Cancel my membership to the gym
I'm not going back until I find my motivation
I enjoy Friday’s with mom, sitting home watching T.V.
Although I have to admit it's kind of boring
And I really don't want to go out
'Cause coming home drunk and waking up with no one in my arms is just too depressing
When I'm at work I can't breathe, I really don't enjoy being there
Just feel so all alone
Can't wait to go back home to that empty room
On my days off I sleep all day
It helps this pain inside of me go away
Up all night I think about what am I going to do with this life
But when I'm out at the club and I'm drunk and dancing the night away
I feel like I belong there
And here
In this moment
Life is good

She's addicted to sadness
She's addicted to sadness

She asks "who am I"
"Who am I"
You answer no one
No one
Non-existent
See through paper thin
So transparent
So outside of yourself
Insecure for sure
But just so outside of yourself

She asks "who am I"
"Who am I"
"What have I become"
"What have I done with me"

Hey how are you doing over there
She replies "not so good since you abandoned me"
"You made me, saved me"
"I'm yours"
"What I do is inspired by you, well, all the positive"
"The negative is in consequence of your negligence"
She bellows" but it's just so hard for me to forget you with all the emptiness that surrounds my life"

And I sit alone in the darkness
Left wondering again
Where did I go wrong
There's something wrong
There's always something wrong
I gotta keep singing that same **** sad song
Because I just don't belong
I just don't belong
Something's wrong
Something's always wrong
But how long
How long am I gonna keep singing that sad song
There's nothing wrong
Just gotta find a new song

Addicted to sadness
She's addicted to sadness
She's addicted to sadness
But who will stop the ******* madness

It's a brand new day
It's a brand new day
A long disdain day
But a brand new day

I can't help stop thinking about today's events
And that somehow this all could have been prevented
But you would never admit to it
That we are better off without each other

But you would never, never change
No that would be too easy for you
And you never, never once asked me how I was feeling
But that's okay, I'm getting used to dealing with you
And I gotta get through
Getting over you
See, 'cause I still have feelings too
But not strong enough to make me stay

It’s a brand new day
It’s a brand new day
A brand new day

She is beauty, she is broken, she is flawed
She is opened, she is wounded, she is vulnerable
She has felt all this too long, her heart is clogged
She is kind, she is shy, she is unique
She is loving, she is loyal, she is convivial
When she is hurt, she is weak
She is empty, she is sad, she is untrusting of other’s
When someone constantly yells and says belittling things because they are angry at her, “did she really love me” she wonders
She is the moon, she is the stars, she is pain
She doesn’t know how someone can be so harsh and hurtful with their words, be so inane
She is the truth, she is the hurt, she is the fall
She is the adversity in us all

Bitter
I am bitter 'cause you want it this way

Bitter
Why am I bitter

Am I bitter 'cause I don't want to see you
Bitter 'cause I don't want to talk to you
Bitter 'cause I don't want to text message you
Bitter 'cause I don't want to e-mail you
And am I bitter 'cause I don't want to be with you
I am bitter 'cause you made it this way

******* chicks
Don't know the difference between bitter and not wanting to be bothered
And it seems she had things between us where it was like I always hollered
These ******* chicks wanna stay together 'cause they like the drama, the abuse
And no matter how many ****** up relationships I've been in, I just can't get use
To this
Although it has put me in angry mode, which now most of the time I'm always ******
And when I think about them
Adrenaline
Rushes over me
And I am angry, I am anxious, I am wide awake, and I am sweaty
But not bitter
And I hope none of them ever cross my path when I am feeling like this 'cause I don't know what I would do
But I know blood and bruises would be the end results

I can be angry and violent just like the words I write
But it leaves the chicks coming back for more
Words can be right
Pierce and rhyme
But just as long as blood and bruises aren't the end results

Everything I write from now on about love will be trashing it, bashing it
As if it was something I was discriminating against
I guess I'll be like this until I find the one
Yeah right, please, whatever
Every time I see couples being all cute
It just makes me sick
I had that, did it, done it
And I don't want it
Sometimes I lay awake at night
And think about her
Murdering her
******* strangling her so tight her ******* head explodes
Sometimes I think about getting a baseball bat and pounding the **** out of her head
But I could never do this
These are just thoughts, these ******* thoughts she puts inside my head
I have never felt so angry, so violent
Until, until I met her
Love, oh love is a joke
I told her I loved her
And now she won't go away
Why do we need love to feel alive
Why does she need love, my love to feel alive
Oh love, love
It has torn us apart, torn me apart
I have to go and find my heart
It has gone lost and turned cold in all this mess
But this I must confess, this I must confess
I can't do this, the love thing

You say “you make me sick I can’t stand to be around you
I slap, I punch, I hit you in your gay tattoo
You think you could make a fool of me
But I’m still standing, it’s so hard for you to see
Together forever, but now I see this was never meant to be”

Maybe someday I’ll change my ways
You will come along sweep me off my feet and change me within days
You will open my mind and eyes
Change me in so many different ways, take me by surprise
But that will most likely not happen to me
And you will wound up preoccupied with everything I am
Tonight, you’re checking out my Facebook pictures and you’ll categorize, scrutinize, and conceptualize my poems
You will never have fallen in love this hard
It’s too late, you’re too involved, you can’t forget anything about me, the thought of me not being with you is already leaving you scarred

You had this fictitious picture that I would be the one
But you see your preoccupied mind has made you believe something is happening between us that has never even begun
You thought that lesbian eye I was giving you was for real
You thought you could tie me down, control me with your *** appeal
But that will most likely not happen to me
And you will wound up preoccupied with everything I am
Tonight, you’re checking out my Facebook pictures and you’ll categorize, scrutinize, and conceptualize my poems
You will never have fallen in love this hard
It’s too late, you’re too involved, you can’t forget anything about me, the thought of me not being with you is already leaving you scarred

You will have never felt about someone this way
My sincere eyes, the way I bite your lips, the calming smooth words I say
This is how I get deep within
Inside your mind and body, this is where falling in love with me starts to begin
You will have never felt about someone this way
My sincere eyes, the way I bite your lips, the calming smooth words I say
This is how I get within
Inside your mind and body, this is where falling in love with me starts to begin
You won’t be able to sleep without dreaming about me
It’s not like this stuff happens on purpose, your mind will be affected with all the words I say
Every moment you get free will be dedicated to recollecting the day
Your stalker-ish intentions will be difficult to control but subsided
You wouldn’t wanna go ******* this up

You shouldn’t worry about losing me
It’s not like we were together or anything
Although you thought we were, but you shouldn’t let that affect how you’re feeling
You knew that day I had you pinned against the wall, stirring into your eyes
I’ll take advantage of you when you’re weak if you let me
Because I like to be in control you see
So, you shouldn’t worry about losing me
It’s not like we were together or anything
Although it may have seen like we were, but you shouldn’t let that affect how you’re feeling
You knew that day I had you pinned against the wall, stirring into your eyes
I’ll take advantage of you when you’re weak if you let me
Because I like to be in control you see
You’ll be the submissive and I’ll be the dominator
This is just how this relationship goes
You’ll be the submissive and I’ll be the dominator
You're down on your knees, you're pleading please don’t leave, you're submissive to me
This is just how this goes, they call out my name and say
Aww Hale, the heartbreaker

