In life
You realize there is a difference between living
And living
One may go through life wondering what could be
Others may go through life having everything they want to get finished, finished
Why go through life wondering
When you can wonder on and discover what is all around you

There will always be a need to see new things
Whether it be sights, people or foods
But what about happiness
Some people go through life wondering what it would be like to see happiness
While others seek more than that

For me, happiness is sometimes found
But also sometimes lost
It's discovered and rediscovered a million times over
But how can that be true when happiness isn't truly a thing to find

Happiness is an idea you have to create for yourself  
It doesn't just happen
So why do people sit around and expect happiness to just waltz on into their lives

I realize now I have to work to find the happiness I have been longing for
Feelings of fulfillment and joy don't just come to you
They have to be created through the mind set of positivity

How can you expect it to rain in the middle of a drought without praying first
So my question for you is
How can you expect happiness to come to you without actually working for it

If my mind were a book
You would be the little details written throughout
The hidden meaning behind each word
The storyline

If my mind were a song
You would be the little verses
The rhythm and rhymes
The beat

If my mind were your mind
I wouldn't be present
I would be pushed back to the far corner where no one can look
I would be nonexistent

But my mind and your mind are not the same
I am present
I am open for everyone to see and experience
I am existent

My mind isn't our song
But plays a true tune
The rhyme and rhythm soft
The beat slow

My mind is only a book
Where you are the little details written occasionally
There's more meaning behind my words other than you
The storyline is mine

You wanna know what *****?
The fact people walk in & out of our lives
Some with hurtful goodbyes
But others without one at all
You promised not to leave me without saying goodbye
I guess everything's just a lie

In her own eyes she wasn't pretty enough
Her body was dull, unfit to her
Her attitude towards herself was too tough
But all her saw was the beauty inside her

He loved the imperfect person inside
Even though she didn't see what he did
So he helped her put her feelings aside
She was no longer a terrified kid

Day after day they fell further in love
The happiness brought to her life was new
The happiness they were both apart of
They knew would always be nothing but true

Even though it was hard for her to see
A love like theirs was meant to be

One day they tell you
You can be anything you want
So you start up a dream
Then the next day they tell you how unpractical you're being
But how can you be unpractical when you haven't experienced life in a way that helps you realize the practical forms of what to say and do
How can we as kids realize at such a young age that our dreams really don't matter
We'll never reach them

Growing up they tell you to reach for the stars
You'll be able to catch your dreams if you really try, or at least that's what you believe
But how can you reach something a billion miles away
When you can't even reach small goals that are important to your everyday life

By the age of sixteen you've already given up on your dreams
According to society the only thing that matters is money and looks
But what if you can't have either of those

A year later your daily goals aren't as big but man are they crucial
You're no longer worrying about how much money you'll have or where you shop
The main thing you'll learn to worry about is living
Some people by the age of seventeen want to die and have to make groundbreaking decisions
Do I continue this cycle of broken dreams
Or do I just give up like I did at age ten

At age seventeen you decide to stick through the hard times and see where life takes you
Yes, you went through loads of **** but in the end you're okay, right
Or at least that's what you thought

On your eighteenth birthday you assume there's no bright side to any of this
Today is the day you plan to take your life because you truly believe you're not good enough to reach the goals you set for tomorrow let alone ten years from now
You believe the adults who told you growing up that you were being so unpractical were all right
You couldn't reach those goals or dreams
You couldn't even last a week without breaking your promise to yourself that today would be the day you finally took charge of your life
The day you finally started eating again
The day you finally put down the razor blade
You gave up

At age nineteen you look back at the last three years of your life and realize you're so proud of yourself for not giving up
At age nineteen you're 365 days clean, healthy
Three years ago, when everything started to go down hill for you
You would have never thought you'd be seeing your nineteenth birthday
But yet, here you are celebrating the life that is now in your control
All because you never gave up on your dream of living

Loud sounds
Coming from behind your door
I hear a scream
A scream that causes chills
Tingles
I go to your door
It's locked

She's screaming at you to leave
You shout back, calling her names
I want to help
I don't like hearing the sound of her crying because of you
You're the one who made her this way
Why are you trying to change her

There's a sound
A loud sound as if something hit the door
I want to open the door
I want to see what is going on
It's still locked

I hear the door unlock
I look up
My eyes blurry from tears I didn't know I was crying
I see your face
A tight, sad, anger filled line formed on your mouth
You walk past me
Leaving the door open for me to see what you had done
I see her laying on the floor
Bruised
Bleeding
But still alive

