Don’t tell me you’re open minded
When you squeeze your eyes shut
At the mere idea that you *might be wrong.

I miss you
Do you miss me?

We used to be so close
We were best friends
Talking, texting, being together all the time.

But I realized a harsh reality.
I was the only one to make an effort.

You've moved forward with your life
Living in a new place
Making new friends

While I'm miles away
Wondering how things changed from one second to the next
Trying to figure out why I'm not good enough.

We used to share everything
All our secrets and our dreams
All our fears and our nightmares

But somewhere down the road
You ran ahead and left me here behind.

You left me here behind.
Now I'm alone
Trying to move forward
With an emptiness where you lived.

I finally said good-bye
I told him last night
And i know that he was upset.
I told him to call me sometime,
But somehow I know he won't;
It’s just the way he is.

This morning I told my friend,
She said she was proud!
How could she be so happy?
That I said good-bye to him,
When I feel like dying on the inside?

I almost gave up last night
As I explained what was wrong
I almost gave in to his begging and pleading
But I just can't do it anymore
I had to say good-bye.

She asked if I was okay.
How can I be okay if I told him good-bye?
How can I be okay if I gave him an ultimatum that I knew he wouldn’t stick to?
I’m not okay
But I have to pretend that I am
Just to get by these last few weeks in this country.

2 days of school,
2 weeks of exams,
3 weeks before leaving this country forever
Not to come back
Leaving him forever unsure when I’ll see him again.
Why am I losing these last few weeks with him?
Why did I say good-bye now?

I didn't truly want to say farewell
But she made me.
She hates him
Even though she's never met him.

I finally said good-bye to him
And said she was proud of me
And asked if I was okay.
But how can she be proud?
How can I be okay?
When he's still on my mind?!?

Sick, that’s all I feel.
Sore throat,
Tired,
Joints not functioning.
Eyes glazed over
And slowly shutting.
Cold,
Cold is the only other feeling
That passes through my body.
Sore joints,
Sore throat
I can’t swallow
Or talk.
It hurts too much.
So tired.
Exhaustion running its course.
Weakened muscles;
Pain striking through them.
Back,
My back is in pain.
It needs to be stretched or cracked,
But nothing is helping.
Stiff,
My whole body is stiff and aching.
My nose is stuffed up
But it’s really my sinuses.
Sore,
Stiff,
Tired,
Exhausted,
Pain,
All running through my body.
Sick, that’s all I feel.

Clothes strewn across the floor
Boxes lining the walls.
There's an echo in the living room
That wasn't there before.
The walls have been painted white
And the carpets have all been rolled up.
The feeling of home has evaporated,
Leaving behind the feeling of eternal rush
Thinking that there isn't enough hours in enough days
To finish getting everything in their boxes.
Piles of books and junk fill the room
Blocking paths to and fro.
Empty walls reminders that it's time to leave.
Dust swirling up in the air,
A constant warning that time is flying by.

Finally the emotions sink in:
This is the final week in a foreign country
That has been home for the past nine years.
It's time to return to a birth country
That was only a vacation home
That has long faded from memory.
Knowing that good-byes are only days away
Even hours
Pulls at the heart, unleashing the tears.
A sinking feeling sets in;
This is the last time,
For many years,
That travelling Asia will ever be so easy.
The last time this country will contain "home"
But not the last time it will call to the heart.
It will call and call but there will only be yearning
And longing but not action.
Who knows when this country will get its way?
Maybe a couple of years
Or maybe never
But the thought of leaving
Is just too hard to deal with.
With only days left
And the packers on the way,
The good-byes are looming.

I don't want to say good-bye again.
I don't want to leave my home.
I don't want to pack up my room.
I don't want to get rid of half my stuff.
I don't want to stop traveling Asia.
I don't want to lose my friends.
I don't want to go to college in America.
I don't want to miss out on the amazing foods here.
I don't want to decide what to take and what to leave.
I don't want to sell my books.
I don't want to acknowledge that I'll never see some of these people again.
I don't want to move another time.

With three days left
I have to finish packing.
But the tears keep threatening to burst free.
How do I say good-bye?
How can I leave my home?
Moving can be such a pain.

The outside shows a girl
Who wants to be here
And join in the world's wonders.

On the inside is a girl
A girl who wishes and dreams
Everywhere she goes.

The outside shows a girl
A girl who smiles and laughs
Everywhere she goes.

On the inside is a girl
Who cries and dies a little more
As each and everyday passes.

