes,
And oh where my imagination,
Send my eager mind,
The wiles versus my wills,
oh those hills they bind,
Men like me, like demons versus the Lion,
Exorcized, exorcized,
Yeah, but I am Legion,
if they beat me one time,
Oh, next time, time,
They'll be mine.

And those mountains of lust,
That once seemed unclaimable,
Unclimbable like Everest before
Edmund Hillary, like the Sistine Chapel,
Before Michelangelo, oh I will persist,
I will pursue, with the littlest smile,
And the darkest hue,
Where after many days fight,
Suddenly. Then, in the night,
when alas my victory is won!
My prize I will take,
And her pleasure I will reign.

Why do we value love?
Why are we incomplete?
If there is a God I hate him.
I feel cheap.
One half of a puzzle,
With no ******* piece.
Waiting for the fit of key to lock,
In a day never to be.

When I was young I could smile and mean it.
Now I’m old and its all fake.
Now I’m deaf and I can’t take it.
Now I’ve lost brothers, friends, mothers,
Now I’m mature.
And its not fair.
Its life, simply put,
A mistake.

It would be different if I wasn’t so self aware.
My greatest critic myself.
My cursed brilliance always looking, always finding,
Something new to hate, something else not perfect,
Never right, never good enough,
But never intent enough to change.

Self Destruction in the most cruel of ways,
I don’t even believe in belief,
Or in vision or faith.
It only goes lower,
Setting up myself higher,
For even greater pains.

I know your thinking,
Be happy it could be worse.
You could be a kid in Africa,
Starving or hurt.
Your naïve shutup.
You know it all freak.
What is worse say I,
To be starved in the body,
Or in heart and soul.

For the whip of the universe,
To caress your body,
Or break what it can’t take.
I belong to no one,
I am only mine.
But this is not a gift,
It’s a curse,
Of a unique unremedy,
Wherein I shall lie for eternity.

In a time before time,
The Morningstar shown bright,
Greatest of the seraphs he sang,
With a voice second only to God,
And he sang only in the name of God,
Lovingly glorifying his name,
And God was happy, for a time,
And for a time, all the angels gathered around the Morningstar,
and sang to his tune, even mighty Michael did too,
All spoke his praises, though they sang for God alone,
And he was happy with his purpose in the world.
But he was sneaky, and grew to have a will of his own,
And the Lord God knew what was in his heart and sorrowed,
He called the Morningstar into his throne,
The golden throne, seat of the God almighty,
Surrounded by the most beautiful and holiest of holies,
Beings beyond angels, naked and lovely,
Light made solid, Like God himself,
In what we would call a humanoid form,
And he spoke hath saying,
"My creation, Lucifer, why doth you sorrow and struggle on your own?
And thou hath not prostrated yourself before the Lord, your God,"
The Morningstar frowned but quickly humbled himself,
Bowing low before the God, saying,
"Nay, mighty Lord, I sorrow not, I am forever,
In your presence, filled with joy, singing your praises,
This alone makes me happy, for, after all, this is how you created me,"
But God, being in all places at once knew, so he said,
"So be it Lucifer, mightiest of all my angels, brightest light,
In the dew of the morning sky, let you only be happy, in this,
the presence of God,"
The Morningstar was sent away, full of God's love,
And he was very happy, but, a little part of him grew sick.
Still the day after, and every day since he sang louder,
and more beautiful, his wonderful angelic octaves,
reaching harmonies more and more awesome,
Full of the Holy Spirit, he was blessed most mightily,
And his fame and wonder grew, and all the beings of Heaven,
sung with him, melding their voices with his, until the praises,
of God, rang through the heavens unto the very throne of God,
And God was very pleased.
As the days went on, the Angels around the Morningstar started singing,
Not only of the praises of God but of Morningstar, most blessed among them,
And Morningstar was proud and vain and hapful,
And so he sang his own song now,
And created discord among the angels,
Until, even those that did not want to sing his songs,
Naturally followed along, so persuasive,
And beautiful was he,
Yes the Morningstar shown brightest that day,
And every day since,
Though when the Lord heard of this music,
He was wrathful and wrought,
The betrayal he knew was coming, came, will come,
and is coming,
So the Lord decided to create a new being,
One in his own image,
One which would not sing out of His volition,
Only to sing in their own names,
But rather beings to sing of free will,
And in so choosing,
Bathe the Lord,
In true and just glory,
The love of that which be freely given,
The God thought,
Is superior to that love made in heaven,
So there was light,
and six days later after man was created,
And God rested and listened to the singing,
and it was... good.
But then the Morningstar, feeling the God sleeping,
Looked down upon the freshness of creation,
Where before there was only the timelesness of Heaven,
And the void,
Now was Earth, and Human,
And all the birds and the beasts,
And the beautiful world, entrusted
To thee,
And he thought to himself,
They are unworthy,
To recieve such grace,
If anyone should be given life,
And free will,
it should be Me,
I am the greatest,
I love God the most,
This isn't fair,
This is unjust,
The grace of god has been broken,
This I just cant trust,
And full of wrath, and hunger,
And feelings of betrayal,
He went down to earth,
And took the form of a serpent,
And he walked over to Eve,
And he whispered so very sexily,
His beautiful voice rang to her saying,
"Lovely Eve, how beautiful though you be,
Truly you are Gods greatest creation,
Though don't you wonder why he hampers your elation?
It isn't fair that you can eat of all the animals,
of all the fruits, milks, and honeys,
All except this one, the golden fruit of the Tree,
of knowledge of good and evil,
but why oh why must this be Eve,
Surely, God doth jest with you,
Tricking you, making you fear him warily,
Surely you, who above all in beauty in wisdom,
Should be able to partake of all this world,
With nothing hidden from thee"
And Eve looked down then up bleating,
"But the Lord God specifically forbid this,
Saying we shall die if we eat,"
And the Serpent laughed such a happy warm laugh repeating,
"Nay, my fairest Eve, this was only a slight deception,
Surely you shall not perish, the grace of God doth protect thee,
God only, selfishly, wants to keep knowledge to him alone,
But you, of eating this tree, shall become closer to him,
and surely this will make him truly happy,"
And Eve looked down again, then brought her head up slowly once more,
And was decieved,
The Serpent handed her the fruit, with a smile adorned,
And she took of the fruit and ate it, and shook with feeling,
But when she looked up the Serpent was gone, and she was reeling,
Her way back to Adam and the fate that was in store.

