At first
my canvas
it was empty
but as the pain
got more difficult
more consuming
it began to fill
and it shows
not only my pain
but all of the other emotions
but pain and sadness
they are the most difficult
i look
not only
at this mostly full canvas
but at the beauty
of it
why is it
I never saw the beauty
of a blank canvas
before it was full

I dont fear it
most do
but
it will happen whether
you fear it or not
so why waste your life
waiting for death
and instead
I choose
to live one day at a time
so
when I die
i lived a life
i can be proud of
and not regret
fearing something
that everyone
has to do

We all
unfortunately
go through tough times,
the best of us
only have a few
the strongest people
have time and time again
been let down
step on
forgotten
taken forgranted
drug around
and we
tend to be one
of two things,
either bitter
like candy gone stale
and never will trust again
or
we pick ourselves up
brush ourselves off
fake a smile
and help other through
their problems
mainly
because no one,
was there for us.
but never
will we wish
our pain
on to someone else
why?
because we know how it feels
and what good
is a miserable world?

Wild and crazy
study filled
cramming for exams
college applications

Some people are wolves
within packs
always on the hunt
whether thats for
the hottest trend
or the
the newest boy toy

Some are as solitary
as a tiger
territorial
and constantly ready to fight

many are bees
hardworking
in large group
all for the same goal

Many couples
want to believe theyre like penguins
but in all reality
theyre just looking to mate

But the ones that do find their penguin
their mate
for the rest of their lives
within a high school
good luck to you

How does Christmas day go?
12am still cant sleep,
8am
wow
its Christmas
run down stairs
wait moms still asleep
maybe just a peek first
wake up mom
wake up dad
Merry Christmas

As children
we were all that way
so happy                                   ,
so merry
so ready for  Christmas day
but as we get older we see the truth,
and the lies
Santa isnt really
its only the the Christmas spirit
and sometimes
in the worst cases
Christmas means good bye
say goodbye to your money
and hello to a living room
full of presents.

But its all worth it
ya know?
To now see
why your parents did it for so many years
now to see
your children's faces
light up
exactly like the lights
wrapped around the Christmas tree

Christmas isnt about the presents
though so many people think it is
it becomes a time
to be with you family
and though your children,
they'll wont see it
see what you went through
to get them everything
everything they wanted
but once they do
they'll understand
just as you do now
exactly why you did it

Your brain is overflowing,
constantly coming up
with new ideas,
dig deeper
and you'll only find more
even unique things,
the problem always arises
when you try to get them on paper,
words never flow together right,
maybe
the idea is there
but not the words to portray
exactly just what you mean,
so you sit wanting to write
and not being able to.
but
then everything
finally,
hits you
all the words
every idea
the stars align.
the world becomes yours
That is the life,
daily,
of a poet

Thanks
for what you may ask
well you left me
you tore my existence apart
made my world disintegrate
but yet i thank you
ever wonder why?
well youve made me
just that much
STRONGER

How do you describe
the indescribable
what is black
"well its a color"
no describe it
what does it look like
how about red?
What do you think of when you think red?
Apple?
Firetruck?
but what is it

Dark gray abis
you peer down
pure darkness
but out of the dark
shines a bright brilliant light
but here the catch
the abis is my life
and the light
well thats you

I remember when
when we used to be happy
when your face would light up
with your amazing smile
your eyes would sparkle
i could tell
everyone could
we were truly happy
the downfall broke us
it broke both of us
i hated it
but now youre with her
your face
is dull
lifeless
the smile
i fell inlove with
was no longer present
everyone could see the difference
i dont even know you anymore

Sometimes
people do things
bad things
things that hurt you
physically and emotionally
but the key to happiness
in that sense
is to accept
the apologies you never recieved

I stand
so strong
blow by blow
crack after crack
I stand
I had a strong foundation
and that was you
but
it turns out
Im my own demise
I blew my own foundation
out from under me
and now I crumble
Im the weakest I've ever been

One year
five months
gone
insanity
apon myself
I've slipped
into nothing
why on earth
am i still here
gone
my mind is telling me
HEY
somethings wrong
but yet
I still go on
gone
thats where i belong

Everything ends
and the only thing endless
is merely a made up concept
used for organizational purposes

Two black birds
Land on my window pane
They hop  bit then flutter away
Not a thing could be done
Their leaving was inevitable
As the flew away
Im left in awe
How could something
So intelligent
Could seem not to care at all
Another bird landed
This one
More colorful
He looked at me
Hopped a few steps
Then spoke
he sang a beautiful tone
Then flew away

My life was the darkest cave
But you became the fire to brighten all of my days

Slipping
Slowly slipling
Fading
Slowly fading
Into darkness
Into nothingness
I hang
On the edge
One hand
Gone
I try to hold on
But
The other
It's gone too
Darkness
Slowly  consumes
Everywhere I look darkness
Silence
Slight laughter
Distant
But it creeps
Closer
Closer
A light flickers on
Its over head
Closer
Closer
A clown emerges
Its tward the corner
Black paint
Sinister smile
Evil
My sanity
Slipping
Grip on reality
Weakened
Sight
Slowly fading
Laughter again
This time from the Clown
Were more alike
Than you tought
Me and the clown you see
Look at him now
Seems hes lost it too