Couple of things you should know about me,

One: I don’t like you.

I don’t know you and I don’t like you.
It’s not your fault,
I have been programmed this way,
An overbearing, overprotective monarch of a father
Combined with school yard bullies,
Teachers, priests, mother,
Evil grandmother,
And bad 1980’s movies all combined to ensure that
I don’t like you.
Stranger Danger,
Go away.

Two: You don’t know me.

How could you?
I don’t know myself.
The ‘me’ you find presented before you is nothing more than layers of ******* piled one on top of the other,
By family, friends, school yard bullies,
Morning cartoons, Atari, broken hearts and a mind that never sleeps,
(Certainly never shuts the **** up!)
A product of a society
No more advanced in this age of information
Then when we crawled out of the proverbial goo,
Cheaply constructed, covered with flashy pleasing knick-knacks,
Prettily packaged and presented for your purchase,
Swipe your credit card debt here please,
Yet not build to last.  
I am lost somewhere deep beneath the ‘me’ that was chosen by
‘You’.

the truth is no one ever taught me how to fix a flat tire or how to ask for help or what love was even good for in the first place

and the truth is that the cookie was good but the lemon icing wasn't and the truth is baking should be done without any kind of lemon at all

and the truth is i wish you'd hold me close enough that our skin fused together and i could burrow into your spine and learn all the things you won't teach me

and the truth is you were never good at making eye contact but i dare you to look at me long enough that i can trace the line that connects your iris to your pupil and count how many shades of black a person can produce

and the truth is i don't know if the grass has fingerprints but i know that yours are cigarette stained and no better at letting go than mine

and the truth is i am a dump site and you are an inhale and i am clockwork and you are a melody and i can't keep my teeth off your eloquence

and the truth is my feet are covered in acrylic paint from leaving smudged footprints in sparkly things

and the truth is i don't want you all to myself but you can pretend i'm yours when i'm engulfed in the ocean and making it hard for you to breathe

and the truth is i'm looking for a different kind of intimacy from you

and maybe it's just some teenage girl talking but the truth is that i want to drown with you. i want to burn with you. i want to scream with you so violently that the body that crushes my lungs crumbles and i become a balloon for real this time

and the truth is, if you hadn't called me beautiful, i would have mistaken last night for a paradise i don't believe in

You'd be surprised
        How much
               Your touch
                    
*Means to Me

Melancholy lullabies.
New expression in your eyes.
Sad and lonely,
Soft and lovely-
Somehow at the same time.

Comforting as acid rain,
You can see me feel your pain.
Hush now love, put those away.
Find your strength it's here to stay.

Melancholy lullabies.
Now you cut off all your ties.
Skipping meals like they were stones.
Hearing madness in your tone.

Finding hope in new-found ways.
Smiling while you feel the pain.
Words so soft you cannot hear.
Chin up darling, I am here.

This uncertainty
How you feel for me
Honestly, I'm dying inside
It's not right
So now I write and write
And listen to you talk,
About her, about it all,
And it pains me to hear it
About all the crazy *******
But I'm here,  I'll hear anything
Selflessly listening
Being the shoulder, the rock in which you lean
And it remains to be seen
Which direction in life you'll take
Just keep in mind, no matter the road you find yourself on,  
In my eyes you'll never be gone,
There will always be a shortcut, an easy path back
Just get up,  brush yourself off
Take the first few steps in my direction,  
When you get close enough,  
The shadow in the distance will show true perfection

Such passion?
It's a distraction
I'd rather be focused and poised
Forget all the noise
Pay attention to the game
Cause you know we all play
Insider rules
There's nothing to see?
Like a diamond in the rough
It all makes jewelry
Think this game is about love?
Well maybe it once was
Now it's about self preservation
Just staying alive
Through destruction and devastation
Your game is a hard act to follow
Cause you think you always win
But I'm not about too wallow
In self pity or depression
I'm making new rules
And your not allowed to play
Remember how you walked in my life,
Nothing but words and lies?
It's no longer yesterday,
Forget tomorrow,
Because Today...
*You can leave the same way

Sometimes I feel scared
Of everyone and everything
And that goes for you as well
© SilentCry

Things are so much clearer
I can see right on through
All the misconceptions
And false truths
I know now life will be good
I know now, everything I should
Like I can love myself
And just focus on me
Feels so good not to care
About someone undeserving
Cause I got so much to give
And someone out there
Will truly understand
How much I can care
How much love I have
And the devotion I can share
Cause I'm amazing
And he knew it was true
But unfortunately for him
*He holds no more value