I'm just listening to Counting Crows,
and I get this feeling,
That I am so close to understanding,
Something, myself? Something.
And it leads to this eerie feeling of contentedness,
In the darkness.
But I'm just a step behind,
And the more I think, the more...
I lose my way, The more I question,
instead of listen.
But it scares me to let such a moment pass,
without pursuing... it.
Whatever it is.
Poetry? I think not,
Just splutter along the road of my soul.
Sure to be meaningless in the end, but,
Looking at it now, looking back a bit...
Oh to be **** half in the past,
And nirvana just out there,
A bit further along the way.
Almost childly, I blindly,
Reach my hand out and up,
Hoping that I'll be able to grasp the Sun,
As if I won't get burnt,
That since it seems so close,
I just need to grasp,
and the world will be mine.
But some things are not for mortals.
And demons, like kids,
Must too, one day,
Wake up.

How to start off this poem?

The words they don’t come easy,
Nothing sounds quite right.

I've done so many terrible things,
How can I possibly expect you to relate?
It is impossible it's a dream, but here we go anyways.

I believe this to be my destiny, my fate,
Even though every action is mine.
So when I tell you this story, please try to understand…
That you can’t.

Beginning under a starless sky,
With the orange glow man creates for night.
I fly on the wings of the innocent,
The blood and tears of those who… have died.
They fuel me, and feed me. With their pain, with their face.

I walked down that road,
On the wings of a satan.
And all those around me,
Smiled and puked.
And oh, the terror in her eyes,
When at last my journey reached its conclusion.

My eyes, although they are not quite eyes,
Bored deeply into hers,
And the pools of water parted for just a second,
And I could see my own reflection.
So… intense. So… lost.
I’ve been in snowstorms at sub-zero,
With more warmth than those not quite eyes.

Every beat of my heart, and every breath I took,
Implored me not to think,
But to **** in my just agony,
But think of the lies that would create.
I had been looking so long, so hard,
Just to **** the one thing I want to save.

This woman, in her intelligent innocence,
Pure as the blackest coal,
Born for me, as I was her.
Who challenged me at last, at first,
Not to slay, not to slaughter.

At first I laughed, in a bitter theatric…
But as it settled and tears created disaster…
She held me there, in her hairless arms,
Cooing and creating a space for banter.

I am almost as confused as you are.
Speaking so honestly…
I didn’t know what to do then or now either.

But I will say one last thing,
Something you may not want to hear.

On that cool winter night, I ate her.

All I ever wanted left me,
So I took it all.
All my lovers betrayed me,
So I ruined thee.
All I've ever known was subjective,
So I really knew nothing.
All my advice was selfish,
So I grinned right throughly.

I'm a wonderful caricature,
of what it means to be human.
Clowned up, and distorted,
that is the vision of me.
But worry not, fair sweet.
I'll be here as you worry and rot.
And I will feed.

I am all six circles of hell,
I am every demon.
I am the lie in the truth,
That glints so eagerly,
In the soft blue eyes of mine,
That can almost... make you feel mine.
Almost, but just out of a trance,
nay nothing ever was, just a circle,
That has never closed, just a cycle that,
has no history, impotent, yet
all consuming, I can't find the truth,
So I'll live in the lies, and they shall be,
The ties that I bind,
myself and others, delicately,
deliciously enjoying the feast,
I provide, alone, in the dark,
talking to those who live,
far far away in here, so that in my hell,
I can reside as king, and feel in control,
or an owner of something.

Yet still I awake,
stilly, I create,
These little poems on my own,
That you'll read on your own.
And you'll think, something but,
It'll be gone abruptly, as if you almost held a star,
but it twinkled unlucky.

I'll write a poem a day,
and maybe that way everything will be
okay.

I'll look up at that oil covered sky,
that peculiar black stained shade of grey,
those wisps of condensation tilled out,
like fields of wheat and
creased tightly through golden streaks,
of setting suns' last gleams,
and I'll sit lack jawed, if just for a second,
and wonder if truly my existence is worth it.

So much doubt running,
so very deep.
Yes, I'll write a poem a day,
as if...
nothing,
really.

Aye,
Eureka, I know my meaning,
Yes I will express that frustration,
of an infinite empty feeling.
That little almost insignificant voice that says to you,
It doesn't matter, none of this is real,
Well for each and every one of you I'll feel,
quite intensely in fact,
that ignominious void,
the elephant in the room,
and with tact and poise,
I'll illuminate it for you,
so you can live, and I can dream,
Sweet fruitful dreams of nothing.

