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Dev A Dec 2012
I was looking for some inspiration
but all I found was a crowded courtyard.

We walked the streets
all we saw was a man blowing fire.

We screamed and cheered
while he almost burned down the tree.

I was looking for some inspiration
but all I saw was a place full of people.

We headed for the bathroom
but the lines stretched for miles.

We talked and talked
in a small little corner.

I was looking for some inspiration
but there was only fireworks.

We ran to watch
only the reflection on the building could be seen.

We recorded the sky from an odd angle
hoping to catch some real fire in the sky.

I was looking for some inspiration
but all I found were empty words.

We walked the streets
and I guess I finally found some inspiration.

We talked and talked while watching the sky
hmmm there was some inspiration in that I guess!
576 · Sep 2013
Lost and Alone
Dev A Sep 2013
Lost and alone,
Darkness circling the edge
Attempting to creep past the sliver of light
Which is holding it back but slightly.
The light its pulsing,
Like the stars,
Brighter on some days
Barely visible on others.
The night, the darkness
Covers the light
Leaving a small isolated gully.
Nothing enters the space,
Nothing but more darkness
And the feeling of loneliness
Lost and alone,
I wish there were people here who knew me.
I wish someone would just go out of their way
And make me feel welcomed,
Maybe even accepted for once.
The darkness creeps forth
More and more each day.
But no one here can help,
They just skirt on by
Adding to the darkness
Like clouds covering the sky
Blocking the light
From shining through
Making the stars seem less illuminative.
Lost and alone,
I just want someone to talk to,
Someone to be friends with,
Someone to acknowledge that I'm here.
572 · May 2014
To My One And Only <3
Dev A May 2014
To my mother on Mother's Day*

Before I start what might seem like,
The longest, most important,
Extremely emotional poem,
I must say these words
Although they don't express the amount
Of which
I LOVE YOU!!

I love you,
I Love You,
I LOVE YOU!

I know that there are days,
Days when I say:
Go away;
I hate you;
I wish you weren't part of my life.

But you have to remember,
Most of all,
The memories that stick with ME,
Are these:
The day you brought home our dogs;
The day you told us we were moving;
The day we fell in love with my puppy;
When we brought home my puppy;
The summers returning home;
All those sports games you showed up to
And cheered me on;
The day I finished 8th grade;
All those dances you helped me get ready for;
Those lunch/shopping dates;
Both my proms;
Senior graduation;
And finally,
The day you dropped me off for college!

These days and even more
Are forever burned, seared,
Into my mind.
Nothing can ever replace them,
But we can add more days,
Days just as important,
Or special,
As the years go on.

Through all my mistakes,
My accomplishments,
My craziness,
My ups and downs,
You have been there.
Lifting me up
And reminding me who I was
And that I was special.
Showing me
That nobody else's opinion mattered,
No one's but mine.

So today,
On this day,
This day specially for you,
Mother's Day,
I want to say:
Thank you.
Thank you for loving me;
For watching out for me;
For showing me the way;
But most of all,
Thank you
For being my mother!


THANK YOU
&
I LOVE YOU!!!

Happy Mother's Day <3
571 · May 2015
Through It All
Dev A May 2015
A Mother's Day Poem for the GREATEST Mom out there!!*

Through all the childhood scares and nightmares,
Through the screams of terror and cries of fright,
Through checking the room for things that go bump in the night,
Through squeezing your hand so very, very tight;

Through all the sicknesses and sores, bruises and scrapes galore,
Through staying up all night being sick,
Through week after week of shots to keep me tick,
Through those days staying home with me instead of work you did pick;

Through all the games and parties, the laughs so hearty,
Through the days and nights at amusement parks,
Through all our journeys and adventures we did embark,
Through family time here and there, making a mark;

Through all the times you have been there, even when I erred,
Through the dances and concerts, parties and sleepovers,
Through surgeries and recoveries, chocolate and jokers,
Through all the  memories abundant like clovers;

Through all the childhood scares and nightmares,
Through all the sicknesses and sores, bruises and scrapes galore,
Through all the games and parties, the laughs so hearty,
Through all the times you have been there, even when I erred;

Through all the terrors,
Through all the pain,
Through all the fun,
Through all the love;

Through anything and everything
You have always been my mother.
Through all we will go through in this life together
You will always be my mother.

