Every place I turn
I can't unsee the horrors I've known
I can't say I have had it the worst
Not by a long shot
But it hasn't been butterflies

No three year old wants to see
Random men in their house with
Their mama when their daddy's not home
And no six year old should have to see
Parents so enraged
And divorcing
Nor should their best friend's parents
Feel a need to adopt them
Even temporarily

No seven year old should
Feel they need to be twenty-seven
And like they aren't allowed to cry
No ten year old should be forced
To choose which parent they like best
Under any circumstances

No twelve year old should feel
Any desire to harm themselves
And watch blood swell on their arms
No fourteen year old should think they're
Wrong because they believed in love
Nor should they feel jaded

No fifteen year old should contemplate suicide
At all
Especially not so thought out
With a grand scheme and everything
Just two months before their sweet sixteen
No sixteen year old should feel betrayed
And forgotten
Or unworthy of any kind of love

Every step I take I am reminded
That life is a widening gyre
Mr. Yeats, you were right
But I can't accept that to be
The only plausible possibility
Which leads me to believe
That with every step I take
Though my heart is torn to bits
By this minefield called life
I get a little bit
Stronger

Señor Garcia Marquez
Whatever did you mean
When you wrote of life
And of death by family
I'm in love with
Prudencio Aguilar's ghost
Roaming about the Buendía household
Hole in his throat
Washing out the wound
But what did you mean?!
I'm in love with
Do it yourself chastity belts
And Ursula's fear of ***
But why is this even a theory
Your concept behind biracial inbreeding
And Señor do not get me started
On Melquíades and José Arcadio Buendía
Because that friendship was
Fated to be doomed
I mean no disrespect in all this
I just want to know
Why use Macondo as an allegory
For the Angel Gabriel
You're genius, really
But your run on paragraphs
Infuriate every ounce of my writing soul
You're a Columbian Tolstoy
I mean that as no insult
Your works are tremendous and outstanding
But what am I doing
You're now just an old dead man
"Under the ground"
So now I belong to figure out
Why Pilar needs to fill a void
Opened by a ******
And why Colonel Aureliano Buendía
Thinks of his fond memory of ice
Just before being killed
I've paid my respects to your work
Please pay respects to my search

Freedom and independence are not synonymous
We have many freedoms
But zero independence
Independence is freedom
Freedom is not independence
What we celebrate is a false holiday
It's a cheap *** excuse to drink
And set **** aflame
What we celebrate is a false holiday
Once meant to portray
Our braking away
What we celebrate is a false holiday
That makes life seem like a joke
Because we've conformed too much
I have the freedom to say whatever
I **** well feel like
But I am not independent from fear
Or tyranny
This is America
Land of the stupid
Home of hatred
Everywhere I turn I see
Persecution
Oppression
For religion, ***, and race
For orientations and confusions
For thought and for ideas
This is America
Not some fluffy dreamland
Like so many of us make it out to be
Yes I will be ready to admit
We are certainly freer than most
And yes, I will be ready to defend
My country with my words
But I can't sit on the sidelines
And just watch as my land falls to ****
"Happy Independence Day"
It breaks my heart that we have to declare a day
To recognize independence
It's a false independence we celebrate
I love the fireworks and the lightheartedness of it all
But it's *******
We shouldn't have to label a day
On a calendar
For historical emphasis
Woohoo Declaration of Independence
And all that jazz
But it no longer seems that way
Equality has never existed
This America, not an Aboriginal society
Pursuit of happiness is impossible
Because one person's happiness destroys another's
Liberty and justice for all?
Yeah right
Happy Independence Day to all who believe
But as for me
Independence my ***

I know that you know
The pain you're so addicted to
Is not truly an addiction
To being hurt
To being made worthless
To feeling inadequate
It's an addiction to
Consistency
To feeling routine
But I know that you know
It's unhealthy
It's harmful
It's cruel
It's mean
Go find love elsewhere
Somewhere with respect
Somewhere with happiness
Somewhere without pain
I know that you know
It will not be easy
But I also know that you know
You need to do it
Because once upon a time
I was just like you
Addicted to the consistency
Of the abuse