"Mother?" Say the child to it's mom.

"Where, oh where, does the platypus come from?"

The woman smiled, and laughed,
and she told the story of where the platypus did come from.
To her sweet, darling, little one.

Once upon a time, there was a duck. And the duck was alone in the forest, because its family had grown up much too much. So the duck went to look for someone, to make his own little family with. The duck just wanted a place to belong, you see.

So the duck went to the lioness and said 'Miss would you like to make a family with me?' But the lioness was proud and scornful, and turned the duck away.

The duck was sad, of course, but he was much more saddened to think that he'd be alone. So he kept on going until he found a deer. But when he asked the deer, she ruefully claimed she already had a family. And that there was no place for a little duck.

So off he went.

He asked a spider, but the spider had a home.

He asked a walrus, but the walrus couldn't be bothered.

He asked a cat, but the cat just laughed.

It came to a time when the duck had asked just about everyone in the forest if they would love him. But right as he was about to give up he came across a stream, and in there a beautiful little otter was there waiting for him.

'Oh wow... uh' the nervous duck said, 'What are you doing there?'

'I'm looking for a way to make a home,' She said, 'I've been looking all day because I'm all alone and quite lonely.'

The duck swaddled and gleefully said.

'Well I don't know if you'll have me, but if there's no one better, you can take me in your stead?'

'But otters and ducks don't go together,' The otter complained.

'And why not? You're a little better under water and I'm a bit better on land. I think we could make a good team!'

'The forest will never accept us,' she continued, but--

'Will you?' The duck interjoined.

The otter sat there puzzled for a moment, and simply said,

'I'll try.'

"And it wasn't easy, my dearest little one. Love never is. It springs up in unexpected ways, and finds you caught unawares. You may find your love in a place you never would have thunk. But it is out there, if you're willing to search for it. I promise you that much."

"But... wait, mom! Where did the platypus come from?"

"Ah. Of course. The duck and the otter went on to have many children, a platypus each and every one. The result of their love was the perfect child, someone who could combine the best of them, and someone who could finally make them a home."

"Wow... mom, that is amazing! I wish I could be a platypus!"

"Hmm? But didn't you know, little one? The otter in that story is me, and you're my perfect little platypus who gave us our lovely little home."

The Mother embraced her child,
as the duck watched at the door, happily forlorn.

K

Close my eyes as I write.
This emotionless screen my only light.
Straight from the heart I speak
When I tell you my heart has gone bleak.
Her eyes cast elsewhere
To a man most beneath her.
Cycle of rejection goes on.
Even when I know for a fact.
Liking someone doesn’t guarantee they like you back.
It’s hard to be friends.
It’s hard to be friends.
When she smiles.

My car broke down today.
I am depressed.

I tried to get it up the hill, but it could not make it.
I am depressed.

I could not sell anything at work today.
I am depressed.

I am on the pursuit of happiness.
And I am depressed.

I am torn between two paths.
And I am depressed.

I'm listening to those same sad songs.
And I am so depressed.

I feel like vomiting and ******* and crying.
Oh yes, I am depressed.

I couldn't find what it was to be happy.
I have been so depressed.

I'm writing this with my eyes closed now.
It makes me a little less depressed.

I could only find a void.
I stayed quite depressed.

When I laughed it even reached my eyes for a while,
but underneath, unbeknownst even to me I remained
very depressed.

I thought I could determine my own emotions,
What a fool I've been, depressed.

Tryed to find my self worth hidden somewhere,
There are no values when you are depressed.

I'm remembering different me's,
but I don't know anything, depressed.

Where will I go from here,
I don't care, just let me be, depressed.

Oh I may never change,
I may always be,
depressed.

I’m trying to escape this fate.
That these people laid out for me.
They attack and the make,
What I do not want to fake.
Its their fault I say,
That the sad people are forced to smile,
That the dead people are forced to hell,
That my sins are forever and awhile.

I want to make you laugh,
And yet I only make you sappy.
You pity me and secrete my very being,
You look down from your perch on high,
And you tell me what is what,
And who I’m supposed to be.

But it is not written in stone.
And I’ve never been very friendly.
If I come across a fork in the road,
Heck, I’ll make my own.
Don’t follow me either,
I want anyone to beleaguer.

But isn’t it sad you think,
That deep inside,
I realize in my self conflicatory mise,
That I have only my shadow to reside beside,
Only my mind to hide behind.

The scars they run deep,
And with every shallow heart beat,
I realize I’ve lost my life already,
Just standing still waiting.

You try to create,
You try to leave something behind,
But you fail in every image you make,
With every mistake a little bit more irate.
You’re a failure, its meaningless, to no try to fake.

Just give up, desist, do not resist.
Be like me say one thing and do another.
Forget.

Oh,
The places I have gone,
Into the gutter onto the street,
Regurgitated,
Every fiber,
Of my uneven being,
A little yin,
A lot of yang,
And the realization,
Of the cost of "freedom",
Is security,
And the lies swept under the rug,
Therein.

Where do I go?
In this world I do not fit within,
It suits me not,
Too corporeal, too moralistic,
Too judging, and a little bit too thin.

Always finding reasons,
To opress other human beings,
Even in democracy,
The masses lurk,
Judging, what is good men.
The young are chained,
Binded by systems and laws,
Signed to social contracts,
They didnt ask for,
and most will never understand.