Happy Mother's Day!
I love you!
570 · Jan 2012
Life
Dev A Jan 2012
Life is an uncertainty
An uncertainty full of mystery
And intrigue.
Life can go out in a flash
Or a bang.
But as long as there is somebody there beside you
There is nothing to fear.
We all have our dreams
Our hopes.
We all have our fears
Our nightmares.
But to live life
Is to overcome those fears
To reach those dreams.
Nightmares and unknown hopes
Are obstacles
In living our dreams.
Life is an uncertainty
An uncertainty full of mystery
And intrigue.
565 · Dec 2011
My Best and Only Friend
Dev A Dec 2011
To you who is always there,
To you who will hopefully be there.
From anything, to everything,
You are my best friend.
You know what this is about,
You know what this means.
School’s almost over,
We’re almost done.
I hope we’ll never forget
All those times:
Laughing.
Smiling.
Crying.
Fighting.
Gossiping.
These times have shaped us.

To me you are the greatest gift.
Never forget,
That you are my best
And only friend.
563 · Jun 2013
Saying Good-bye: Part 1
Dev A Jun 2013
Saying Good-bye Part I
In ten years
I’ve said good-bye more times than I can count.
Only once have I had to say good-bye as I left,
But so many people have left my life.
I’ve learned that these good-byes NEVER get easier.
Only a few more hours left
But so much to say!
How can I say what I need to in these last few hours?
Is there any way we can repeat this last year of high school
But only so that we have more time together?
Nine years in Malaysia has changed me
All thanks to the people I’ve met here.
But to say my last good-byes
Is harder than I ever thought!

I don’t think I want to say good-bye!
After 2-3 hours I finally have all 4 of these finished. Many tears were shed as I wrote these for my 3 best friends, MS, NP, and AW
563 · Dec 2011
Leave Me
Dev A Dec 2011
me and you,
we're through.
you don't care,
you never listen.
me and you,
we're through.
im tired of all this,
im tired of pretending.
me and you,
we're through.
when can i finally be rid
of all this unhappiness?
when will you just leave
because
me and you,
we're through.
558 · Sep 2012
This One's For YOU
Dev A Sep 2012
This one’s from the first time we talked.
This one’s from our first kiss.
This one’s from that time we laughed all night long.
This one’s from all those texts.
This one’s from all those late night calls.
This one’s from all those time we went out.

This one’s for every thought.
This one’s for every touch.
This one’s for all those hugs.
This one’s for the secrets.
This one’s for all the tears.
This one’s for you.

My arms are covered in scars.
My arms have wept blood.
My arms are dead.
Just as my heart.
Just as my tears.
Just as my love.

A simple sorry doesn’t erase everything that happened.
A simple sorry just won’t do.
A simple sorry can’t fix a broken heart.
A simple sorry won’t forget a thing.
A simple sorry won't make it alright.
A simple sorry won’t forgive you.

This one’s for you.
Just for you alone.
The scars are gathering,
Climbing across my skin.
Blood is dripping, dripping down.
All because of you.
557 · Aug 2012
Haunting Hope
Dev A Aug 2012
Your eyes;
Your face;
Your smile;
Haunting me each night in my dreams.

You’re thousands of miles away,
But still, the “what ifs” run through my mind.
Wondering, wanting, needing to know
What might have happened.

But you’re gone.
I should be at peace.
I shouldn’t have to remember
What a look from you could do.

I should be able to move on, away from you.
But still, the “what ifs” run through my mind.
Wondering, wanting, needing to know
What might have happened.

And yet, here I sit.
Looking out the window to the road
That you walked by every day,
Hoping for a glance.

Even still, I look into the crowd, but you’re not there.
But still, the “what ifs” run through my mind.
Wondering, wanting, needing to know
What might have happened.

I hope you’re happy.  I hope you’re safe.
Write, every now and then
Just so I know that you still think of me
As I think of you, a thousand miles away.