If anything were to happen, I know I would be alright
Because I got my best friend, best friend

Best friend don't you go away
Best friend please don't you run away from me

That's why you're "The" best friend
You're not supposed to get mad at me
Best friend is supposed to know how to put up with these inconsistent mood swings

I got my best friend, my only friend, my best friend
I wish I could love you to the end
But I just wanna strangle you
But that's why you're the best friend, my only friend
Because you're supposed to make these feelings go away

Oh, it's funny how sometimes I have these feelings for you
And other times I just don't wanna be around you
But I just don't know what to do
My feelings are always changing

Oh, best friend please don't you go away from me
The days are gonna be longer without you
Without you

But if anything were to happen, I know I would be alright
Because I got my best friend, my best friend

So best friend don't you hide from me
You gotta talk to me
You know I'm impatient and don't like to be kept waiting

Pretty soon you're gonna be the one waiting
Waiting for me to feel
Because I'm sorry, I get angry, I get down, and I get moody
But it's just me
Best friend it's just me
Now what is you

***** you look like you drink black coffee, coffee, coffee
If you valued your face, your bones you would back up off me, off me, off me
***** you look like you drink black coffee
So cold and black on the inside
Trying to appear nice and warm on the outside

You are nothing but a stupid ***** bore
Come on ***** keep your ill-temper and hateful spew down
No one wants to fall victim to your turmoil and bitchiness when you’re around
When you come in, go straight to your office
Everything that is evil, chaotic, and wrong in this place, you’re the culprit
Give me all the blank angry stares and unsympathetic words you got because you’re such a ***** bore and you don’t like my edgy style
Come on, let’s keep bumping heads, and make this place worth my while
***** you look like you drink black coffee
I can’t stand to look at your face, when I do my anger begins
When I first met you, I knew you be a ***** like that
You ******* bore
You ******* ***** bore
I can feel round two coming on, you’re coming back for more
You’re as dull and evil as they come
Humor, fun, and excitement is obviously not where you come from
My fist, your head, the desk
Let’s put this ***** bore to rest
Let’s get excited
Come on
***** you look like you drink black coffee
We don’t want no *****, ***** bore ruining are workspace anymore
Let’s not stop revolting until the tyranny is over
We are taking over
You stupid ******* ***** bore

And she walks around like we’re so inferior to her, oblivious to the fakeness and tyranny she puts us through
And tells us we should be grateful for all that she do
But you’re not going to back me up against a wall with nothing in my hands
***** you better back it up, back it up, back it up right now
Your time is coming, the end is near
How disappointing, how disappointing
So much time wasted in despair
Now whose back is against the wall
You’re still cold, so cold
***** you look like you drink black coffee
You stupid ******* ***** bore
******* ***** bore

I cannot sit still, I cannot stop thinking
My body is fidgety, just picture me anxious
Butch finally called me back
Despite my lack
Of effort to meet her the first time she called
On the day of meeting her and all the gay community, she or her confidence did not seem flawed
I wanted to turn around, I wanted flee, I was so nervous, but to my surprise
The gay community was so warm and welcoming and butch’s firm handshake, poise, and intense glare had me hypnotized

Butch called and now I am in this room getting counseling and all my emotions are coming out
And now I’m feeling confused about school, friends, my sexuality, I don’t know who I am, I am having doubts
Butch better have a good solution for all these emotions she is making me spew out
Because now I’m feeling awful and I am having doubts, yeah I’m having some doubts

So it’s really hard for me to open up and talk because I’m so shy
But butch was nice and all, around her I felt comfortable, I never felt compromised
Butch is like my knight in shining armor or angel in disguise
If she wasn’t so much older than me, I would advert these eyes
So by the end of the session I’m feeling a little better
I have to give it up to butch, she is rather caring and cleaver

Butch called and now I am in this room with her behind a closed door
And I don’t feel so anxious anymore
I’m opening up and all my emotions are coming out
I’m slowly finding out who I am, I’m not having any more doubts
Butch called, butch called
And now I don’t feel so flawed
Butch helped all these emotions come to surface, helped them all come out
And now I feel I can handle anything, school, friends, my sexuality, I know who I am, I am no longer having doubts

Can’t you see it’s me not everything that’s in our way
Can’t you see it’s me not everything in our way

You can build yourself an empire then watch it all fall apart
That’s basically what I do
With everything because I’m so inconsistent can’t finish anything through
Because I always feel so incompetent

Can’t you see it’s me not everything in our way
Explosive anger, stuttered words, attacking anxiety
That’s what I have to show for all my years of existence
Yeah and also a collection of broken hearts, college, a series of indifferent jobs, and books filled with sappy love and sad poems
Can’t you see it’s me not everything in our way

They say it’s always calm before the storm
Well that’s what it’s like when you first meet me
I’m smooth, calm, and cool
Then time goes by and I turn into a hurricane
My personality pours onto you like lightning, wind, and rain
The anger, insults, and mood swings hits you all at once
And like the speed of lightning you don’t know what hit you

So I’ll take my collection of broken hearts and whatever knowledge I got out of college, and my experiences of indifferent jobs, and books filled with sappy love and sad poems
And I’ll just go
No
Don’t try to stop me
Because if this were to work it would have been worked
And we’re standing still, we’re not going anywhere
Because it would be hard to move on with us still here…together
And I know it’s hard and it hurts, but our love wasn’t meant to last forever
I’m not being rude, mean, or insensitive
This misery and torment we put ourselves through when we’re together isn’t what is should be like to live
Can’t you see it’s not everything that’s in our way
Can’t you see it’s me not everything in our way

I'm psychologically damaged in the head
I don't know how I'm feeling
Or how I should feel
Or what to think
Or what to do
How did this all come about
I really don't know
But I think it started when I was fourteen
**** being a teenager
I just started getting weird
Acting different, dressing different
From there on you could say psychologically I was ****** up

Can you tell me how I'm feeling
Or how to find happiness
Or how I can get there
'Cause life just seems so unfair

From there on breathing was like a chore for me
I couldn't stand the thought of being alive
Or being anywhere
It wasn't my fault
I didn't know what the **** was going on with me
I didn't like to do anything but sleep
And when I was around people I tried to smile so the pain wouldn't show
So nobody would know
And nobody did
Well at least not 'til I started acting out
Then everybody wanted to know what the **** was going on

Can you tell me how I'm feeling
Or how to find happiness
Or how I can get there
'Cause life just seems so unfair

I didn't want nobody to know I was depressed
I didn't want nobody to know I was lonely
I didn't want nobody to know that I felt anxious around people
And I didn't want nobody to know that I like chicks
**** but it all had to come out, yes all of it and when it did
**** it felt good
I had nothing to hide anymore
But by everything coming out it didn't solve my problems
But at least everyone was aware
Yeah

Can you tell me how I'm feeling
Or how to find happiness
Or how I can get there
'Cause life just seems so unfair