Zip code 99123
Worst school systems
Boomerang effect
I know it truly is awful
It is the land of hopelessness
It sure as hell isn't
The Promised Land
But blue skies
Grey clouds
Hot summers
Frozen winters
Secrets
Community
Love
Lies
Jealousy
Complete bliss
Tied in with a blanket of anguish
Settled like dust
Those who live here
Those who leave here
Those who always return here
Remember
Forget
Either way you can't change
The history of our hearts
It can be hellish
It can be worthless
And true, there is absolutely nothing going for anyone here
But it will always be my hometown
Electric City
Zip code 99123
Just above the ****** dam
Because my home
Is where my memories
Of lessons learned lies

Hey nice shoes
     Wanna trade?
Haha, sure, I look great in heels
     That's good, because they are killing my feet
Oh no! That's awful, here let me help you
     Haha, thanks. I like your eyes
I like your jacket
     It was my dad's
That's so cool
     I like to think so
**** I'm late for class
     I'll still trade you shoes
Maybe later Beautiful

For better or for worse
I'm certain I'm single
He could have said bye
Or he could have pretended nothing was happening
I've been here twice before
Once with him
Once with someone I unfortunately still love
It could have involved other people
And maybe it does
But he could have said something
So I could feel closure
These tears
Oh God how they burn
I'm so ******* done with today
I didn't want to crawl out of bed
Yet here I am
I faced the world
And received this
Lucky me
Maybe,
Just maybe
This time I'll learn

Maybe because I've always been
*******--
Or unscrewed, I suppose--
In the mental department
Maybe because I know he's a friend
He's just as scared of the world as me
He's not some evil figure
Lurking about at night
Intentionally trying to terrify
He's a man all the same
I don't care what his appearance is
He just tries to hide
Seeking refuge and comfort
Trying to hide his lugubrious mind
He just wants a friend that understands
So he lays under the bed
Or sits in the closet
He doesn't even say a thing
Except "Boo-hoo"
When he hears your life story spoken aloud
By your conscious lips
Or subconscious dream clouds
But what most people don't hear
Is the important half
"Hoo"
They hear boo
And awake and scream
Trying to climb into bed with parents
But Mr. Boogeyman hasn't visited
In a long while
And I'm starting to miss him
Maybe he'll come back tonight
But I'm not afraid of the Boogeyman
Because I've met much worse

You're addicted
You're addicted
To this never ending rage
You don't get it
You don't get it
I'm not a ******* game
But you can't help it
You can't help it
When I roll 'round in your brain
You're just a puppet
You're a puppet
To my nicotine ways

So do as I say
And I won't let you down

Burn me at midnight
Let my poison fill your lungs
I'm only here to **** you
And oh **** is it fun
Douse me at daybreak
You ignorant fool
Didn't your mama ever tell you
Not to go smoking with the moon
You shouldn't have lit me up
In the first place
Because now I control your brain

You keep trying
You keep trying
But you keep getting nowhere
You're still hiding
You're still hiding
Your midnight smoke wears
You think lying
You think lying
Will change what you've become
You're still dying
You're still dying
Look what I've done

So don't do as I say
And go for your dreams

Burn me at midnight
Breathe in my drug
Inhale my death sentence
Like you're on the chopping block
Douse me at daybreak
You're **** out of luck
Didn't your mama ever tell you
Not to go smoking with the moon
You shouldn't have bought me
To start with
Now you're no longer here

I glow fire red
My *** sticks out of your mouth
You breathe in my lies
And exhale yourself
You must not have realized
That what you bought
Wasn't just me
But a ticket to toothless
Breathless
Cancerous
Lies
And a direct flight to hell

