i long to be
more than just
the person that looks
at the screen
to keep in touch
with what you're doing

you say that
you're just
a click away
but it feels
more lonely
without you
actually here

the photos that
you send of you
from somewhere
miles away is
somewhat comforting
for my aching heart

but can you
just stay here?
stay by my side

the bed's just
a reminder of
an empty space
and it hurts
to see it
everyday

how fitting, i thought,
that it rained the day you left.
a torrential downpour
took away all my breath.
but as quick as it came it left
and the rain ceased to be
and i was left in the dark of my car
just the sound of the road beneath me.

— to say i miss you would be an understatement

ill never forget that night.
we were laying in bed,
eyes closed and half asleep,
teetering on the fence between
the world of wake
and the world of dream.

we’d been quiet for awhile now,
understandable in this hour of the night.
the room was lowly lit
by the dim glow of light
cast off computer screens,
and the air was filled
with white static sound
and your soft rhythmic breathing.

eyes closed,
i could swear you were beside me,
half convinced by the hum
of the speakers softly snoring
that i’d roll over to your body,
even though i knew
you were far away from me,
sleeping alone across the sea.
but it was something i could believe,
nearly there,
slipped into sleep.

and suddenly
you split the silence,
waking yourself up,
you called out my name with urgent pace
and i mumbled a reply
as you pulled me awake.

you spoke again,
and the words spilled from your tongue like nectar
and dripped from your lips like honey,
said with such haste
like you couldn’t get the words into the world fast enough,
as though holding it in any longer
would bring down the world burning.

it was then in that night,
one of many moments yet i’d find,
that i knew i was going to love you forever,
and
no matter of land or sea,
of sun, stars, or skies between,
could ever change that,
or keep you away from me.


―  “i love you more than anyone or anything i have ever loved or ever will,” 12:37 am, 10.08.17, what you said to me.

kissing in the driveway,
grabbing his winter jacket in your fist,
his hand inside your thigh
fake-familiar
it’s not as good as you want it to be
and it isn’t with the boy you want it to be
but it’ll do, it’ll work, it’ll make you feel
good and numb
and wanted,
which is all you need;
the magic recipe of forgetting

I wish we would write more.
Physical letters, I mean,
To show who we care for,
Instead of expressing ourselves by machine.
Because there's something about
Ink on a page,
And painstakingly writing it out
But... that's so rare in this age.

Are we truly connected
If you only ever tell me through text?
I suppose it's expected
but it leaves me perplexed
How can it be true?
If it's just pixels on a screen
Words with no value,
On the face of a machine.

Don't you detest
Our online obsession,
Conversations compressed
And a loss of connection

In my dreams,
I know the feel of your lips on my neck better than anything else.
I know how tight you hold me when the night is cold and the wind is unsettling.
I know the sound of your laughter when it's in the other room and how loudly you sing in the shower.
I know exactly how rough your hands are from moving earth around in the garden.
I know how cold your feet are against mine;
how your hand fits perfectly into my lower back;
how your head feels resting on my inner left thigh.
I know every inch of you,
only in my dreams.

I almost drove 10 hours
To see your droopy tired eyes
To caress your soft and perfect hair
And to lay your head upon my thighs

I almost drove 10 hours
So I could drown in your perfect smile
And to see those eyes light up
Becuase you haven't seen me in awhile

I almost drove 10 hours
So we could be side by side
But you sorely begged me not to
So I sat in my room and cried