Not wanting to feel anything
Deep thoughts of suicide runs through my mind
Not wanting to feel anything
Sometimes these thoughts go too far

And just when I thought I was safe
From all these feelings of thoughts
I guess they found a place in my soul
The anger has taken control
Of me
I want to be set free
From the hostility
That makes me lose my ability
To have a relationship with someone
It's also holding me back from being happy and going out and have fun
All because these thoughts gone too far

Not wanting to feel anything
Deep thoughts of suicide runs through my mind
Not wanting to feel anything
Sometimes these thoughts go too far

And just when you think you're okay
I thought all that fear and anger has gone away
But no, maybe just for the day
It will be back when I'm least expecting it
Causing me to through a fit
Wherever I'm at
And I have to react
By leaving
'Cause now I'm believing
People are starting to think there's something wrong with me
How can I switch from a nice sweet girl
To a total ******* *****
Which
Is something I'm not getting used to
But what the **** am I supposed to do
This anger inside of me
Helps get rid of the anxiety
That's why I rather be
******* mad
Than shaking
******* making
Me look like some kind of wuss
But it's not like I'm angry all the time
Only when I'm trying to get the worrying off my mind

Not wanting to feel anything
Deep thoughts of suicide runs through my mind
Not wanting to feel anything
Sometimes these thoughts go too far

I’m crying
But more likely I wish I was dying
Lately I’ve been feeling like ****
And yes I’m willing to let you hit
As we’re having *** I cry
And you **** me hard and grab my thigh
You eat, I ****
Then we start to ****
Depressed ***
You eat, I ****
Then we start to ****
Then I cry when you **** me up the *** next
Then you start to lick the tears off my skin
As I start to go crazy and wild ******* on your chin
You start slapping me around
Then throw me to the ground
Pushed me ups against the bed
Pulled my hair and forced me to give you head
Then I get up and go into a corner and start to cry
And think sometimes I just want to die
Then you come over and start grabbing and rubbing me
Oh yes keep doing that I plea
I love having *** when I’m depressed
Because you know how to give it me best
You eat, I ****
Then we start to ****
Depressed ***
You eat, I ****
Then we start to ****
Then I cry when you **** me up the *** next

Don’t cry Ana, I’m here for you
You could put all your troubles away and quit feeling blue
Don’t cry Ana
I know I’m not no Santa
But I’ll try to give you anything you want
And do you really think all your troubles are going to go away by taking those pills and smoking that blunt
Lips so soft, face so pale, skin so warm
Ana doesn’t know it but I think she really is the prettiest sweetest charm
As I look into her eyes I could feel her pain
But only if I knew what she was thinking inside her brain
Don’t cry Ana, no more
You’re here with me now safe and secure, you don’t have to worry about feeling sore

My head it aches

For you my heart breaks

My body it’s really numb winded

I can’t think right

But I think I may be dumbfounded

Why can’t you see

What you’re doing to me

I really want you bad

It just makes me sad

My head it aches          

For you my heart breaks

My body it’s numb winded

My friends say I’m obsessed

I’m just dumbfounded

I do anything to be with you

Only if you knew

But I think you do

You’re playing with my mind

I don’t think that’s really kind

But I don’t mind

Because I see nothing but you, I’m blinded

For you I’m dumbfounded

I heard that you were kind of loose
I guess that’s what you do to fit in, I see
You’re always getting wasted, I guess it makes it easier, I always tell you to slow down but you never want to listen to me
I guess I’m too pragmatic, I’m too rational for you, I see
But that can’t be
I’m too conventional, the least you expect is excitement from me
I want to be around you, I don’t want to feel like I’m being shunned too
You won’t let me get closer, you’re scared to get emotional
I’m too romantic, caressing words always spewing from me
You’re too indifferent when it comes to emotions and romance, you want to stay clear of me

So why do I feel like a fool and the one to lose when you’re nothing more than a *****
I shouldn’t feel down when you’re out ******* the entire town
You’re not worth my time anymore

Though I just have to be around you, it’s unexplainable you give me such a high
There is just something about you
I just can’t leave behind
With you I’m just trying to get in
But then I heard you ****** him

So why do I feel like a fool and the one to lose when you’re nothing more than a *****
I shouldn’t feel down when you’re out ******* the entire town
You’re not worth my time anymore

But I wish you were ******* me
******* me
But I’m still waiting
I wish you were ******* me
******* me
But I’m still following you around like a little puppy and I hate it
I wish you were ******* me
******* me
I wish you were ******* me
I’m still hoping for you to **** me and pour your emotions out on to me
I wish you were ******* me but I need to let this go
I wish you were ******* me but I just need to move on

So why do I feel like a fool and the one to lose when you’re nothing more than a *****
I shouldn’t feel down when you’re out ******* the entire town
You’re not worth my time anymore
But I wish you were ******* me
******* me
But I’m still waiting
I wish you were ******* me
******* me
But I’m still following you around like a little puppy and I hate it

This is about a girl who didn’t listen to her heart
Well not until it was too late
She had a one-way mind
She could have never seen herself with a boy
And every time boys would ask her out
She would say
She would say

I liiiiiiiiiiiiiiike girllllllllllllllls
I like girls, I like girls

Until one day this boy came along and changed her mind
But it took some time
For that to happen
They were just friends
They had a lot in common; they both liked sports, girls, and fast cars
They would go out act silly, dance, and get drunk at bars
One day he asked her out
She turned him down without a doubt

She says
I’m just going along with my mind
Going along with my mind
And it’s tells me
I liiiiiiiiiiiiiiike girllllllllllllllls
I like girls, I like girls

So the boy gave up chasing her but they remained friends
So one day the boy says to the girl
I’m so happy I’m dating the most beautiful girl
I think in this world
The girl then feels a pain in her chest and her stomach turns and heart drops
She can’t believe this
But she’s feeling jealous
It seems all along her heart was beating for him but she pushed it all off with her “I like girls”

So she confronts him and asks him to listen to his heart
She asks him do you think we belong together
He says no we are just good friends and that’s it, I really like this girl
And I thought
You like girls, you like girls
Do you like girls

She says yes but I didn’t listen to my heart because it was pulling me towards you
She says
I liiiiiiiiiiiiiiike yooooooooooooooou
I like you, I like you

He says I like you too but only as a friend and a good one you’ve been and I probably won’t see you again, this is our last day
I really like this girl and we are moving away

And she says do what makes you happy, as long as you’re following your heart
Because I should have done that from the start
My mind was corrupt, I should have, I should have opened my mind up
Followed my heart, followed my heart
It was always you I wanted from the start

She says
I like girls, I like girls
I like girls, I like girls
With the exception of a sweet boy to delight my heart

Haha haha
Sometimes that's all the words or sounds that comes out of my mouth
So shy or scared to say anything else
It's just that I get anxious around people that I'm not familiar with
So my mind goes blank
Oops, oh well can't think
Haha haha
So I laugh
Most people think I'm weird for that
Others think I'm laughing at them
But the laugh makes up for what I would say if I knew what to say
****, I would like to have a nice conversation
But there's just so much frustration
What to say, how to say, when to say
Haha haha
But that's all that ever comes out
Well at least until when I get to know you
But nooo, you don't know what it's like
Haha haha
To have these instead of words come out of your mouth