So

Burn me at midnight
And stomp out your life
The jury finds you guilty
You gave me the keys
Douse me at daybreak
Stomp on my friends
Throw out the lies you've been livin in
Didn't your mama ever tell you
Not to go smoking with the moon
Apparently not , but you'll see the mistake soon
Burn me at midnight
Douse me at daybreak
You shouldn't have bought me
In the ******* first place

Don't burn me at midnight
Douse me at daybreak

I'm going to start
Tossing your bags into the streets
Each time your memory burns
I'm going light up
And toss one back
Every time I think your name
I'm ready to put a boot
In your ***
My dear friend, Toby,
The one that you hate,
Told me it's the American way
So are you leaving yet?
Because if not
I'll file for restraint
Leave me alone
Otherwise, like Earl,
You'll have to die
Seeing as how emotional abuse
Ain't no way to treat a lady
You claim to love

I miss you something awful
and it hurts real bad.
Today I cried because I realized
You'll never want me back
I'm a mess, I'm a project:
I am charity work you took on.
You loved me and I you,
But in a blink you were gone.
Now I feel like a part of me's missing
Because it liked you more.
I guess I didn't realize
You and I were at war.
Well baby, you win
To the victor do the spoils go.
You have my heart still
And my promise isn't broke.
You're beautiful; spectacular
Please don't change a thing.
I love you, you wonderful man,
Even though to you I am nothing

A swingset out in the backyard reminds me
Of years from long ago
It's been over a decade since I've walked those paths
Today I decided to go back on the paths
And I sat in the overgrowth
And allowed myself some tears
I want to go back to the days from long ago
Full of braids and tooth gaps
Free of cares and stress
Back to when my parents were together
Back to when the scariest thing
Was tripping on the sidewalk
Or maybe the clowns
I miss holding hands with both my parents
I miss dancing about freely
Where did the days
Of hope and make believe disappear to
Where is my tooth gap
Where are my braids

When they saw her sliced up arms and thighs
Because they couldn't believe
Someone with such a childish
Angelic face could really do that to herself
And no one thought to say anything
When she silently screamed out for help
So off she went with some rope
And no hope left
To the bathroom
In the shower
Where she hanged herself
By kicking a stool out from under her feet
After all she was short and tiny
Which leads us to today
An entire year later
Where she could've been an entire year older
An entire year happier
If someone had said something
Thankfully she found her God
But that doesn't justify an 11 year old girl's
Suicide

I'll be the Harley Quinn
To your Joker gender bend

I am a minor miner girl
Living in a go and get 'em world
We come in by the dozens
And I think you all know how this story goes
I try to please everyone around me
Forgetting what's important
And as we all know that isn't the best
I should use my mind more often
To guard my sooty heart
All you other minor miner girls know what I'm saying
But I love and I love and I love
Never stopping to think of the consequences
Sure to follow
I just dive in heart first hoping to not hit the ground
And minor miner girls you know it's true
We try so **** hard
And we always fall
Straight on through to the hellish pain that awaits
I'm sorry if I upset you
My dear fellow minor miner girls
But we need to grow up
And we need to exhibit some sort of conceit
Not to the point of egotism and bigotry
Just to the point of safety
To the point where we aren't always stepped on
And can roll in the Major Miner Girls league
I love you all
Because that's who I am
But as by unspoken and now finally written law
We minor miner girls abide by
I'm still learning to love myself
So minor miner girls
Raise your pickaxes and your shovels
Toss off your hardhats
Because we are about to rumble with
The world outside our mine
We will be
Major Miner Girls

