I hear your footsteps on the clouds:
and I waited for you,
but you sliced the skies, and
vanished in a haze of crimson.
I am the insolent waves canoodling the weeds.
I am the rock-resolve that is dissolving
unknown to leaps. I was waiting
for you and I got drunk.
I will be everywhere, mourning in the winds
and lisping in the depths.
Though they said I shouldn't.
The chorus of gulls announces now,
that I lost you, I lost you. A whirl-storm
is rising in the desert. But that is
so far away. Evil is always far away.
I must earn my bread now, though
I am waiting for you. Half-whirl.
Half-whistle. Pestle-pounding my soul
Looking for pebbles in the flour.

Here is the thing
I don't give up easily
I don't let go easily
I am nowhere near done with you
I can try a million different things before I am
So if you are not interested in being more than friends with me
You better make it very clear to me very soon and very quickly
Because I still like you
I will still obsess over you
I will still freak out every time you pass by
Probably talk all my friends' ears off about how nice your eyes are
Probably smack their arm off when I see you near by going: hey! look! look! It's him!!
...yeah, all my friends are probably gonna end up deaf and physically disabled... also very homicidal towards me when it starts to get annoying that I am continuously causing the falling off of their limbs and ears.
I will still end up creating characters in stories who look just like you
because I really like you
and here is the thing
I don't really care if you like me back
I can hope that you might be willing to try to learn to
but in reality
I just like you
because you are you
beyond your looks
I barely know you
I would really like to get to know you better
and that will be all I can think about for a long time, guaranteed
because here is the thing
I don't give up easily
and I really, really like you

dad left
for his second tour of duty
on my third birthday

mom kept
a jar full of jelly beans
on the living room coffee table

every night
she gave me one to eat, saying
"when these jelly beans
are all eaten up,
dad will come back home"

sometimes
i would sneak another,
to help dad come home sooner

one night
the phone rang
and i watched mom
wipe away a tear
as she filled
the jar
back
up

He would be kind
To everyone
Polite at least
He would get along with my friends
Be able to carry a conversation
Be someone I could be proud to introduce to my parents
Someone who would scare them
Someone who likes dogs
Who will support me in an argument
But not always give me what I want (only mostly :p)
Who will listen to me when I am upset
But know when to distract me from my thoughts
He would know the real me
And like me for it
He wouldn't laugh at me for loving writing
Or being crazy
He would want to read all of my stories
He wouldn't be afraid of those three words
Yet he would mean them when he said it
He would push my limits
But not destroy my comfort zone
He would be proud to call me his girlfriend
I would be able to trust him wholeheartedly
He would be honest
And if either one of us had to end our relationship
It would not be because he cheated
We would be able to talk for hours
About anything
Or nothing
Or we could just sit together
Quietly
With no awkwardness
And basically just be my best friend
And the best boyfriend
I could ask for

Humans forget that
Nature is their home too
When they chop it down

I stare at the page
But I can't focus
I am reminiscing
All the feelings
From long ago
I am better than I was
But still
Sometimes
I fall back into the
Darkness
The despair
I used to live with
Constantly
Sometimes I don't even know
Why
But I feel it
Right now
I can feel it
But it is different
It is quieter
Like a memory
Knocking at the window
It won't come in
I will just watch it
Remember it
Write of it
Until I forget
For a moment
And live*
For a moment
But
It will be back
It will slip through my door
That I tried to lock
And it will wrap its arms
Around me
A familiar embrace
That suffocates me
Forces me to
Forget my life
My responsibilities
And lie
Huddled around it
Waiting for it to leave me
For another moment
It is just passing by
It won't come in today
And I can live
Through this moment

scientists say that a fingerprint develops when a baby is only 12 to 19 weeks along and that it is impossible for two people to develop the same print and although i believe in science i am still hoping there is a chance that someone in the world might have the same etches on the tip of his fingers as you did because to find the same hair colour and the same eye colour and the same smile is almost too easy but your touch against my skin made even the brightest of fireworks envious and darling something like that is irreplaceable

The drones
made of skin and bone
The drones
with no minds of their own
The drones
entrapped in their homes
tied to their tvs and cellular phones

I see their pride in ignorance
both jailer and keeper
Who are enjoying this sentence
as the bankers run the meter

In a prison they were fooled to build
and gladly accepting
To pay their homage to the guild
who commanded its erecting

As the wardens stuff your faces
with superstition
and their pockets
with the source of their fruition

The drones
programmed to obey
The drones
believe all that they say
The drones

Right from the womb
  taught to march to the tune
      straight into the tomb


The drones
keep questioning me
The drones
will not leave me be
The drones
made an outcast of me
for failing to extinguish my humanity

Sometimes, we seem to lose sight of who we think that we are;
Something can happen, and it feels as if we are broken into pieces.

You forget who you are,
You forget why certain things in life had or have meaning to you,
You forget how to smile with the same enthusiasm as you once had,
You forget why you found happiness around certain people or in certain events,
You forget your reason for living.

Yet, you pick yourself back up, give yourself a pat on the back and carry on.

You remember how to smile,
You remember how to laugh,
You remember how to be yourself,
You remember how to live again, and go on with your life as if nothing had ever happened.

In each relapse and recovery, however, a small piece of yourself is lost in the process. You cannot feel it, but you can see it when you take a step back and reflect upon the past.

An old habit is replaced with a new fixation,
A new characteristic has taken over in your personality,
An old friend is no longer on speaking terms with you,
A plethora of old notes and keepsakes were destroyed in an erstwhile fit of rage,
A sweet memory turned sour by a recent event.

Each time we fall into this cycle, we lose a small piece of ourselves.
We change, sometimes for the better, but sometimes for the worse.
Some never leave the cycle, while others simply relive it one too many times.

Valuable people, places, memories, recollections, and thoughts lost to the past, pieces of you that you tried to keep but ended up losing in the process. You don't want to change, you don't want to leave these pieces behind.

But each time you break you forget to pick up the pieces that fall off of you, or you lose them. You can never fully heal and return to the way you were before you shattered into shards. Without certain fragments, you can never be put back together the same way.

Yet, people grow, people change. These missing pieces grow back and manifest in new and strange ways, and it isn't all anxiety and melancholy.

Eventually, we can learn to live, love, learn, act, and behave freely once more; we can use the new pieces of ourselves to change into something great, new, exiting. We can flourish in another form, because sometimes, we are meant to be something other than what we had originally started out to be.

Sometimes, we seem to lose sight of who we think that we are;
But then something can happen, and it feels as if we are made whole again.