There's a point you pass,
It's when  you know that no matter how hard you try,
You're not going to sleep.
No matter how much you want to,
You've passed that point,
That point of no return.

You're no longer tired or exhausted,
You're just hyper.
Then the hyperness turns into boredom and restlessness.

As the hours drag on and on
And you stay up later and later,
You hit the emotional breakdown.

You hit the point where everything
Goes from hilariously funny
To tragically sad.

The final point comes
When  you everything that comes out of your mouth,
Is unfiltered!
Raw emotion,
Words tumbling over each other,
Not making sense.

And then all of a sudden,
You don't know how it happens,
But out of nowhere,
You're lying down somewhere,
Waking up from 5 hours of sleep.

I took you for granted
Always thinking you'd be there
I ran to you for help
For someone to talk to
For someone to listen
For someone I thought cared. 

I took you for granted
Always thinking you'd be there
I never thought of the day that you'd graduate and leave me behind. 
I knew I'd miss you
But I never realized why. 
I thought it was simply because you were my best friend. 

I took you for granted
Always thinking you'd be there
I miss you more than ever
Now that I know I won't see you again
That you won't be there for me
That I don't have someone to talk to. 

I took you for granted
Always thinking you'd be there
But I never thought of you leaving
I never thought we'd stop talking
I never thought we'd stop being friends
I never really thought. 

I took you for granted
Always thinking you'd be there
But I never looked past that day
That week
That year. 
I never paid attention. 

I took you for granted
Always thinking you'd be there
I was wrong
I took you for granted
And never thought about the end of school
I took you for granted. 
Always thinking you'd be there.

To the woman who is my best friend
Who has always had my back
Even when we don’t get along;

To the woman who always knows what I need
Who is always by my side
Through the good times and the bad;

To the woman who will never let me down
Who fights for me
Because what’s best for me is what’s best for her;

To the woman who shows me how to live right
Who showed me what the world has to offer
And that all I have to do is make it mine;

To the woman who brought me into this world
Who taught me right from wrong
Always having more to show the world;

To the woman who is my mother
Who personifies all that comes with that word
Loving, caring, kind, beautiful, teacher, and everything else;

Happy Mother’s Day
I Love You and would never change what we’ve gone through
You’ve made me into who I am today

You asked me to trust you
And you expected a reply
I saw it in your eye
But I hesitated.

Even after you asked questions
As I told you my tale,
In which I apparently failed
To explain

You called me to say
That you would always be there
But you ran as fast as a hare
And you lied.

You asked me to trust you
And you expected a reply
I saw it in your eye
But I hesitated.

I revealed that I couldn’t trust
Not when friend after friend
Brought an end
To every relationship.

You said you understood
You comforted me as the tears streamed down my face
But you ran as if in a race
And you never looked back.

You asked me to trust you
And you expected a reply
I saw it in your eye
But I hesitated.

I wanted to trust you
You said you could comprehend
Even after end and end
You said you would be there.

But now here I am
Lost and alone
Searching for a bone
Trying to understand how it happened again.

You asked me to trust you
And you expected a reply
I saw it in your eye
But I hesitated.

You asked me to trust you
I guess I was right
But thanks for the insight
Now I know where I went wrong.

You asked me to trust you
And you expected a reply
I saw it in your eye
But I hesitated.

I'm afraid to speak
Those three simple, short words
That will tell you how I feel.

I'm afraid to think
Those three small, insignificant significant words
That will acknowledge my true feelings.

I'm afraid for what they will mean.
They will make me vulnerable, susceptible to your choice
Your feelings unknown to me.

I'm afraid that you will not repeat
Those three affectionate, tender words
That speak of how much you care.

All I want
Is to hear you say
*I love you

There will be days when everything goes wrong
There will be days when you cry yourself to sleep
There will be days when you just want to end it all
There will be days when you wish you didn't exist;
When you wish your father or mother or sibling didn't exist
There will be days when you question how you can keep moving on.

But on those days, I want you to remember:
You've survived this long
Why give up when you have made it this far in life?
You may not have lived each day but you have survived
Survive just another day, so that you may live many more.

Speak up
And speak out.
Say what you mean
And mean what you say.
Don't be afraid
To let your voice ring out.
Be clear
For all to hear.
And never doubt
That what you have to say is
ALWAYS
Worth expressing

Your mother was over here again.
Asking about me and you.
But the funny thing is,
She never knew about us;
Not that we were together,
Not that we broke up,
Not our history.