I hope you smile, when you think of your time here.
I hope you laugh, when you think of all the stupid things we did.
I hope you remember my name, when someone points to a picture.
But most of all, I hope you remember me, for me!
556 · Jun 2013
Saying Good-bye: Part 2
Dev A Jun 2013
Saying Good-bye Part II
To MS:

3 ½ years.
How is it possible to love someone this way in that amount of time?
You’re one of my best friends.
Through the fights,
Guy drama,
And everything else.
It’s time to say good-bye.
It’s not easy,
But here it goes.
I love you
3 ½ years is not enough!
Dancing in the rain
Staying up all night long
Just hanging out.
What more can I say?
Our replationship revolved around just a few things:
Laughter
Sugar
Girl talk
Books
Movies
And most importantly
Never giving up on one another!
I don’t know how I’ll get through
But it’s time to say good-bye
After all this time.
We’ve stalled and stalled
But now it’s time,
Time to say good-bye.
So here it goes:

I love you!
(You’ll always be my “twin sister”
And of course my “lover” and “wife”)
I’ll miss you more than you’ll ever know.
Good-bye!!!!
556 · Apr 2012
Who are you to Judge?
Dev A Apr 2012
You don’t know me.
Don’t act as if you do
Don’t pretend to care.

You don’t know me.
You never wanted to.
You pushed me away
Again and again.

You don’t know me,
So don’t come near me.
I tried to be your friend
But it’s too late for that now.

You don’t know me
Yet you swear you do.

If you know me
Then tell me what to do
To find my way from hell.

I’m stuck
And I’m lost.

You don’t know me
And until you do
Don’t try to help.

You don’t know me
You never wanted to
Now I look for shelter

Where I can help myself
To find the wings
You claim I have.

You don’t know me
Or the pain
Or the tears I have shed.

You don’t know me
You never wanted to.
555 · Apr 2012
Moving Forwad
Dev A Apr 2012
looking forward
looking back
looking towards the future
its a cruel circle.

moving left
moving right
moving towards the front
its a cruel cycle.

going up
going down
going towards something in the middle
its a cruel rotation.

looking, moving, going,
just trying to get somewhere
to do something
its a cruel world
where we can't find the relevance
between the old and the new
between the good and the bad
between the past and the present.

once we see relevance
we can see our true mistakes,
the mistakes of the past generations
and the cure for the future
the relevance between two different lifetimes
all in one world.
552 · Aug 2016
Nature's Love
Dev A Aug 2016
The winds whip through,
Blowing her hair into his waters.

His arms stretch forth,
Pushed by the waves, landing at her feet.

In between her hands of sand
His own hands of water lay.

A lost love, intangible;
Always in sight, but never attainable.

She disappears as he creeps closer,
Filling him with her love.

His love disappears as he recedes,
Leaving her with remnants of his currents.

Her empty shells
Reach towards his depths.

A lost love, intangible;
Always in sight, but never attainable.
542 · Sep 2013
Together and Apart
Dev A Sep 2013
When we're together
The world is right.
There's nobody to judge me;
Just my best friend
To laugh by my side.
But here and now
We're in new places;
Places we've never been
Places we never knew existed.
But the biggest change so far
Is that we've been separated,
It might not be that far
But its far enough.
Here and now
I don't have anyone to talk to
No one that can help me
To sort through this jungle of emotions;
No one who I can call a friend.
I miss the people I knew
I miss them even when they don't miss me.
Too bad we can't all be together.
Too bad we were separated from each other.
Why can't you be here with me
When I need you the most,
As I sit here lost and alone,
With no one to hold?
540 · Jan 2012
seas of memory
Dev A Jan 2012
the water crashes over the rocks.
the sound is a sweet lullaby to my ears.
just like candy to the mouth.

the white caps
remind me of the clouds in the sky.
a sweet dream forever in my memory.

the mist licks at my face
as i stand by the rail overlooking the water.
the feeling of water and wind is like coming home.

the sweet taste of salt
brings back a childhood of days and years
swimming and lazing at the beach.

ahhh
the sweet ocean.
a calm peace descends upon me.
539 · Oct 2014
Our World
Dev A Oct 2014
In a world so wrought with
Pain,
Hatred,
Death,
Sacrifice,
Love,
Exaltation;

In a world so focused on
Media,
Societal preferences,
Humanity’s death,
War,
Money,
Religious extremists;

In a world so filled with
Beauty,
Creativity,
Colors,
Marvels,
Miracles,
Nature;

In a world created just so
How can we not take time to appreciate
All that we can?
Why do we sit in a closed room
Counting down the time
Until we can go to another closed room?

In a world we take over
We barely take the time
To be impressed by what we see.
Don’t you see what we were given?
Mountains, oceans, forests!
They call to us, but we never go.

In a world that is as it is
It is hard to find one’s self.
To find a way to become who you are meant to.
How can we imagine
Trying to comprehend
Who we are and the world we live on?

