pressed against my lips
Firmly between my ****
Tobacco in my hand
On papers and in filterland

I smoke with friends at parties
That serve high quality beer and bacardi
The nicotine is what I need
And sometimes I throw in some ****

I was a caterpillar ,
before I became a butterfly .
The pain I had to endure in order to transform into the beauty I am today .
This is my tale .

In the forest there was,
My cocoon wrapped in the finest silk,
With a power to live in a colorful world.
To dream and conquer goals.
A Vivacious soul spinning in the purest silk
Growing and maturing as I spun.
Wishing for freedom with my beautiful wings,
Counting the days to be free and soar
as a lively butterfly
until
You winded into my community
Lured my queen and her uneven monarch.
Tempted to sabotage my purity.
For that you,
Lured yourself into my vulernable cocoon
with that trust,
you decided to disrupt my process.
How can one man ruin my nesting site?
And I had faith in you ,
to be a figure
I never had.
I wanted.
My heart ached for it.
I needed it.
To be loved .
To be nurtured.
To never be like those stray dogs
looking for a home.
This was the moment .
Where....
Innocence stripped, heart captured.
My Freedom gone.
You were naive to comprehend
On what you were doing...
You would stab my cocoon
with your sickening poison .
Over and over you stabbed .
Ruptured the veins of my innocence .
To break my finest silk .
Purity banished.
Stabbing your poison was
Making my cocoon
useless ,
worthless ,
unwanted,
colorless,
I tried to run and I tried to scream
but I was devoured by this poison
It was the love I deserve.
Couldn't escape , numb to the pain
For every poison injected, I began to
Question God?
Where was he ?
when I shed out a tear of help.
Where was he?
when my cocoon was destroyed.
Was I loved God?
when I muffled help in your name.
I hated myself ,
I stay in my cocoon
afraid to see my future.
I wasn't going to be a beautiful butterfly
Battered Butterfly
My life seemed to be colorless
No one wants a battered butterfly
My life....
It seemed it had ended
when poison sunk onto my helpless body .
No one wants a battered butterfly
Imprisoned to these chains.
Being poisoned every night by different
Predators.
Oh God....
Those predators ...
Battered lifeless little butterfly
Was I ever loved in my nesting site?
But then again nobody loves a battered butterfly
How can I reach to heaven when
I was worthless.
Believed I was a vile *****.
Tricked into a poison of hell.
Battered Ugly Butterfly
***** Little butterfly.
There was no light in tunnel
There was no holes in my silk
To escape this poisonous nest.
Why?
Because I believe nobody wants save a battered butterfly
How can the man I trusted ruined me.
I thought you could be the one to complete my lovely monarch .
To complete the missing piece.
But you continued to misuse me.
To haunt me.
To barricade my heart
To own my soul
But one thing I can truly say
You never once won over me.
You never imprinted my change.
I endured your pain
That was a sign of God
To show me what strength I am capable of.
That was the light that I found,
You had no control to inflict pain anymore.
Because I became impervious to your pain.


I am a beautiful butterfly
reigning over my monarch
with no thought of you.
**That is my freedom

I could write a story about my life
how everything went wrong in december
the day that I turned sixteen

my old world closed and a new one opend
a world filled with drugs, alcohol and good music
it was a time of badboys, overthinking and heartbreaks
it went on with wearing too much make-up and crazy hair colors

first I was scared for all these things
my world was changing and so was I
but after a while I got used to it, it began to feel like home
a place where I could be myself, filled with lovely broken people

when I was sixteen I met this girl
she was a bit like me but different
she had something special..
maybe it was her smile

I always was surounded by demons, everyone could see it
but this girl really was an angel, she was the light in the sky

so maybe I shouldn't write a story about myself this time

I should write a story about you
how you make me crazy and confused
how annoying you can be sometimes
but more important about
how much you mean to me
how you make me feel special

but it always made me feel like falling
it should have made me feel like flying

oh sweet sixteen you were so bad for me.

2 am is the hardest
when your mind is racing
your heart is hurting
and
your fingertips are longing
for one more
touch,
grab,
feel,
hold.
so you convince yourself
that your hands are his
and you try to make yourself
feel how he
made you feel
but somehow, you
keep coming up short

I'm always jealous
I have a short temper
I get overly clingy but I promise,
No one will ever love you like I do.

I want to ignore you because it's easier
I want to love you because I miss it.
I want you to love me
Because I can't love myself.
I want to be your One because thats who I was born to be
Some people know that they were destined to be doctors or lawyers
I know that I was born to be yours.