I knew her better than any of you
And maybe her less
I know not when she died
Or how she went
But it seems she just faded away
Slowly and peacefully
Perhaps she isn't fully dead
And she'll make special cameos
But are the dead ever really gone?
She was someone I thought I could call friend
She wasn't
She was mean and cold
She couldn't stand herself
She was hateful and hot headed
And was incapable of love
Because she had little--
If any--
Self-respect
Her heart was broken long before
I thought to save her
She always went for the abusive ones
No matter where she went
Because she thought that was love
She was sarcastic and blunt
To the point of defensive
Because she was scared
Even I could hardly love her
But I did
I say she wasn't a friend
But that's a half-lie
She was definitely the
Back-stabbing kind
She was the girl you didn't want
To be with
And my image is stained
Because of that
I was closer to her than anyone of you
Yet I was also the furthest away
She somehow managed to receive genuine love
But now she is a ghost
Cleaning out the hole in her throat
In my bathroom sink
She can linger for a while
I don't mind
Eventually I'll tell her to disappear
To pack her bags and leave
So,
Miss Samantha Marie Moore
From the kingdom of
Self-Loathe and Negativity,
Rest in Peace
Because you've ******* me over enough
And I am done
Bathing in your aura

If love were enough to
Hold everything together
And prevent harm
The world might be better
But you know what,
Sometimes love isn't enough
Love cannot mend
Unforgivable breaks and bends
Love can't forget
Misfortunate wounds cut open
Love can't stop disease
Or cure cheating, lying, or fighting
Sometimes,
I've realized,
Love simply isn't enough

Easy targets make for great alibis
Because the fear stricken in their hearts
Will make them say any lies
Easy targets make for great playthings
You can't help but to manipulate their minds
Tugging on their marionette strings
Easy targets make for great alibis
Because they choke when they try
To utilize their own voice

So I suppose I shouldn't be surprised
But he wants to come to my aid
Rescue me from flirts that look like ******-Doo's Shaggy
I just don't think he realizes he's already saved me
I am no longer a damsel in distress
He showed the tower was never locked
I had a key the whole time
Now, he's so incredibly patient as I ease my way out
Loving me so fiercely; I can't help it
I love me, too
I always have, he just made me realize it
Anxiety consumes my soul like Man's Red Flower in Jungle Book
Oceans of fear splash across my brain
But my heart, although racing, is at peace
Even as I lose sight of who I am
He reminds me my imperfections are beautiful
He reminds me I am loved
He reminds me I am enough
And I feel safe
I've never known such peace
Never known such an unfailing love
I've said it before, but never will I stop believing
He is the sun; so am I
I have hope
I love him more than I ever thought possible
He is a saint
And I am lucky to call him mine
In any sense of the word

Sweetened cereal
Rolled out corn
In funny shapes
Fills my mouth
And excites my tongue
This cereal that has witnessed
My whole life
Has no clue what
Impact it still makes
It takes me back to
A simpler place
Deep inside my soul
Where innocence roams freely
And love surrounds my bones
I did not bleed blood when I fell
But instead I merely bled
Faith
Maybe that's why I am
Where I am
Today

In the front yard
Over toward the left
Beside the climbing tree
Under the branches of the magnolia
Is a garden of dahlias
And a pond of water lilies
Which is great for hiding a body
If the need ever arises

So what happens when Jill
Comes running down the hill
Crying to Mary and her lamb
About how Jack had laid a hand
On her now ever-present frown
Spinning her head round
Jill is bawling because she knows
For breaking Jack's crown she'd face death row?

Into the pond half the body goes
The other half helps to make the plants grow
The girls sit and talk over a cup of tea
When Jill ponders over the meaning of free
Certainly not the sirens blaring out front
This is when Mary stubs out her blunt
Wanted for suspected ****** with fear in her eyes
Poor Miss Jill would have rather died
She begged and she pleaded for some form of mercy
But she was tangled in a web of controversy
Little lamb taken into custody by law
Mary found face down in a bale of straw
Foaming at the mouth
***** plus pills equates to south
Hauled off to jail
And stomach pumped back from hell
The girls become shells of nothingness
Creating only emptiness

