The air reeks of desperation,
Desire for happiness
Desire for the bodies of one another.

This will probably take a solid 15 minutes
Or so, and then after that
You'll tell me it's time for me to go.

Your ex did a number on you
And that boy I swore could've loved me
Did a number on me too.

I know my place
And make sure emotions
Dont get in the way
Unless it's lust
Or the constant wanting
Of your body pressed against
Mines.

I still make sure your fine
But you do the opposite
And though I already knew
It makes me certain we aren't a fit.

Sometimes I come to our spot
Without you
And I sit alone,
Which is no different than when I'm
With you.

I just remind myself that
It's strictly physical,
Any type of relationship beyond that
Is purely mythical.

I don't know if i should blame
My zodiac
For sometimes not keeping
my emotions in tact.

Your aggression drives me
Out of my depression
But I think it's also how you let out yours.
And when you ask for one last kiss
I think you mean
To leave me wanting more
And I do, I do I do.
But while I do have you
I know I can't have you.

You're like a speed bump
In the middle of a road
I want to continue going down.

One minute we're high and
The next you have me low.
I hold on to the times
In which you're kind
But sometimes, that's only
During the night.

I want to tell myself I could care less,
But the sad thing is I care most.
My constant frown is just me
Not wanting you to know
How down you make me.

I want to be the strong one,
I've always been the strong one,
But strong isn't constant hope
Over someone who's already
Told me no.

Strong isn't wanting someone
Who doesn't want to be wanted,
Or likes to be wanted but hides
In the mountains.

You're that cup of coffee I want
At noon,
And that cup of wine I want past two.

But I should run,
Because as much as I tell myself
You're not,
You're that speed bump
That makes me feel so high
But at the same time brings me to ask myself why?

18 years have gone by
A loving family by your side
And that's as I right this tonight.

So why is it that you remain
feeling like what they believe
Is how you should be perceived?

My birthday wish for you is not that
You get a car for your freshman year,
It's not that he'll tell you all the things you
Want to hear... Well maybe that's part of it
Because you and I both know
You deserve a lot of it.

I want you to believe in yourself wholly
And treat your body like it is... Holy.
I want you to let the value of yourself
Be so heavy that whether he stays
Or not doesn't leave your heart
Feeling so heavy.  

For the clouds to subside,
For the sky to be blue,
For the person you love
To firstly be you.

I'm done looking for love in all the wrong places,
I'm done withdrawing any evil from all the wrong faces.
Done telling myself this time it'll be different.
I no longer want to settle for 40 degree weather,
Telling myself it's warm enough,
Telling myself it's better.

I want to be held... Tightly
I want things to finally... Finally, go rightly.

When I tell myself that I'm done,
When I tell the world I'm no longer looking toward the sun,
I'm told I need to not beat myself up, not to be so down
I'm told I will only go up.

But I hate constant uncertainty,
I hate being mislead,
I hate wondering if it's me
That always makes them leave.

There were different pinks blues oranges and yellow,
Her feelings were depicted in the sky.

She remembered that time you counted off the stars
With her; the ones so neatly aligned.

She was as lost and mesmerized
As she was in your eyes..
The set with different blues and yellows
She hated to admit it but you had her at hello.

Your warmth came at a time
In which I needed it most
But all you ever cared about
Was the curl of my toes.

I told you about my insecurities
And how you had a habit of making me weak
But all you ever wanted
Was for me to get down on my knees.

At first you were all about
Making me smile, and trying to
Spit game,
But that ended so quickly
And you were quick to put the blame.

That night at your house
I wasn't nervous on my end
I remember your line up crisp,
Looking like nothing but a ten.

You let me lay next to you,
The space between us small,
You knew the closer I got
The more that I would fall.

But I wasn't that naive...
No, not me.
To believe we'd ever get anywhere
Would be like a rerun of
Freshman year me.

You made it seem like you cared
Asking me questions on questions
Your sentences elaborate and
Charismatic.

You.
Responding to every messages
Within the same hour,
Knowing that continuing things
Gave you more power.

Clearly I was into you
Clearly I wanted something new
But clearly wasn't enough
To make you see us through.

The air smells like you
Like a bottle of givenchy
Cologne, except brand new.

Like the thought of me and you,
The thought of something actually being true.

I think back on that afternoon
Where we downed that whole
Bottle of cognac.

When you said the three words,
Your pronunciation so exact.

You saw all of me that day
And I admired all of your
Charismatic ways.

The lights were kept off
And I took in every bit of your
Neatly kept loft.

You'd said that I was the only
Girl you brought to your home
And for the first time,
I didn't feel alone.

And I remember all of what you said,
Every syllable, every vowel I clung on to,
Cause I always think back on that afternoon,
Praying that for the first time
What we have is actually true.