All in the great,
revolutionary idea!
Oh, yes, as they will tell you with a smile,
You can be anything you want to be!
(If you get a 4.0)
You can love freely!
(Except gays and underaged)
And women let me tell you,
Yes how to get an abortion,
And when!

Always distinguishing,
Classifying people,
Alpha and beta,
And whatever else in bygone alphabets,
We are social animals,
Civilized only in lies.
And all men are not created equal!
Some are born to die.
We laugh in the face of this evil,
Because we cannot control our own existence,
And the only other option is to cry,
And self annihilate.
Of course, to the world,
This is so very wrong.
Such a crazy guy.

There is no freedom I say.
Only the mirror image,
The perception of such,
We make our own choices,
Sure,
Pre ordained by our genetics,
Our expereinces, our cultures,
The boxes of our very thoughts,
Ergo the very essence of who we are,
For if we were different,
We would go left,
And not right,
into the very clutches of Satan,
The demons men swear by.

I've got nothing nice to say,
Or contribute to society,
So I oft think,
I'd best stay silent,
And censure myself away,
I hurt my friends,
My family my loved ones,
And add onto the suffering list,
Still knowing the worst I got,
is better than a lot of men.

So, alas,
Mi amore,
I have a lie to say,
If you but love me,
Oh just one night,
I will love you,
Forevermore.

Don't be material,
They say with condescending gleams,
Oh it is the devil,
you'll find, a way to hell,
and nothing more.
Meanwhile, behind the curtains where they think themselves safe,
they beat it to child ****, with quite a similar gleam.

Oh I know what will **** me,
I won't smoke that cigarette,
But I will feel happy with success,
Oh I'll take that money and spend it,
On these amazing things capitalism and competition,
Drive the world to create.

I tell you what I don't know what joy is but,
I love my new phone,
And I've seen some real demons,
And they look a lot like you, judging,
They look hungry for righteousness,
And self satisfaction,
Well I get nothing off myself,
So I guess I'll settle for the world.
Ain't much of a poem I guess,
But at least it's something to take home.

Et tu Brutus?
Betrayal of the greatest.
Just like our friend Judas.
Sat and watched you lose us.

It was a sunny day,
And the pool was all Sparklin.
We had some pizza.
Our favorite was cheese.

I was young but older than you,
Brothers we were, surrounded in a world of new.
We went outside, our first mistake,
Played around, like pirates, we would fake.

Then if just for fun…
You threw it all in, your diaper into the din,
Being your elder, I brought it back on,
So the game went, over and over.

So the die was cast, together,
As I brought your diaper out,
Of the aqua blue pool.
Who would ever know, that I was the fool.

Out of reach this time.
Out of care.
How could I protect you now,
I barely had hair…
I should have been there,
Shoulda been me,
Why did you feel,
You should be,
The one who jumped after what was lost,
The die was cast, and alone you lost.

I still remember,
Even now,
The look on your face,
Under the water’s curtain.

A look of pain,
Maybe of peace,
But mostly questioning,
In your blank debeing.
Long I sat there,
Long, I misunderstood.
Long, I called for you,
Spencer return with your hood.

Sank you did,
As did my heart.
I got my mother,
Shock tore her apart.

Still now I ponder,
Still now I wonder,
What could have been,
If you never wandered.

But the failure was mine.
I’m the big brother.
It should have been me, instead,
You fell to the Ocean’s daughter.

Now I must add myself, to this short list.
And if you find yourself asking this,
Et tu Justin, be not remiss.
For I have sinned, my brother’s last kiss.

******* ***** I'm dreaming,
of you and another man reaming,
well you are a succubus and a demon,
And I'll tell you right now, its my emotions that you are feeding,
on and on I go tears streaming,
waking up cold sweat beating,
the brows of my forehead and my teeth bleating,
Clashing, gnashing, outside is scary but within it is bleeding,
knife wounds to the gut, butterflies screaming,
I can't even sleep now, covered in my own *****,
Hating you, blaming you, dreading the upcoming meeting,
Can't escape it, can't fight it, it is your body I'm needing,
Your soul that still makes me feel like givin',
Up and dyin' here in this bed of my own decievin',
Girl, I'll tell you its our fault I'm leavin,
Dead and unheeded,
Depressed and beaten,
down by the secrets of me you were keeping,
But now it is over and still on my sub-conscious you are eating,
So every time I wake up, half-dead and decreasing,
I still find you, And I find myself singin',
But you deserve no more songs no more revelin,
Not from me, no, you'll find happiness everlastin',
And I know this I can see it, I am dreaming,
And his **** is bigger and its aching,
The torture, the ****, the forlorn breeding,
Modern society or mental instability,
I dont know babe, Im ******* crazy,
Lazy but forcefully preceding,
When I tell you I'm flawed and dominating,
You laugh at me, hardly even breathing,
and I cant help but still be believin'
My love, my idolization, it is sickening,
and as the subject, my former accomplice, partner in crime, your sins to are quickening,
You made one mistake and that was never falling,
Ever out of yourself and now your life you'll be living,
Yet that mistake was not yours, nor any others my darlin',
I was simply not the man, a scared abused child buyin',
More hopes and lies to fight the pain of hatin',
Yourself every day wakin',
Up thinkin', without her I'm wasting,
Too much fear, too much pressure, babe you cant even be feelin',
You just gotta sit there and get *******, no performance, no mind rushing,
a thousand miles and still good for nothing,
Failure again, forevermore, the one person you can live without now ignorin',
You, 'Sexually incompatible', and all the gravy,
Still I kept coming of the dream, of the real one, of you and me feeling,
A love greater than love, obsession and needing,
Just one more look, one more hug, one more day of existing,
But now, buttercup, its just me up alone at night, fighting
The memories of you, and, for what its worth,
I'm losing.