You beat her
You beat her as if she were a punching bag
You beat her as if she were your opponent and you were a boxer
She couldn't fight back
You were too strong

I hear the front door close
You left
You left me with her on the ground
You left her with me

I have to decide what to do
Do I stand here and stare at her
Do I run out the door after you because I can't lose you too
Or do I call the police
I want to run
I want to get so far away
But I don't want to be like you
I don't want to be a coward you runs from her problems
I want to be the hero

I call the police
By the time the police come the bleeding on her head stopped
Her busted lip and black eye still swollen
She's not dead
Yet
The ambulance takes her to the hospital where she is taken into surgery
Brain damage
Head trauma because of you and your hands

While they're helping her
I'm taken into questioning
I'm asked questions about you
Who did this
What happened
Why didn't you help her
I answer
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
Please stop asking me questions

The hospital calls in the middle of the interview
She's dead
You killed her with your hands
But you also killed her with your words
She wouldn't have tried to run if you just let her be
You should have been nicer to her
She's dead
You're gone
And I'm alone

In her own eyes she wasn't pretty,

She wasn't beautiful

But her body was a canvas

And all her imperfections,

Just brush strokes,

Light and delicate,

Perfectly put together

To form a carefree work of art.

But that wasn't what he loved,

no.

He didn't love just the picture

outside.

He loved the imperfect person inside

The happiness behind each smile,

The joy in her eyes,

And the warmth her laugh

Brought to each day.

He loved her,

And oh, did she love him.

To my younger self,
You may feel like nothing is ever going to go well
You might even consider ending all the pain
But I promise you if you focus on what is coming
You'll be happy one day

It doesn't matter who likes you
Or who doesn't
All that matters is that you love yourself

You're maybe thinking, there's nothing to love
But once you almost lose your life
The person you see in the mirror every morning
Will soon be the girl you learn to cherish

You may feel like no one could ever love you
You're too weird, ugly or dumb
But you are worth fighting for
Someone will notice and love you for you

How do you expect someone
To love the girl they see
If the girl can't even love herself

How do you expect to love someone truly
If you cannot even begin the road
The road to loving who you are

Someday you'll be bullied
And wish life was like before
But there's no changing what is to come
You just have to face it
And remember, you are strong

So before you do something crazy
Like cut or take too many pills
Remember you have friends and family
Who love you like you should be loved
And there is someone thinking the exact same thing
Waiting for someone to love them back

And you will be the love they need
They'll be the love you have been craving

It's three am
The thought of your smile lingers in my head
It's four am
And you're asleep, while I'm up wishing you were here
It's five am
It's hard to fall asleep when you're the only thing I see
It's six am
I've slept zero minutes tonight, but that's okay
Tomorrow at 3am, it'll start again
But the thought of you is worth any second of lost sleep

1:56AM
Clock ticks slow
Then fast
So does my heartbeat and the thoughts in my head
2:07AM
Thoughts of giving up race around like a remote control car being moved by a kid
I was once that kid moving my thoughts around in my head
Now, the thoughts are the kid moving me around
I'm being consumed and controlled by my own thoughts
Never allowed to think for myself

Beyond the sadness within her,
Beyond all her tears,
She sees a light that shines only once
When she sees his eyes in line with hers

She's saddened with the thoughts of pain
Never seeing joy in anything surrounding her
Yet, when he's holding her close
Whispering soft nothings in her ear
The light begins to grow, and sadness soon disintegrates

The sweet hum of his breathing against her neck
Fingers laced together with light tenderness
She feels the smile played across his face as he lays on his side
Lips to neck
Skin to skin

She wants the moment to last forever
Afraid that with one second of lost contact
She will break again
Never being able to be mended into a person,
Just a puddle of heartache
Waiting
Waiting to be mopped up soon after

But with him she will never be a puddle
Just an egg who's outside is cracked with sadness
Soon glued with the love of the boy
The love that will be there forever,
Even after the cracks on the outside heal

With him she was human
Not an animal to be beaten
Not dirt to be kicked
But human, breathing and filled with light
The light only the love from the boy could create

As they lay side by side on the bed
Hands intertwined,
Bodies pushed together tightly
She notices something,
A small gleam
A twinkle in the boys eye
The type of twinkle only created by the love of a girl

They were created as separate objects
Separate objects with small similarities and differences
The smallest differences that helped them fall in love
And the smallest similarities that helped mold them together

As they lay there on the bed
Together and in love
They both noticed something
There was a love between them big enough that
Not even gods largest storm could destroy

She was an egg ready to break
And he was the glue to hold her together
She, hurt by fake love
He, ready to give his love away
Together, love that was true