In a world that is our own
We do not love it as we should.
We focus on what’s not important
Rather than what truly is.
We watch as thousands **** thousands
And a few who save the environment.

In a world such as this
Can we try to find what is important?
Can we figure out which should have our focus?
People killing people
Just to show people that killing people is wrong?
Or people taking care of others
Just because they feel that they should?
539 · Feb 2018
Wishes
Dev A Feb 2018
I wish I could talk with you every day
I wish this anxiety didn’t plague me
I wish I had the courage to start a conversation
I wish I didn’t fear what you thought of me

I wish that my heart didn’t beat faster out of nerves
But rather from only excitement
I wish those three little dots didn’t have me terrified
But rather anticipation thrumming through me

I keep wishing to change how I feel when I hear from you;
From scared and worried to happy and excited
But my mind is keeping me back from enjoying our banter
I keep wishing that today will be the day
The day I finally conquer this anxiety
But I have to keep persevering;
Never letting it take complete control.

I wish I knew what to say
I wish I knew how to keep our conversations going
I wish this distance I’ve created doesn’t last
But most of all, I wish that you can understand.
536 · Jan 2012
Empitness
Dev A Jan 2012
Cold.
Cold and dark.
That's all I see,
That's all I feel.
There's nothing out there
On this warm summer's night.
All I hear
Are the deadly waves,
Waiting.
Waiting for me.
I can't see.
I can't feel.
All I know
Is my heart is empty.
The edge is near.
Waves crash.
Waves rumble.
That's all I hear.
They've waited for me
As I've waited for them.
Now I go.
Falling, falling.
Cold.
Ever so cold.
532 · Jan 2012
your love
Dev A Jan 2012
Your love is what has killed me.
Your love is what has torn me.
Your smile.
Your laugh.
All the times were together
All I can think about
Is your love.
Hugs, smiles, laughs,
All signs of you love.
Now alone
I think about your love.
This world is hard to walk
Without a hand to hold,
Without a heart to share,
Without your love.
Walking this world is hard enough already;
Hiding the pain,
Wearing an invisible mask,
Finding those who care
And those who don’t.
Your love holds me here.
Or should I say
What I wish your love was.
Your love,
Or lack of love
I should say,
Kills me by the second.
Tears me apart
From the inside out.
Your smile,
Your laugh,
Both destroying me.
Slowly,
Very slowly.
I wish this love could be shared,
But sadly,
It cannot.
530 · Jan 2013
It Was Nice to Meet You
Dev A Jan 2013
We went for a walk
Into town.
You told me a story
Just to pass the time.
I was quiet as I listened
While trying to figure out if this was just a dream.

We went for a walk
Into town.
You led us to different shops
But never stopped.
I smiled
Telling you about myself.

We went for a walk
Into town and back.
You finally stopped
And sat down in the park.
I sat next to you
But slightly apart.

We went for a walk
Into town and back.
You put your arm around me,
Pulling me closer.
I leaned against you
Trying to hide the motional war inside of me.

We went for a walk
Into town and back.
You leaned in for a kiss
Finding my lips, gently holding me tight.
I closed my eyes
As we disappeared in our own world.

We met up
All the time.
You held my hand
Silently promising your protection.
I told you my problems
Thinking I could lose myself with you.

We met up
All the time.
You would hold me tight
Seeming to never want to let go.
I opened up to you
Believing it would last.

We met up
All the time.
You were always there
Waiting just for me.
I saw a change in your eyes
But I didn’t say a word.

We slowly started to drift apart
Going our own separate ways.
You call every now and then
Asking me to meet up.
I sometimes give in and agree
Sometimes I listen to the confused mess that tells me to ignore you.

We slowly started to drift apart
Going our own separate ways.
You hurt me
Deep inside.
I wonder what
Was going through your head.

We slowly started to drift apart
Going our own separate ways.
You keep leading me
Never stopping.
I am still following you
When I should just let go.

We went for a walk
Into town and back.
We met up
All the time.
We slowly started to drift apart
Going our own separate ways.

Sometimes I wish
We were still together.
Sometimes I wish
You would just leave me alone.
Sometimes I wish
We had never met.

Sometimes I just wish…
528 · Feb 2017
Second Best
Dev A Feb 2017
I’m tired of being second best.
I’m tired of being the one you call at midnight
Wanting to rant and rave about life
And all your ******* ****!