She was asking if I saw you.
If we were at the sam party.
Never knowing
What passed between us.
It wasn't the first time.
She's asked about us before,
Wanting to know if we were friends.

I sometimes wonder
Should I tell her?
But then I think about us
And all that happend
And I think, Better not.
Your mother was over here again
Asking about me and you.
I didn't know what to say.

You always knew when I wasn't okay
You could always tell with just one look
Then you'd sit down with me
And just listen no matter how long it took.

You were the only one
That would say, "Tell me the truth"
No one else has ever been able to see through this facade

Now that you're gone
I feel just as lost and alone
But even more because nobody's been able to see me
As you always could. 

You always knew
And found a way to cheer me up
Even though we grew apart
And had different friends. 

You always knew
And could make my day with just one hug
Just one smile
Just one small conversation. 

These people I call friends
Have yet to figure it out. 
I keep missing you
While waiting for someone els to say, "Tell me the truth"

You always knew
You always knew.

I was thinking about you today


While I was shopping
I saw something and thought of you
And for a moment
I forgot…

I saw your face
In my head
Picturing you opening your gift
And for a moment
I forgot…

I felt you there with me
Knowing you’d be laughing
And for a moment
I forgot…

I forgot you weren’t there
That I’ll never see your face
Or hear your voice
And for a moment
I forgot…

But then the pain crashed in
And my heart broke again
That I’ll never see you again
Because your gone
And for a moment
You were here

What you don't seem to understand
Is that healing is a process.

Depression doesn't go away in a night
Not even a month or two months.
Yeah, I may be feeling better on some days
But I'm not all the way there.

There is a process
Which I haven't finished yet.

I've come to realize
Most of my problems originated with you.
I'm trying to get better but you are still getting in the way.

Your nagging, your constant pressure
Is spiking the anxiety
Which is causing a downward spiral back into my abyss.

But you know what the worst part is?
You don't even notice.
You don't even listen when I tell you.
You don't even try to understand.

It's been 3 years since we last spoke.
It's been 2 years since you said you didn't want to be friends.
It's been 2 years since you started ignoring me.

It's been 6 years since you said we'd always have each other.
It's been 5 years since you said we would be friends forever.
It's been 5 years since you said nothing could tear us apart.

It's been 2 years since I last saw you,
Since we last spoke.
It's been 2 years...

Am I still allowed to cry?
You were my bestest friend in the whole world!
We planned that our children would be just as close as we were.
We said we'd be the two old women in the nursing home who would be cackling like crazy.
We said that nothing would come between us.

It's been 2 years...
Am I still allowed to miss you?
You were my shoulder to cry on.
You were my reasonable side.
You were the one to make sure I studied just as much as I played sports.

It's been 2 years since we've said a single word.
Am I still allowed to miss you?
You were my bestest friend.
Am I still allowed to be in pain?
You made a promise!
Am I still allowed to cry?
You said "I will never ditch you or forget about you".
Am I still allowed to wish?
You said "distance is making our friendship stronger".

You were my best friend,
And it's been 2 years now.
What went wrong?
How did it come to this?
I don't understand!

All I want
Is to forget about you.
Forget
Forget
Forget
You ever existed
That you ever came into my life.
Forget
Forget
Forget
You meant something to me
That I cared about what you thought
Forget
Forget
Forget

we were 10,
all of us laughing
crying,
cheering,
all of us as one.

we fought,
broken in two parts,
why was it always the same two parts?
it was always me and you against her and whoever else!
why did we let this happen?

we were 10,
all of us fighting,
broken,
saddened,
all of us as two parts.

one had left at the beginning of that year
but i didn't say good-bye
me and you, we left her so we could hang
so we didn't say good-bye

that year
you and her left me for some others
you left me with those we were always against!
how did this happen?
all of a sudden
i didn't know where i belonged!

but before all that
our peace-keeper left
i guess that's how we all fell apart!

we were 10,
all of us crying,
remembering,
saying good-bye,
all of us as one.

at the end of the year,
three more left.
two of which were always against us
one who was just barely one of the 10
but one of the 10 all the same.

now where do i belong?
there are only 6
but the one we always fought with was gone.
so where were you?
we could have been friends again!
but then you left the next year.

we were 10
all of us sharing,
dancing,
singing,
all of us as one.

now there are only two of us
two who are still together.
only 7 of us talk
while the other 3 are not a part of us.
is this where i belong?
because you are no longer part of those who talk.