Here's to showing off about football
Here's to thinking cautiously
Here's to candy
Here's to barely knowing the person who sits two seats away
Here's to a sweet tooth that tests limits
Here's to kitties and puppies
Here's to slowing rejecting the seating chart
Here's to a new chart that brings two seats together
Here's to a mutual friend
Here's to black and blonde hair
Here's to math class
Here's to learning
Here's to growing
Here's to October for reducing two seats away to one
Here's to November for closing the gap
Here's to weird animals
Here's to a new group
Here's to the boy who drops out
Here's to getting to receiving his GED
Here's to "I don't want to go homes"
Here's to choir as well
Here's to the weird science teacher who's room is claimed
Here's to awkward conversations that keep life flowing
Here's to boyfriends that lack approval
Here's to moving to a new room
Here's to arguments about Jess and Dean
Here's to Rory and Lorelai
Here's to that phone call at nine pm
Here's to "He wants to take a break"
Here's to "It's mutual" through heavy tears
Here's to friends ready to comfort
Here's to "He's trying to cheat on you"
Here's to "I just broke up with you, that's what happened"
Here's to feeling comfortable again
Here's to pause buttons for God of War
Here's to "He just broke up with me"
Here's to "He's just doesn't feel the same way anymore"
Here's to comfort and to "I hate him"
Here's to wanting to better oneself
Here's to falling short and crawling back
Here's to first fights
Here's to only lasting twenty minutes
Here's to "He blocked me"
Here's to "He's cheating on me"
Here's to not needing him
Here's to the past coming back to haunt you
Here's to being stabbed by someone once called friend
Here's to silence
Here's to "She's so pretty"
Here's to "I love you"
Here's to "No more pining after lame guys"
Here's to seeing that teacher at Goodwill
Here's to days of brokenness
Here's to hope
Here's to the future
Here's to sweet sixteens
Here's to first cars
Here's to reptiles in rainy weather attire
Here's to sassitude
Here's to sasstastic people
Here's to near deaths
Here's to survivals
Here's to first sleepovers
Here's to lunch at that cute Italian bistro nobody knows
Here's to Philly cheesesteaks
Here's to Thai tea
Here's to "When can we do this again"
Here's to nightmares about rejection
Here's to dreams about perspective
Here's to an undying friendship
Here's to an eternity of trust
Here's to many more days
Here's to you
And here's to me,
Cheers,
Your best friend

If not for tomorrow I'd live for today
And treat each breath gifted
Like it could be the last one I'll take
If not for tomorrow I'd find religion
And pray on my knees until
I was too sore then I'd pray some more
If not for tomorrow I'd be more sensible
And I'd take more risks because
I wouldn't have time elsewise
If not for tomorrow I wouldn't take today for granted
And I wouldn't live in the past
But live in the present
But I'm only human
So I think to live for tomorrow
Instead of today

Dear fellow ink dwellers,
I wish that when you have a problem
After writing about it
That you would talk about it
We can't sit around letting an issue
Weigh heavy upon our souls and hearts
We need to open up discussion
And bear our burdens
We might not all like each other
But as poets we are a large community
And all of us can relate to pain
You can't make light of it
So I urge you
*Talk

It's my turn to be demanding
You break up with me then say
"Remember the promise you made me"
I made you so many but you mean the one
About self harm
"That's not fair!"
So you told me you want me safe
But now it is my turn

Don't you dare tell me you don't love me
Don't you dare break my heart again
Don't you dare say you care but tell me you're leaving anyways
Don't you dare treat me like a child
Don't you dare make decisions for me
Don't you dare change who you are
Don't you dare lose sight of yourself
Don't you dare give up

I love you
I miss you
I'm sorry

Perhaps many of us don't realize
  That life
Harbors secrets and lessons around every corner
  But also harbors many disappointments
Each lie spewed like venom is poison to the tongue
  But each accomplishment is sweet upon the lips
Many moments are wasted and taken for granted
  But that's not true for some
Eventually the human race will understand
  That life is just about
Fairy tales and make believe or misery and agony
  It's a bittersweet mixture of both
With dashes of hope and pinches of despair
  It's a perfect recipe
For honesty and for dares