I am Immortal with every perfect verse,
You see me dropping these bombs with ever word I plop.
I'm a singer without the song, and here comes the chorus,

My words live on, bring it on,
Upon the stars I wished for a better day,
And it'll come when I'm gone, when someone discovers,
The feeling, the heart, of my games.

And oh! if I could show the ladies these poems,
Without choking up in fear of their reactions,
My true emotions, my real me, my being,
Then maybe I'd've found one who wouldn't of laughed,
and maybe we'd be immortal.

My words live on, bring it on,
Upon the stars I wished for a better day,
And it'll come when I'm gone, when someone discovers,
The feeling, the heart, of my games.

Go to hell, I'll see you there, I'm the boss, welcome my direction,
I'm working the angles you ain't seein, sometimes many, sometimes none, but I keep on working, keep on tinkerin' till I find the perfect immortalization of a young son looking for the one, anyone.

My words live on, bring it on,
Upon the stars I wished for a better day,
And it'll come when I'm gone, when someone discovers,
The feeling, the heart, of my games.

Let's go, I know you've put up with a lot, but I promise, you won't have to listen to me talk much longer, cuz my time is almost done. And I don't have the time for structure or rhyme, just listen to my base. I'ma be dead before you read this, till the next time you do, when I come to life again, I ain't never gonna see you, nor you me, but you know me better than anyone, and when your grand kids read this in their books... they'll know. I'm immortal.

My words live on, bring it on,
Upon the stars I wished for a better day,
And it'll come when I'm gone, when someone discovers,
The feeling, the heart, of my games.

I wish the first moment I met you,
Would resound forever.

Never needing food or sleep,
Just content in your presence.

The feeling of love and awe,
Beauty captured in a moment.

My desire is to go back,
To that very first day…
And if I may,
I think I’d kiss you,
If just to say,
I’m yours.

To see and smell you’re autumn hair,
Matching you’re hazel glazed eyes perfectly.

Felicity,
How delightfully,
You kiss me.

Bliss,
Thy name is,
Such sweet remiss.

First,
I will love you,
Then I will quench your thirst.

Then,
In half remembered ecstasy’s,
I will taste you when.

After,
Your chest will rise tiredly,
Stuggling for laughter.

Finally,
I will hug and cuddle you,
Showing that my love is not trivial.

When,
I wake from the dream,
I’ll still remember that you are a godsend.

I used to believe there was something wrong with me.
And then I met you.
I used to be sick with loneliness,
But you cured it with you’re faithfulness.
Whenever I looked into the dark, I saw empty shadows,
Now it is you that fills the gallows.
Before I met you I was dead but a live.
Now I’m in love and living my life.
Whereas before depression and anger were present,
Now it is only happiness and joy, in every second.
I write these to let out my emotions,
So that you may cry tears of elation.
I want to scream out you’re name and etch it on my heart,
Because it most certainly beats with you’re mark.
I am not the smartest or fastest or tallest or strongest.
But I put in the effort and I’ll work for your content.
I promise not to you hurt you, if you’ll promise the same,
Because in the end we are opposites but one in name.

Loving You,
Is so painful,
Too cliché,
And risqué…

Too dangerous,
Too incredulous,
Too out of bounds,
Too without grounds.

A soul mate,
A friend,
A lover,
A mother.

It’s coming to a close,
And all these words, and ideas and moans,
They are my own.
But they are more yours than mine,
Because I am nothing, if not on you’re vine.
Feed me and pet met and water me too,
Show me lots of love, and like an angel sent from above,
I will radiate my light on you.

It’s not much, for sure,
But it’s what I’ve got.
It’s added to you’re presence,
Your heavenly beauty.

I’ll leave you with one last thought,
Something that shall not be forgot.
You’re only young and you’re only alive once,
So make it the best, make it loved,
That’s what I’ve done, what I did,
When I found the one.

Mia.

Some person told me you were dead.
My wife, my love, my friend.
I would have cried if I was alive,
But I've been in cold dread instead.

Its funny but I'm not laughing.
Its sick but I'm not puking.
Its painful but I'm not bleeding.
Rescue me from my sickness,
Before I stop  breathing.

Why do I always act so happy,
When I'm so **** sad.
Why doesn't someone save me?
Where is my superwoman.

Find me some emotions,
Because I lack any,
before i give up entirely.
Silent sleepin' deadly dreamin'
Before the zombies come,
I be comin'
and maybe it makes a day go by a lil faster,
as i get a lil sweater
take it off like a strip dancer poleless,
abound on this earth's flat surface.

You know, I'll say, and you can quote me on this.
Its easier to go up than to go down,
But, also don't forget, that what goes up, must always come down.
You think your the ****, wait 10 years, you'll be one dead *****.

Hey *******.
Or so some person told me.