What happened to calling up friends just to say “hey”?
What happened to calling up someone just to tell them you miss them?
What happened to all the good times?
What happened to make me your diary?

I’m tired of being needed only when something goes wrong.
I’m tired of hearing about all your problems!
I’m so ******* tired of texts and calls without so much as a “hi”
I’m tired of you complaining and never taking my advice.

When you can take me seriously
As a friend and a confidante;
When you can take my advice
Rather than coming back with the same complaints again and again;
When you can treat me as a person
And not an emotional punching bag;
Then I might consider letting you back in.

I don’t want to be second best anymore
I don’t want to come after all your issues
But I can’t change the fact that that’s the way you see me.

I’m done with trying to fix things for you
I’m done trying to help you
If you can’t fix yourself and your own problems
Then there’s nothing left for me to say.

When you keep coming back wanting new advice for the same thing
Over and over, there’s nothing I else I can do.
I’ve given you all I have
But you throw it back in my face
So here’s to the end
The end of me being second best to all your problems.
528 · Dec 2011
You're the Same
Dev A Dec 2011
You say you hate her
You say you wish she didn't exist.
But what you don't understand,
Is that she's the same as you.

Why do you hate her?
She has the same personality!
She's just another person.
Why not just walk away?

It would save you the trouble
Of having to listen to her.
So just walk away
Or deal with it.

You're just the same as her.
Just another girl.
Trying to get through school.

You're the same as her.
And understand,
That in a year's time.
No one will care.

Not me,
Not her,
Not you,
Not them.

So just walk away
And deal
523 · Jan 2012
So Far Gone
Dev A Jan 2012
It's so high,
It's so far.
I've always wanted to do this
But now that I'm here,
What would they say?
What do I care?
Actually,
What do they care?
I might as well go,
Because if I don't
There won't be another chance.
So here I go,
Jumping off this cliff
Into the waters below
Into the unknown.
518 · Dec 2020
Would You Notice?
Dev A Dec 2020
I wonder if I don’t text you first
If I don’t call you first
If I don’t message you first
Will you keep talking to me?

I wonder if I don’t start every conversation
If I don’t make an effort
Will you still be in my life?

Being the one to always start
I wonder what would happen
If I simply chose not to be the first.

How long would it take you?
To call me,
To text me,
To find where I am?

Would you notice if
I never came back
I never called you again
I never made my presence known?

Sitting here alone
Day after day
I wonder
Would you really care if…





I never came back…?
Dev A Sep 2012
Why?
Oh, why did you have to interfere?
I was happy!
I actually had a friend.
There was someone there to hold my hand
Someone to talk to.

Why?
Why did you have to come along and ruin it all?
I didn't have to pretend!
I was truly happy!
There was something to look forward to
Something to hold back all the pain.

Why?
Oh why did you have to come back?
I was so happy!
I finally opened up and trusted them.
Everything was perfect between us
But you came out of nowhere and the picture was broken.

But then you came along.
You always come along at the wrong time.
I've lost so much
But you're never there until somethings comes along
Just so you can interfere.
517 · Jun 2014
What If...?
Dev A Jun 2014
What if you're the one,
And we met at the ages of 8 and 10?
What if
It took us being apart for 3 years
Just to realize each other's significance.

What if you're the one,
And we just weren't ready for each other?
What if
We keep playing this game of cat and mouse
Chasing each other back and forth.

What if you're the one,
And we never see each other again?
What if
This heartache I feel when I think of you
Never goes away?

What if you're the one,
And we're separated from this day forth?
What if
The reason our emotions run so deep
Is because we're each other's one and only?

What if you're the one?
And the heartbreak I felt when I realized
That the likelihood I shall lays eyes on you again
Is less than 1 in a million,
Was enough to cause a panic attack.

The thought of not laughing and joking around,
Of not insulting each other,
Of not playfully slapping and punching each other,
Of not hanging out together,
Pulls on strings that I never knew existed.

A year ago,
You gave me one last hug,
One last kiss on the forehead,
As we stepped away from each other
For the very last time.

I just reread something,
Something that I wrote about you.
It made me realize the truth,
The truth I've been hiding from.

What if you're the one,
And we never see each other again?

We both had feelings for one another,
Feelings that turned to jealousy
And anger.
We both ran and hid from the truth,
Over and over again.

Friends.
That's all we are.
That's all that we've ever been.
That's all we'll ever be.

