i am just the worst person you could have met
one moment im kind to you
another i talk behind your back
lie to you
be mean to you
im fake
and i know that
yet u don’t
your kind innocent pure soul
YOU think that i am..well good at least
and i don’t want to make you feel upset
but i did eventually
you should start realising that i am bad
i am no good
and you should not talk to me
even if i treated you like the worst
you still continued talking to me
i am the worst
please you don’t deserve to be treated like that
by me.

the warmth that once filled this empty heart
this lonely soul
the laughters that filled the air
covering the voices in my head
the happiness that i once had
broke to sadness
trying to make things like they were before
but once its broken
u can’t fix it back
like the glass window that shattered to pieces
it could be replaced with a new one
my heart that shattered couldn’t be.

she is quiet-
no, she is
silenced-
by the rows
of expectant expressions
pinning her down.

she is hopeful,
painting pictures with words
and narrating with implication,
hopeful
for a future
she won't want to hide from.

she is honest,
but with only her pen,
who seems to understand
her every emotion
without even a spoken word.

she is
dreams,
she is
heart.
she is
full of flames,
she is
fire.

living in this lie
even when i know the truth
i don’t want to wake up
to... this reality
keep me in this dream
no... nightmare
i don’t care
even if it was to live in this nightmare i am already living in
i don’t want to wake up
to more...

Everyone have their own problems
but they seem so happy...

is happiness fake?

feels torturing to smile
feels like a burden to live
to cut a smile on my face
something’s wrong with me
with this fainted heart
it’s... so...
confusing
what is wrong with me?
my frail heart can’t carry this weight
just... wait...
for me
i... will be there soon.

if only i was my old self
i didn’t need to worry much
just had homeworks and tests
thats all
the new me
the changed me
the messed up me
that now knows everything
loneliness
fear
trauma
and everything else
that changed the light into darkness
changed the happy me
the pure innocent me
the old me..
that was carefree

i never felt so useless in my life
u suffered all by yourself
i thought i could help u
but when u said
i couldn’t carry your problems
and even said yourself would burden me
u didn’t have anyone
physically
u said u cast your problems to God
but u need someone don’t u
however u often think
u are a burden to people
then how about myself
i told u my problems
yet u quietly helped me
n suffered yourself without telling me
all these time
i thought that i could
help u
but when u said i couldn’t
i... i couldn’t take it..
u could take my problems
so why can’t i do it for u