They call me the deaf reaper,
The not-so-slim teacher,
You want a lesson?
Here ya go, let me beat ya,
I'm the best, I'm the worst dressed,
Ill fight you over your address,
I got arguments, I've got lies,
I ain't hearing your *******,
I'm making my own, and I Direct,
I do not listen.
I scream, to others but not to myself,
I'm half as great to me, twice as awesome to you,
I pity no fool,
I look at ignorance with a mixture of disgust,
And admirance.
I wanted to be a leader,
not a professor,
But profess this, my dearest,
queer hater, oh not gay,
Just weird and unneeded.,
Who will follow, A modern day ******,
Living for greatness, for evil for death,
no matter what else has been heeded.
Who can scream with the anger and the authority,
Oh, that is me, the deaf reaper.
Grim, grim!
Oh, but what a grin,
Smiling oh so devilishly,
Too deviously,
that even in his now once brightly lit din,
now on the road to recovery, through the death,
of his dearest emotions, friends,
family and hearing,
Only now can he see the vision,
But the vision was sent a year too late,
How cruel then, is fate?
Now, left with one penniless gift,
Lovely, quite irate.
Poetry, boys and girls,
Like what you feed to the dogs,
regurgitated meat,
infused with vitamins and
milk straight from the teats,
of an unwanted *****,
come here, a little closer,
if you dare meet fear,
Ill eat you, oh i'll eat you,
and lick up all your tears,
until only one fluid is leaking,
and your lips then smear,
for me all for me,
For I am not myself,
Only the images and lies,
Of beings far incompare,
what does it mean,
what does it mean,
oh Ill tell you little bean,
bean bounce bounce for jean,
look at her eyes, lustily,
She is a hand, the hand on the face,
watch it as it shivers, just out of place,
still in control, if only she could see,
Her hearing clouding her vision,
Of the demons in me.
No, no, for ever devoid,
take away the rest,
of these worthless toys,
You call feelings, given to me,
To ruin my intellect,
And degrade my being.
I will not let the good win out,
Oh I hate the light.
I will change the definition of good,
I will give death real meaning,
My own.
Listen, listen closely,
Listen to my tone.
It is the whispers, the whispers,
of the subconcious untold,
That part of you, deep inside,
that when seeing the hero win,
Says "well it woulda been cool to see,
the villain preside."
So give me the world, mind control,
and more. Oh look into these,
deep blue eyes, these,
fragile snowflakes,
these *****, *****, charms.
Feel my pain and agony,
As I disregard them,
Legion, consuming evertly,
Yum, Yum, I say with a sway,
But it is not food that I eat,
Nay, Nay, for the Deaf Reaper,
It is on another soul, another mind,
Another worthless human body,
That I PREY.

lidless eyes
and the thought that
I'll never get better
is comforting in its
own particularly dreadful way
waves of solitude
self imposed and ever increasing
can't won't fit in afraid to fit out
misunderstood and still in search of self
identity folks is more important than anything
it just ***** when your self
is... not much at all
just a phase
i hope

Oh, *******.
Same cursed disease.
That took my beloved mother,
Right away from me.
Heathen Blood spewers,
Choking women at the seams,
cutting into lungs like,
My empty heart beats,
gore into my arteries,
I need you to go away,
Before my sanity leaves me.
The images flashing into my head,
The death that you bring,
Oh rear it all upon me.
Why can I not be cursed,
Why not punish me.
Cruel fates,
I want to absorb theirs,
Take it back and drink it dry,
And die fitfully,
Painfully,
Pneumonia,
How lonely,
You make me.

Loneliness is a common illness.
Yet I reside in it selfishly,
The White walls are all Black,
My mind fades oft to the back.

You made the attempt,
And I made the refuse,
Self-destruction my only attribute.
Pain my only friend.

I see death and hear it too,
It calls out to me in the form of the blues.
I am reaping what I have sown,
Soon, my soul will embark on its final toll.

Love is absent,
Cold is present,
I wish I could feel,
But feelings are for childlike yesterday’s.

I was a happy boy once,
But age is just a number,
At 16 I am older than most,
My face a grave testament, to the graves of friends sentiment.

I am sick with an illness,
One for me not to be cured.
I wish I believed in fate,
It would be much easier then.

Yet there is no one to blame,
Or hide behind,
Only my shadow to reside beside,
Only your memory to taunt my mind.

I have made many mistakes,
And will make many more,
One day in fact I think I’ll be poor,
But the greatest by far,
Was to leave you barred,
To leave you stranded in the backseat of that car.

The wind is calling me now,
It talks to me somehow,
Sayin’ “You won’t be much longer now, won’t be left alone to frown.”
I answer, “Come back when I am dead,”
It echoes, “Won’t be much longer now.”

The tears are empty,
So is the pitcher.
How can I be with ya?
Never, never, never.

I have trouble sleeping,
Harder still to make sense,
Because my dreams are haunting
To this day the leave men incensed.

I am going crazy,
Slowly but surely.
Soon you’ll see me on your door.
Wanting to get our favorite smores.

Silence, now, silent void.
The wind is no longer whispering.
The walls no longer menacing.
Only me, without.
My mind not even speaking,
Not daring to break what is happening.

The windows open without noise,
Outside I can see my future,
Lit in a light other than the moon.
What I see… makes me hope I die soon.

Ugly bird, you see,
I'm too perceptive for these games,
you Seek.
I can tell in your eyes, within my demons' dream,
That you are many things to many people,
A wish, a woman, a genie, a lover, a slave,
And nothing ever to be possessed or,
To have value, nay,
only fleeting, like the wind, void of essence,
and so I made a decision, long ago,
To let your wind swirl around mine,
Coming and going like nature doth please,
Uncaringly gazing into a cruel,
Empty world.
Fault nothing of yourself,
Just my eyes that are seeing,
My mind that is thinking,
And my heart that has long since,
Stopped beating.