It's true I want her
She would be my cure
And she's coming my way
But she smiles and keeps walking by
And I
Can't live with the pain I endure
Just from being around her
My chest is tight
I can't breathe when I think about her
My stomach is full of butterflies
And I
Hold my breath when she walks by
My head hurts
These feelings are so strong, I want to cry

I know I gotta get her outta my mind, it's for the best
It's because of her I haven't eaten or gotten any rest
But what would anyone suggest
That I stay away from her unless
She comes my way and talks to me, I guess
But that's not gonna help the pains go away in my chest
But it would if we did kiss

It's true
I am blue
And I can't have her
My head hurts
And my stomach is full of butterflies
And I
Can't go on living this way
But when I see her I don't want these feelings to go away

She broke my heart
The only woman I ever really wanted broke my heart
How could she do this to me
Together I always wanted us to be
Now there is nothing left in me
She broke me
I’m in pieces
There is nothing left except for the pieces of me
I was just being honest and I told her how I felt and the outcome of it wasn’t so great
I feel like I would never get over her
My feelings for this other chick completely erased
Replaced with thoughts and feelings of the heartbreaker
I don’t think she intended to though
I think she was somewhat oblivious to what she was doing with all those wonderful things she said about me and then that look or stare she would give me dead in my eyes
And it would give me butterflies and turn me so on
I can’t distinguish the difference between love and lust
My heart I need to trust
I just need to know what differences in my feelings so I won’t become the heartbreaker

Why don't you just take a sword and stab it right through my heart
Because although you might think so, I can't deal with us being apart
I wanted this
I really wanted this
I wanted this to work
And although you're the one to blame, I'll let you blame this falling all apart on me
I wish you could see
I wish you could see
How I really feel
But you're so self-centered
And always need to get your way
And I thought you would have known that I'm not okay
And that you would come comfort me
And now I only see you on a Friday

But you should have known I'm not okay
And you should come comfort me

You like to call me a crybaby
But sometimes I wonder where did your heart go and do you feel anything anymore
But you took a sword and stab it right through my heart
It was the day you said we should just be friends
And you said you knew I would fall in love with you from the start
Then why the **** did you let it go this far
And I don't know if I can just be your friend
And I can't even count how many times we said good-bye, that this is the end
But you know I can't say good-bye to you

I wanted you to
I wanted you to
I wanted you to know that I'm not okay
And you always seem like you don't have much to say
And now that I only see you on a Friday

But you should have known that I'm not okay
And you should come comfort me

Torn
Oh, torn
Me, I, who would of thought
Thought I’d be torn between two chicks
The one Dani I did love and the other Lynn I’m so passionate about
Dani cares so much about me and is having a hard time just being friends
And Lynn, well she was there for me in a time of need but now I’m not of that need she doesn’t want nothing to do with me
I say torn
Because they both torn me apart
Dani can’t get over what we had and the more she dwells on it, it just tears me up inside seeing how she hurts
Lynn, well I tell her how I feel and try to keep in contact with her but it seems like nothing works for me to get close to her and that just tears me up inside
But if I could see her face to face again
I would be the happiest chick alive

This is what would happen…
And I look in her eyes and sing to her what she would want to say to me
“Don’t try to make you win me
Because I know you hate your life
And you and your stupid lies”

This is what I don’t get about these chicks
Because right after I tell her that I need her and that she inspires me
She pushes me off to some other chick
I’m sorry but I’m not a mushy mushy type of person
So for me to open up to you, spill my guts out, tell you how I feel
It’s something that will take you by surprise
Something rare and unappreciated

Oh man it’s just so hard to be friends after a relationship gone bad
Why can’t we just be friends without all the bickering and arguing
Without the hatred and jealousy
And the competition
Oh the competition
To see who can ******* who first
Or who will hook up with someone first
All you gotta do is mention some other chick
And the other is bound to get jealous and mad then start to act outrageous
It’s hilarious
It’s like a friendship on the rocks
But hey I didn’t order that

And I need a prescription of some kind because these chicks are driving me crazy
How can a chick look you in your eyes like that and tell you opposite of what she is feeling
And how I can look a chick in her eyes and not say anything
And she can fall in love with me
I don’t get it
Where do I fit in
I guess between these chicks
Because I’m either feeling and telling her how I’m feeling and she’s not feeling me
Or she’s feeling me but I’m not feeling her in that way

And I think to myself…
Shy and refrained
Why can’t I be tamed
Quiet and reserved
I get what I deserve
Angry and defensive
Why
Because no one listens
Empty and feeling alone
Just wanna sleep and stay at home
Anxious and jittery
Causing a bitter me
Jealous and demanding
The weak girls I always wound up commanding

And this is what she says to me…
“I don’t understand why you gotta be so mean
I’m just trying to be your friend
Isn’t that what friends do
Be there for you
But how can I when you won’t let me in
I just don’t understand
Baby, I mean buddy, no I mean friend
You
You just gotta let me in
I am someone you could depend on, you just gotta let me in
Because whether you wanna be with me or not I’m here until the end”

Well I wish it was that easy to be her friend and let her in
But there are feelings I’m trying to protect of hers
And she just doesn’t understand
I just can’t be her friend, I just can’t let her in
And she doesn’t understand that it’s not that simple to just be happy…

They say it gets better but it seems like it would never
I’m just so tired of
Tired of feeling this way
And you
You shouldn’t be so self-absorbent
Everything is not always because of you
  
In reality
I care about the one I’ve been with and the other for which I’m deeply passionate about
But it’s no doubt
It’s just that I need to move on
And no longer for these chicks will I be torn

When I'm close to you
I could feel somewhat turned on
It's just odd because you're a guy
But it's just when I'm close to you
It just seems sometimes I can't
Seem to make up my mind

In my eyes this is not natural, no
I'm supposed to be lesbian
In other people's eyes this is not natural, no
But I'm not going to deny myself
**** what's in the eyes of others
What am I supposed to do
I can't let this pass

But when I'm close to you
I just want you
I never thought this would happen
But why pass this up
You're a guy and you turn me on

In my eyes this is not natural, no
I'm supposed to be lesbian
In other people's eyes this is not natural, no
But I'm not going to deny myself
**** what's in the eyes of others
What am I supposed to do
I just can't let this pass

Well if this is wrong
Well then let it be wrong
If this is wrong
I'd rather be bi

In everybody's eyes lesbians are not supposed to like guys, no
In everybody's eyes I can't like guys, no
In everybody's eyes this is not natural, no
Well **** what's in the eyes of others