Perhaps I am a confusing individual
Believing that human nature is inherently good
While thinking that the world is out to get me
But knowing the universe is indifferent
To my menial existence that has beautiful
Tones lifting other souls into their fullest
Potential where they can live
Abiding by laws of morality
Which is a grey area
Molded skillfully and in a lovely fashion

Strangers are just new chapters
You've haven't chosen to write yet
They could become friends
Or family
Or loves
They could be filled with promise
And hope
And happiness
They are adventures with souls
And heartwarming--
Sometimes heartbreaking--
Stories and lives
So why not risk it
There's no reason
To be afraid

Innocent songbird
Keep singing sweet sorrows
Keep whistling lullabies
The cage they're erecting
Can't keep you in
Can't tie you down
O! innocent songbird
They can clip your wings
Trim your claws
But how stupid are they
Thinking you are a pet
A prize for cheap pay
Innocent songbird
They've not yet realized
Everything they are doing
Can't **** your singing
They don't understand
The words of a man
Are much more powerful
Than the laws of the land

I can understand
That every now and again
We all hurt and we cry
And some of us feel as though we might die
While others try and cross that line
But I can't stand it
So I sure as hell won't stand for it
I can understand
How sometimes pain
Can be far too real
And we sometimes lie to ourselves
With wrists kissed by knives
But I can't stand it
So I sure as hell won't stand for it
I can understand
That we get so wrapped
Up in the moments that we feel
Worthless, useless, lifeless
Then cry and ache inside
But I can't stand it
So I sure as hell won't stand for it
I can understand
How we lose all faith
In hope for better days
And desire pills, *****, nooses
Blades, water. and bullets
But I can't stand it
So I sure as hell won't stand for it
I can understand
The feeling of loneliness
And heartbreak
With pangs of woe, hatred, and self-loathe
And thoughts flooded with depression
But I can't stand it
So I sure as hell won't stand for it
I can understand
Feeling as though I
Could never amount
To the person I need to be
And feeling like I should just let go
But I can't stand it
So I sure as hell won't stand for it
I can understand
Feeling all this awful
Having all this pain
But what I can't understand is
How I don't know why we feel this
I can't stand it
So I sure as hell won't stand for it
I can understand
That I have a disease
That yes truly we are
Searching souls in need of light
But never reaching out for help
I can't stand it
So I sure as hell can't stand for it
I can't understand
Why we search
And yearn for help
We look for outs before looking for ins
Or why we were chosen to carry this burden
I can't stand it
So I sure as hell won't stand for it
I can't understand
How it is that we
As victims of this disease
Can't understand our own psychosis
Or our own feelings
I can't stand it
So I sure as hell won't stand for it
I can't understand
How people see suffering
And just walk by
Like if they don't acknowledge something
In this world is wrong then it can't be
I can't stand it
So I sure as hell won't stand for it
Something I really cannot understand
Is how we
As a collective group of soon
To be strong despite feeling weak
Overcome our battle even if we experience defeat
I can't stand it
But I sure I hell can stand for it

If I could turn back time
I'd go back and I would be better
I'd be less selfish
I'd focus more on your needs
Your desires,
Your wants
If I could turn back time
I'd go back and buy that ticket
I'd go and visit you so that you'd know
Just how much I love you
How much I miss you
How much I need you
If I could turn back time
I would shower you with affection
I'd teach you just how much
You mean to me because
I love you
I love you
I love you
But you don't love me anymore
If I could turn back time
I would be a better girlfriend
And I wouldn't be here now
Crying and wondering where I went wrong
But I know it's because I'm too unhealthy
Mentally and emotionally
I'm sorry I still love you,
I hope you can forgive me
If I could turn back time
I'd hide my depression better
My anxiety
My PTSD
I'd ask you everyday
"How was your day?
How is your bloodsugar?
How are you? Because I really want to know"
I'd say to you
"You are everything to me
You are the love of my life
You are amazing"
I love you
I'm sorry I can't turn off my heart
Like some sort of radio
You might have taken the keys away
But you forgot I run on faith
If I could turn back time
You would never have to doubt how
Deep my love for you is
Because you are my life
My world
My heart
I love you
I love you
I love you
*I'm sorry