i have new friends now
but how do i share,
or laugh,
or cry,
or dance,
or sing,
or remember,
or say good-bye,
or cheer,
or even fight,
or even be sad,
without being reminded of you

you were always there
but then you left me for her
you left me by myself
how do i ever get over that?
how do i learn to forget?
how can i learn to trust again?

you came to visit
but we didn't speak.
i guess it's both our faults.
or is it?
once i forget you i can trust
but if i forget you, i can't remember
what happens when you trust too deep.
how do i fix this?
how do i get over this?

the only solution i see
is to never forget
and to never trust properly
but then nobody will trust me
i guess its time to move on
and be real to me
instead of real to the 10

we were 10,
all of us laughing,
dancing,
singing,
crying,
saying good-bye,
remembering,
fighting,
sharing,
cheering,
saddened,
bro­ken,
all of us as one
but now

now we are all 10
all of us our own

i shall remember the 10 as we were
but never shall i make the mistake
letting you manipulate me,
control me,
force me,
rule me,
or even blind me,

as this all leads to us
being pretend friends
and only when were apart
we finally see this.

now we are 10
all of us our own.....

I'm all alone,
Or so it seems.
You can’t see through this mask?
How can you not?

You laugh
When you should cry,
Or cheer me up,
Why can’t you see through this mask?
No, I'm not crying.

Why did you turn away,
When you knew the truth?
Yes, I'm happy.

Can’t you see I'm lying?
Why can’t you see through this mask?
I love you,
But you don’t love me.
I'm okay with it.

Wait!
Why are you walking away?
Why can’t you see through this mask?

I'm sad,
I'm tired,
I'm fine,
There’s nothing to worry about,
I can’t wait!
Why can’t you see through this mask?
Why can’t you see throu---never mind.

I can see
That you just don’t care.
That you don’t want to care.
That you are incapable of caring
For others.

I guess I’ll leave now.
And never come back.
It’s just easier this way.

Hello darkness.
Hello pain.
I'm you new best friend.

Good-bye world.

How can you fail
At something that calls to you;
Calls to your core?

How can you fail
When you try your damnest?
When you give everything you have?

How can you fail
If you want something so much?
If you believe it to be your future?

How can you fail
When all you've given for a year and a half
Hasn't been enough?

How can I fail
If all I want is to succeed
And to have a future?

If this is what the truth brings,
Then never shall I speak it again.
I hate you.
I don’t need you.
I don’t care that you walked away.
Alas,
The lie hurts as much as the truth,
Or even more,
So never shall I speak it again.
But then what shall I speak?
Riddles?
I do not like riddles,
The meaning is much too hard to find.
Then I shall speak the truth,
For the truth hurts,
But it is the truth.
And if you walk away
After I speak the truth,
Then you do not matter.
Now I'm being honest with myself.
You do not matter,
Even though I care.
Why do I care?
When you do not matter?
Now I'm dissuaded to use the truth,
But it is best.
For now I can tell
Who cares,
And who does not,
And who shall never.
So good-bye to those
Who do not and shall not ever care.

I've slipped back into my abyss;
Everywhere I look, I see darkness.

Looking out at the world
I find it hard to see the beauty and color as I used to.

My abyss has dragged me back into its depths
Hooking its claws into me; not wanting to let go.

The cost of crawling back into the light
Will be higher than it was before.

I've slipped back into my abyss
Everywhere I look, I see darkness.

so high
so far.
it's a long way to go.

these broken wings
they won't last long
i'm already starting to fall.

after all that i've been through
just to stay strong
it's too much to lose

and yet i'm falling
fast and far.
there's nothing left to hold me up.

these broken wings
have fallen apart
now i'm falling
falling
ever so fast
ever so far.

The world seems a much better place
With you here

"What am I doing here?"
That question runs through my brain;
Jumping, dancing, swirling.
Minute after minute,
Hour after hour,
Day after day,
All I hear
Is this one simple question,
"What am I doing here?"

Am I here for the education?
Am I here for the academics?
Am I here for my license?
Or am I here just because?

I think I'd be happier
In some far off land.
But here I am instead.

I think I'd be happier
In some other school.
But here I am instead.

I think I'd be happier
In much warmer climate.
But here I am instead.

Every waking moment,
My first thought is always,
"What am I doing here?"
This usually leads to,
"Why am I in America?"

Minute after minute,
Hour after hour,
Day after day;
It's always the same question,
"What am I doing here?"