Well if this is wrong
Then let it be wrong
If this is wrong
I'd rather be bi

Senior year of high school
I was having some teenage issues
And started acting out
I wanted everyone to see my pain, feel my pain, I wanted everyone to hear me out
The school was concerned and attributed my acting out to my sexuality and demanded I seek help
They recommended I go to an LGBTQ youth center and talk to someone but I just brushed it off and thought this is crazy
So one day not expecting it I get a phone call from this lady
I guess she was from the gay and lesbian place ‘cause that’s what she said
She was a lesbian and said that she could help me get out of purgatory
That sounded nice and all but I was already there for three and a half years and gotten kind of used to the territory
I guess she was a butch
She sounded like a butch
She wanted me to come up there to talk
And I thought all man what the ****
I didn’t want to go up there, I wasn’t prepared
I didn’t know what to say, what to expect, I was scared
I was hoping I didn’t have to talk to her again
So I said if butch calls
Tell her I’m not here

Back on that day when she called
She asked a lot of questions
Questions I couldn’t answer
Being this young and confused wasn’t easy
Butch knows, she was there
I wasn’t ready to tell anyone what I was feeling inside, I didn’t think she would really care
Even though she sounded genuine I didn’t want to give her that chance to help me, I was full of abandonment issues and fear

So I said
If butch calls
Tell her I’m not here

(Then she’ll keep calling and calling and calling)

I don’t care, just tell her I’m not here

(Then she’ll keep calling and calling and calling)

If butch calls
Tell her I’m not here

(Then she’ll keep calling and calling and calling)

Butch only called back once
But no one was home
She never called back
But if she does
If butch calls
Tell her I’m not here

I love the way you touch me in all places
I love the way your you know what tastes
I love the way you wrap your arms around me
I love the way you go down on me
I love the way you tie me up to the bed
I love the way you say spread
I love the way when you're finished all of this you tiptoe out the door
I love the way I cry when I don't hear from you anymore

I’m willing to through my job away and join the army, give up this girl I’m dating
All because you kissed me

I’m willing to go away for six months with a bunch of strangers I don’t know
Leave my home
Through my job away, give up this girl I’m dating
All because you kissed me

Your lips are the deadliest thing on you
They are the venom which feeds me poison
Contrary to what I think of you
But you tell me to do anything and I’m dumbfounded, I’ll do it
In addition, I just think it’s just everything you say

But I’m willing to all for you
All for you
Don’t try to play inarticulate, you’re more than flattered
Don’t give me your conservative *******
You’re more than flattered
But I’m willing to through my job away, join the army, and give up this girl I’m dating
All because, all because
You kissed me

And this all could have been true
But you wouldn’t and you didn’t

*******
So once again you’re in my thoughts, you managed to somehow weasel your way back into my head
I don’t know why, you’re not very good at comforting me when I’m down, your choice of words made me wish I were dead
But that’s okay, it’s not your fault, I should have never put you on that so undeserving pedestal
So what consoling is not your very best
I just wanted you to be there, put forth effort that you cared, you failed the ******* test
I was vulnerable, I opened up, I’m an opened wound, now there’s nothing left
You say I’m playing victim and have to be more positive but I’m the one dealing with all this pain
No thanks to you all by myself
With no help of drugs or alcohol to ease the anger and anxiety
That you seem to intensify inside of me
Maybe I should walk around oblivious and aloof like you but my ability to be sympathetic and empathetic towards others keeps me conscious and sane
Regardless of the pain

You say I shouldn’t feel the way I do, I should **** it up, keep quiet
But if you were in my position and got ****** over the way I did, right now you would be crying
Because I remember back when something similar like this happened you were crying and I know if I were to confront you about it you would deny it
Well I’m not one to bring up the past to make someone feel embarrassed or worthless
Because you’re so good at lying and hiding things and flirting with the guys to get your way, you know how to work it
You’re so good at sorry
But the difference between us is I follow my heart, I don’t give my love out or flirt just to make me feel relevant

I told you time and time again how I was feeling
You only bothered when you wanted, most of the time you just said nothing

Time and time again I showed you what love is
You made me feel so irrelevant, I’d rather you say something even if you said you don’t want it, but you just said nothing

Thanks for opening and pouring salt in these wounds
Now I have no ***** left to give
You try to say I’m overreacting
But you must not know me, I’m resilient
You try to act like you’re so innocent
Now that you’re not crying and everything is so perfect for you but one question how can you trust those guys' whose ***** been in your throat
You can **** on these words and choke

Why don’t we go back to the beginning, I was the one who was here
Supporting you through no matter what, showering you with the sweetest words, I was there
But you don’t even care
You forget everything, sometimes I wonder where does your mind disappear
I’m DOOOOOOOONNNNEEEEE

I guess I’m too much for you, oooohhhhh
I’ve tried to turn your world upside down to hide that I’m irrelevant
Who the **** are you to turn my emotions like this up
Your silence, I get it, it means it’s enough
I’m done, I’m not a weak girl, I’m tough, but I’m no fool to just keep giving away my love
You may have had me duped, you even told me that I was the sweetest to you
But enough is enough, I hope those *****/guys will be there for you

Everywhere you go is just like high school
Whether its college, work, or the military, you’re always trying to be or want to be around the kids that are “cool”
Everywhere you go is just like high school
Don’t believe what they tell you
It never ends
The misery and loneliness you felt then is here to stay
Those stupid cliquey chicks, *** kissers, and showoffs will always make you feel that way
Those people you hated in high school are everywhere, you’ll always be permanently annoyed
Just like life and pain, it’s hard to avoid
Everywhere you go is just like high school
Don’t believe what they tell you
It never ends
Everywhere you go is just like high school

I feel like these feelings will never go away and I’ll never get over you
It seems I tried everything to avoid this situation but somehow knew I would end up hurt and alone here
I guess I’m not in your thoughts anymore, you stop flirting with me
I guess it’s better this way
Because maybe now I can get some sleep at night
You’re always on my mind but I’ll never speak of it again
I can’t get your touch, your scent, your voice off my mind
It’s in my head
So here you come standing so close to me, smiling up in my face and staring intensely into my eyes
You haven’t seen me in a while, maybe my inexistence has gotten to you
Your words, joyfulness, and excitement to see me I can’t take
This can’t be how we are
Unspoken desire and tensions filled with meaningless words
It’s like every time I see you, I fall for you all over again after I spent weeks getting over you
And I’m queasy and sick to my stomach all over again
I keep replaying the day in my head when we really connected and you said “you’re awesome and amazing”
But those days are gone and everything seems so dark now
We stop telling each other how awesome we are, it’s like we got lost in space somewhere and drifted apart
But I like how when you’re having a bad day and your face turns red and hair is messed up and makeup not on
Or how you’re not a morning person and always the last one to wake up in the morning
Your morning face is adorable
I used to consider you my favorite person
I like to get back to that place
I can’t believe you like my favorite singer
I don’t like that you get so easily upset and cry in front of everyone
But when you do, I just want to hold you
But I will never let my feelings out again
So do what you like, though I will try to be by your side
Though I must move on and be on my way unless I’ll be stuck here forever going nowhere
You have a beautiful soul
I love your smile and morning face
For me, letting go of these feelings isn't easy
But I need to get back to a calmer state of mind and sleeping peacefully
I’m still having problems with sleep