I ain't ever gonna be the man
I was supposed to be.
Oh no, that shining soul,
was washed out to sea.

But maybe, just maybe,
I'll become who I am,
Turn in, quite magically,
To the best version of myself.

One day, on a wish,
I'll stop dreading my being,
I'll look into the mirror,
And accept the fact I am seeing.

I will no longer mourn the skin I have shed,
The layers of self,
The visages of what could have,
Should have been.

I am that I am,
My brother and mother are long dead,
My father now, distantly,
I will climb.

This pit will no longer hold,
My essence, no longer keep,
Me imprisoned, I'll decide my limits,
I'll reach my heavens.

And I might even take you,
I might very well build a home,
A place for us, and our living,
I might just become who I am,
Before I turn into dust.
I only have this one chance, to turn around
Before my life crumbles in rust...
I must, I don't know, but I'll struggle,
Until I can handle,
oh or till the day I can trust,
The way you look at me.

Man.
Always.
Entranced.
By that,
Horizon
Dawning, radiantly
In the dusk of the valleys,
In that place where only, kings and.
Vagabonds, go
In that secret place where,
you and I know,
That secret whisper that
Lush moonlit smile
That smitten meal
With hidden doves aflut
Good god there is none
Yet still, angel,
You
Are
One.

So where does that leave me,
I wonder, I ponder,
Lost and alone,
Across time, space, and a simple screen,
Across the fragility and powerlessness of the human heart,
The unwieldy empty reach of my dreams,
Those lost
Hidden valleys, oh,
Just the thought of the sight,
Just the temptation of that,
Empty horizon, on the tip of my tongue,
Those beautiful curves, twisted upon every single one
Of
My
Nerves.

Good god there is none,
But, maybe if there was,
It’d be someone and something like you,
Just a precious little thing,
Just something out of reach,
As Icarus reached out for the sun,
And I only your waxing moon,
Content now and again,
If I dare say it,
To reflect some of your own shine,
Upon those who would wear it,
Just over reach,
Just beyond heaven.
Therein.

There is a place down below,
Where the mockingbird used to crow,
Under the earth in sweet melody,
Of times gone past, and times gone needily.
In this magical place, I wander,
Speaking of times yonder,
And I speak to my friend,
About this mystical trend,
We work together underneath Charon’s Moon.
In this hell we call, soon.
We wait patiently and talk about revenge.
Ironically that it is the lies we spin, careenage,
Quicker and quickless, fast and fastness,
Speeding our demise and yours,
Upon fates sick web.

I SAW IT THEN,
What I SEE EVEN NOW
The future of MAN and the WOMAN he held dear!
And oh, the woe that lied WITHIN
The laughter so MALICIOUS
And the daughter NEVERAFTER
They all combined for some SICK DISEASE
Something I could not help but SNARL at!
I prayed then for the first time in my LIFE,
Let me take their HEARTS, their BRAINS,
Look at them MOTHER, look at their FAILURES,
What have the done, if not KILLED EACH OTHER.

And then I cried, alone once again.
My friend never there, left me again.
And my tears pooled almost high enough today,
To **** me forever.
Maybe tomorrow when I wake up forgetting again.

They call it guilt, John.
That's what the voice in the dark of the night,
would always whisper upon me.
But I was deaf, so I would never hear it.

Oh, it's just what they'll all say,
"It's not your fault",
That your brother died,
That you're a broken husk of a man.

Worry not, worry not, fair snakeskin,
fair caterpillar,
surely you, too,
will shed your skin and fly, fly away.

But he doesn't get to fly now does he?
No all he exists is,
as a sad, cold face,
dead, under the refraction of light,
that pool's death gleams.

Hmm, but you enjoy this don't you,
John, the voice said to me.
The tragic backstory, the shameless reason.
For such gleeful ecstasy, surerly,
The small price of the lie called brother,
of innocence, of life,
of something you never really had, something you never really lose,
what an even sacrifice, John, what a fair toll,
in fact how favored are you, to so enjoy,
self-flagellation.

I won't tell if you won't, she says, whispered. Why always a she and who? It finishes anyways; whether I want it to...

Spencer died,
So I can have,
my whip in hand.
That is my truth.

Summer sets,
Summer, Summer, Summer…sets
Summer ***,
Summer, Summer, Summer… ***

Summer sets in the *** of Summer,
Or is it *** that sets in the Summer of sets?
Can I have *** in your sets this Summer?
Or will Summer just set?

Let’s go back to basics,
Where the Summer just sets in the sunsets.
Autumn aspires to asphyxiate natures atoms
Because the Summer has set.

Oh let’s just have this last set of *** as our Summer fades and sets.
Make love to our least favorite song as the fire around us burns and resets.
Because tonight is the last night, that our Summer will set.

"Tug, tug, tug" said the weights on my heart,
oh snug snug snug, with a smile and a hug,
did the chains gleefully entreaty,
On some days you'll feel the pain and self-hate,
But most of the time you will be empty,
Smug smug smug,
Me or these bands I breed?

Oh I wonder, I wonder, I wonder,
I think about it now and then, my sweet,
How it feels to love many,
Love so openly,
Looking in the hollow shells and finding the sick treat,
Nothing is fonder, fonder, fonder, on me
Than rejecting my own destiny.

