I honestly cant say
What I'm doing anymore.
You say that you will
Love me forever.
He says that he will
Always be there.
I'm torn to pieces over
And over and over.
If I leave will I just
Wish I stayed?
If I really just stay will I
Wish I had left?
I'm left here feeling like
Maybe I could escape.
Maybe I could take a few pills
And end this here.
Or I could hang in the air
To not feels like this.
Why can't life just
Be easy to understand?
Why cant life just
Leave me alone?

Looking through windows of my past and your present
I have to say I start to feel my confidence lessen
No doubt we all learn lessons that invoke progression
But as to my direction I'm stuck here guessing
You smile too big and I wonder if its the same I wore
But hearing that name, in this time frame I cant think anymore
So im stuck to looking through windows of your present and my past
Calling out that name and knocking on the glass

At one time I could see her and how we would grow
But all we did was grew apart
Remnants buried in snow

The winter of any love is cold and desolate
Wandering through white where once there was color
Frost bitten tears say you have to make the best of it
But your heart is stubborn and steadfast that you love her

I think hypothermia kicks in when she doesn't pick up
Her heart beating fine without mine
My body froze solid still trying to knock

On that window from the*         *outside

burn marks of former transgressions
forged on your arm
i count 99 like the bottles on the wall
all lined up and ready for shooting practice
sparkling only in the day's light cause when
the blinds go down and you are glowing
liquid amber out of all your pores...i remember
how charmed i was the first time
you stumbled around my not so innocent
need to have a chance at redemption
so i could save the man whose eyes i now own
just like your father
and perhaps in so doing save you and
you could save me
full of your own history which was all too familiar
you were everything i'd left behind
crawling through basement windows
to rest in houses where
you no longer lived
sirens following you past all the road blocks
everyone else set up to hold you back
a ******* ******* disgrace
while you have one more round
and toast the life we could have had

your mother still says
i was the best thing

I think  it is time to take a chance
I will reach out and touch my dream
even though impossible  it may seem
It is up to me to strive and try
I want to see what i can achieve if i believe and take
one step at a time, i won't lie at times it might be tough
In the end i hope to accomplish much, i need to trust
and use my talents and ablities

Sometimes my words do not  adequately describe how I feel

I'm mad at you
But I miss you

I don't wanna talk to you
But I need you

I wanna push you away
But I want you to hold me

I wish I could forget you
But at the same time I want you in my  life forever

I love you
But I don't want to

today
i felt your
secret love
which was
always hidden
deep within
your heart

Who knew, who knew I would end up in pain
Who knew I would lose my way and go insane
My heart beating so many times in fear
I try to cry, I force myself, what do I see - not a tear
I stare at myself in the mirror thinking what could have made me differ
What make me special, I'm I worth less of trillions of dollars or more
I try to make changes and life decisions
I tell myself to think and presume - presumptions
Life can be what you want it to be in the future I guess
Sometimes I look back to the past and think about the rest
Who knew, who knew my first sentence in a poem would be who knew
Maybe I did, who knew my first thought would be regret
I look at my past and now, I think about the changes, decisions, accusations, moments of empathy and sympathy, and procrastinations that I made
Look at me, all you may see in me is darkness deep deep inside but I know there is a light, all you need to do is  find it with a caring heart
For who I am is who I want to be, I can change
And I can be a better person
All you need to do is believe and give me a chance
Have hope and we could have our first dance
Or even our last

You taste good from my first sip
You drip on my lip
you are pleasing to the tongue
You give me the energy of the young, at least temporally
You are fun to drink, whether hot or iced you are very nice
I have tried other blends, but I keep coming back to you like a faithful friend    
May my attachment to you, never end; you are for me the perfect blend.
You are my French Vanilla

You awoke my heart with just one look
A big warm smile was all it took

With two hands on my waist you kept
And guided me with every step

We laughed we loved, our passion grew
I just couldn't get enough of you

Despite my depression and pain inside
You so easily made me realize

It's what's on the inside that people see
But I just didn't think very much of me

I hated everything I saw
Even though you'd say that's my only flaw

That I couldn't love myself at all
And I'd keep putting up these walls

"It's so simple" you'd always say,
Yet I kept pushing you away

Until that final fateful push
Was really all it took

To break everything we had
Sleeping in, laughing, loving- in an instant went bad

And because of me it's done
You were my punching bag, too late to run

Back into your arms where it was all okay
It's not anymore, I couldn't make you stay

Because I ended us in just one night
You won't take me back. We're done. You were right.

I am starting my day with a poem in my mind
A song in my heart
The combination is like a sweet melody
I hope they stay in Harmony throughout the day

You like it quick,
hot & thick,
high & hard.
You spontaneous little devil,
you're going to make me combust,
fill your holy lair
with torrents
of my lava flow.
And you know
all about
the fall,
you know
I would crawl
to lick your burning fire.