Sometimes I wonder...
Do I deserve this?
All this pain?
It never leaves.
When I feel better,
it finds another way in.
I met you two years ago.
You liked one of my friends and she liked you back.
I was in love with you,
The moment I saw you I felt happy.
Happiness is not something I normally feel.
I needed someone to fix me.
You couldn't fix me while you were blinded by her beauty.
I was barely surviving.
Only weeks ago I saw you again.
You got over her.
You came up to me and asked how I was doing.
I told you I'm doing great when in reality, I'm dying inside.
You gave me a million dollar smile.
The hug you gave me lasted longer than it should.
You rubbed circles on my back with your thumb and whispered in my ear.
you are broken, I will fix you
I let you in at that moment.
I had to see you more often.
You kept me going when I wanted to give up.
You helped me up everytime I fell down.
In that moment I first saw you, I knew one thing was for sure.
you are my lifeline
Since that day you left
I made myself a promise.
A promise to never let anyone hurt me as much as you hurt me.
Do you remember all our laughs,
our stupid, pointless talks?
Did you care?
Was I just a joke to you?
Since that day I forgot what it feels like to be happy.
I promised myself I will never put my happiness in someone else's hands.
You made me open my eyes.
You made me the bad guy.
All your friends hate me now because you told them about my secret.
I promised myself to never trust someone so easily as I trusted you.
Trust must be earned.
You took advantage and hurt me.
This only made me stronger.
Yes you built me up and broke me down, but that only made me build myself up and made me stronger.
So thank you.
Thank you for hurting me.
I promise myself I will be okay and I will be happy without you.
Today is all about being skinny.
Why do you have to be a size zero?
Don't look up to those models.
Do not make them your hero!
Why do you need a flat tummy?
Why do you need a thigh gap?
you are beautiful darling
Today is all about being pretty.
So what if you don't have blonde hair.
You don't need to be barbie.
You don't have to be that girl.
Why do you have to be popular?
you are one beautiful pearl
Don't be that girl.
Don't be fake.
Don't wear too much make up.
Don't change for then.
**YOU ARE PERFECT AS YOU ARE
Happiness comes from within.
It's that feeling you get when you see a flower,
but sadness takes over like poison.
It spreads like a wildfire in a field.
It does not stop,
and in no time the flowers will be dead.
Who would pick a daisy in a field of **roses
My eyes are black,
My heart is cold,
self-hatred is radiating from within my soul,
the mirror reflects what i don't want to see
i hate every single aspect about me
from my abnormal eyes
to my ugly, fat thighs
see, i hate myself too
probably even more than you.