I can go less and less as the years get colder, colder, colder,
The hot sun shines a little less,
And the snow makes me more than a little numb,
A white void, a sign post saying, darkness approaching,
I smile a little happy, depression now encompassing,
Au revoir, and the c'est la vie,
For je t'aime, and everything else,
Lies, lies, lies, and you can stick it up your hiney.

The truth is I am already dead,
Waiting for the sky to fall,
And we never know when we will stop breathing,
But we beg for it bleeding,
The breaking point, the line,
The end of all suffering,
The do or die, die, die,
All that and more my future does not lie,
No instead, my wretched soul,
Is already long gone,
Leaving now only a loud heart,
And the incessant sounds going,
"Tug, tug, tug."

The collateral coaxes of God on Man,
Bring forth the froth of Goth on sand.

When existence means meaningless breathings,
Why do we try and see the reasoning’s of dreams.

Because the faces inside of these traces;
Memories of the outcast on the plains of the membrane.

Taking to the stars in a ship of bars,
Withholding the pain from exploding, while somewhere my mother is tokin’

And it goes faster and faster than fast, and these lines take on the attack,
Of a thousand gazelles in flight to tomorrow’s past fright.

There is no truth just perspective and respectively speaking I’m speaking about respect.
Abhor me as you adore me; please me as you use me, take me as you break me.

I am the ocean as I am the sky, blue crashing on white, trying to live my life,
But I’m failing at every turn and it burns and there is no learn only do and do not.

This life is a series of failures entwined in a not so heavenly knot,
And its okay as long as I’m dead, I say sir let’s travel to the bay, and maybe by the end of the day…

I’ll find my one true love in a tub of emotional regret and without worry or fret,
I’ll take her in my hands and kiss her with my face, just givin’ her a taste…

Of a man wondering if painkillers can take away the heartache.

A short December,
Blissfully upon my vacant mind,
I get older, do less drugs,
Get dumber.
Who knew?

Oh, you, sitting there,
I can't see you,
But I know you are somewhere,
Someone. Anyone.
My desperation to change,
to find a reason to,
belong, to fawn.

I can almost picture your smile,
Just as the thought almost puts air,
In my decrepit lungs,
I can almost hear your whisper,
Oh my deaf ears nearly bare,
Your inner thoughts,
Finally someone who will share.

You are just around the corner,
Sitting in that chair,
Sitting, sipping that coffee,
Living a life that suits mine,
I know it, cause it is the only thread,
of my make believe reality,
that feels real,
And all I need to do is bind,
my absent heart to your
make-believe existence.

Surely though if only I was not so scared,
Of feeling something, anything, again.
I just bury my head, hide in my pitiful work,
and, do not lie, do not escape.
Wallow. Wallow.
Always swallowing my fear.

I can see you sitting there,
And all I have to do is sit here,
And smile.
And relax.
And we don't have to ****.
And you won't run.
And you'll be happy I'm around.
And you'll make me frown,
if just to determine to make me,
Smile my smile that only,
You can elicit for a while.
Love, Love, I need only sit there,
Next to you,
But.
How do I arrive...
A by your side,
A place to be found,
Somewhere in Wonderland.

Everywhere I go I’m lookin’ for something.
And everywhere I go no one is lookin’ for me.

I’m tired of searching for words,
This **** stupid puzzle.

You connect the dots,
In the middle find me.

***, quite respectfully,
Don’t call me honey.

You don’t know me,
You don’t hold me softly.

I can’t hear your light whispers,
As I drift to sleep peacefully.

You never gave a ****,
Never did.

Everywhere might as well be nowhere.
Because there is no light in this life.

I’m trapped in the dark,
And for years countless I’ve been searching for the end of the tunnel.

But no one’s calling my name,
No one’s put on a search for me.

I guess its all just part of the game,
Only recently have I figured why it was called that.

Everyone is trippin’ and trickin’ and hurtin’ each other,
Cuz’ we all wanna be in love with one another.

Oh well, I think I’ll just sit for a bit,
Lie here and rest a minute.

When did it get so dark, cold and late?
Before I’d been young I was already old.

Goodnight.

She's so beautiful.
Why does that word sound so terrible... so inadequate?
God I just want to stop speaking and start staring!
Everytime I sneak a peak of her legs I start shivering,
So intense, oh my heart tends to break a bit,
But it's lust get it right, even if she is a beauty.
Even if she smiles just right.
Even if shes nicest person I've yet met.
I say I just wanna hold her but I'm lyin if I believe that.
I wanna take her, make her mine, in just one way.
I wanna use her, make her scream, passion, flames, wet heat.
I wanna change her life forever, give her things she don't want,
things she don't need, she don't think, she just ain't gonna be.
But I can't and I won't...
So I'm just staring.

All these people,
These friends of mine,
They know everything you see.
They can tell the future, its easy to belive.
They tell me,
"Oh, it will get better soon,
Just wait you will be set free"
Funny how, every time,
I'm almost away,
I just get pulled farther,
Deeper under...
The happier I am,
Its like the giant falling,
From that tall beanstalk,
My smiles setting me for,
The sequential falls,
A rollercoaster ride...
A cosmic joke, I suppose.
How many ways can my life be tarnished?
How many times can I fall,
Before I just stay down?
In how many ways can I be imperfect?
And just not care?
Heck I don't know,
Ask my friends,
They can see everything.
Dontcha know?