I am a minor miner girl
Searching for the diamond in each piece of coal
But sometimes all that is there is rock
No shining sparkle
But what girls like us minor miner girls
Don't realize is that we too shine
Those pieces of rock
Those lumps of coal
We throw our whole lives into
Trying to find their diamond
When it doesn't exist
At least not for us
We need to learn that we as individuals
Cannot press a lump so hard
And turn it to diamond
We need to see that
Nothing, absolutely nothing
Can hold us back
Except for us
So dear minor miner girls
Please realize your worth
And don't give your life to those lumps
Of what is really just dirt

So I did what I've been conditioned to do
I texted my ex
At least ten times
I didn't call him baby
Or say I love you
I just asked him to talk to me
Because I was feeling suicidal

He didn't even reply

I confessed this to the man I
Actually love, the saint in my life,
And he asked why I didn't come to him
For the comfort I was seeking
But "Hey babe, I really want to pass out face
Down in a bubble bath after drinking two
Bottles of NyQuil so that I can just drown"
Isn't a great pickup line

But he's my best friend

He looked so hurt
Not by my not coming to him
But my thoughts of suicide
He couldn't fathom why I'd wish myself
Dead
And it was as though he was starting into my soul
"That's the thing about relationships" he started
"Your boyfriend is supposed to be your best friend"
He promised he'd always come
He's always going to be here for me

*And I've never loved anyone more

Agnostic girl full of
Belief in the mirror I
Create behind closed
Doors that open wide when I
Emerge into the terrifying world
Faking so much, so often
Grieving the fear that consumes me
Holistically I am an actress
In a world full of pretenders
Jestering my pride and arrogance
Keeping an ounce of who I really am with
Love from my closest friend
Most nights I can't go to sleep without
Nodding along to the music with tears in my eyes
Opening and closing, so close to losing every
Particle of my true self who hides behind the façade of
Real tough girl, but really I'm just a
Scared little girl, seeking approval
Through abusive relationships that get me nowhere
Underestimating my worth
Vicariously living through those I help
Wondering when I'll stop pretending and wanting
Xanax to ease my mind and cure the never
Yielding ball of AGGH in my stomach reaching the
Zenith called my mouth for awful bile filled days

This is the reality
That creates me

Said the Ceiling Fan to the Dark Room,
"Where is it you go
When the world awakens?"

"I search for myself
In oblivion,"
Whispered the Dark Room

The Ceiling Fan thought this peculiar
"Dark Room," began Ceiling Fan
"What is oblivion?"

The Dark Room giggled,
Forgetting Ceiling Fan's youth
"Oblivion, sweet child, is
Unknown and terrifyingly
Brilliant"

Mimicking Rabbits and Skin Horses
Ceiling Fan questions
The possible pain

Dark Room replies softly
"Only sometimes"

I might be in love
With the idea of loving me
Before loving for a relationship
All this time
Searching for validation
In someone else's love for me
But how was I expecting them to
Truly love me
When I am just now beginning
To love myself
But now I might
In love with
Self respect

To love her big fat piggy heart
It's almost impossible not to actually
She's so filled with life
And no regret
I sure love her
With my little igloo penguin heart

Why is it that at the end of the story
You are considered amazing
When you have done nothing for yourself?
I say you're full of it
Dear Distressed Damsel,
If you're distressed
Why don't you de-stress yourself
Save yourself from the tower
Or whatever problem
It may be that you've gotten into that day
Because all you are is a façade
Playing the victim card
Dear Distressed Damsel,
Get the hell over it