Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!

May you be kissed by Winters Kisses!
May you embrace the new beginnings!
May you drown yourself in His salvation!

May you find Grace,
On this Christmas Day!

Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!

I am not afraid of what you bring.
Actually, I invite the new beginning.

A clean slate?
Maybe even a blind date?
I dare to say it might be fate.

You can keep that frown in your pocket,
And don't forget last years gown.
I am waiting patiently for this countdown.

To my new cheer,
To my new dear,

To my last fear,
To my last tear,

For, I am ready to embrace this New Year!

the heart feels a gypsy
the mind a vagabond
the eyes get misty
by the lilies in the pond

bloom the petals pinkish
smudged with streaks of white
swaying slow by wind's kiss
glory displayed bright

upon the slender neckline
crowns of innocent smiles
fill all dark with sunshine
wipe out weary miles

o traveler feel the invite
merrily pause to respond
be a while in sunlight
among the lilies of the pond

Someday I will leave
the cold sea

Leave its dark quiet wake
like all the long nights
I've forgotten

I will go sleep
on the soft shoulder
of the mountains

Watch her hands
cupping the moon

Somewhere west
of these frozen sad dunes

Say goodbye to the cry of the gull
and the bluewater wind I love

that leaves me feeling so cold.

Tracing shapes
My hands
Feel cold
Car seats
Rides
Outside
My makeup is
Too thick
And your
Mind
Is choking
Your sense
Mutual desire
But singular
Pleasure
Depression
On both ends

You want me to write for you
But what can I say?
There are no words I can put onto paper
That will not open your eyes
To the things that I have kept hidden
For so long.

And then,
As the moon glowed in the distance,
casting my shadow against the nearest wall
and the rain continued to pitter patter against my roof,
creating soft, iridescent music to my ears,
and the street light began to flicker,
placing a darkened shadow against my sullen face,
I began to realize
that our existence,
all high and mighty that it is,
isn't so bright and fabulous after all.
And that we are all just a tiny blip
in the existence of time.

I can't write out what I really mean to say
All I can bring myself to do is cry and cry
Until I am breathless.

And I am ashamed of what I have done
I hold the most regret in my heart and feel the pain of my choice every single day

I wonder what you would look like
And what you would laugh like
And of what color your eyes and hair would be

And I just don't understand how I could ever be forgiven.

I wish so desperately I could go back and choose differently.
I become so angry now when I hear women and men talk about abortion
I want to scream and cry until I am drained.
I hold my stomach and wish I hadn't been so selfish

I wish I could hold you, every minute, every day
I wish I had you sleeping beside me with a sister you would have loved so dearly
And she would have loved you more than anything.
She would have protected you... Which is what I should have done.

It's been a year and a half. You would have been one soon.
Maybe walking by now.
I wonder if you still grew, with God up in heaven with all of the other millions of children who should have been here.
I wonder if you can see me and my tears.

You still consume my thoughts
As if you made your bed there and are forever sleeping..

I will never make peace with the decision I made.

in another universe  
It's summer
Your laugh still sounds the same
and your smile is still contagious
Your favorite color is still orange
the smell of rain floods into the room
we are tangled up together
we share stories
You promise to be mine forever

in this universe
It's winter
a boy in my class has a laugh that reminds me of yours
I stopped sitting by him
I see your smile in your pictures with her
Remember when I told you my favorite color was purple?
It's not anymore  
I'm sure yours still isn't orange
It's cold all the time now
It doesn't smell like rain
I'm laying alone in the blanket you bought me
I didn't know forever only lasted 3 years

The Time Traveller's wife.

Time is a confusion to me these days
is it today or twenty years ago?
My mind in my old age
is a time traveling machine.
Where will I be when  I wake?
A thrush warbles its tune
through the open bedroom window.
I turn to Mary and say
It’s going to be a wonderful day my love.
Then as I touch her hair
her undisturbed pillow
reaches my fingers.
Then it is now again
I know she is no longer here

How strange the instant of our loss
never loses its pain?
I read the notes my daughter left for me.
The six cartons of milk
in the refrigerator
A testament to my time travels.

As I eat a bowl of cereal
Mary joins me for a chat once more.
We talk of our retirement plans,
the travel, the exploring the joys of freedom.
Old age will be our time, she smiles.

I am as fascinated with her sparkling eyes
as I was the first time
I. ever  saw her so very long ago.
I have an overwhelming need
to tell her
" I love you Honey"
But she has gone
lost in the mystery of times ether.

My daughter arrives to fix my lunch.
She asks me.
"Have you considered
the retirement condo Dad
"don’t you get lonely here ?"
I answer quietly.
No kitten,
never lonely.
never lonely.