When we were in our teens we were convinced that we had so much love to give, so much love to be in....But then break up after break up, you realize something: that wasn't love. Love is a force that exceeds past relationships. It is not to be confused with freshness or infatuation because when you finally fall in love it consumes your life, inevitably. It doesn't matter where your "relationship" stands, all that matters is that you love that person.

I wish I could party with Leonardo DiCaprio
We'd be crazier than "The Wolf of Wall Street"
Johnny Depp would be there, too, riding in the backseat
He would come up and sit with Leo and I, at the party on the couch
And say "Arnie stop it, you're doing too much coke. AHA, just kidding now scoot over and let me have a blow."
After we'd wipe our noses, up we go
To dance, dance, dance and drink drinks that glow
Hours on end we would spend our money brutally
Because our money basically speaks english fluently
Yeah, Leonardo DiCaprio would be a badass friend
Johnny Depp too, we'd have too much fun in the end

******* salty ocean tears
O, how I miss you dear
Fresh delicate minds as if we descended yesterday from our wombs
Everyday is new to us and I am glad I got to see you bloom

Too bad, so sad- you decided to leave me
No warning, no note- years you left quite seemingly effortlessly
I felt shocked, betrayed, and abandoned
I hope she is worth what you bargained

"Baby really hurt me
Crying in the taxi
He don't wanna know me
Says he made the big mistake of dancing in my storm
Says it was poison
So I guess I'll go home
Into the arms of the girl that I love
The only love I haven't ******* up
She's so hard to please
But she's a forest fire
I do my best to meet her demands
Play at romance, we slow dance
In the living room, but all that a stranger would see
Is one girl swaying alone
Stroking her cheek
They say, "You're a little much for me
You're a liability
You're a little much for me"
So they pull back, make other plans
I understand, I'm a liability
Get you wild, make you leave
I'm a little much for
E-a-na-na-na, everyone
The truth is I am a toy
That people enjoy
'Til all of the tricks don't work anymore
And then they are bored of me
I know that it's exciting
Running through the night, but
Every perfect summer's
Eating me alive until you're gone
Better on my own
They say, "You're a little much for me
You're a liability
You're a little much for me"
So they pull back, make other plans
I understand, I'm a liability
Get you wild, make you leave
I'm a little much for
E-a-na-na-na, everyone
They're gonna watch me
Disappear into the sun
You're all gonna watch me
Disappear into the sun"

Portals we call 'experiences'
We merge into the mindsets of our various friendships
Feasting like parasites, off of bliss and bruises
Walking out one door into another
Farewell to old parties
Tiptoeing out of other people's stories
I can't recognize who I was before
I am who I am now
"I can't believe I said that"
"I can't believe I did that"
Words we repeat throughout this journey
Rippled reflection from pulling my head out of the water
Drip drying pasts fading fast
Sober psychedelic experiences from our God within
Telling us to awaken the light we have been given

Love Needs No Logic

always numb and bitter in the end
from having expectations that i'll do the same again

i've changed in ways that i'll compensate with another bad habit
i still break hearts do not be fooled
but know that it hurts me, too

Everyone is telling me, "All you need is love."
I've tried it all--my grip was once tight and has lessened...
I've loved, I've used, I've taken care of hearts and visa versa.
It never helped anything.
Love is not enough, it will never be.
Love will not solve problems within me...for it is too late.
I am destined for patterns my mind will always follow.
I was created, molded by my owners... and I will never cease as their architecture.
I know I'm in control, but the moment I step out of line...I wake up back in my old, but familiar, boundary.

Black on blue
Eyes like the moon
Fantastic
Delicious, melt-in-your-mouth licorice
Call her sassy, but she sways savvy into your life
Binds your mind and body into one
Barrier destroyer of all dark forces, carrier of light
Pure and innocent, she carresses your mind
Vibration uplifted and intelligence becomes gifted
Quick, yet graceful
One of many doors
That your higher self knocks on

You're a theatrical kind of mad.

It still hurts every day
But I'm trying not to think about it
Why do I still feel lonely
In between the people I lie with
I keep my mind numb
Because every time I have a minute
to myself
I think of you

And now I have panic attacks
It's you trying to get through to me
I can't escape the suffocation
I was never taught how to deal

Earthly intelligence
Love is the apparatus of universal existence
Nothing more, nothing less
All we ever needed to know is already inside of us

Eyes are useful, but sometimes blinding
Spread your forehead open in the name of light
Reality is perception
Perception is you

You are the creator

You tell me it doesn't have to be this way
I can have it any way
And I say, if I can have it my way then so can you
If we both want it two different ways, what will we do?

I'm so gangster that I have gold tears
so cheers, grab that beer and **** outta here
New york city clubs, pubs, and big bassy dubs
Throwing my money around like I'm ******* dumb
but I'm not, I'm loaded with a gross so big it's gross
I have strangers waving at me, smiling at me,
don't you see how awesome I be
Nah please you jealous of me

To the contrary,
monsters aren't scary.
They aren't giant, evil
or hairy.
They're often handsome and
approachable, so be wary...
At first,
they'll draw you in and burrow into your heart.
Your heart will race and you'll feel alive.
Then that's when you'll believe their lies.
They'll emotionally grip you and of course you react.
That's the queue for them to turn it back.
It's your fault they'll convince you, truly.
You'll lose grip of who said what, when and who started this and that.
Your mind becomes a scribble and the trauma leaves a gap.
Once your energy is no more,
they'll unhinge their fangs to find someone else.
Your heart is racing, but you don't feel alive.
You feel frail, wounded and dead deep inside...

My subconscious is an icky place
A trash bin, a place to sweep the dust and hide old things
The old things are my unwanted memories
They pile up and now it's a dump

My conscious is clean and beautiful
Spotless, but I made a mistake
Instead of taking care of my memories, I just threw them away
Now when I sleep, I pay

a rainbow is beautiful
but can not be touched
and fades quickly after its presented

you are beautiful
but you won't let me touch you
and you leave quickly after I say hello

Stagnant and morose
as I transition throughout my duplex.
From chair to bed, bed to chair
staring at the wall and screens
Doing nothing, nothing I need to do.

Coffee at night and pills in the morning
and my therapist doesn't know me
like she should.
It's my fault, I suppose.

Articulating how I feel isn't my thing,
but it's a passion.
I understand everything I can't see and hear.
I just can't seem to breathe when I try to speak it.

It's pretty sad when "Guys my age" by Hey Violet
is a song I can understand.
I'm way too young to be feeling alone.
I have love and I'm still so ******* lonely.

I want to matter.
I want purpose.
I want my parents to love me.

if a ****** can hallucinate
a creation that is seemingly
real down to all five senses
and the others around him
cannot see, is he insane?

i am no ******
but the things that are seemingly
real down to all five senses
that are not my creation
and others around me can see
don't always feel real


i  don't think
our reality is
any more real
if the guy next to me
was capable of
creating something so
real seeming
with only his head
i think
it's all
in our
heads

my arms; laced with tremors
my chest; choking on weights
but i don't feel much
i don't feel much at all