That **** summer, I spent two weeks getting lost in her
But I feel stronger now, I can move on without her
So I will have no fear we are both better than ever and still stand so close careful not to touch or let out any of those emotions

For every day that I am empty I feel like killing myself
And I wonder when I am going to be fine again
Every day I am dealing with constant anger and fear
And I don't know how to make it end

Endless feelings of emptiness overcome me
Endless feelings of emptiness overcome me

Wasted youth, wasted years
Being sad, shedding so many tears
Wasted youth, wasted years
Spent with insecurities and fears

For I feel anxious, melancholy, and hollow
Oh, it's a wreck, I know
But it's not like I have given up and I'm still trying though
I have goals that I want to achieve
Something inside of me is still pushing, still believes
Insecurities holding me back
But my heart still stays pure
No one can take that away from me
It's inside of me
It's inside of me

You light up the room, there’s no other that can do that like you do
Oh, I fear it has begun
My stomach queasy, body shaky, heart triple beating
You look at me oblivious to what’s going on inside of me, wondering why I’m shaking, eyes open so widely

And I think
Do you feel it, do you feel it
Do you feel the same

So caring and giving, loving and never wanting
Nothing in return for all you give to helping others
Carrying all the weight on your shoulders
All I want to do is be there for you and hold you
But you don’t seem to understand the way I feel or why I clam up when I see you

And I think
Do you feel it, do you feel it
Do you feel the same
Do you feel it, do you feel it
Do you feel the same
Do you know my pain
And I think
That I’ll tell Jacey
I think that’ll help this pain subside
I think that it’s gotta be better than keeping everything inside
Even if she doesn’t feel the same
I think it would help relieve this pain
Though if it wasn't unrequited it would be nice
I think that I still love her if she doesn’t feel the same
I think I’ll tell Jacey
Being bottled up, I’m just so tired
I think I need to know, so I can leave the queasy stomach and shakiness all behind
I think I just need to get this out in the open, I’m just so tired of feeling like this, knowing would be nice
Jacey
Do you feel the same
Oh, Jacey
Do you know my pain
Oh, Jacey
Do you feel it
Jacey
Do you feel the same

This is the last time you make me cry
As oppose to the first time
This is the last time
Yeah for being so vulnerable to you
Opening up letting you in
Seeing my weakness, super sensitivity
Me in a different skin
How could you
When I said that when you hurt, I hurt
I meant it
I'm not just talking ****
We're one now
Just like you said if I were to die, then you would die
Well I've cried, now you cry
If I go down, then you're going down
Oh, this will be the last time you make me cry
I know relationships ain't easy
This relationship
But baby we gotta cut all this ******* out
What the hell are we really fighting about
Do we feed off of hurting each other
Is that the only way we could ever be together
And does that one day mean someday or someday one day
There is no way I could ever intentionally hurt you
But can't you see
By hurting yourself that you're hurting me
I just want you to get better
So we could be better
Pain doesn't last forever
Unless you make it that way
I know **** doesn't go away in a day
But you could do this
Baby I believe this
Because if you go down, then I go down
And this will be the last time you make me cry

Dear Mom,

I want to thank you for being by my side
Always being there for me, even when you caught me in a lie
There is so many ways I want to thank and tell you how much I love you
But understand it’s hard for me to
I know lately I haven’t been the daughter you could ever dream of
The one hanging out late nights, doing drugs
Being miss attitude
Disrespecting you, being rude
Getting all these tattoos and piercings but I don’t do it to disrespect you and make you angry
I do it because this is the way I express myself, what I want people to see
Yeah and also liking chicks but it wasn’t a choice I want you to understand that
That’s why I liked being around the group I hung out with, because I could be myself, and that’s a fact
I want to let you know all the craziness that happened that year was me being scared to grow up, graduate
To go out into the real world and escalate
I know I hurt the family and was being selfish
But if I had a wish
I would take most of it back
But some of it I’ve learned from it
Grown from it
But I’m happy this we got through
And this poem is for you
To show and tell you how much I love you

This is from your sincere daughter
Who appreciates everything you’ve done and bought her

I am hurt, broken hearted, and in pain
I am tired, fed up, and feel I have nothing left to gain
Yeah every day is so boring and it just ****
Yeah maybe I should go out and find some miserable wretch like me to ****
Yeah I want to be the miserable ***** of the earth
I’ll take it and drain it for so much of what it is worth
Someday you will feel like I ache
You wouldn’t be able to handle the **** I take
I am ******, over it, and out of it
I am bummed, crashed, and sick of this worthless ****
Yeah everybody wants me, they really do
Yeah they just want to **** me and maybe you
Yeah I want to be the miserable ***** of the earth
I’ll take it and drain it for so much of what it is worth
Someday you will all feel my pain
Someday you will all feel my pain
Like I ache
But you wouldn’t be able to handle the **** I take

Are you bi
I can't decide
The way you look at and flirt with guys
It seems to be so natural
Not naturalize

Straight
You know I was fine, doing great
When I thought that was what you were
But even though it seem to occur
That way
You were in fact so gay
Lesbian
Is what you came out as
And a lipstick one might I add
Bi
Could that possibly what you might be considering your femininity
And your way with guys

Are you bi
Can you decide
Just because you're in a lesbian relationship doesn't mean you still can't like guys
Are you bi
I can't decide
The way you look at and flirt with guys
It seems so natural
Not naturalize

She meets her at work, she thinks to herself this could work
Even though they have nothing in common
Besides they both are queer
And work here
And they both are lonely inside their lusting hearts
So they go for it
Three months together nothing could tear them apart

This is love and lusting of a lonely lesbian
She doesn't quite know what she's doing
Love and lusting of a lonely lesbian
She doesn't know what she's getting herself into

Six months together
They can't stand to be together
She gets another job in order to save the relationship
But it still is ****
Two more months go by
At night talking on the phone to each other they scream, yell, and cry
Another two months go by and that's it
They split

But now at her new job she's lusting all over again
And from the looks of it, this time she will not be getting any loving
This is love and lusting of a lonely lesbian
She thinks she'll never be in love again
Love and lusting of a lonely lesbian

The only thing she wants most in life is to be loved and to love
But it just seems so hard for her to find
She thinks to herself within time
Within time

This is love and lusting of a lonely lesbian
She doesn’t quite know what’s she’s doing
Love and lusting of a lonely lesbian
She thinks she’ll never be in love again
Love and lusting of a lonely lesbian

She so perfect
And I’m not even perfect at all
She so perfect
And she doesn’t even mind my many flaws

I feel my shyness and quietness makes me an outcast everywhere I go
But when she’s around none of that seems to matter though

Your perfection is flawed
Just a misrepresentation of you, that’s all
You let me in, let me in
Just to shut me out, shut me out

I’m still sad from the days that you went away

I’m over you but I still have some feelings lingering on for you, it’s mostly amorous which every time I see you it seems to be getting stronger
And I know whatever you felt for me is no longer
Your hugs are short and you don’t even have that look in your eyes for me anymore which causes me to act petulant whenever you say something to me
You don’t even talk to me about HIM anymore
But I think you know it’s best not to
You found love
And I found heartache
You found happiness
And I found sadness
I knew in my heart we were never meant to be
I even knew more so that day I kissed your lips and felt nothing
I always thought we would have a deep something
I mean we had partially, but all is left now is a deep nothing
But I’m still sad from the day he stole you away

