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 May 2018 Grace Spellman
skyler
congratulations
you did it
you found the last straw
my breaking point
you lost me
and probably didn't deserve me anyways

s.s
You have no idea
What it is like
To grow up in this generation
Just like how your parents
Were clueless about yours
i dont feel like taking a shower,
i dont feel like taking a bath,
i am just trying everything,
to get a happy life back.
im sick of all the tears,
the depressed smiles,
and stress effects,
i want to be happy,
i want my parents to laugh more than they argue,
i want more positivity than negative,
i want to be given the happiness us three deserve,
maybe life would be easier,
if my prayers were heard,
i try to not ask for much,
i feel as i do,
then i blame everything on myself,
just so my parents dont have to,
i want my dad to like his job and stay awake more than he sleeps,
we can sleep when were dead,
i want my mom to be stress free,
only small worries in her head,
i want my parents to be healthy and happy,
to enjoy the rest of their lives,
because if they split up,
a piece of me will die,
i stay strong for my mom,
who stays strong for everyone,
i stay strong for my dad,
because his health seems weak,
i stay strong for everyone i love and care about,
and do the best i can,
i just want everyone to be happy,
because,
things are only "okay" in the end.
 May 2018 Grace Spellman
Q
Sorry
 May 2018 Grace Spellman
Q
Sorry Mommy, I'm not the better daughter
I'm sorry, Daddy, I wasn't what you wanted
I'm sorry I'm not good enough yet
I'm sorry I for everything I never said
I'm sorry I'm a overweight, I'll fix it I swear
I'm sorry I'm cutting, but I need it to keep me sane
I'm sorry I smoke, but it's my replacement for air
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm crying
I'm sorry
There's no point to this
I've already ruined everything
I'm so, so, so sorry
Sorry.
Sorry.
I know it doesn't help.
Sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I can't make up for what I've done.
But I am sorry.
I'm sorry I was born
I know you didn't expect me
I'm sorry I wasn't born a boy
I'm sorry I acted to much like you
I'm sorry I made you hate me
I'm sorry I'm annoying
I'm sorry I'm not perfect
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for everything.
Whatever you don't like about me
I'm sorry it's there
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I cry so much
I'm sorry I'm not pretty
I'm sorry I left
I'm sorry
Sorry.


I'm so sorry
I don't know what else to apologize for
I'm sorry you have to spend money on me
I'm sorry I don't know what to be sorry for
I'm sorry I said I hated you
I'm sorry
I'm so sorry
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm not useful yet
I'm sorry I don't make all A's
I'm sorry I don't get math
I'm sorry I don't like science
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry you don't love me.
I'm sorry I want you to.
I'm sorry
I'm so very sorry
I'm sorry I don't call you Mommy anymore
I'm sorry I don't call you Daddy anymore
I'm sorry
I'm sorry you have to be my parents
I'm sorry I'm not good enough
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I know it's not enough

Sorry.
15 cans of beer
to drown the mind daily,
after work,
is no way to live.
(It's a way to die.)
but who am I to criticize when I have no life? Hmm.
 Apr 2018 Grace Spellman
fm
him
 Apr 2018 Grace Spellman
fm
him
hungry eyes
vacant stares
sunday morning
monday dares

tired feet
clumsy legs
silent whimpers
and yet he begs

my hands are covered
in blood that is not mine.
he reaches into my chest
for a heart he can't find.

let him know it's not him.
let him know it's not love.
it's a temporary feeling
that i no longer dream of.
being unable to love *****
sometimes i want to be gone
forever
the way i say that implies that i want to suddenly disappear
but no
i mean i want to be gone from everything
i don’t want to suddenly stop being such a nuisance to everyone around me
i simply wish i never had been in the first place
the real forever, not just in the future
 Apr 2018 Grace Spellman
John Doe
You
Loving you

Was the most

Beautiful

way to die
And the worst part about letting you go is I had to let go of everything you ruined. When I listened to my favorite songs I could no longer enjoy the rhythm or get lost in the lyrics, no. Instead I got lost in the way your lips sang along with the words, the way your eyes lit up when I decided to join you. I could no longer just drive down the road because every time I happen to glance at that passenger side, I could see glimpses of you. I could hear you from a distance laughing at the jokes I told. I could no longer walk down my hometown street without feeling your hand in mine, or go to the grocery store without relieving those moments in our favorite late night spot. I couldn't bare going to the park and listening to the leaves in the wind or watching the stars at night because you took that away from me too. You ruined the things in life that made me smile, that made me happy. My sheets are in the form of your silhouette and reek of your soul. I cannot wear my favorite top, I cannot view another sunset... because of you. I don't wear my hair the same way, I don't speak the same way. I cannot bare the loss of you. But I need to.
I wrote this about a month ago but didn't think it was perfected enough to be shared.
After going back to it recently and fixing it a little, I am still not happy with the final product but maybe this poem is supposed to stay imperfect, because the relationship behind it never was.
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