What if you're the one,
And we never see each other again?
What if you're the one,
And you never gave me the chance?
508 · Mar 2013
...
Dev A Mar 2013
...
She fell off the side
Of the steepest cliff. 

She holds onto the edge
Hanging on for her life. 

But her arms are tired,
So tired. 

She's been holding on 
for so long now. 

Her fingers are bleeding
Just like her heart. 

She's slipping
So slowly
Oh so slowly
503 · Dec 2011
Happiness
Dev A Dec 2011
Happiness is the joy of the world.
Happiness makes the world go ‘round.
This feeling is hard to feel
Hard to pretend.
When it’s real
It makes a big impression
But when it’s not
It’s hard to tell.
Why can’t you see the difference?
I finally have.
The light in my eyes
Is real this time.
It’s there
For all to see.
How can you not
See the difference?
I guess you never saw the real thing
Until today,
Until this moment.
Now you know what to look for
Now you know the difference.
So pay attention.
Call me on it.
Tell me that you care.
Because you don’t seem to care.
Not now,
Not ever.
So be happy that you know.
So be happy that I told you.
Now help me
Be me.
Help me find me.
Help me.
501 · Dec 2011
Heaven and Hell
Dev A Dec 2011
My heaven,
is only mine
My heaven,
is your hell.
498 · Nov 2012
Why?
Dev A Nov 2012
Why can I still feel your hand holding mine?
Why can I still hear your voice inside my head?
I thought we were through with all this
I wanted to forget everything
But for some reason
It keeps coming back.

Your lips against mine.
The way you say my name.
It was supposed to be over
I didn’t want to remember it
But it’s still there
Inside my head.

Why do I still see you when I close my eyes?
Why do I still look out the window expecting to see you?
You ended all this
I was finally moving on!
But for some reason
You came back.

The way your face dances in the dark.
Its 2:30 and you’re waiting just for me.
You said it was over
And it’s been two months.
But still you’re calling,
I want to go back to you.
493 · Jan 2015
What I Love Most About You
Dev A Jan 2015
I love laying next you
Drawing circles on your hand
As I use your arm for a pillow.

I love seeing your texts
After a long day of classes
Right when I need cheering up.

I love that you make me laugh
No matter what mood I'm in
When you make a silly face.

I love that even when I'm mad at you
It never lasts long
Because I'm always drawn to you.

I love the way you are
When it's just the two of us
Talking by our selves.

I love that you're a giant puppy
Looking for new ways
To keep me entertained.

I love that you check up on me
When you think you've angered me
So you can make sure I'm ok.

I love sitting beside you on the bed
Watching dog videos on YouTube
On a Friday night.

But most of all

I love that the person you are with me
Is kind and caring
And never a ******.
487 · Mar 2012
Empty, Lonely, Void
Dev A Mar 2012
Quiet.
Peaceful.
cold.
darkness.

theres only so much one can take.
silence.
no shadows.
emptiness.

White.
no noise.
fuzziness.
Barren.

Solitude.
Void.
everlasting silence
LONELINESS.
486 · Aug 2012
I Know You
Dev A Aug 2012
I know what you are.
I know what you did.
I know that you lied.
I know you're not sorry.

I'm sorry that I listened to you.
I'm sorry that I cared.
I'm sorry I believed you.
I'm sorry for agreeing to everything.

I know that you used me.
I know who told you to do this.
I know it wasn't really you.
I know that you'll regret it later on.

I'm sorry I replied to you.
I'm sorry that you listened to him.
I'm sorry that you can't be real.
I'm sorry that you had to go through this.
484 · Feb 2018
A Stranger, Once A Lover
Dev A Feb 2018
I woke up one day
To see your face on my screen

It took a few moments
But the more I looked,
The stranger I felt.

I realized that I was no longer plagued by emotions
I was over you
But more than that
I realized I’ve been able to move on for a while, now.

When I saw your face
I noticed I didn’t know you anymore,
You became a stranger,
No longer the one who made me laugh,
Who made my day.

I woke up one day
To see your face on my screen
And now I’m ready to move forward
With my life, a life without you
483 · Nov 2015
I Wonder
Dev A Nov 2015
I wonder what would happen
If I gave you all my words;
Sealed in envelopes and wrapped in pretty bows?

I wonder, would you cry,
As you read about my pains;
Would you understand why I hurt so very, very deep?

I wonder if you would jump for joy
As you read about my happiness;
Would you rejoice as I discovered new feelings and relationships?