It’s been a while since you were you
Now you’re like this happy in love chick that always talks of him and buys him ****
It’s not like I ever wanted or expected ****
But it would have been nice, thoughtful of you for all the **** I ******* bought, wrote, and said to you for you to get me or write me something as a little, maybe just a little appreciation, gratitude
But nothing, nothing, all I get is nothing
So *******, all I give you now is an attitude
I guess I wasn’t nothing, nothing, not even a real friend to you
I was just some quirky queer chick who admired you and you loved that because you loved that I loved you and gave you excessive attention
****, now I see what you are, pretentious
But now I regret every stupid poem or gift I ever gave to you
So throw it, throw it all away
And leave no trace that I was a monomaniac for you
You
What makes you so special, the one I was so obsequious for
Do you remember that poem I wrote you and I said somewhere in it that my heart was indebted to you
Well it was just flummery *******
Throw it away, throw it all away
And leave no trace of my vulnerability
**** me for making myself so vulnerable to you
So no longer will I
But I really am happy for you
And sorry about the attitude
And I will no longer act like a bitter heartbroken *****
I am over it, so through
Because I still love you

When all else is lost
What is the meaning
What is the cause
Keep writing to relieve
Needing something to retrieve
Never giving up, still holding up, to believe
And achieve the ultimate in me

Oh beautiful eyes
You’re the reason to which sometimes I cry at night
Because sometimes I wake up with such vivid dreams of you and all I want to do is hold you tight

These thoughts don’t come easy
These moods don’t come steady
Feelings at unease
Even this cool humid breeze
Won’t bring my soul back to peace

Lacking the skills of conversation
Causing me so much frustration
There is no sensation

You let me in, let me in
Just to shut me out, shut me out
*******
I’m through
I miss you
You know the old you
The non-fat, skinny fitting into your jeans you
The angry sad but sweet you
The you that texted or called me every once in a blue moon you
The you that every once in a while confided in me and let me hold you when you were upset you
The you that used to talk to me, now all I get is the unspoken awkwardness you
I miss you
The before him you

Staring into your glamorous amorous light eyes
You got me all goggle-eyed and tongue tied
Is it a no surprise    
That you give me butterflies
Making me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside
I am an irascible monomaniac thanks to beautiful eyes

Depressed, stressed
Yeah, she's a ******* mess
The melancholy girl
Can't see anything outside her world
She has massive anxiety
Which probably
Is why she
So alone and ****** up
Scared to open up
To anyone who tries to befriend her
She doesn't feel safe or secure
Around many people, so it causes her problems to be able to trust
Even with inside herself
But she must
Push herself
To be able to go on
To be strong
Even when she feels everything is wrong

Melancholy girl
She can't get up
She doesn't want to face the world
Melancholy girl
She so sad, she so lonely
You can't see behind that smile that it's screaming somebody please understand, (get to know me)

This girl even though she's melancholy
She doesn't give up on trying to be
Strong
Taking things on
As they are, as they come
But some
Thinks she needs to stop being so **** helpless and pretentious
But this
Is not who she is
But yes she is introspective
And also, an introvert
And she's very alert
Of what is going on around her
And it hurts
When people insinuate and assume things about her
So for sure
She gives them a ******* attitude
Go ahead she says "imply that I'm sensitive,  dramatic,  and rude"

Melancholy girl
She steps outside her world
To see
Melancholy girl
On a mission to observe and achieve
To be better, to be stronger, to believe

You're not my lover
You've could of never
Not even ever
Been her
You were
Just some repulsive girl to take her place
And I wish I could erase
These memories of what you and I had
No, that would be bad
'Cause then I wouldn't be able to grow from this horrible experience
And I must condense
All these bad experiences with these ****** up chicks
Into one
So I know that I am done
And I don't want none
Of these ****** up chicks
To ever come in contact or hit on me again
And I was wrong to begin
A relationship
With them
'Cause now I'm feeling like you suicidal ***** you don't have to **** yourself 'cause I'll do it for you

And just think I used to be the mellow type with a short temper but who couldn't hurt nobody
Who couldn't hurt nobody
But now I want to strangle every dumb ***** who ***** with my emotions
And now I'm learning not to feel
And not to open up

I used to be the mellow type
I used to be the mellow type
With a short temper
Who couldn't hurt nobody
Who couldn’t hurt nobody

Yeah, I used to be the mellow type
I used to be the mellow type
These chicks came along and disrupted my sight
And now I don't wanna be with anyone 'cause I feel it wouldn't go right

I used to be the smiley girl
I used to be the smiely girl
But they came along and altered my world
'Cause now I'm feeling like you suicidal ***** you don't have to **** yourself 'cause I'll do it for you
I used to be the mellow type with a short temper
But who couldn't hurt nobody

To lift up out of the darkness
Would take some strength and courage
None which I lack
But self-control I could gain a little more of
When vision becomes blurred, everyone around me becomes someone I have to defend myself from and I would attack anyone the second
they make me snap
Darkness surrounds me every day and everywhere
But I do care
About the outcome in regards to my negativity
So, in the back of my mind I keep but what a little bit of hope
And that little bit of hope
Helps me motivate myself to do better
But that hope only comes when my life is threatened from the darkness which clouds over me in consequence of my negativity
I will be no victim of darkness
For this will be my motivation to the light

What am I just some stupid peasant worker to you
Someone you can **** with and then forget about
But now your unnoticing has a left a distasteful flavor in my mouth
And now I'm angry and bitter
And I'm done with trusting my heart
I know I can be a delusionalist
But I'm also a envisionalist
But it doesn't seem to be working these days
'Cause I envisioned us ******* but that must be the delusional part taking over again
But I did envision you getting over me and not look and talk to me in that way that made me feel oh so special
But now I feel oh so invisible
So don't ******* ignore me when I'm in your peripheral vision

**** it! *******
Maldigalo! Vete a la mierda


She started this with her seductive stares and friendly touches but now the ******* chick won't even notice me anymore

What the ****, notice me
You started this and now you're gonna leave to your higher position of promotion
******* leaving  me with emptiness in this workplace
**** it! ******* for that
Maldigalo! Vete a la mierda para aquel

Us and no one else, I'll show her my love
Nosotros y ningunos otros, le demostraé mi amor

But she's got to notice me first
Pero ella tiene notarme primero

Together I thought we should be, but it's just a stupid fantasy
Junto pensé que debemos, pero su justo un a fantasia estúpida

I hate awkward silence
So I laugh *******
Conversation has run dry
Anxiety gone awry
And I'm left wondering why
I'm so shy
Painfully shy
'Cause it's getting painful for me to hide
How I feel inside
I just wanna scream and cry
But I
Just laugh
I hate awkward silence
I hate awkward silence

