Birth from Death.
To think it started from the end.
This is where the poems began, this is how they begin.
The first poem ever to free me from the darkest beings,who aren't so dark.
Began with the darkest thoughts no longer dark.
A poem of Death.
My oldest friend next loneliness.
I've lost family before birth, some during life, and I'll some after I die.
I learned to never comply,
with fear, worry, anxiety, I was always ready to die.

After my first poem jumped into the heart of my principle when I was in the fifth grade I knew I was a grade A writer.

She may have lost something when she lost someone so my poem spoke more than it should, but I lost the boundaries from chains that shackled my mind.

My words became strong and adept.
I was born from the dark and depths of Death

I've always had complicated Thoughts
Side by side they fight and against one another they fought.
Fifth graders shouldn't be ready to die.
No one should hate them self.
Ready to torture and degrade their self.
I knew I needed help.
Yet.
No courage was there, my courage was theirs.
To do what they want and say how ever they wish.
Loneliness was bliss.
Yet
I wanted to fit.
I always wanted to belong and get along and sing a song about how joyful life was.
Well life wasn't well and I couldn't even get along with my family so I never belong.
Yet
I had love.
I had people that cared
I always had that "weird" friend that made us a pair.
I had fun moments and great teachers then I got to church to listen to good preachers.
Yet
Nothing change.
I was still that student who was suffering and no one ever knew because he could lie in the way he behave and show a slave to good faith when really he was a beaten bag on the inside.
Yet
There was no yet now,
not in this moment till later came,
till later was the new now,
till I could look back and smile.
Yet
I am proud.

Only I could hate God, and admire 'em too.
As they say the biggest haters were your biggest fans.

The world was filled with suffering.
How can I believe in a ruler that let it be?
How could I hate in something I don't believe?
There had to be something there for me.

I Abandoned God and religion looking towards nature and the natural.
Survival of the fittest, only those who chose to be fit survived.
That's how I wanted to be alive.
At the top, apex, better than best.

Only I can hate God and be like so much like 'em.
What kinda ruler let's suffering be.
That's a tyrant to me.
I choose to be a King.

Little boy was so smart.
Had the highest grade.
Best day,
was when he pretend to be sleep when he was made,
Valedictorian.
No one knew how upset he was, to stand out above.
To be better, best, and yet, who really cared.
He saw and knew the work was easy, only reason others fail,
was because they never tried.
Old soul he was told by many so far in age above him.
It was as if hubris hugged him.
Why put full effort when only half was good enough.
We were just slaves in a system testing who was just enough.
It never matter he knew, not at all.
He was just waiting to see his classmates fall.
They believe they were working to live life,
in reality they were working to be life.
To be another part of a bigger machine,
rather live life for there own esteem,
and I was smart, but I was the same.
Little boy Genius .

I always like working with my hands.
Since I was young building with legos.
Taking apart action figures and toys
that's where I found my joys.
Now I make robots,
take apart machinery.
My robots team has me on delivery.
I learn, I teach, I am alive.
This is my life and I live it.

First time with Depression
I was in eleventh grade,
had a college course class of Chemistry I would take,
and an English teacher we'd call Ms. H.
Ms. H was so tough, let's say she had hate,
I wasn't really sure but she was a teacher that was so great.
I let her down because I miss so many days.

Intelligent and funny with her sarcasm.
She had an *** that would last,
A husband and son,
She had a life.
So amazing with her mind and her body, to bad depression became my hobby.

I was passing all my classes but English cause I missed it first period.
My college Chem class was so easy and boring
I only started failing cause the teacher had me snoring.
I had nothing it felt like.
I had no reason to live,
work towards,
get.
I slowed downed, weighed in bed. I felt dead.
Days passed as I laid in my grave.
Mom couldn't help,
neither could school,
they thought I was off being a fool.
Classmates thought I was abandoning school,
even I thought I was a fool.

My Spanish teacher told me to talk to the school therapist because I had him the previous year and half lied to him about having nightmares.

I was working with a net-working marketing plan and I had failed. So deep down did my confidence sail into depression.

My heart crush my body beaten, what else could I do but talk to the therapist about how I was ******.

Some how...
it changed.

I fought the fear of failing, the fear of success.
I had a crush on my tough loving English teacher who I feared.
She told me one day "Get your **** together" and I didn't care!
I did it.
I passed.
She had tough love but she made me more of a man.
I learned from my Global History teacher,
It's not about not falling, it's about getting back up!
Every Thursday I talked to my therapist and become more Jolly .
I was no longer crushed by Depression.
I LET THEM DOWN BECAUSE I LET MY SELF DOWN!
I WILL NEVER BE LET DOWN!

I used to walk with hate.
Brimstone in my chest was my heart.
Misanthrope-Hater of humans.
Hate for the way they daycare the planet with,
War, Hate, Theft, Violence, Torture, Madness.
I was human too and I wasn't that bad,
so self help books is where I began.
With that start I began to become art.
However, I didn't know where I was going or what to do with what I was learning.
I was at the inception without an origin.

                                       Then,
                                              I met her

                                         It was nothing at first
       She was nothing and so was I.
                                   I didn't even think she was all that attractive,
            back then.
                             She was a nobody and so was I.
                       A ******.
                                                         ­                      An odd ball.
                                         A stranger.
                      weak,
           wacky,
                                                          ­                          STRONG,
                           ­         ****,
                       average,
                                                        ­           amaZING!

                                                       ­     I didn't know what to call her.
                  Now she's a friend and only the future could tell.
            And yet, she made me happy.
She made me more me.
                                     My thoughts were so lost
            all over.
                                          she did this.
                                                           ­ I thought I hated it,
but she was a damaged good.
She made it good to be damaged.
                                                        ­                                 And I was so broken.

It took so long to figure it out and I was so confused.
Despite her not knowing or feeling the same.
Despite all the hardship.
Even if it means nothing.
Some way and manner,
I can't explain or understand.

                                                    ­I love her

I CLAWED MY WAY INCH BY INCH THROUGH THE THICKEST FOG OF DEATH  AND I DECENT LIKE A GOD!

BASK IN MY GLORY!
FINGER NAILS MISSING WITH NUMB HANDS!

DEATH IS MORE THAN DYING!
DEPRESSION, SADNESS, FEAR, HATE, WEAKNESS ,ANGST, AGONY, LETHARGY, LONELY !

THE AGENTS OF DEATH NO LONGER HOLD ME,
THEY NO LONGER OWN ME!

I AM THE RADIANT ****
THE COSMIC FLASH
I AM THE SOLID MASS, WALKING THROUGH THE FIRE OF DARKNESS !
I AM THE UNDYING BLAZE!

I AM MORE THAN A MAN,
GREATER THAN A GOD
I AM BEYOND MY OWN COMPREHENSION!


Fates worse then Death are the ones we choose to let our hearts be imprisoned by.

I DECIDE MY FATE!
HISTORY WILL REMEMBER ME!
I WILL NOT DIE!

Hello Poetry
I'm on hellopoetry.
Writing about hell on poetry.
My life is here, in this section, coming out in reflection.
This is a new step into life.
I stand straight with arms out and I enjoy the breeze.
I am back after doubt and I forgive.
I've crossed the river bringing victory.
My poems brought out by a significant figure.
My life a mystery in this mysterious adventure.
I am where I belong.