I wonder if you would share in my confusion
As you read about my struggles;
Would you realize how scared I am, not knowing where I fit in?

I wonder, would you see my loneliness,
As you read about my ended friendships;
Would you comprehend why I never let people get too close?

I wonder if you would see my calls for help
As you read between the lines;
Would you see the pain, the darkness, that reaches out through my words?

But all I'll ever do is wonder,
Because I know you'd never read my words;
Even if I asked you to.
474 · Aug 2015
The World
Dev A Aug 2015
Travel the world
In your books
Movies
Shows
Or real life.

Experience the cultures
You never knew before.

Explore the world
In your books
Movies
Shows
Or real life.

Open your mind
To a new way of seeing.

Adventure the world
In your books
Movies
Shows
Or real life.

See the beauty
You never knew existed.

Journey the world
In your books
Movies
Shows
Or real life.

Meet new friends
You'll never forget.

Trek the world
In your books
Movies
Shows
Or real life.

Make memories
That will seem unimaginable.

Tour the world
In your books
Movies
Shows
Or real life.

Set your wanderlust free
And experience the world as never before.

Don't be afraid to leave the comfort of your home.
You never know what's waiting to be found.
472 · Dec 2011
True Pain
Dev A Dec 2011
It hurts.
Like a knife slicing me apart.
Like a train running me over.
But there is nothing there;
No marks,
No cuts,
No blood.
The only sign that I'm hurting,
Are my eyes.
They are red.
They are swollen.
This is all that shows.
This is the only mark.
Do you see what you have done?
Can you see the pain,
Now that I’ve told you
How to see it?
I feel the knife again.
The blade is slicing me.
I guess you don’t see.
You don’t understand.
You don’t know
What you’ve put me through.
Leave.
Leave me to my pain.
The pain that you inflict
Every second
Of every day.
Thank you for making me stronger.
Thank you for showing me my mistakes.
Thank you for shaping me to be who I am.
Now I know.
Who I am,
Who you are.
The invisible pain,
The invisible gashes,
The invisible blood.
All reminders of what was.
All battle scars
That make me, me.
Now I know
Where not to go.
Now I know
How to leave you
And the pain.
472 · Dec 2017
One Day
Dev A Dec 2017
The days go by
My face stretched out in a smile
Cheeks hurting from the effort.

Sitting next to people
Talking about life’s daily struggles
Just another show.

Laughing as jokes are told
Saying hello as aquaintances pass
Trying to make it through the day.

The days go by
The same struggle of pretending to be okay
When it’s empty inside.

The greatest joy is when my dog kisses my face
Pushing through the pain of unreturned messages
Calling back memories of similar days from years ago.

When your best friend would rather talk to your mom
And another friend just hangs up ‘cause she doesn’t want to talk anymore
Or a friend who never responds even though he texted first.

It’s getting easier and easier to retreat into a fantasy world
Why should I try when the results are always the same
No matter what I change, it’s always the same.

I cling to the hope of a future
One where there are people who truly care
Where people truly believe in me.

It seems so far away
Almost unachievable
But I cling to that dream obsessively,

The chant repeats in my mind, day after day,
One day will come,
One day you will be free
!
471 · Dec 2011
The Light
Dev A Dec 2011
Open  your eyes, to see the light in the sky
470 · Mar 2014
no, No, NO
Dev A Mar 2014
Sleep, sleep, sleep
Too much, not enough;
Not reaching a balance,
What is wrong?
Where has the time gone?
Lack of focus,
Lack of I don't know what.
Nothing is definite,
Nothing is permanent,
Nothing makes sense.

Help, help, help
I don't know what's wrong,
My eyes are closing.
All I want is to crawl into bed
And curl up into a ball,
Leaving this world behind
To find that place in my mind,
That place where all is locked inside
For none to find.

****, ****, ****
Nothing's been done.
These demons are attacking,
Fighting for control.
Who are you?
Who am I?
I've changed too much
To recognize who I am.
There's work to do
Papers piling up.