Deep down inside there is this emptiness that's waiting to be filled with people who are interested in knowing I
Because I really am not so shy
If I feel you are open, compassionate, kind, and comfortable with to confide
We all got demons that we try and hide
But I dislike and sometimes cannot control being quiet and shy
But if I try to fight being quiet and shy I would say something stupid, turn red, and talk funny, like I got something caught in my throat because it's uncomfortable for me
'Cause I'm just not ready
I guess it takes a while for a clam to come out of its shell
Well, I hate awkward silence
I hate awkward silence
So I laugh *******
Then people look at me *******
But it's just my way of saying I'm friendly, you can talk to me
Aw ****, I hate awkward silence
I hate awkward silence

Nowadays everybody wanna be gay
But I have something to say if they wanna be that way

So what do you say to somebody who's trying to be gay
And they're comin' your way
Nothing, just a hey
One day I was walking by
This chick and I gave her an awkward eye
'Cause she was trying to deny who she really was by looking like a guy
She thought she was fly
And told me hi
But I just laughed and kept wallking by

Nowadays everybody is tryin' to be bi
And I don't know why
******* think they know what it is to be bi
So what do you do to a chick who's trying so hard to be bi
And you know **** well she's living a lie
Nothing, **** her and say goodbye
One day I was at this party
And I saw this hottie
Who wanted to be bi
I told her hi
She was acting all shy
And I don't know why
But I invited her upstairs, I guess I just wanted to make her a real bi
I was going down on her, eating her like an apple pie
But it was clear that she wasn't bi
And she had no intentions on being with a chick, she just thought it was the cool thing to do, but she rather be with a guy
The chick made me sick
I threw a fit
I cursed her out, told her to get the hell out

Nowadays everybody wanna be gay
******* act like it's a cool thing to be that way
All I have to say is yall make me sick, this ain't no cool phase or trend
Go find something else to be or some other group to offend
Because when you're open and out, you're constantly getting ridiculed by friends, family, foes, and the religious and ourselves we gotta defend
Nowadays everybody wanna be gay
******* think they know what it is to be that way
Nowadays everybody wanna be gay
******* think they know what it is to be gay

I just need to realize the reality
Of my bisexuality
'Cause I like guys too
And I'm not gonna deny my feelings that I have for you
But friends are what we can only be
Because you don't see me
Like that
And it's a known fact
By the look on your face and the way you talk about her
That you're in love
You're in love with her
And I will never speak of the love I have for you that is so pure
And it feels kinda like a tragedy
You don't feel the same way about me
So I gotta learn how to set my feelings for you free

You beautiful Polish boy
Oh how you could bring me such joy
If you just would **** me already
But I know
You're in love
And I'll try not to forget you when you go back to your country
With your beautiful skin
And silly grin
Beautiful bright blue eyes
And every time I see you high fives
Your **** accent, athletic physique, and musky smell
And just the way we clicked instantly, and our *** conversations we had, and how for a boy you listen so well
And I really enjoyed learning about you and your country
And I even learned some new Polish words, Jestes piekne
It's just weird for me to feel this deeply about a guy
But I thank you 'cause you were the one to make me realize I really am bi
So I give you two high fives
And a kiss goodbye
And have a nice fly
Back to Poland
My friend

But you're in love
And my heart implodes inside with such agony
You don't feel the same way about me
So I gotta learn how to set my feelings for you free

Pride, where’s your pride
I don’t know but mine I have never tried to hide
Pride, you don’t deserve any pride
Not of any kind
Not until you find
Find the one inside of you
Your own pride
Not the gay pride that you always try to hide behind
How can you have gay pride when you don’t have self-pride
Gay pride denied, self-pride need to find
Gay pride denied, self-pride need to find

Are you sad like Chris
Do you have so much anger and anxiety inside of you that you would do something stupid like slit your own wrist
Are you sad like Chris
Does no one understand you or understand where you’re coming from or where you want to be going
And how people’s insensitivity and lack of concern builds up frustration that just seems to keep growing
And find yourself stuck with memories of the good times you miss
Thinking about all the backstabbing friends that dissed
And every time they made you sad or ******
And most of them you kissed
Taking life as if it is one big risk
Sad like Chris
Unhappy with the way things are going for her
Just want someone to nurture her
Understand her
Love her
Show her
Things she could only think of, dream of
Everybody deserves a chance to be happy
No one should put their life at risk
Just because they are unhappy
But tell that to Chris

I’ll share my love with you
I’ll share my love with you
And if any part of you doubts it
All my love will turn those doubts to lies
Of course, I want you
But the question is do you feel the same way too

And I wonder what you do so great that I can’t stop thinking about you, want you so bad
To the point that it’s driving me crazy, driving me mad
Oh, you see me
You look at me with hope and adoration
You really do see me
You do

Sometimes I just feel so see thru paper thin
Like I’m invisible and I don’t fit in
But when you’re around I’m visible again
Well at least when it’s just us two
I’m not see thru paper thin to you
And for that I’ll share my love with you
And if any part of you doubts it
All my love will turn those doubts to lies
But sometimes I wish you could see straight thru this paper’s thinness
And see that I want you
Just look at the way I look at you
It’s so see thru
See thru

Shadowy, distant, and discontent
These are the three adjectives
That describes my present
Emotions that I am feeling
But I am willing
To give these feelings
Up any day
Some people say just don't think about it and they'll go away
But this is like a disease, a sickness, an illness
You have to treat it like that, like diabetes that has to do with blood and sugar, or like different kinds of cancer
Well this if left untreated, your mind, your emotions, your ability to function right, you'll be killing
Shadowy, distant, and discontent
These three adjectives for years have left a dent in my soul
Now I have lost all my ability to control
How I feel
Now I must reveal
This **** ain't no joke
Night after night I choke
From the mucus that seeps down to my throat
From crying
Some nights I think about dying
Then I start to think why when
This all will be over someday
Then I pray
And ask God to give me strength to get through another day
Shadowy for being obscure
And rest assure
It's something I'm not proud of
But it's something I gotta rise above
And I gotta learn to love
Myself
'Cause nobody else
Is gonna accept you
So I gotta learn how to
Maybe that's why I'm so distant
So I sprint
Away from it all
Just waiting for a downfall
So I feel discontent 'cause this is how it always goes
And anyone who knows
Me, knows that my mood swings go up and down like a rollercoaster
Maybe something to do with bipolar
But I just need a shoulder
Someone to lean on to help me get over
Whatever you wanna call this
But I don't, so I ball a fist
I feel ******
Reminiscing to the time I slit my wrist
But then I start to think this is ridiculous
Shadowy, distant, and discontent
Is remnant
To all the other adjectives I could, should use to describe me, ah
But I think you get the idea

She's bleeding, she's bleeding, she's hurt
She has been kicked out, spitted on, and thrown in the dirt
She's bleeding, she's bleeding, you don't know how she feels
She has slit her wrist and overdose on some pills
She bleeds from the inside out
She's been feeling like this for most of her life and wants to die, she has no doubts
She bleeds as she wipes the tears from her eyes
She lays on the bed waiting to die
She's bleeding, she's bleeding, only if it could stop
But it's too late, her eyes roll back and off the bed she drops