i loved you
          i maybe even still do
some piece of me waiting
hoping it was all a bad dream
hoping that you’ll still text me goodnight
but why?
why am i still holding onto something
          that was so bad for my soul?
you were cruel (but hugged me gently)
you were abusive (but kissed me softly)
you were manipulative (but whispered “i love you”)
why were you so intoxicating?
how did i become so addicted
          to the kindness of your touch?
where did the kindness go?
i loved you
i love you
i still love you
i just want to know why?

if one day u would ever leave me, know that u will always be in my heart.

i won’t forget u like other people do.  i wouldn’t delete the messages and memories we made. pictures we took that once captured happy moments which fade.

u made me happy when i was at my lowest. u fixed the broken pieces.

it was shattered glass but u picked it up with ur bare hands, not being afraid u would be scarred.

thanks for helping me up
thanks for not giving up
thanks for thinking that there was still hope for us

i loved you.

Every night I write a poem for you

Hoping that someday you will find and read them
And then i know, you will hug me tightly just like you used to do
and then everything will get fine just like it used to be.

whispers in this empty room
with these lonely spirits
the shadows that stood by me
and there’s these creatures
that was like me
they brought me down
brought me more sadness...
trying to cover it up with laughters
we are the same beings can’t we help each other?
the darkness wouldn’t do that
they only gave fear
that’s all
i would rather live in it
than with the addition of these creatures

saw u walking with that other girl
smiling so happily
i think its jealousy
so don’t mind me
u talk to her
every single day
yet u throw excuses at me
maybe it’s not just jealousy
its just u
not making ur priorities

walking down the dark corridors
turning behind every few seconds
scared of what was going to be behind
fear that i go through while waiting
sitting alone in the classroom
dull dimly lit
seemed so eerie
the four walls of the classroom
that seemed to cave in
u have no idea
blasting music in my ears
hoping i won’t hear anything
any whispers
closing my eyes
hoping i won’t see anything
any shadows
hoping that u would come quickly
and keep me company
laying my head on the table
eyes closes
earpiece on
but every single small noise i hear
i awake
feeling scared
or hoping it was u at least...

Don’t stress
Your pretty little head
No need to pull out your hair
In frustration
It’s all gonna be okay
Not telling you not to rage
Don’t sweat
The mascara
Beneath your eyes
Keep those eyes dry
Not telling you
that you shouldn’t cry
Just ensuring you
It’s all gonna be alright

Need a hand
Here hold mine tight
Need an ear, I’m here
Let out all your frustrations
That are weighing you down
In your emotions
Won’t let you drown
There is always a way out
Tell me all the nightmares
That keep you awake at night
Let me take them out of your mind
Demons hunted me down
But I cast them out
Listen my little queen
You just gotta take some time to see
Look deep inside and realise
You can beat these challenges
Laid before your feet
I’ve got faith more than belief
Open your eyes real wide
Let your heart be your guide
Instinct won’t steer you wrong
You’ve got power deep within
Let it out to fly
Fill the world with pure light

Don’t stress
Your pretty little head
No need to pull out your hair
In frustration
It’s all gonna be okay
Not telling you not to rage
Don’t sweat
The mascara
Beneath your eyes
Keep those eyes dry
Not telling you
that you shouldn’t cry
Just ensuring you
It’s all gonna be alright

You’ve written songs in the dark
Been bruised, been scarred
Still beautiful, still art
Can’t take away all these lessons learned
The fires in your eyes
Come on girl
Ignite those stars
Make them shine bright
Encrypted in twilight skies
Memories etched into your mind
A smile begins to take place
Rosie cheeks light your face
Hair sways slowly in the wind
Such a pretty picture
Captured in a frame
Deep inside she pushes down her pain

Don’t stress
Your pretty little head
No need to pull out your hair
In frustration
It’s all gonna be okay
Not telling you not to rage
Don’t sweat
The mascara
Beneath your eyes
Keep those eyes dry
Not telling you
that you shouldn’t cry
Just ensuring you
It’s all gonna be alright

I see beyond your lit up eyes
Deep inside you want to cry
Hurt yourself, leave scars
Now you are marked on the outside
From the frustrations and hurt
Breaking apart your insides
It’s tearing up your heart
Eating at your conscience
Why is it you always feel responsible,
When it’s not your fault
All the damage caused
even those mistakes
Aren’t yours to bare
To ******* yourself
Your feelings you wish to share
Trust in people was hard to find
Locked in your room
Pillow tight
Till sleep you cried

Don’t stress
Your pretty little head
No need to pull out your hair
In frustration
It’s all gonna be okay
Not telling you not to rage
Don’t sweat
The mascara
Beneath your eyes
Keep those eyes dry
Not telling you
that you shouldn’t cry
Just ensuring you
It’s all gonna be alright

You grow a little more everyday
Take a step, take a breath
Just breathe, easy angel
You’ll see this world
It’s yours for the taking
Even with all these shattered parts
You can still mend the heart
Even scars fade with time
Need to learn to capture the thrill
On this roller coaster life
Take a look back
See how far it is you’ve come
All these races you have run
Each mountain peak climbed
Come so far, got a long way to go
Take a moment to enjoy the ride
Doing so well it all gets better with time
Beautiful girl with the adventurous heart
She has a new road to start
Take a look back at the trails blazed
Then to your future you can make your way.

Don’t stress
Your pretty little head
No need to pull out your hair
In frustration
It’s all gonna be okay
Not telling you not to rage
Don’t sweat
The mascara
Beneath your eyes
Keep those eyes dry
Not telling you
that you shouldn’t cry
Just ensuring you
It’s all gonna be alright

©2018 Written By Benji James