Pain, pain, pain
My mind is cracking,
Emotions are flowing
At unexpected moments
I don't know what's happening.
Thoughts are leaving before fully forming,
Leaving much confusion.
Not knowing is making me sick,
Unmotivated to do anything
Except lie here staring at a wall.
469 · Jan 2012
it's all about you
Dev A Jan 2012
stuck here
without words to say
all i can do is listen
listen to your constant chatter.

my ears are dying
as all i can do is listen
without saying a single word.

can't you just---
yes i'm listening to you
but when will you listen to me

my ears are bursting
from all this talk
of stupid things that nobody understands

my ears are dying
bursting
from being stuck here and listening
listening to you
and only *you
468 · Dec 2012
I Don't Want You Anymore
Dev A Dec 2012
you left me here alone
and yet you still think that i'll come back to you
well here is a surprise,
i don't want you anymore.
i want nothing to do with you or your sweet talk.
you wanted an out,
well here it is;
just leave
just go,
i want nothing more to do with you.
i want peace of mind again
i don't want to stumble through thoughts and feelings anymore.
please stop calling
please stop showing up,
i don't know how much more i can take.
i might just crumble and come back
or i might just burst and show you all my emotions.
you wanted an escape
well here it is;
just leave
just go,
before it's too late.
467 · Jan 2017
Love
Dev A Jan 2017
Love can banish the darkness
But love can also cause it,
So choose your love wisely
465 · Jan 2012
I'm Scared
Dev A Jan 2012
When you were here,
Everything was so clear.
All I had to do,
Was open my eyes
To see the light in the sky.

Now that you’re gone,
I see no light.
I cannot see anything.
It scares me,
I can’t find my way.

I’m lost.
Please help me
Find my way back.
I can’t see the light
High up in the sky.

My eyes are closed.
I’m scared.
459 · Apr 2015
Missing You
Dev A Apr 2015
I miss coming home and talking to you
You would listen as I screamed and ranted and rambled on
Your advice would be the same day after day
You always say "it will be better. Just wait for tomorrow"

I miss playing games with you
You taught me card games
You took the time to teach me HP vs MP
You always come up with outrageous answers

I miss arguing against you
You say a nerd is better than a geek
You win pretty much every time
You think a random fact or stat is the best thing to say

I miss beating you up
You always cry at the slightest touch
You never throw a punch even though you're stronger
You scream and yell until you lose your voice

I miss coming home and talking to you
I miss playing games with you
I miss arguing against you
I miss beating you up
This one's for my brother. 6000 miles is too far. And 6 months is too long without seeing you!
452 · Jan 2013
I thought this was My Wish
Dev A Jan 2013
I wished and wished
And I finally got my wish.
But looking it straight in the face
I can’t go through the door.
Something is holding me back.
This is what I wanted!
Why can’t I be happy now?
Was it just a test to see if it would work?
Was it really my desire?
I’m staring it in the face
But I can’t walk out that door
And go down the elevator to cross the street
Up another elevator and walk through your door.
This was my wish
But now,
Looking it in the face
Something is wrong!
I can’t go through with it!
Why can’t I go through with it?

I thought this was my wish…
Dev A Sep 2014
Just lay here next to me
Holding my hand.
I don't care about the kiss or the ***
They're just bonuses
In the package that is you.

Your arm wrapped around me
Holding me tight;
The best feeling in the world.
Whisper your honey dipped words
As we lay here through the night.

The gentle feel of your lips against mine
Add to the magic that is you.
Don't leave without saying goodbye;
The warmth of you hug
Will keep me safe while your gone.

The spikey feel as my hands rub your head
Drawing little shapes on your back.
A days worth of stubble
Tickles my face
As we lay cheek to cheek.

Don't say farewell,
Don't turn off the light,
Not until we've had our goodnight kiss.
Make sure smiles consume our faces,
Otherwise, it wasn't time well spent.

Goodnight, my darling, goodnight.
Sleep well till morning's light.
Until we see each other once more,
Take care and sweet dreams.
Tomorrow's almost here.
438 · Jan 2013
Let Me Say
Dev A Jan 2013
Just let me say,
Before you ask another question,
That the day you see into my mind
That is the day,
They day that you will run away.

Just believe me when I say,
So that you can understand,
That if you look into my mind
All you will see are thoughts.

Dark thoughts swirling around
Contradicting each other.
Confused feelings bouncing back and forth
Merging with the next.
Happy thoughts cartwheeling to a corner
Only to be shrouded in darkness.

Just let me say:
Please stop trying
You don't need to see what's in my mind
Just understand that I'm trying
That I don't want you to leave.
438 · Apr 2017
Hidden Deep Inside
Dev A Apr 2017
Darkness is in the heart and soul

It calls to the mind;

Longing to be whole.
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